Little Angels . . . with Horns!

By Nandita M.

Little Angels . . . with Horns is a celebration of childhood and its blossoming into the age of tweens. This word is a recent addition to the English language and refers to the ages between nine and twelve. It is recent because it didnt exist as a distinctive age in the past: we went from childhood, to teenage-hood, and then adulthood. For the purposes of clarity, this book refers to children between the ages of nine to fourteen and is about helping todays children grow into well-balanced adults within this exciting yet perplexing world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: May 13, 2015
• ISBN: 9781482830996

Nandita M.

Nandita. M. holds a master’s degree in social science (major in counseling) from the University of South Australia, Adelaide. With over sixteen years of exposure in (outpatient) rehabilitation centers, providing support (both in a voluntary and appointed capacity), Nandita established a private counseling therapy practice, registered in Singapore in April 2010. During this time, she employed contemporary techniques in therapy. Therapy expanded from a variety of adult to children concerns, including ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, family crises, and substance dependency. In June 2010, Nandita concluded her private practice and conceptualized the Butterfly Media in April 2011. She brings her professional exposure and her perceptive insight to the Butterfly Books, which discuss and tackle different challenges and help provide a catalyst for necessary change.

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 Nandita M. All rights reserved.

Editors - Abhineet Kumar & Kimi Shaabi

Graphic Designer - Omna Winston

Illustrator - Priyanka Beswal

ISBN

978-1-4828-3098-9 (sc)

978-1-4828-3099-6 (e)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

05/15/2015

www.thebutterflybooks.sg

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CONTENTS

PRELUDE

Chapter 1 A place called home

Chapter 2 Then there were two… or more!

Chapter 3 Extended Family

Chapter 4 Six Parental Pointers

Chapter 5 Special needs – homes with heart

Chapter 6 Six Parental Pointers

Chapter 7 Special needs – homes with heart

FINALLY

AUTHORS NOTE

PRELUDE…

Childhood days and the upbringing and nurturing that accompany them, are by far the most impressionable and influential sources of one’s character and personality. In a way, they become the survival codes of one’s life. The impact of childhood days is felt, beyond a doubt, throughout our lives.

Yes, that is how important childhood is and that’s how important our role as parents and caregivers (in the lives of our children) is as well. Childhood shapes our reality for all our days and is the operative control which governs every aspect of our being. Welcome moms and dads…feel the pressure?!

‘Children and childhood’ is a subject that not only gives rise to a myriad of viewpoints, but also creates an ever-growing list of experts who propagate even more viewpoints! While there are experts that know what they are talking about, there are also those that dispense advice endlessly, smug within their self-proclaimed ‘expertise’! Unfortunately, this only adds to the conundrum, enveloping the subject. This, consequently, blurs the real picture at times. Children don’t come with an instruction manual (Dr. Spock not withstanding), and that leaves us floundering in pounding waves of contradictory advice and more at sea than ever! Psychology, over time, has sought to unravel the intriguing world of childhood and has invested deeply in this ideology. Through this investment, many key points have been established: these points help us make things ‘click’. Consequently, it becomes easier for us to decipher childhood quandaries and be effective parents and caregivers.

For many of us, unresolved childhood issues spill over into adulthood and impede our abilities to function as productive individuals and successful achievers. Nevertheless, if we are lucky enough to be the proud parents of little tykes, we are blessed with a second chance – we have the opportunity to be reborn, to re-invent ourselves through our children and to replay childhood on a different channel. If we do this creatively and with insight, we give ourselves the opportunity to ‘grow up’ and find happiness in understanding the meaning of acceptance. For those of you who have had a sound support system backing you through life, and an upbringing that would be the envy of some (!), ‘Little Angels…With Horns!’ is about imparting the same invaluable experience to the children by your side. So…the role begins!

My motive in writing ‘Little Angels…With Horns!’ is to share, in very simple words, some of the skills (that are proven to work), that make us effective parents as we face the challenges of raising our kids right. This e-butterfly will provide the right ingredients to help us foster a close bond with our children, which ultimately translates into a healthy, secure relationship with them in their adulthood. There are some relationships that you just can’t write off or give up on. The most important of them is the one we share with our offspring. So, if these relationships are for life, it’s only fair that we, as parents, put in every bit of effort, intellect and responsibility towards nurturing and cherishing that which is going to be held dear forever.

For the sake of clarity and focus, in this e-Butterfly, the era of tweens will be in focus. This period generally encompasses ages nine to twelve but can be stretched into the early teen years before full blown adolescence takes center stage. In this age group, your children are no longer children, nor are they full grown teenagers – they’re in a land of change and confusion – they’re somewhere in between. What is good is that while it befuddles everyone, it will also provide a sneak preview into what you will have in store when they actually do turn into teenagers! It is at this crucial point that you should start laying down the stepping stones not only for a stable environment in the home, but also for a loving one…a milieu that promotes acceptance and a gentle resolution of differences where everyone is on the same side instead of being confrontational.

Our children are not ours alone – in the larger scheme of things, they are the building blocks for tomorrow’s tolerant, generous and efficacious society. Childhood is fragile and precious and also the most enjoyable part of our lives - the start of our very existence. Hence, this e-butterfly book, ‘Little Angels… With Horns!’…, is a celebration of childhood!

To my boys, who taught me how to be MOM!: thank you for your patience, kiddos!

CHAPTER 1

A place called home

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Relationships – they are the boon and the bane of our existence our whole lives. We are constantly either bonding with new attachments (‘friendships’ or newfound family ties), or detaching our affections from people. It almost seems like a moulting cycle…shed some and then ‘wear’ new ones! With the passage of years, the nature of letting go stays constant while the reasons change: some we are forced to let go, others we need to let go, and some just wither away. Our relationships define us: the ones that are, serving up a platter of interactions and experiences which shape our personalities; the ones that were, change us in ways subtle and obvious. This then, is the reality of our lives.

In an ideal world, all bonds would be unconditional and demand nothing, while giving everything…but we don’t live in an ideal world! Ego, pride and notions become the chisels we use to chip away at relationships, to sculpt them into our ideals. By the time we realise we have hewn too much away, that which was, has been changed forever. However, there are two bonds we can call our own for our entire lives - with our parents and with our children.

Both are inextricably entwined and we are the threads that bind them to- gether. What we experienced with our parents, we inevitably relive with our children, sometimes with disastrous consequences. If the connection with our parents stays healthy and positive, we build the same foundation with our progeny. On the other hand, if the relationship with our parents was or still is a challenge, then that too is reflected onto our children. In the latter situation, we may have often thought, I will not become my mother and yet, before we know it, we are echoing the same words and actions with our kids. How many times have we said, My mom did this, or "My dad said that"? God forbid if mom or dad had got it wrong! Whatever we have experienced with our parents is definitely significant in the repetitive patterns we create in our own families.

If our growing years with our parents were marked with moments we don’t want to remember and cannot forget, then as adults many of us tend to sever ties with them, or keep them at a distance as frequent reminders of where we come from and where we should