When Tears Turn to Rain

By IdnAc

When Tears Turn to Rain tells the personal story of a woman who, at forty, made a vow to herself to give up drinking, to pursue sobriety, and to save her own life. Based upon her journal entries, where she recorded her reflections along the way, she has crafted a sparse, unblinking, and straightforward account of her struggles and achievements along the path to living a sober life.

When Tears Turn to Rain focuses on the turn toward living and away from dying that the author made. As she writes, At the age of forty, I realized that my journey was coming to an end. By this time, I was sick and shook so badly that I should have been hospitalized. But still determined to reach my destination of Skid Row, I pedaled all the harder. In December 2012, one block before I reached Skid Row, I noticed a beautiful sign that was lit up with sunshine. Its two words were the most beautiful I had ever seen: Sobriety Place. This is the story of what happens when she heads toward that beautiful place.

This memoir reveals the details of an individuals journey into sobriety, showing how one woman faced her addiction and changed the direction of her life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
• Release date: Dec 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781489706317

Book preview

The Prison

In 2013, I simply existed. Hidden from reality, I pondered the what-ifs in my life.

I had emerged from behind a dark curtain and into a world not known by most. My existence diminished as the continuous poison of alcohol ran through my veins. Daily, I ingested the very thing that melted my mind.

Was I delusional? Yes. Crazy? Maybe. Shattered dreams had angered my very being. I zombie-walked among others in a state of coma. I answered questions with a blank stare. People left bewildered as did I.

Isolation was my best friend. Just the thought of conversation caused me distress. Solitude engulfed my every word when I was able to muster the courage to speak. In a room, I sat dazed and puzzled. The days ran into months and the months into years.

During the day, I sat among grim reapers. At night, I danced with movie stars. My Technicolor sci-fi dreams seemed to run into reality. I hoped for the worst, yet feared the best. With my yesterdays forgotten, my memories perished.

As the walls closed in on me, alcohol became my ultimate prison. I had sealed my own fate. Thankfully, this is not where my story ends.

This is where it begins.

Skid Row

I was eleven when tragedy struck twice. First, my father passed. Then, for the next year, a family member took advantage of me.

I was stripped of my dignity, self-worth, and childhood. With two tragedies that struck back-to-back, my mind shut down. I became a patient in the state mental hospital and wasn’t released until I was fourteen.

Without proper mental help, it seemed, I was doomed from the start. And being separated from my mom and four brothers, I felt as though I faced the world alone.

The Journey

I was only fourteen when I got on my bicycle and headed for Skid Row. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it would take a very, long time to get there.

First, I stopped at the Honesty shop, but it was too expensive. Besides, the line seemed miles long.

Around the corner, I found the liar store where one could buy one million lies for a penny. I bought the whole box and started using them right away.

I thought I would never run out of lies on my journey. I had used them on everyone I had encountered. I had used them on family, friends, boyfriends, and everyone in between.

I found a nice, cozy apartment on Party Court and lived there for about five years. During a period of a year and a half, I also visited my neighbor, cocaine—until the day I ended up in the hospital.

I turned my back on drugs, and moved to Alcoholic Avenue. I felt at home here. I decided to have to have a child here, and so I did.

For ten years, I never moved too far from Alcoholic Avenue. I had more children and lost them down the road. When I did move, I found a duplex on Self-Centered Street. I had been dancing for quite some time by now and used every man I met. This is where my dream of ever finding love fell to pieces.

By this time, my box