The Fabric of a Family: Lessons in Love Learned from One Husband and Eighteen Sons and Daughters

By Paula B. Wells

The Fabric of a Family relates the personal insight that Paula Wells has accumulated over 50 years of marriage to one man and 46 years of continuous parenting of 18 children, ages 4 to 46. The youngest fifteen children are adopted, including several races and special needs. Paula weaves into this book her experiences as a woman learning how to establish her priorities related to combining an ongoing professional career with her role of wife and mother. It is a book that is candid and open, and describes the ongoing challenges, setbacks, and joys in raising a large diverse family

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 21, 2005
• ISBN: 9781465315250

Paula B. Wells

Author Biography Paula B. Wells Paula Wells and her husband, Jim, have been raising their family for 47 of the 50 years they have been married, and still have six children at home, the youngest of which is a preschooler. In addition to being a mother, Paula is also a practicing professional consulting engineer formerly as president and CEO of Wells Engineers Inc and currently as sole proprietor of The Wells Resource. She has a B.S and M.S. in Civil Engineering and a PhD in Industrial Engineering and Management Systems from the University of Nebraska. She and her family live in Omaha, NE. .

Book preview

Copyright © 2005 by Paula Wells.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including

photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval

system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

26896

Contents

INTRODUCTION

Lesson No. 1: Practice does not make perfect!

Lesson No. 2a: Housework is like stringing beads on a cord that has no knot at the end! (Courtesy of JWS)

Lesson No. 2b: Socks were never intended to mate for life!

Lesson No. 3: Build them (traditions) and they will come—even the prodigals.

Lesson No. 4: Christmas letters only tell what people want you to know!

Lesson No. 5: You can give your children your love but you cannot give them your dreams!

Lesson No. 6: It’s not over until it’s over and even then, it’s not over!

Lesson No. 7: Not everything is black and white!

Lesson No. 8: Keep the stars in your eyes!

Lesson No. 9. Better Homes and Gardens is a read-only document!

Lesson No. 10: Marriage and parenting without prayer won’t stand the storms!

Lesson No. 11: But the greatest of these is love!

INTRODUCTION

The fabric of our family has been woven without a particular design in mind. The pattern and texture was developed as it was being created, year by year, and and experience by experience. The resuIt has been a truly unique and ever evolving design.

When Jim and I married almost 50 years ago, we embarked on an adventure totally unplanned. I don’t even recall that we discussed the number of children we hoped to have, only that we both loved children and agreed that we wanted a family. If anyone had told us we would eventually be the parents of nine sons and nine daughters, we would have done what any rational couple would do—laugh long and hard and say no way! We were both college graduates, career oriented, and focused on being successful in our chosen profession of engineering. A family was definitely in the big picture—just how big we didn’t foresee.

When my husband finished graduate school, and our focus on family rose to the top, it never occurred to me that when I wanted to become pregnant, it might not happen. Little girls don’t consider that fact as they grow up and think about becoming mothers. Later, their concern is more apt to be about not getting pregnant, even when married.

At first, this was not an issue. I was blessed with three pregnancies at just the right time that produced three beautiful babies who have grown up to be beautiful adults. Our careers were also thriving and we were definitely on a roll. But in 1963, inexplicably our biological parenting stopped despite all our desires and efforts to create more children. For a year or two, facing this reality brought us up short. But eventually, we decided that since being parents was what we loved to do, we would turn to the alternative way of building a family—adoption.

So, beginning in May 1968 and concluding in September 2003, we continued to do what we like to do best by adding to our family through adoption—one by one welcoming a new little life into our family, pouring our love into that child, sharing our values, surrounding each child with prayer, and enjoying being young parents again. Along the way, we have continued to cherish our marriage, now at almost 50 years and still counting. We both have continued to be fully active in our fields of engineering, and I have acquired a master’s degree and a PhD in engineering.

So what have I learned over these 49+ years of marriage, 48 years of engineering and 46 years of parenting 18 children? Marriage has been a wonderful adventure, far more wonderful than either of us ever imagined. And I’ve learned a lot more about parenting than about engineering—more than I could possibly share. And since there is still a wonderful husband in my life and still 6 children at home, ages 3 to 17, I am still learning. But here is a representative sample of what knowledge I’ve acquired to date:

Lesson No. 1: Practice does not make perfect!

I have noticed that parents with only one or two children, as each new stage is encountered, bemoan the fact that parenting is the one major profession that does not have prerequisite experience. This is true, but I personally have found that experience doesn’t guarantee an easier journey!

Parenting skills have a lot in common with computer software—with each new