A Practical Guide to Christian Maturity & Love

By Nora Maiden

Summary of Book

1. this book hopes to serve as some free consultation or advice on relationships from the very heart of God and my own personal experiences.
2. Relationships are out or order and steps need to be taken to get them back in order. Professional or Personal relationships, your own spiritual relationship with God, the Whole Body of Christ relationship with God, and Christians relationships with each other.
3. God can never have a fulfilled relationship with you, until you get your priorities straight.
4. The Depth o the Love of God. God loved the world first, man second, and the church third. God loved human creation so much that he gave him dominion over all the earth. How have we returned this great favor? We have polluted the water, land, animals, plants, and vegetation. We have not taken care of each other or spiritual matters that concern God.
Lastly, this book about the Sacrifice of God. He gave his only begotten son. He gave his only begotten son. Jesus Christ represents LOVE and the Bible represents COUNSEL.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 22, 2005
• ISBN: 9781477174494

Nora Maiden

Author’s Biography I was a woman plain and void of understanding, until I came in contact with the Spirit of the Lord. He informed me of who I really was, with or without a Master’s Degree. I was hiding behind what I thought other people wanted me to be. Then, one day in the year 2000, I begin to care about changing the lives of other people. I was never truly happy or free, until I started leading the life that God wanted to lead. I outgrew working in the education system and learning from the world’s system. My mind has been expanded by God and attending this Wisdom Banquet, never ends. It is far greater than any higher educational institution we have here on earth. The Spirit of the Lord, is upon me and I must write whatever he tells me to write. Stephen F. Austin State University – Graduated Dec. 1993 B.S. in Elem. Ed., 2 Christian Counseling Courses through Gregoreo School, at St. Agnes Baptist Church. I attended Prairie View A&M State University –Majoring in Family/Marriage Therapist. I enjoy reading, watching sports, and writing- movies, plays, songs, poetry, and of course books.

Book preview

Section I: Relationships & Christian Counseling

The first section of this book is about relationships and how important they are whether you are a Christian or not. Everybody must learn how to get along with each other, forgive and continue to grow up in love.

Five Circles or Levels of Intimacy Three Types of Counseling Ten Steps of Counseling Christians Ten Steps of Counseling Non-Christians Twelve Steps Toward Maturity

Chapter 1

FIVE CIRCLES OR LEVELS OF INTIMACY

Intimacy must be defined first, and the definition is a close friendship, fellowship, familiarity, frankness, or acquaintance. My mother’s famous definition is in, to, me, see. Intimacy is letting other people see or be a part of your private world. It’s telling your innermost secrets to someone you love; whether you love them as a friend, mother, brother, orjust an associate, you are able to share with them something that they would not otherwise know about you, unless you told them. These are the things that are in the diary of your heart, not in a résumé or any titles or awards that you may hold. These are the things that only the Creator knows about you. God knows things about you that you don’t even know about yourself yet. Jeremiah 1:5 states that God knew all of us before we were even born, not just Jeremiah. God knew you and loved you before you loved or even acknowledged who he was. He still loves you today and will do so forevermore. God is past, present, and future because he holds time in his hands, which represents eternity.

Hallelujah! God has been so intimate with his Creation that he knows every detail on your body. He knows the number of hairs on your head. He knows every cut on your body. He knows every heartache. He knows every pain and disappointment. God is the ultimate definition of intimacy. God is love! Creativity stems from love. That’s why God created the world and mankind because he had so much love; he had to create something and someone to give it to or share it with. So that this world could reciprocate love to one another and everything around us would radiate love. That’s why you can never stop a person that loves what he does because love is eternal. There is no beginning or ending to his creativity because it comes from God through love.

The Secret Circle

The secret circle consists of a real relationship with God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, angels, and you. Once you get saved, you have to work at knowing the difference and the purpose of each part of the Trinity and the angels that are working in your life to protect you and help you achieve all of your goals. When you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, the Holy Spirit immediately comes to counsel you, but most of the time many Christians overlook the Holy Spirit because we don’t study enough to know who he is. So we keep saying God and Jesus, when in reality, it’s the Holy Spirit that is speaking to you daily and guiding you toward your final destination. Now God is in Heaven orchestrating everything, in control of everything at all times. He never sleeps nor slumbers. He knows what is going on, all of the time. Jesus is sitting at the right hand of the Father because he has already done his great work and has been received by God. The Holy Spirit is the part of the Trinity that is still here with us today. The Holy Spirit gives you the power to live right by witnessing, teaching, preaching, or whatever you have been called to do. The Holy Spirit dwells within you to develop you into a better person, or a God-person. The Bible says in Genesis 1:26, Let us make man in our image, so that he can have dominion and power over the earth and all things that dwell on the earth. God wants to see his reflection in you. The Holy Spirit comes to help recreate you. You must be born again. God is the potter, and you are the clay. Once you accept salvation, the Holy Spirit begins to work on you, if you let him. Work on you means he changes your whole perspective on life. He changes the desires of your heart. He changes you into what you were created to be according to the knowledge of God. He changes your friends, your habits, your thoughts, the places you go, the way you talk, the way you walk—he changes your whole entire life. Now, how soon this process takes place depends on your willingness to cooperate with the Holy Spirit. God gives us free will, so the Holy Spirit cannot make you do anything. You must be willing to submit to authority. Once you submit, you must get in the right place and be led by the Spirit as to which leader will pastor you. Next, the fruit of the Spirit has to develop, then the armor of the Lord. Prayer and fasting will be important to stay saved. After all of this continues on a regular basis, God will direct the Holy Spirit to allow all of your dreams and desires to come into manifestation. God also sends angels to help us in difficult situations. So in other words, the secret circle is your personal relationship with God at whatever level you may be on. Your spiritual level will deepen only after you spend plenty of time with God and his Word. Studying the Word of God is the only way to understand him, and even then, you will never be able to completely know God because his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. Everything does not have to be explained because the believer has faith. Christians live by faith. What is faith? Something that can’t be seen but is hoped for because we know the power of God and the blessings and covenant rights of the righteous people. Whatever you may get in this world will come only after you are obedient to God. Now some people get things, but they don’t keep them because God will bless the unjust and the just. I think God blesses the unjust because he wants them to acknowledge who he is, so they can really feel blessed by God. But when they don’t change, God will just remove himself from such people, until they come to him themselves. Only what you do for Christ will last. You will never be able to do anything for God until you learn how to love. When God looks at your image and no reflection of love is shown back to him, then you are not one of his children. That’s why the world and everything in it is so corrupted because no love exists and the Body of Christ is suffering from the lack of it. So before you go into the innermost circle, your love walk with God must have a solid foundation. Ephesians 3:14-21

The Innermost Circle

The innermost circle consists of a relationship with your parents, grandparents, or whoever raised you. We know that today the face of the family has changed because many people do not raise their own children anymore. The relationship with your parents has a great significance, and it will play a part in determining how you love others that are around you. Your parents, grandparents, or any other parental figure in your life comes first in your life until you get married. Now when you get ready to get married, you need to begin the process of pushing away from your parents and pulling toward your mate. This can be difficult, hurtful, and stressful if all parties involved are not willing to allow change to take place in their child’s life.

Parents, even when you know that the person your child may want to marry is not right for them, you cannot interfere with their decision. It will only make matters worse, and everybody will feel uncomfortable around each other, and so much confusion and discord will be sown. God hates this kind of behavior. Your child is really suffering when you behave like this because they love you and they really want you to love this person that they think they love. Sometimes, you have to let your children learn from their mistakes. The more you interfere, the more you lessen God’s chances of helping them solve their own problems, and it will hinder their spiritual growth in Christ.

Remember, pain is a part of the love process.

No matter how much we don’t want it to exist, it really does and always will. Why? Because when you have two different people trying to become one flesh, one mind, one spirit, one soul, one heart, the old way of the man/husband has to die, and the old way of the woman/wife has to die too, and that is painful and difficult to do. The pain increases when we are not willing to adjust to each other, sacrifice, and compromise. After your parents and any other family members understand that they are not allowed to interfere and run your life comes an agreement between you and your mate that you both will be working together to prevent any misunderstandings between families and especially in your own new, private family. Being a newlywed is hard enough by itself, without dealing with any outside noise from relatives.

Husband and wife, please keep in mind that whatever you discuss with your mate needs to stay between the two of you. It is very disturbing and hurtful to know that your own mate can’t trust you to keep their secrets. Remember that they married you, not your mama, daddy, or anybody else. Keep private things private. Personal business should never leave your home, unless you have discussed it with your mate first. When it is discussed and they do not want you to share the information with anyone, you should respect their wishes and keep their confidence up in you. In all of your getting, get an understanding with your mate about what you expect from them, what they should expect from you, and how you all would like for situations to be handled when it comes to your parents, grandparents, or whoever raised you into an adult.

Once, you have worked out all of the wrinkles in this circle, you move into the next category of intimacy which is the Inner Circle, which consists of children, siblings, and friends. The order depends on whether you have children or not. If you have children, they come first in this circle, and they could be in the Innermost Circle if you are a single parent. After children, siblings come next, if you have any, or if you all have a good relationship with each other. Sometimes, friends can take the place of a sibling, especially when you all live far apart, or the relationship that you have with them is damaged in some way from a previous experience. This does not mean that you should not try to mend the relationship with your brother or sister, but don’t let it drive you crazy when you know in your heart that you have tried to make peace with them, but still things didn’t go well. You must shake the dust from yourself and pray that God will one day change their hearts and you all will be able to have a decent relationship as brothers or sisters. In the meantime, love them from a distance. You can’t let people continue to hurt or misuse you; I don’t care who it is. You will not survive under constant attacks and hostile environments. God did not create you to overload yourself with too much unnecessary pain and drama that loved ones will sometimes be the cause of. The best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation until everyone calms down and comes to their senses. Once you start having children, the balance can easily get out of order because they demand so much attention from parents when they are born. This has caused many marriages to end in divorce. Children are important, but your mate still needs you very much. He or she needs to be alone with you as much as they did when you first met. Children need to feel special as much as possible, but in order for this to happen, both parents must help take care of the child and maybe even hire someone to help, or daycare from a relative or friend could be necessary in order to keep peace and sanity in the home. Children can really drive you crazy if you allow them to take up all of your time and energy. Don’t let your children take over your household or your relationships. Everybody must stay in their place, especially children.

Next, the Outer Circle is made up of people that you work with and extended family members and neighbors. You may spend plenty of time with these people, but they do not come before your immediate family’s needs or wants. Getting too close with people that you work with can sometimes cause a problem because they think they have a right to know what is going on in your personal life, and they really don’t. The same thing applies to neighbors and extended family members. The extended family members will think that you should have told them because they are family, but if we do not have a close and personal relationship with each other, that is definitely not true. Keep co-workers, neighbors, and extended family members out of your business. It can cause plenty of problems and confusion at the workplace by spreading rumors around about your personal business, while you should be focusing on work. Neighbors and extended family members can really keep up strife and contention in a home if you do not set guidelines, rules, and regulations in your home about your private affairs. Remember, only God can keep all of your secrets about you and still love you the same because He is God and has an unconditional or supernatural love for all of us.

The last Circle of Intimacy is with the unsaved. This is what I call Outside of the Circle. When you get saved and start changing your life around according to the Word of God, your friends and the people you keep company with must change. Even if it is a relative, that falls into this category. You cannot allow them to pull you down and back into sin. Sin is what separates us from God, so once you are separated from God, you are out of his protection and on your own again, until you repent. You can’t continue to be around sin or sinful people and expect to stay the same. You will eventually end up returning to your old bad habits. The enemy knows when you are not completely committed to the Word of God and looking into Matthew 12:43-45 and Luke 11:24-26. Both of these scriptures are discussing what happens when a person gets delivered from an unclean spirit. The unclean spirit realizes that a change has taken place in his old house (your spirit-man), so the unclean spirit goes to get seven more spirits that are stronger and more wicked than it is to help bring you back into bondage. The unclean spirit wants his old place back, and it will fight against you every step of the way to get you to sin against God and ruin your new life. This is like an old ex-lover trying to return to you and rekindle the flame. When that person knows and you know that you really don’t want them anymore, but you might end up making a mistake because of old feelings and prior relation or closeness you once felt for the person. Natural and spiritual occurrences are parallel to one another. Satan knows once you sin against God you are without supernatural protection. The old ex-lover also knows that if the new person in your life finds out about your lack of commitment, then your new love won’t have a fighting chance. Please follow my words of advice closely about keeping the unsaved outside of the circle. When you first get saved, you will have a hard enough time fighting against your own flesh and personal demons. You won’t need to try to fight anyone else’s demons. Besides, you are too weak and not fully equipped to do any harm anyway because you will still be growing and developing into a mature Christian. Even after you get strong in the Word of God, it is still not wise to let the unsaved inside of the circle because you could easily backslide right back into sin. Old habits die hard. When the enemy finds your house empty, he would not be satisfied or convinced that you have really made a change. Most

Christian people or someone who is trying to become a Christian thinks that everything is fine because they have stopped drinking, smoking, gossiping, sexing, or whatever it was that they were doing. Just stopping is not enough. Matthew 12:45 in the contemporary language, Message Bible, goes on to say that this generation of people is not as ready for God as they think they are because they were not hospitable to the Kingdom Message, and now all the devils are moving back into these homes and they are in worse shape than they were before the first batch of evil spirits left them. You were not hospitable means you did not really welcome the Spirit of Change that God wanted to bring to your life. You did not treat the Holy Spirit and angels with warmth and generosity. You were not receptive to the Holy Spirit. You really did not want to change and do things God’s way. You did not want to hear what God was trying to tell you about all of your shortcomings. People can’t fool God. God knows the very intentions of your heart. He knows your thoughts before you even think them. He knows what you are going to do when no one else is looking. You wanted to keep living a sinful lifestyle deep down in your heart; you still love sin. Some people enjoy sitting on the phone talking about other people’s business, lien, having sex with more than one person, smoking weed, getting drunk—just being messy! All of these things and plenty of others are a sin. God hates sin, and you have to make up your