Mighty Snorter: Volume 2

By J.R. Fortin and Nathan Ray

If you liked the first Mighty Snorter for its uncultivated ways youll absolutely adore this one. This highly offensive comedy put the villains that nobody talks about to use. Jake, still battling between the struggles between being a cop and a superhero, is now being mentored by an old man, Greg the Grasshopper, whose methods of training are dangerous, unorthodox, and suicidal. Along with many new characters appearances you will also be reacquainted with your favorite heroes and villains. Prepare for the laughs of your life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483660523

J.R. Fortin

J.R Fortin is 23 years old and is happily married with three kids Aleisha, Noah, and Landon. He has his Associates Degree in Legal Studies and resides in Lewiston, Maine where he continues to work on the Mighty Snorter series. His dream since he was a kid was to become a superhero writer and he continues to follow it hoping to make writing his full time career.

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Copyright © 2013 by J.R. Fortin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 06/29/2013

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Contents

The Dawn of the Crack

The Worm

Rick the Ringmaster

The Assassin

Swiss Roll and Cupcake

Greg the Grasshopper

Dummy the Flying Duck

Zeus

Criminals You’d Never Suspect

Wedding Bells

Mighty Snorter laughed the whole way home

The Dawn of the Crack

Dark%20Shark.jpgTweenty%20Year%20old%20fat%20boy%20with%20braces.jpg

One day Jake was jogging in Sunnyvale Park, where the sun never shines, and noticed a dead body lying limp on the ground. His face was as pale as a ghost, and his body, as cold as ice, was on display to all the passersby who paid him no attention. They just waved and said, Have a nice day, sir! Jake walked over to the body and poked it with a nearby stick. When he was positive the body really was dead, Jake opened up his bag and pulled out his jar of peanut butter. He needed something to get rid of the smell of feces that someone else covered the corpse in. I’m sure you won’t mind, sir. After all, you are dead, Jake said casually, and he emptied the jar all over the victim’s face. Using his fingers, Jake began smearing the peanut butter all around the dead man’s eyes, nose, and mouth. Suddenly, Jake noticed a hair with what looked like pudding. He then read a note that was conveniently attached to the hair: Courtesy of KFC.

Jake found this note to be quite peculiar and analyzed it for fingerprints. All he found on it were the stains from his own hand. I knew I should’ve worn gloves, groaned Jake. As he attempted to clean up his own mess, Jake licked the paper clean. Mmm, tastes like chicken! Because he couldn’t find anything, he radioed Pete from his specialized police cruiser.

Pete appeared at the smelly site accompanied by a couple of other policemen. Why’s there peanut butter all over his face? they asked.

Sorry, but you should’ve seen it before with all the poop. At least now it kind of looks like a Reese’s. Makes me real hungry actually. Hey, Pete, want to go get something to eat at that awfully abandoned-looking diner over there? As they conversed about munching, licking, and eating their favorite foods, a couple of policemen hauled the dead body off. Jake then got into his nice, amazingly fast blue specialized cruiser and returned to the Los Angeles Police Department to do some heavy-duty research. This upset Jake a lot. He had shows to watch, things to do, and places to go.

He took the poop-covered hair and analyzed it. It belonged to a pretty well-known villain named Kung Fu Crack, also known as KFC. Finding where he lived was going to be hard considering it was all based on a single smelly piece of evidence. But as we know, if our hero can think about eating evidence, he can sure as hell find where it’s coming from. Jake continued evaluating the hair and found that KFC liked to work with another ally, Dark Shark. Jake found that KFC got pleasure out of killing people in cold blood and smearing fecal matter on them and then leaving a single hair that was not from his mustache as his mark. What Jake couldn’t fathom was how he got out on bail after murdering three people.

Jake got into the Nosemobile and transformed into Mighty Snorter and went for a drive to find Dark Shark. He printed off a picture of both of them wearing tuxedos with blue stripes and a blue hat. He then sniffed the hair once more to find something out. Dan’s Diner! Mighty Snorter exclaimed. He really liked Dan’s Diner, so Mighty Snorter flew over there. Jake knew there happened to be only one Dan’s Diner that had an apartment on top and was hoping Dark Shark lived or worked there.

Mighty Snorter then walked into the diner. Give me the usual.

Oh my god! It’s Mighty Snorter! screamed the girls running up to him.

Yes, yes, I know. If anyone were as good looking as me, I would want them too, but not tonight. I’m actually here on business.

They all started to cry.

Ladies, ladies. I’ll be done doing business by three in the morning.

We’ll see you then, they all said as they walked by.

It’s hard being so good-looking, you know, Jake said to the twenty-year-old fat boy with braces and suspenders. The boy smiled, but Mighty Snorter had to look away. He just couldn’t look at this ugly guy no more, so he demanded another cashier.

One Nose-Burger coming up! the new cashier said.

Mmm, Dan’s Sloppy Special, moaned Mighty Snorter as his mouth started to water. They then passed him the burger, and he dumped chocolate syrup all over it and downed it in two bites like a fat man with a hamburger.

Mighty Snorter then went into the bathroom stall and transformed back into Jake. Dressed in his police suit, Jake asked the employees at Dan’s if they had ever heard of a guy named Dark Shark, and they all said no.

Well, all except for the twenty-year-old fat boy with braces and suspenders, who curiously asked, What are you guys talking about? The guy who comes here every day and says, ‘Don’t tell the cops I live here’? He’s one major fool.

Everyone looked at him awkwardly.

"What? It’s not like I said he lives on the fourth floor, room 303, or anything. Oops."

Thanks, ugly kid, said Jake. He ran up the stairs instead of transforming so he could fly. He even bypassed the elevator with neon signs pointing to it, saying Why use stairs when you could ride?

Jake knocked on the door while singing, Here, fishy, fishy, fishy. A guy opened the door, and he was a perfect match to the picture. This guy was indeed Dark Shark. Jake quickly whipped out a picture of Kung Fu Crack. Do you know this guy? asked Jake.

Nope, responded the sharp-toothed villain with very bad breath.

So how did you get the name Dark Shark? Is it because you have fish breath or because you never brushed your teeth? Jake was frustrated at Dark Shark’s silence, so he pinned him against the wall. "Cut the shit, you little female dog, and answer my questions correctly