Mighty Snorter Volume 1: Volume 1

By J.R. Fortin

If you are into highly offensive comedy this is the book for you. Follow Mighty Snorter through his beginning days of becoming a superhero and a cop. If you like snot and six foot villainous robots dancing with banjos, this is a must read. The cops running Los Angeles will stop at nothing to stop crime, once theyre done eating donuts, taking naps, watching television, and playing video games, that is. Mighty Snorter brings a whole new meaning to the word hero.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 28, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469191195

J.R. Fortin

J.R Fortin is 23 years old and is happily married with three kids Aleisha, Noah, and Landon. He has his Associates Degree in Legal Studies and resides in Lewiston, Maine where he continues to work on the Mighty Snorter series. His dream since he was a kid was to become a superhero writer and he continues to follow it hoping to make writing his full time career.

Book preview

Mighty

Snorter

Volume 1

J.R. Fortin

Copyright © 2013 by J.R. Fortin.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2012905678

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4691-9118-8

                Softcover       978-1-4691-9117-1

                Ebook           978-1-4691-9119-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

111957

Contents

Blades

Toaster

The Beginning,

Part I

The Beginning,

Part II

Energy Boost

Master of Disguise

The Slice of the Knife

A Blast in the Past

Return of a Youngster

Mulletman!

Police chief Pete Johnson

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Blades

Jake was in his living room sleeping while on neighborhood watch duty. Breaking news came on the TV. He jerked awake. This just in! the news reporter read. There is a man who has been arrested in Colorado for torturing people in psychotic ways. Jake thought of all the cruel things you could do to someone in Colorado. He envisioned being taped up and forced to watch a Denver Mustangs game. Jake’s teeth gritted, and he shivered uncontrollably. This world is horrible, Fido. Jake’s imaginary dog barked in response. Jake thought about it some more. They could even tie someone outside until their nipples became so hard that they fall off. Ouch! Jake screamed, just thinking about the pain. He pinched his nipples to be sure his were still intact. The man’s name is Dr. Sid. They had just arrested him for torturing and killing thirteen people, with only one survivor, whose name was Josh Harris.

Jake had thought about going on a quick patrol of the neighborhood but decided listening to music was better, especially his favorite rap song about killing cops. The volume was so loud that the house shook, and he broke into a disco dance, but the breaking news broke up the song. Dr. Sid was being taken to the California jail, where Jake was currently working as an undercover cop. This I can’t miss, Jake exclaimed as he ran from the house in just his briefs; halfway down the road, he noticed that he had no clothes on, went back inside, and put on a proper attire. When he finally arrived, it was like watching fireworks; there were gunshots blazing, people were dying, and blood painted the streets. Jake finally heard about all the excitement, he started getting excited that the department finally bought the new game system and the newest war game for the break room. To his surprise, the game wasn’t what was bringing on all this excitement; they were under attack. All hell had broken loose, and three cops were already shot dead, and gunshots continued to go off like monkeys on bananas. He saw Pete was one of the officers who’d been shot.

So this is how it ends after all this time, said Jake, teary-eyed. What the hell are you talking about? asked Pete. I know, Chief. I know I’ll kill you. Jake began pulling his gun out from his holster. What? asked Pete, trying to scramble away. I won’t make you suffer. Jake pulled the safety down and wiped a tear from his cheek. No, you idiot. Can’t you see I was shot in the shoulder? Pete screamed hopelessly. It’s okay, buddy, you don’t have to be scared. I promise I’ll make it quick, and I’ll see you again one day, said Jake thoughtfully. Scared? I’ll show you scared, said Pete, leaping up, knocking the gun from his hands. Jake cocked his head and looked at Pete in bewilderment So you don’t want me to kill you? asked Jake, confused. No, you idiot. Bring me to the hospital. They’ll just stitch me up, and I’ll be good to go, and for the last time, Jake, you can’t come to the station in your heart boxers, said Pete, exasperated. Before Jake brought Pete to the hospital, he did a quick survey of the other bodies. They hadn’t died with bullets as he once thought, but with different sorts of blades, razors, pocketknives, and even SKIL saw blades. Jake saw someone skipping away but didn’t get a good glimpse of him. He had to drive Pete to the hospital, but after he drops him off, he’ll go on a quest to find this lonely prancing person.

Meanwhile, at the police department, they were watching the surveillance tapes but saw nothing but a little bit of the villain’s right arm. His arm wasn’t normal; however, he had a chainsaw blade for an arm, and blood was slowly dripping down his shoulder. When Jake returned, he found the rest of the police officers huddled in a corner in a fetal position; they were even sucking each other’s thumbs. They were so scared; this was no ordinary criminal. This was a psycho on a quest, who would stop at nothing to finish his job. They later found out this was Josh Harris, the only survivor of the tortuous attacks by Dr. Sid. The officers didn’t know what to do, so they quickly hid under their desks and started mooning each other. Jake knew he had no choice; he was going to have to push out a raunchy fart to transform into Mighty Snorter. Only then could he truly get to the bottom of this.

Mighty Snorter noticed Blades flying rapidly through the sky; they were being expelled by a nearby car. Mighty Snorter drove the The Nostril to the best of his ability, but the snot shutters were all clogged up. Somehow this villain had shot blades all through the The Nostril, keeping it from functioning properly. Mighty Snorter tried to take a sharp right, but still no luck. Blades, who Mighty Snorter had figured out was that one survivor of Dr. Sid’s evil experiments, had gotten in front of him and slashed his tires, sending him flying off the road. Mighty Snorter jumped out of the The Nostril just as it blew up. He flew over the car that was shooting out the blades and grappled on to the top. I’m getting sick of you, snot face, sneered Blades. Blades then exposed the blades on top of his wrist, opened his car window, and shot them at Mighty Snorter. Mighty Snorter threw a tracking device onto Blades’s car and jumped out of the way before getting hit by a traffic light. That’s the third time this week, thought Mighty Snorter, and then he flew off.

I have you now, thought Mighty Snorter. He began doing a