Theda Surviving the Past and the Present

By Theda Brothers

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781469135595

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Copyright © 2011 by Theda Brothers.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011962442

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4691-3558-8

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4691-3557-1

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4691-3559-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

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Contents

Chapter 1 A Time of Innocence

Chapter 2 Hidden Secrets

Chapter 3 What’s Done in the Dark Come to the Light

Chapter 4 The Thrill Is Gone

Chapter 5 Senseless Act

Chapter 6 No Fighting Chance

Chapter 7 In Times Like These

Chapter 8 Finding True Love

Chapter 9 Nightmare on Thirteenth Way

Chapter 10 A Raging Storm

Chapter 11 A Brighter Day

Chapter 12 Another Move Forward

Chapter 13 Celebrating Freedom to Deception

Chapter 14 Blessings Come in Small Packages

Chapter 15 Blessings Come in All Forms

Chapter 16 That’s What Friends Are For

Chapter 17 Everything Is about Love

Chapter 18 An Angel Gone Home

Chapter 19 I Will Be Missing You

Chapter 20 Making a New Start

Chapter 21 Mama, the Cornerstone

Chapter 22 From the Old to New

Chapter 23 Night Shift

Chapter 24 Another Family Reunion

Chapter 25 The Truth Can’t Be Hidden

Chapter 26 Not in This Lifetime

Chapter 27 A Change in Direction

Chapter 28 My Best Friend’s Wedding

Chapter 29 Sweet Harmony

Chapter 30 The Best Job Ever

Chapter 31 That’s What Friends Are For

Chapter 32 What Is Life without Laughter?

Chapter 33 Love Don’t Suppose to Hurt

Chapter 34 Prince Charming

Chapter 35 Another Family Reunion, Another Marriage

Chapter 36 Wedding-Bell Blues

Chapter 36 Never Take Your Eyes off the Prize

Chapter 37 Just Another Rehearsal

Chapter 38 A Fresh New Beginning

Chapter 39 I Can See the Sun Peeking through the Clouds

Chapter 40 Waiting to Exhale

Chapter 41 A Transition Who Would Cry for the Young Boy?

Chapter 42 Love Me, Love Me Not

Chapter 43 Time to Let Go

Chapter 44 Back in Love Again

Chapter 45 Family Unity and Love

Chapter 46 In Times Like These

Chapter 47 Years Passed and Pain Lessens

Chapter 48 Another Great Loss, More Pain

Chapter 49 Retired and Reserved

Chapter 50 I Remember

Dedications

My most beloved mother, Margaret Gipson (1934-2009), whom I loved with all of my heart, thank you for showing me all your love and for helping me become the woman that I am. You will remain in thoughts always, Madear.

My dearest brother Glen (1951-2009), who never let me down, you were always my big brother; no matter how the situation weighed, you were there to lighten the weight.

To both of my closest friends, Vernette Beard (Russell, 1951-2001) and Marian Bradford (Neal, 1951-2000), thank you both for walking with me on my darkest journey.

Acknowledgement of

Friends and Loved Ones

To my good friend Terri Brown, thank you for being there to share your knowledge with me in corrective writing; you are the best.

To Juanita Donaldson, thank you for the very first typewriter; you have no idea how much it meant to me. You took a chance, thank you.

To my cousin Debra Holden, thank you; you enlighten my spirit, and you are my best critic.

To my best friend, Shelly Litt, thank for always encouraging me and believing in your best friend. You stuck with me to the end. I love you, girl.

To my three wonderful children, Victoria, Lynette, and Frank (Toby), I love you all very much. I thank God for giving me such wonderful gifts. Never wander too far from me as life expectancies detour you in new directions. Love always, Mama.

To my husband, Leo, thank you for not complaining for the long hours I spent out of the bedroom. I love you, dear heart.

This is a shout-out to my best friend, Theda, for staying on track until she reached her goal of writing a book about her relationships and their impact on her life.

Theda Brothers has been my best friend for over fifty years, since first grade. I am very proud of her perseverance and dedication to writing a book about her life and the struggles she overcame; she can now say she survived. Often when we talk about our past and the life we lived, we tend to sugarcoat it with bits of illusion, but this book is filled with true accounts of her life.

The main theme that threads through her life and molded her belief system was her faith and love of God. Of course, it was no surprise when she followed in her grandmother’s and mother’s footsteps and became the mother of her church. Theda has always demonstrated her faith in God through her endless acts of kindness toward everyone she meets. It is an exciting experience to talk with someone who knows exactly when and where you’ve been and who was there.

As we sat and took turns reading page after page of the first draft of her book, we could not stop or pull away. We stayed up all hours of the night reminiscing about the many aspects of our lives and exhaling as we stopped to realize that through every phase of our journey, we made it through because of God.

Now, here she is about to share with the world how she survived. I know that this book will be an inspiration and tool for young and old alike. Congratulations!

Shelly Litt

9/5/2011

Chapter 1

A Time of Innocence

My past life story begins when I was sixteen years of age. Babysitting was my very first job.

In 1969, I was a junior at South Mountain High School, focusing on enhancing my grade point average, while I worked to help support myself through high school.

For six months, five days a week, and eight hours a day, I devoted myself to seven children. The job financially helped, supporting my parents with bills, school clothing, and little extra for whatever.

The children I babysat were well behaved, respectful, and disciplined for those reasons; I looked forward going to work every day.

My oldest brother, Glen, whom I love, was my competitor. At seventeen, he was overprotective, always wanting to be first in everything, especially when it involved the two of us.

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Glen worked at a well-known restaurant in West Phoenix for two years as head chef. The thanks go to Bud Harrison. Bud was a mature adult of thirty-six years’ intelligence and very impressive with his conversation.

Every Saturday evening after work, Bud dropped Glen off at home around eight o’clock. Sometimes he would stop and visit awhile if he saw my sister Ruby or my sister Glenda sitting in the front yard, or even my parents. Mama and Daddy welcomed Bud Harrison at our home because they felt he was worthy and could be trusted. He would sit for hours respectfully visiting with us, telling stories about what had happened at the restaurant.

Bud Harrison was my brother’s supervisor. He was considered a good friend, and he allowed Glen to bring food home from the restaurant to share.

At sixteen, I was a virgin, but I knew something about the birds and the bees from hearing of my sister’s experiences. I noticed how Bud watched my sister Ruby with interest, and she never gave him the slightest clue that she was interested in him. Neither did my sister Glenda, who was already married to her husband, John Stuart.

Bud Harrison’s character always seemed impressive, apparently admired by many because of his franchise business operation. My brother Glen looked up to him as his role model, receiving him as a member of our family.

Rodeo day was always a big event on campus at South Mountain High School. I wanted so much to dress up in a rodeo outfit and participate in the competitions that were coming up on campus.

One day, Glen and I sat at the kitchen table talking about rodeo day, which was going to be at our school. I mentioned to him how I wished I could afford to buy a rodeo outfit just for that day. Although I was working every day, I was not able to save enough money to buy my own rodeo outfit.

The next day, at my brother’s place of work, he and Bud Harrison discussed our conversation about me wanting a rodeo outfit. Bud said, Glen, if you get me your sister’s size, I’ll buy her a rodeo outfit. I didn’t know how my brother responded to Bud or even how he managed to give him my size. However, before the rodeo day event occurred, my wish came true.

Bud Harrison made it clear to Glen that he wanted him to admit to buying me the rodeo outfit so that I wouldn’t know it came from Bud Harrison.

My brother didn’t lie about where the outfit came from no matter what Bud told Glen; he didn’t take the credit for the purchase of the outfit.

The next morning, while I was preparing for school, Glen quietly knocked at my door and came into my room carrying a gift wrapped box. He said, Sis, here, this is your rodeo outfit you wanted. I said, What? What are you talking about? Glen said, Here, girl, take it before Mama comes in here. I was surprised that my brother bought me a rodeo outfit. I said, Thank you! When did you get this? He said, I didn’t buy it, Bud bought it for you, so don’t say nothing about it. I said, OK.

When I opened the box, I saw the most beautiful royal blue three-piece outfit I had ever seen. Being naive and young I accepted the gift without thinking of consequences or even what my mother might say. On the day of the great event, on the campus of South Mountain High School, I dressed at home, as I usually did, and I carried my rodeo outfit to school in a bag. I was excited, anxious, and overwhelmed. I hurried into the girls’ restroom in the 300 building; I changed into my royal blue rodeo outfit and went to my locker and then immediately to my first hour class. I have to admit I was gorgeous, and it fit my small frame perfectly. During lunch hour, students asked, Where you got your rodeo outfit from, Theda? I was too embarrassed to tell them the truth.

I entered the rodeo lineup for rodeo queen, when suddenly I felt too immature to qualify, I backed out just before the judging began.

My friends tried convincing me to participate, but instead, I stood with them in the quad watching, waiting for the judges to decide who would be rodeo queen, when I was summoned to the front of the school.

Courtney, a good friend of mind since childhood, saw me standing in the quad. He said, Theda, it’s a man in front of the school, wants to see you. I was unaware of anyone coming to see me, so I asked my friends to walk with me. We walked in the breezeway closer to the front of the school where we could see anyone I thought looked familiar.

To my amazement, there he stood in the circle drive, in front of the school, Bud Harrison admiring me from a distance. The look on his face appeared to show a look of satisfaction. I waved at him, not sure if I should, and he waved back. Seeing me in the royal blue outfit he purchased seemed to be all he needed to see.

I felt a little uncomfortable and a little shaken from his unexpected presence, however, and at the same time, glad he saw me. My friend Elaine was asking me, Who is that man? Theda, who is that man staring at you so hard? I didn’t know how to answer at first, then I said, He’s a friend of my brother. They work together at a well-known restaurant in west Phoenix.

Bud Harrison, after admiring me for a couple of minutes, walked to his car, turned, looked again, tilted his head, then got in his car and drove away.

Two weeks later, after the rodeo event that was on the campus of South Mountain High School, Bud Harrison shows up unexpectedly in my place of work. It was approximately seven o’clock in the evening; the children and I were just ending our playtime in the front yard.

Bud Harrison drove up; he said, Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, girl. How you doing? I said, Fine. How you doing? He parked his car in front of the house on the street curve, got out, and greeted me with a pleasant hug.

Bud was well dressed, wearing a nice casual outfit with his shirt slightly open from the top button. He stated he had just dropped my brother Glen off at home; their shift at the restaurant ended a little earlier than usual. He said, I noticed you and the children from the street playing when I drove by. I hope this isn’t inconvenience for you, me dropping by unannounced.

He sounded so complex; he was doing his very best to remain respectful so I wouldn’t be aware of his scheming plan. Bud Harrison was of medium build, about five feet ten inches tall, weighing about 180 pounds, with a dark complexion. He wore a mustache and a beard that was always neatly shaven. The thought of him arriving at my job unannounced did frighten me some, but it was something about Bud Harrison that only allowed me to see who he was and what he had always been—a friend and a role model to my brother Glen. Mama and Daddy accepted him as a member of the family not only because he provided Glen with a job, but also because they had known his relatives very well.

Bud asked if he could visit for a short while; I trusted him that he would visit only for a short while. I said, OK. I ushered the children in the house, instructing them to finish their homework, get bathed, and prepare for bed. Bud Harrison remained in the front yard until I returned. He was polite, intelligent, and very apologetic for the surprise visit. I accepted his apology then invited him in the house. He said, Thank you. I won’t be here long. I just want to know how the rodeo day event turned out two weeks ago. He sat in a chair right near the front door and crossed his legs as he dangled his car keys in his hand. Then he asked, How was it? I replied, How was what? He said, The rodeo day. I giggled, not understanding at first what he was asking. I said, It was a lot of fun. There were a lot of events going on and participation from the students and staff.

I thanked him again for my beautiful rodeo outfit he bought for me and told him how much I loved it. He said, You’re welcome, I’m glad I was able to help. Glen mentioned that you really wanted to dress up for rodeo day. What did your friends think about it? I said, They really like it! They thought I was lucky to have a friend like you. He smiled then touched his beard, and I continued telling him more about the rodeo day and about other outfits that had beautiful rhinestones. Excitedly I said, Boys and girls had on hats, boots, and bandannas tied around their necks just like in the movies. Bud Harrison listened tentatively as I described the good time I had on campus during rodeo day.

I was sitting on the sofa with four of the children while the other three sat on the shagged carpet floor, watching television. I removed my shoes as Bud and I talked, and I drew my feet up on the couch. Bud and I talked on innocent topics right up to the time when I put the children to bed around 8:00 p.m. I hoped he would say good night before I retired all the children; instead he pretended he had more to talk about. He moved from the chair over on the sofa where I sat, and suddenly I became uncomfortable. I said, Some of the students were lassoed because they weren’t dressed in rodeo attire. Bud Harrison was no longer interested in what I was talking about anymore; his beady eyes seemed to scale my whole body. I became lost for words. I said, Well, Bud, it’s getting late. He ignored me totally then moved a little closer. I guess when he anticipated that the children might have gone to sleep, he moved even closer, and I attempted to move away from him. He grabbed me, gently holding me by the arm, whispering how pretty he thought I was, then he began to look and act like a stranger to me. I said, Again, Bud, it’s getting late, you need to go! But he just kept saying to me how pretty I was. I could not move, I could not speak, and I just shook my head in agreement in fast motion, hoping he would acknowledge my fear.

He tried to lay me down on the couch instantly. I realized the danger, and I yelled out, No, STOP IT! He replied in a soft voice, Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you. I began to feel numb as though paralyzed, and he pressed me down on the couch as he stroked my breast. I pleaded for him to stop again, and he continued trying to fondle me, as though he never heard my plea to stop.

I was sixteen years old; for the very first time, I experienced the worst fear ever in my life. I was wearing a plaid pleated skirt, a white blouse, stockings, and no shoes. When he attempted to remove my nylons, and I grabbed his hand, shaking my head, saying no, but he refused to stop. Bud Harrison tore my stocking in his effort to remove them, and in a rugged voice he said, I’m sorry, I’m not going to hurt you. I continued to beg him to stop. He reached into his pants pocket. I continued to say, No, stop. He retrieved a $20 bill from his pocket as he breathed frantically from the tussle. He said, Here, buy you another pair. He dropped the bill to the floor, grabbing me once again as I continued saying, No, no, stop. He whispered in my ear, saying, I won’t hurt you. I won’t hurt you.

My body felt numb, and in my mind, I felt as though I was hypnotized but still able to realize what was happening. I couldn’t do anything to prevent Bud Harrison from what he was about to do. He was a big strong man; I was only a child of sixteen years.

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He finally managed to pull down my panties. I remember crying, pleading for him to stop as he hailed me down on the couch, forcing my legs apart. Then I felt hurting and excruciating pain from his penetration inside of me. I screamed, and he covered my mouth, preventing me from awaking the children. He whispered again, this time directly in my ear as his beard scratched my face. He kissed one side of my cheek, and literally, my skin felt as though it was crawling; his voice was like a roaring sound, like the sound of a seashell. He said again, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I felt the wetness between my legs after he was done as I curled up in a secured position on the couch and tears ran down my face. I was hurt and despondent, not knowing what I was supposed to do. I heard Bud’s voice when he said, Come on, get up.

He seemed to have no remorse about stealing my innocence. I yelled at him with a trembling voice from the deepest part of my hurt to leave me alone. He apologized once more before leaving, as if it was to make everything all right, then he said, I didn’t think you were a virgin. Then he walked out, closing the door quietly behind him. When I got up from the couch, I was bleeding, I was horrified, and I had no knowledge of what I was to do. Bud Harrison lied. He knew I was a virgin; he knew I was pure and innocent. One of my worst fears was that someone I didn’t love would take my virginity just as Bud Harrison did. I was left alone with no more dignity, no self-esteem, seven sleeping children, and a worthless $20 bill left on the floor.

It was approximately 9:30 p.m. Tears were constantly still rolling down my cheeks as I cleaned myself up, and I thought, What did I do to deserve this? Sixteen years old, robbed of my virginity, and the only voice I heard was my own, asking, Why? I worked for a single parent who trusted me to protect her children, and I couldn’t protect myself. When Gloretta arrived home from work shortly after midnight, she was surprised to find me still awake, sitting Indian style on the couch. She said, Oh, you’re still awake.

I couldn’t find any words to respond; I just nodded my head yes. What had happened several hours before she arrived was a horrible nightmare. I said, I couldn’t sleep. She said, Well, get your things together so I can take you home. I never saw Bud Harrison again, except in the nightmares that I continued to have for months. My innocence robbed, my privacy strictly invaded, and my self-esteem destroyed from a horrible experience learned the hardest way. Friendships are easily destroyed when ambushed; that’s why friends don’t lead friends to an ambush situation; trust no man.

I finally got over the nightmares, but the memory still existed from the past. Thank God for my friends Barbara, Vernette, Marian, and Elaine.

Their undying support helped me more than they realized. Because of their support and God’s grace, I was able to say, Life goes on. I was a junior in high school, trying to stay focused on my education and my future expectations. Going to school every day was hard, but I managed. It was even harder holding on to my babysitting job after the rape incident, but I survived.

This particular day in April, about 5:00 p.m., I was doing school homework, sitting at the kitchen table, when I heard the front door open then close. My heart seemed to skip a beat because I knew the three smaller children were napping and the four older ones were preoccupied and doing their homework. All of a sudden, a tall thin man walked in the house, looking as though he was more surprised to see me than I was to see him. He was wearing a uniform a mechanic wears, holding a greased towel in his hand that he used to wipe his hands. I jumped up from the kitchen table where I was doing my homework, and I said, Who are you? He said, My name is Billy Ray. I’m Gloretta’s brother. I exhaled with great relief, glad to know he was a family member but still feeling cautious. He walked his long, thin body in the kitchen and helped himself to whatever he found to eat. Turning around, biting his sandwich, he said, What is your name? I told him what my name was, and he said, Nice to meet you. I said, Nice to meet you. He walked out just as he walked in, very quietly, closing the door behind him, then I watched him from the window. I noticed he had a few friends and entertained them in the front yard, and my emotions were raging. I wasn’t aware that his sister Gloretta had a brother or of her giving him instructions not to come near the babysitter. She had warned him in advance not to come near me; he knew I would be arriving every day at two thirty. Two days in a row, he arrived at the same time, 3:30 p.m., making sure he avoided his sister when she left for work at 3:00 p.m., accompanied with friends each day so that he would not look like the predator he really was.

I remember one Thursday afternoon, it was around 4:00 p.m., the children were playing in the front yard as they always did as I prepared for their dinner. I heard an unfamiliar voice that roared like thunder, and all the children ran in the house. Jarvis was a huge man weighing two hundred pounds or more, and he stood about six feet tall, was very intelligent, and used lots of profanity. He had one eye that needed attention for surgical corrections, and when he spoke, everybody listened, including me. He was the father to five of the children, a brother-in-law to the other two. His visits were never long; however, he always made it perfectly clear in his short stay what he expected from each child, including me. I think the only time he came around was to check on his children and make sure I was keeping them safe. Sometimes he gave them a little spending money for the neighborhood candy store, just three houses up the street. The next day, as the children and I were coming from the little neighborhood store, a few houses up the street, I saw Billy Ray in his sister’s yard. He was leaning against his 1956 black Impala, looking every bit as a black cowboy dressed in Western attire. The children rushed to greet him, and I noticed him watching me as I attempted to escape into the house. Then he said, Hey, big legs, how you doing today? I looked back at him with a look of disapproval before going into the house, then I said, Fine.

Shortly afterward, I heard the screen door slam shut, only to see that it was Billy Ray. He said, Hey, it’s a nice day outside, grab a chair. We can sit in the front yard and watch the kids while they play. I hesitated for a moment then got one of the chairs and placed it outside in front of the