Laughing Through the Fear

By Tammy Sharp

No parent should ever hear the words: "your child has cancer". And yet, on March 21, 2001, that is exactly what we were told. Our daughter Kelly, who was not yet 13 years old, was diagnosed with advanced stage IV Neuroblastoma.

In the U.S. more than 8,000 children under age 15 are diagnosed with cancer every year: one out of every 630 individuals. This book tells the story of one of those children, through the eyes of her mother. You will find this journey to be filled with laughter and tears. There is nothing more frightening to a child than knowing that their life could end soon. There is nothing more painful to a mother than to know that there is little she can do to ease the pain of her child who is suffering. What Kelly and I discovered together was that we had to find reasons to laugh, even on the most frightening of days. It was only through laughing that we found a way to manage the fear. Not just her fear, but mine as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 10, 2005
• ISBN: 9781465333124

Tammy Sharp

Back Cover: Laughing through the Fear Tammy Sharp No parent should ever hear the words: “your child has cancer”. And yet, on March 21, 2001, that is exactly what we were told. Our daughter Kelly, who was not yet 13 years old, was diagnosed with advanced stage IV Neuroblastoma. In the U.S. more than 8,000 children under age 15 are diagnosed with cancer every year: one out of every 630 individuals. This book tells the story of one of those children, through the eyes of her mother. You will find this journey to be filled with laughter and tears. There is nothing more frightening to a child than knowing that their life could end soon. There is nothing more painful to a mother than to know that there is little she can do to ease the pain of her child who is suffering. What Kelly and I discovered together was that we had to find reasons to laugh, even on the most frightening of days. It was only through laughing that we found a way to manage the fear. Not just her fear, but mine as well.

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Copyright © by 2005 TAMMY SHARP.

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This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

OUR LIFE WAS FINALLY ON TRACK

THE BEGINNING OF THE STRUGGLE

STRUGGLING TO FIND ANSWERS

THE TRIP TO DEVASTATION

TELLING THE MASSES

WHAT WAS KELLY FACING—THE ANSWER

MOVING TO A NEW FACILITY

TIME AT M. D. ANDERSON—TIME TO ADJUST TO CANCER

OUR FIRST TRIP HOME

GOING BALD

KELLY FACES HER CLASSMATES WITH PRIDE

CONFIRMATION DAY

THE ROUTINE LIFE OF DEALING WITH CANCER

A CHANGE IN PLANS

A SUMMER TO REMEMBER

KELLY RETURNS TO SCHOOL

SURGERY AND THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED

INVESTIGATING A DONOR TRANSPLANT

THE GOLF TOURNAMENT

JOSH GIVES OF HIMSELF FOR HIS SISTER

PREPARING FOR TRANSPLANT

TRANSPLANT DAY

TWENTY DAYS IN ROOM G951

HOME AT LAST!

THE RASH

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE AFTER TRANSPLANT

A NEW YEAR BEGINS

EPILOGUE

THE CANCER CAME BACK

FINAL NOTE

MY HERO by Kelly Sharp for Evan Jeter

THANK YOU

A MESSAGE FROM KELLY

Hi, my name is Kelly Sharp. This book you are about to read is about my family and me and all that we have been through these last three years. My mom wrote this book, and we are getting it published by the Clayton Dabney Foundation, which is an organization for kids who have diseases that will nevaer go away. I want people to hear our story. My hope is that others will learn from our story and that it might make their struggles a little easier.

Image274.JPG

Kelly and mom at her fifteenth birthday party.

This book is for Kelly: My Scooby-Doo. I miss you. I love you. You will forever be a part of me. And for Josh: My little man. Your love and strength and willingness to give amazes me everyday! And for my husband, Rick. It was hard to watch our girl suffer but together we found strength.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is a labor of selfish love. Writing this book is how I managed to face each day. By writing, I could document the journey, but live in the moment. As I finished this book, I went back and read it. It was easier to live than to read. When you face this sort of thing, you have to live by the moment, dealing with each crisis and joy as they come. I could not look too far down the road or it frightened me. I could not look back or it overwhelmed me. Now, three years into this journey, I can look back and when I do, I realize all over again that I could not have survived this long without so many others.

Thank you to Kelly, my Scooby Doo. You got angry and frightened. You went nuts from time to time. But you laughed and you loved and you lived life to the fullest. Your courage and your willingness to keep fighting have been an inspiration to me and many others. This book is for you.

To Rick, my husband and Kelly’s dad, we have not dealt with this in the same way. Some days we even find it hard to communicate. But at the end of each day, I know that this fight would have been unbearable without you.

To Josh, my little man who isn’t so little, you have watched your sister suffer and you have dealt with her being so needy that sometimes you have had to take a back seat. You have been willing to give unselfishly when we needed you. If it weren’t for you, Kelly would not have had that year being cancer free. I am so very proud of you and the young man you are becoming.

To Rick’s mom and dad, Patty and Ricky Sharp. Patty has been to the doctor with Kelly every bit as much as I have. You both have taken on more than your share of this battle, and you have kept us from falling apart. You have loved Kelly and encouraged me every step of the way. Kelly would be lost without grandma; I would be lost without both of you.

To my aunt Punky and my uncle Gary, you have not always been here physically because you live so far away. But there has never been a moment that I wasn’t aware of your love and support. You have come down for special events, and you have called nearly every day to keep us close. I love you both.

To Rick’s brothers and sisters-in-law, thank you for always being there when we needed you.

To Dr. Ater, Dr. Chan, Dr. Mullin, and Dr. Worth, along with the entire pediatric staff at M. D. Anderson, you are told to keep a professional distance. You aren’t very good at that. Because you were willing to take Kelly into your hearts, you made this terrible disease bearable and even fun at times. Thank you for so lovingly caring for Kelly.

To Carmen Moore—Cheezy Mama!—thank you for being there during those long nights. Thank you for laughing with us, crying with us, and just loving us. Cheezy Mama squared loves you and so do I.

To Pastor Mike Button, who stepped in when we were lacking pastoral care, Kelly thinks you are amazing, and I would have to agree with her. To all the other pastors who have since become a part of this journey, it is our faith that has kept us going.

To the group of ladies who planned and carried out the most amazing fundraiser ever! I have never had so much fun, and Kelly has never been more healthy and happy than at that golf tournament. The money raised made life much easier for us, but the experience we had that day will be a treasured memory for a lifetime!

To my friends and fellow church members—how do you get through something like this without faith and friends? A list of names on an email list that started as my easy way out of telling folks over and over again what was going on became the most amazing method of support and encouragement possible. A list of thirty to forty names exploded to a list of nearly two hundred with the email often being sent off beyond that list. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement, the blood, and the love!

To Make-A-Wish Foundation, Candlelighters, and Child Life at M. D. Anderson, for bringing the laughter when all we could find was fear.

To the Clayton Dabney Foundation, for getting this book published and helping Kelly realize yet another dream. And thank you for helping us to deal with the reality of the disease and encouraging us to make memories of each day.

To Alvin Independent School District and especially ASSETS Learning Center, you have allowed Kelly to be as normal as possible. You have walked with us despite the difficulties. Kelly would not be the same person without you.

From here, the list of people I need to thank becomes endless. The people that Rick and I worked with and for Angleton Independent School District, Brazoria County Juvenile Detention, and Chevron/Phillips, you have been patient and supportive when it seemed I may never work a complete week. You have supported us emotionally and financially. Thank you for all you did and continue to do for us.

And last, but certainly not least, to all of you parents and children who have lived this nightmare with us. Some of you have said good-bye to your children and still walk with me. Others of you are in the middle of this journey looking to a cure yet fearing the unknown. They say that you cannot understand unless you have lived this. I know that you have given me hope in the midst of hopelessness and laughter in the face of fear. Thank you for letting me walk with you, and for walking with me!

OUR LIFE WAS FINALLY ON TRACK

March 1, 2001. Our life was finally getting on track. We had been through the fire and were on our way to being the loving and understanding family that we were meant to be.

Rick and I were married on May 16, 1987. We were married for eleven and a half years. We had Kelly ten months after we were married. Josh came along twenty-three months later. In the eleven and a half years we moved something like five times. We changed jobs at least that many times. We filed bankruptcy at one point. And I lost both of my grandparents and my father—one each year for three years.

During that time, we learned that Kelly suffers from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and depression, and she is dyslexic. The road to dealing with all of those things was long and hard for all of us, especially Kelly. While her teachers went out of their way to help Kelly, each day in school was a struggle. She would get conduct marks for talking out, for acting impulsively, and for not staying on task. Her outbursts came across as aggressive at times. This made her ability to make friends very difficult. She had friends, but they always seemed to keep a bit of a distance.

Kelly played softball when she was five and six years old. Her attention span made the game less than enjoyable for her. She then began to play soccer. This seemed to be a bit of a niche for her. She wasn’t the best on the team, but she worked hard and did well. Her coaches seemed to be able to channel her energy to make it work for the team. It was here that she developed friendships. It was soccer that made Scooby her name of choice. I had called her that since she was young, but when there were two Kellys on their team, the coach caught me yelling for Scooby and asked if he could call her that. She thought that was cool, and so it stuck. It is still her name of choice today.

Throughout school, Kelly struggled. She tried hard. She wanted the good grades, but she always fell short. Her reading grades were average, but she hated to read. Her teachers reached out, did all they could to help her, gave her private tutoring. But the grades were average at best, and Kelly continued to be frustrated. Then we found out she is dyslexic. The school did the testing and quickly began dyslexia therapy. That was in the fourth grade. Mrs. Campbell was a true gift from God. Not only did she take a personal interest in Kelly’s reading. She took a personal interest in Kelly—an interest that would prove to be a connection Kelly would hold tight to in some difficult times ahead.

During this time, our son, Joshua (we call him Josh), just seemed to plug along. He is a bit of a golden child. He does well in school. He never meets a stranger. He has more friends that any of us can count, and he is an above-average athlete in whichever sport he chooses to participate in. While Kelly struggled to be a part of a team, Josh was leading them. He started with baseball and soccer, being the top guy on the soccer field. But then he turned eight years