From My Lips to Your Ears: An Immigrant’S Advice on Navigating Life in the United States

By Modupe Edeoga

You are preparing to come to the United States. You have never been to the United States before. You have no idea what to expect. All you know is what you have heard from people who might or might not have been to the States, what you have heard in the media, or what you have seen in movies. You are excited, anxious, and/or overwhelmed. America is the land of opportunities; you are certain about that. , But you do not know how you will transition into the country and understand the culture.

You recently moved to the United States and are still not sure what you need to do to settle into the community. You are beginning to see that there are things you would like to understand or learn that will ease your transition.

You have a family member or friend that is coming to the United States for the first time. They are excited. They have great expectations. You would love to help them understand the different aspects of the culture and what to expect.

You are staff in the international students office of a university. You want to help your new students settle in. There are some things you know how to do to help them. There are other things you have no idea how to relate to and cannot help with.

You are an educationUSA advisor. You help students that are going to study in the United States. After helping them prepare for their tests and gaining admissions, they are ready to travel. They have lots of questions. You want a resource that will help them prepare for their trip and their life in the United States.

My name is Modupe Edeoga. I reside in Chicago with my husband, Ndubuisi, and three children. Twelve years ago I came to the United States from Nigeria, and was in the same boat as many of you reading this book. I was excited at the opportunity to go to the United States. I didnt know much about the United States other than anecdotes I had heard. I earned my Masters in Public Administration here, and will be graduating with my doctorate degree in Organizational Psychology in September. I have worked in the United States in the educational sector, public sector and the non profit sector. I have mentored a number of international students. Based on my experience, I have written this book to help make navigating your life in the United States easier.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477127124

Modupe Edeoga

My name is Modupe Edeoga. I reside in Chicago with my husband, Ndubuisi, and three children. Twelve years ago I came to the United States from Nigeria, and was in the same boat as many of you reading this book. I was excited at the opportunity to go to the United States. I didn’t know much about the United States other than anecdotes I had heard. I earned my Masters in Public Administration here, and will be graduating with my doctorate degree in Organizational Psychology in September. I have worked in the United States in the educational sector, public sector and the non profit sector. I have mentored a number of international students. Based on my experience, I have written this book to help make navigating your life in the United States easier.

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Copyright © 2012 by Modupe Edeoga.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2012910594

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4771-2711-7

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4771-2710-0

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4771-2712-4

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In loving memory of my kid brother,

Olufemi Olaniyi Abolade

who would have found this book very useful.

In his twenty eight years on earth he touched the lives of many.

Forever young, forever in our hearts.

DEDICATION

To God, the author and finisher of my faith. Without Him, I would not have been able to write this book.

To my husband, my partner, my best friend, the love of my life, Ndubuisi. Thank you for always being there for me; for all your love and support.

To all the people who make the United States of America welcoming for immigrants.

To our troops and their families, for their services and sacrifices.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Like every successful project, this book is made possible through the collaborative efforts of my family, friends, and colleagues. I would like to use this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude to:

My husband Ndubuisi, and children Nnamdi, Adaora, and Obinna for their continuous support and love. Thank you for understanding my long nights and hours at the computer.

My mom Madame Jacon. Thank you, Mommy, for being an ever present mom!

Victoria Flood and Greg Zarow for their professional advice and assistance in editing and polishing my manuscript. Your help has been invaluable—thank you very much!

Folashade Adebayo (EducationUSA) for your insights and support. Thank you for all you do to prepare students for education in the United States.

My publishing team: Martin Kintanar, Wendy Ladd, Laura Reagan, Toni Sales, Jessica Beacon, and Paula Caringas. Thank you for all your good work.

To the people who contributed in one way or another to the production of this book: Temitayo and Zeliha Abolade; Chima Edeoga; Gilbert and Liza Egekeze; Joseph and Dorothy Princewill; Charles and Felicia Ogundipe; Gillian Okoye; Bob Gleeson; Raphael Tobis; Marisa Glover; Obi and Ijeoma Okoli; Ugonna Okoli; Dan and Pat Stovall; Terry Hicks; and Kenn Inskeep.

How blessed I am to have you! Your help has been vital in this project. Thank you for being you!

Contents

Introduction

Section I Leaving Your Country: The Journey Begins

Section II Before You Leave

Section III What Can You Bring With You?

Section IV What Else Can Be Helpful?

Section V Welcome To The United States Of America

Section VI Living In The United States Of America

Section VII Shopping In America

Section VIII Enjoying America

Section IX Learning In America

Section X Working In America

Section XI Parenting In America

Section XII Connecting With Your Family And Friends Outside The United States

Section XIII Conclusion

Appendix

INTRODUCTION

THERE IS A lot to understand about relocating to the United States of America, whether on a permanent or temporary basis. The United States is a land of many possibilities. However, you, as an immigrant, must understand what is required for you to have a successful stay in the United States. Before embarking on the trip, it is important to know some basic things about the United States. Leave whatever or whoever you think you are in your home country at the airport and be humble. Focus on the reason why you are coming to the United States. About a third of what will be discussed in this book will be geared toward being an international student. The other portion of the book will be useful for you, regardless of your reason for coming to the United States. This book will be helpful for people who are in relationships with immigrants and also for those in the United States who interact with immigrants on a regular basis. It is helpful to see certain things from the immigrant’s perspective.

This book will have a variety of topics, which will make it easy for the reader to navigate the book and go to areas of interest. I will use Nigeria as a reference point frequently in this book because that is my country of origin. There will be subject matters that might not be relevant to you at the point of purchase, but as time goes on, there might be a need to go back to this book and use it as a form of reference to understand certain circumstances. A list of useful websites is provided in the appendix at the end of this book.

You might wonder what makes me an expert on the issues being discussed. The truth is, I am not an expert, but compared to you, I am an expert because I have gone through all or most of the subject matter and thus know what I am talking about. I came to the United States as a student immigrant’s wife. I earned my master’s degree in public administration here in the United States, and I am presently working on my doctorate. Hopefully, this summer, I will be done with my dissertation and earn my PhD in organizational psychology here in the United States. I have worked in a number of places including the university, with a legislator, in the public sector, and for a nonprofit religious organization. I have been privileged to have adopted children who have come to me for advice. These children are international students whom I have watched graduate from college and move on to work in certain fields of life. I write this book based on the above listed experiences. Like the title says, it’s a piece of advice, and like all advices, you do not have to take it. Just learn from it and be able to make an informed decision along the way.

SECTION I

Leaving Your Country:

The Journey Begins

AS MENTIONED EARLIER, it is important to leave whatever image you have about yourself at the airport of your home country. Come to the United States with three things: patience, humility, and focus.

1. Patience

It is easy to get carried away by many things one sees in the United States, particularly if you are coming from a developing country. Before migrating to the United States, a number of people in developing countries feel that it is easy to make money. They believe that as soon as you come to the United States, you will be rolling in money. I hate to break this news, but that is not accurate. Yes, the United States of America is a land of great opportunities. However, you need to pay your dues, follow the law, and make sure whatever you are doing is legal. I would like to hint here that this book is for people who do not want to do anything illegal. You need to understand what you are allowed to do and what you are not allowed to do.

You need patience, because if you are patient, you will go through the right path, follow the laws of the United States, and after all is said and done, you will be able to work and make money. A number of people come to the United States promising people back home that they will send them money and gifts. It is important to understand that it might take some time to realize that dream. I remember when I first left for the United States, I promised a lot of friends that I would send them gifts. I didn’t know any better. I had seen people come home from overseas and spend money like crazy. I figured all I needed was to get to America and I would be like those people; after all, I had a high-paying job before leaving for the United States. Need I say that it was a reality shock for me as I watched my husband and I spend our savings on everyday items. But at the end of the day, it was worth it… why?… we were together, and I loooove my husband.

If you are coming to the United States with a green card, meaning a permanent resident (in most cases, people who won a visa lottery), getting a job should be a lot easier than if you were a student immigrant. Later in the book, you will understand why it is different for a student. Be that as it may, a green card holder coming to the United States for the first time should also be patient. It is not easy for one to obtain a job with a degree obtained from a developing country. There will be more on education in later parts of the text. Still, it is important to note that a permanent resident can get nonprofessional jobs while working toward getting a professional job. Nonprofessional jobs are mostly in the retail sector, the restaurants, or manufacturing sector.

2. Humility

Some people come to the United States thinking they can pick up from where they stopped back home and become recognized in the United States. You need to understand that this is a country that has its own citizens and permanent residents. Most of these citizens and residents have paid their dues and worked hard to be where they are. It is therefore important to know that you will also need to pay your dues. Work up the ladder. The issue of humility is usually not difficult for immigrants who are from a financially strapped background or those from a humble background. The issue of humility is usually for people who feel they are professionals, have worked as executives, or those with a college degree. A number of such people come to the United States and feel they have some entitlement. These people get easily frustrated if they do not change their attitude or way of thinking. Be ready to work at an entry level. Be respectful of people regardless of their age.

When I left Nigeria, I left my professional and socioeconomic status at the airport in Nigeria. I knew that I was going to a new place and needed to start from scratch. I was going to earn a master’s degree to help me contribute to the growth of my home country. I came with an open mind. I have always been taught to show respect for people, and so it was not difficult to be humble. In my job in Nigeria, I want to believe that it was humility that helped me succeed in many ways. People like to be respected, and if somewhere along the line, they find out that you have some superiority to them, they begin to see you in yet another light; the respect is even greater at that point.

Humility will help in more ways than expected. Securing an employment could be achieved through humility. For students, it is humility that will help them obtain assistance where needed. International students coming to the United States for a master’s degree program will be met with the fact that most of their American classmates are in their early twenties. About 80 percent of my classmates in the master’s program were in their early twenties. Sometimes, their attitude will reflect this. In some cases, they have no work experience and so have trouble connecting some theory to practice. Nonetheless, they are confident, and I admire confidence in others. I remember I was asked by a classmate of mine how come I knew so much. I said it was from my work experience. Some would ask and some wouldn’t. The important thing is to be sure you understand your courses, contribute to discussions, and ask questions. Be goal-oriented and focus on why you are in school. Most times, your classmates and/or instructors will be able to help you with learning about the system. The educational system in the United States is different from that of many developing countries. The differences will be discussed later; however, it takes a shorter time for students to graduate from college here in the United States than in Nigeria for instance. Also, here in the United States, they often use the multiple-choice system for their tests. Nonetheless, it is important to see one’s sojourn in the United States as a new chapter in their lives.

3. Focus

It is important to understand why you are coming to the United States. Be goal-oriented. That is, set a goal or