Sculpt Your Character: A Once in a Life Time Kind of Woman

By Carmelita Holson

Sculpt Your Character: A Once in a Lifetime Kind of Woman is a book about my life and the choices that I have made. It is aimed to show that we all have one aim, and that is to be happy and to feel fulfilled. My book tells you about lowest and highest moments in my life and how I endured divorce, rape, sickness, financial burdens, and struggles with maintaining my sanity. It is the only material that uplifts me when I feel down, and I have reached this point in my life where I have now found peace in God, and I trust in him fully because he has taken me to points in my life and shown me that his grace is indeed sufficient.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 25, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543424119

Book preview

Sculpt Your Character

A Once in a Life Time Kind of Woman

Carmelita Holson

Copyright © 2017 by Carmelita Holson.

ISBN:      Softcover      978-1-5434-2412-6

                eBook         978-1-5434-2411-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 05/22/2017

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 The beginning

Chapter 2 Losing Myself and Finding Myself

Chapter 3 Keys to my happiness

Chapter 4 The successful woman

Chapter 5 Living an extraordinarily happy life

Chapter 6 Maintaining a positive life

Chapter 7 Living with confidence

Chapter 8 Hoping and coping

Chapter 9 Love effortlessly

Chapter 10 Having a healthy relationship and staying focused on your goals and dreams

This book is dedicated to my two children, Camara Kayley McDowell and Micah Maisha McDowell- My main motivators.

To my parents, Mr and Mrs Fitsley Holson who are the reason for my existence. I appreciate them for that. They have made me strong and have taught me everything I know. Love you both mom and dad.

To my sisters and brother (Shanneth Shaw, Lelete Holson-Patterson, Bevice Holson – Miller, Fitzroy Holson), my other sister (not biological) Claudia Morgan Henry, nieces and nephew who have inspired me to be the best version of myself in every way.

Special thanks to Rohan Dixon, my good friend who got me a Joyce Meyer book- Get Your Hopes Up, for that I am truly grateful. This book has helped me in my darkest moments.

To my partner, J. Evans and the love of my life, who inspired the last three chapters and who also helped me to heal on this journey. He has taught me to be patient and kind and for that I am eternally grateful. He was the one who took the photos for my book and he also designed my website for me.

To the father of my children, even though we had our ups and downs, we produced lovely children and for that I am grateful. We still remain friends. He has also taught me how to forgive and for that I am also very grateful. I wish for you all the best life has to give and I use this medium to say that God has done many things through this union and I am still grateful. God bless you.

To Nurse M. Brown who facilitated the possibility of this book through the kind deed to help me finance it, also to my very good friend Alvia Williams who was always willing to assist me with my kids, also my dear little sister Brianna Whyte…my little friend. You have always been supportive.

To my brother-in-laws, Kelvin Miller, Howard Shaw and Windell Patterson. I remember when I had one of the hardest decisions to make and you were there to support me into making the right choices for myself and my children. God bless you.

To Mrs Zeris Smart, her husband and her children, you have all been so inspirational. You are the truest definition of humility. Mrs Smart, you are like a second mother to me. You have helped me to appreciate people and appreciate life in a holistic way. I am the woman I am today because of this woman. You are a tower of strength and a woman of God…a true humanitarian.

To Mrs Gloria Wright who aided me when I was at my lowest point in life after my separation, God bless her. She provided support in every way possible and made me feel a sense of calm in the midst of my lowest moments. She reminded me that God is the only friend we need when ever we are going through any form of crisis.

My friends, Alesia Smith –Reid (My prayer pal and motivator), Octavia Ming Campbell, Millicent Johnson (Kimmy), Shamiqua Bailey Johns (This friend prayed with me and for me and my family and for that I am eternally grateful- You are like a sister), You called me on the last moment of sending this book off and told me that you asked God to assign a special angel to take this book not only to target the local but also the international readers and inspire those who need to have hope. Tiffiannie Brown-Webb, Moshe Simpson (My brother from another mother), Tasheca Bartley (Manager and director of Bloom Care Center) you have stood by me in my darkest moments and I am grateful for your help.

God bless you all.

Introduction

My life’s journey starts with this book and I have shared some of the most sensitive matters of my life for both personal and general motivation. I use this book to motivate myself also because I have walked this road by the grace of Almighty God. I use it as a reminder that God’s grace is indeed sufficient for all of us and he will never leave us nor forsake us.

There is a daily incantation that I use from the bible which states, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. These words have been the light in my darkest moments and the strength that I needed when I was weary. Life has a way of teaching lessons over and over and only the strong survives.

We all have our individual battles to fight on a daily basis and my battles were fought by God. Keeping God in the center of my world, made this journey easier. I now walk where there is no path and I am leaving a tangible legacy for my children to be proud of. My journey may be similar to others but it is definitely not the same. We all have a unique story which makes us all different.

The life of a single mother sounds rough but I must say that this book will show you that living with the knowledge that God is the author and finisher of all our fates, makes the journey easier. I have been through enough to decide to write a book on the life of a single mother, finding peace through all the storms of life and moving on to a new relationship after heartbreak.

My journey has humbled me so much. I have been faced with embarrassing situations with loans agencies and at times I could hardly find funds to pay rent or even to pay my kids school fees. I have learned though; as Paul the Apostle states it…learn how to be content. Being content takes the pressure off you and leaning on God, lightens your load. Casting your cares helps on a mental level because it gives God the hard parts of your life to solve while you try to enjoy the journey.

Many are too ashamed of their story and many are too proud to magnify or even to state their flaws. It is not my intention to magnify anyone else’s flaws but mine, I believe my life is beautifully flawed, and with that said, I have decided to share my experiences in this book, so that other persons can relate to my situation.

I have discovered the following facts of life:

1. Life is short- live it with enthusiasm and embrace it.

2. Have a habit of gratitude; never take people or experiences for granted.

3. Be happy- Joy is a fruit of the spirit and Christ came that we may have and enjoy our lives.

4. Avoid negative people and negative expressions- they will affect who you want to be.

5. Be at peace in every situation- the bible says a soft answer turneth away wrath but grievous words stir up anger.

WHAT PHRASES DO YOU LIVE BY?

WHAT OBSTACLES HAVE YOU FACED AND CONQUERED?

LIST YOUR GOALS FOR LIVING A SUCCESSFUL LIFE

Chapter One

The beginning

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, there were feelings of gratitude and feelings of hate and neglect, atmospheres of glee and environments of disaster…life emerged from the minute circumstances leading to transcendence and inevitable success. This is the story of a girl, last of five siblings, born on December 12, 1984 to parents; Doreen Agatha Kelly Holson and Fitsley Adolph Holson. This is my story.

I was raised in a primitive farming community called Shrewsbury District, Portland Jamaica. This community had its fair share of diverse personalities, from the very honest, to the kleptomaniacs, and we were amongst the crème de la crème of the community. As time passed by it improved somewhat and now I must say that we have really come a far way.

We were poor, but our parents never made us aware of our social or financial status; we actually thought we were wealthy as children growing up, until we got older of course and were socializing with other persons who were well off. I think it is funny though, how society paints a picture of what they define as being normal. I believe that we all have greatness within us and people who have a tunnel vision, will never understand your greatness in its seed form. We all have greatness within us.

My dad was a "Jack of all trades. He was always working hard at something, and he was always working for us to be comfortable. Our home was very busy due to the various different animals opposing at various intervals. My dad liked to describe our home style as The Ranch" because we were surrounded by his live stock.

Our dad (alias- BIGGA) had his own business (which now still exists) and this business was classified as a variety shop because almost everything was sold including cooked meals and cooking gas. Everything was available except cigarettes, tobacco and ganja. My dad was well known for holding firmly to his opinion and not being a follower. He always holds his point and he always encouraged us all to do right. He always told us proverbs and these proverbs have shaped our personalities in so many ways. I still live by most of them and they keep me humbled. The popular ones were:

"Sorry fi mawga dawg, him tun roun bite you."

"Di higher di monkey climb a di more him expose."

The proverb that stuck with me was the one with the monkey and that one simply means that when you are too prideful or when you exalt yourself too much you show your imperfections even more and eventually this leads to embarrassment or ultimately, failure.

There is another famous phrase my dad used to say to us when we were smaller, "united you stand, divided you fall, and this is so very true because as I live I learn that no man is an island and we all need people to grow. Even though we need time to be by ourselves so we can find ourselves", and find our true potential, we still need others to grow psychosocially and spiritually. With these simple phrases in mind, I am sure that knowing that you are a seed that is great at the stage you are, living with these simple basic principles will inevitably lead to the development of a great tree. The tree of success in all aspects of life.

My life and its success, which is mainly my mental health, has a lot to do with the humble upbringing from my father and mother. Our dad was a hard worker, a farmer and business man and he always taught us about being honest and working hard for what you want in life.

Our dad used to take us on his farm and we were given buckets to carry things in based on our body mass. Mine of course, was the smallest bucket since I was the smallest and I was always happy to go to the farm because we were always given jelly coconuts, guavas, apples and sugar cane, and if daddy was in a great mood, we were given the chance to swim in the river on one of his farms. Daddy always made what he called Tarzan Juice with Parson Tusty and Maka (alias for his friends) and these Tarzan juices were punches with all the necessary liquors to make it more palatable. These punches were not for us kids but I always managed to slip through and get some. Yes, I was very quick, very rude and very feisty. I am a lot like daddy so at times we didn’t get along because we are both very opinionated.

My mother on the other hand, was always a humble, pleasant, kind, caring, loving, motherly and peaceful soul, and she still is. We call our mom mama but the weirdest thing about mama was understanding how she managed to tolerate daddy considering that he had the completely opposite personality from her. They are like the perfect explanation of ying and yang. She always managed to stay calm even when people said things to upset her.

Mama is the perfect example of a faithful believer. She would get up every morning and prepare our meals religiously; she would comb our hair, dress us and get us all ready for school. When we got home, we were certain that we would come home to a nicely prepared home cooked meal. I always thought of mama as a super human because mama never complained about being tired or even cried in my presence.

Our home was somewhat stable…and I say somewhat because both my parents came from broken homes and they did their best to raise us the best way they possible could in order for us to have a better life than they had; we understood roles and responsibilities and from a tender age I was taught that every decision came with consequences. Our dad was very adamant on letting all of us know how life was and he showed us the basic principles of survival which included being true to ourselves and being honest at all costs. He constantly reminded us of the importance of unity and he emphasized that we should always be our brother’s keeper.

I was birthed in a nuclear family. My parents did their very best to raise a gentle man and four ladies and for that reason we have standards that we live by. My father is my mentor and I talk about him because he has been through enough to give me advice. His father was sent to jail when he was a child, his mother was drugged and that lead to her developing a mental condition called drug induced psychosis which affected my father in such a way that his personal view on people changed to a type of paranoia, which made him very overprotective of us. He was over protective to the point where none of us learnt to swim until we were adults. We couldn’t even go on the road or even have sleep overs as children. He was just always worried about us getting hurt and I understand that what he went through as a child affected his future. It is basically in my experience, a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We were raised to love our house