My Life...A Comedy

By Bebe Rinker

My Life...A Comedy is about some of the best and most
humerous times in my life. This is by no means all of them!
There are still enough to fill a second book. However I wanted
folks to hopefully get a laugh out of any situation. Its all in
how you look at things. I hope this book helps people to see
things in a different way. If it gets them looking at the lighter
side of everyday life, then I have accomplished what I have
set out to do. If people start to see humor more than sadness
then we are on the right track. This book is not meant to
have folks falling down laughing hysterically, Its simply to
get a person to smile and say Yes, That was amusing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 15, 2010
• ISBN: 9781469116761

Book preview

Mother-isims

How many of you spent half your childhood as I did trying to figure out what the hell your parents were trying to tell you? I call them Mother-isims. You know the ones If Beth jumped off the bridge, would you? Or I’m not Robin’s mother! How about Eat your dinner, there are starving kids who don’t have any food. I thought for quite some time I would have to lay on my stomach when I went to the Dentist, so he could rearrange my teeth from the back of my neck where my mom had knocked them to the front of my mouth where they should be. If I had something to say, I said it.

I said things like No Mom Beth is stupid, if she jumps off the bridge I’m gonna laugh (Whack.)"

Or It’s a good thing your not Patti’s mom because she wouldn’t be allowed to go either.( Whack.)

Well then give them this food, cause it stinks and I’m not eatin it. (Whack.) And another thing, whats up with those super-sonic ears and those extra eyes? They are completely, totally deaf if you are asking for a ride or money. But try just one time to run up to the attic, bury your face in an old pillow and in a barely audible voice call her a name. Thats right, she heard you, she bellows from two stories below that she heard what you said and you are in big trouble. Yea then why couldn’t you hear me when I was right next to you asking for something? (whack) You would think by now I had learned to think it but not say it right? I was to bullheaded to give in.

And talk about seeing through walls. I swore for years my mother was literally a witch. Not the Samantha Stevens kind, the kind the house falls on and she has flying monkeys for pets. She never seen how I shared with my brother or how I cleaned my room, but boy she sure could see me trying to sneak an extra cookie, or get something I wasn’t supposed to have. It was spooky! My mom caught me giving her the finger once, I was walking with my brother through a parking lot and she was going somewhere and saw us, Told ya it’s that eye thing, anyway she felt that was the right time to gripe at us for something. Now my brother is sometimes three clowns short of a circus, but he knew how to keep his mouth shut and his fingers down, me not so much. As she was driving away I got my spine back and shot that finger up high and proud. The car slammed to a stop, and I knew this was the end. She just sat there, I couldn’t move either. I was not frozen in fear, but worse yet I was frozen by bowel, if I moved I would crap my drawers!

She never got out, called for me or anything. She just drove off. I was now back to the spineless jellyfish state, begging my brother the mama suck to tell me how to save my dumb ass. He was not helpful as he rolled on the ground in hysterics anticipating my fate.