Decision

By Eniko Uzonyi

Madison Moore has some decisions to make.

Shes just finished her secondary studies, and it seems like everyone else knows what she should do with her life. Before she can make up her mind about her future, she plans to take the next year off, so she can catch her breath, have some fun, and explore her options. Soon she finds herself caught between the boredom of home and the thrill of partying, thinking shes close to a decision. But when she meets the enigmatic Christopher Wright, everything changes. On the surface, he appears to be harmless enough, just a fresh face in the crowd. Even though shes too blinded by fascination to understand why, her friends do their best to keep her away from him--in vain.

Madison--a remarkably sensitive girl--is caught up in the spell of Christopher, a seemingly indefinable man. As they are grow closer, everything around Madison begins to change form. These alterations are not simply due to the pink cloud of love descending over her eyes. Are her friends right?

Is there more to Christopher than meets the eye?

Everything is moving so quickly, even Madison begins to see that he is different from other men. No one can predict how shell react when she learns the truth, that he is a link to another realm.

When--in a moment of crisis--a strange black mark appears on her arm, now all bets are off.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Apr 8, 2015
• ISBN: 9781480816633

Eniko Uzonyi

Enikő Uzonyi, a painter, drew inspiration from her life, feelings, and thoughts when she created Madison, her protagonist in Decision. Originally from Debrecen, Hungary, she now lives in Budapest, a place that is quite different from her hometown in many ways.

Book preview

Chapter 1

My name is Madison Moore. I’m eighteen. I live in Whitefish city, Montana.

For me, this is a beautiful city. Full of memories. Good and bad ones. Unfortunately, as most of the smaller cities, it’s going to disappear before long. Bigger cities always incorporate small ones.

But this place has an enchanting power. Anyone travelling here can see what others may never see. Like when you enter a room then leave it after a while. Some won’t even know where they were, but others might find interest in the color of the wall, the smell of furniture and the strange creak of the floor. This city is just like that. People who have been here once always remember something. They will remember it forever.

Looking at the huge trees, the forests standing tall on the mountains gives me the creeps. I always desired to go into the dense pine-land alone, and alone only. But there’s always something pulling me back, not fear, but a simple feeling, a hunch not to go in. For there awaits something, or someone, who is different from me.

Beyond the mountains is my favorite place, the lake. It’s not so far from the city and everyone who can, comes here for relaxation. The water is incredibly transparent; you can see the fish and plants living down there. If I bend close to the surface, I can see myself crystal clear in it. Each time when I do this, I expect something to happen. Something that changes everything, taking away all the bad things and leaving behind only what is good. Sometimes I expect to feel what I do on Christmas mornings – that this day is different from the rest and anything is possible.

This place is dazzling.

We tend to come here with my friends, because it never gets boring. We always make up for an occasion and simply have fun. We enjoy everything we can.

Our population is not so high, compared to a global city it is rather small. But big enough to avoid the annoyance of stupid people. There wouldn’t be smart people without them though.

It is one week sharp since my twelfth grade exams. At last I’m done with the long years of studying. I could say that I’m relieved, no more exams and compulsory classes beside many other things. From this aspect, it is true, I mean, it’s over, but it’s never completely over no matter what we are talking about. I agree with my grandfather saying that people never stop learning until they die. There will be new things we can use for our benefit. Even though 63, he keeps saying that he’s still learning. He is absolutely right, there is always something new to learn. But it matters whether you study geometry, radicals or atomic physics, or useful things that interest you. I believe that there are a lot of things important to others, but indifferent to me. What is interesting depends on the individual. And what’s important for me? That’s a very good question.

I’m not the type to be always in the center. But I’m unspeakably glad that in these years I made a bunch of new friends – even too much, maybe. And I really feel that they are true friends, with whom I can share everything and I can count on them no matter what. I like to be with them, thus not being at home for the time being at least.

I’m always filled with a kind of joy upon meeting the parents of any of my friends, because it’s like in the films in which everyone keeps smiling and behaves kindly to one another. They can settle things without raising their voices. I don’t care if this superb image is just a make-believe because anger and maleficence lie everywhere. As long as I see families like this, I believe that it exists, and once I can have one, too. A happy family.

My family is so strange. I would use a better word to describe, but there’s none. For example when I say flower, everyone knows what a flower is. Everyone would imagine it, no matter in what exact shape and color, but a flower. They have hundreds and hundreds of types. A vast score. But my family would be hard to describe, it is different for everyone, and so it is for me, different.

Yesterday I went home late all alone. The others always offer me a lift or their company, but somehow I always refuse. They’re afraid that something bad, something tragic will happen to me. In turn I love walking home alone, because I want something to happen. Not something bad of course. Nay.

It was raining heavily on my way home and we had a strong wind as well. But I love rain and its scent, and getting wet doesn’t bother me. When I reached the black iron bar fence, it came to my mind that I no longer live here. Only father and his new girlfriend Lizz live here. I felt dumb for getting to the place. Talking about home I still think of this place, although it has been more than half a year.

Thus I went on, striding in the rain to the place where I currently live with mother. Our house is on the edge of the forest, not very far from anything because there are no great distances here, but I’m still glad we don’t live right in the city center. I think this is one of the most beautiful houses I’ve ever seen.

The two of us live together in this huge house. Mother works for an estate-agency, so getting this house for a fair price was easy.

I love being in the backyard, because I feel half in the forest. I sit there often, pondering and staring into the distance through the thick woods. I don’t tell anyone or they would think me insane.

I often feel that someone is there, or something is there looking at me, just as I am looking at it. But I never share these ideas of mine with anyone, because they wouldn’t understand me, and label me strange.

This house is quite old, probably more than 100 years. Everything in it is the original; the previous lodgers left them. We don’t know anything about them; the agency took the house over after some complications. And thus we could get it easily. Just like in the case of the city, I have many memories attached to this house. And fortunately I have had only good ones so far. Everything I look upon triggers a happy feeling inside me, like looking at dogs makes me smile – that’s how it feels living here. Perhaps I love animals so much for their innocence; they just live and love and do not worry about anything. They only ask to be loved.

There’s a big swing-bed in the garden, which always squeaks and tingles when the wind blows stronger. Everything that is old appears to speak.

Officially, my parents divorced three years ago. But we moved apart only six months ago, me staying with mom, and father with his girlfriend in our old house. It was not a difficult choice who I want to live with; I stay with mother, no contest.

Everything changed since we moved apart, but there are things that never will. It’s hard to explain as many other things. But what makes me unspeakably glad is that I’m feeling good here. In fact, no negative feeling came to me here in the last six months. The main reason for this, among other things, is that there’s no argument, no tension, not any kind of terror or pressure. Yeah, sometimes we argue with mother, but that’s not the same as those back then when father lived with us.

Practically, mother’s never at home, and when she is, we don’t speak about important topics, I mean, private things, only about general, everyday things. She doesn’t know the first thing about me, for long she was not interested at all, or at least I felt so, but hopefully this will change as time passes by.

In contrast, I know a lot about her. I would like her to know more about me too, but to succeed in this I must try to forgive her day by day that when I needed her the most she was not beside me; of course I know she had her own problems, but it would have been important to me. So everything else connected to me or my ideas I share with my friends, and I feel that they can truly understand me.

And yes, they do know who I am. Of course I don’t always believe them saying so.

Nathan, he is my best friend, if such a thing exists, but as long as I don’t have to be disappointed, I believe in it. But he is different. He is the closest to me in the world. He keeps saying that he knows me and knows who I am. This always makes me laugh, for how could he know it? He only knows a part of me shown to him, but I’m much more than that. It’s like reading one page from a book. Who knows what’s written on the others?

I believe that you never really learn who you are, and what you’re able to do. Especially if you haven’t tried out lots of things, haven’t experienced enough. Haven’t lived, in truth.

Nathan has three brothers, I have none. Perhaps this makes him think that he knows me, because it is much easier to know a sibling – you grow up together, see each other every day, together through foul and fair. Nathan is like a brother to me, we have known each other for very long, and doing everything together since childhood. Good and crazy stuff alike. I could always turn to him for help, and vice-versa. Yet I don’t feel that I’ve shown myself fully even to him, and I have never had the chance to do so with anyone, to show my absolute limits, who I am and what I’m able to do.

But I’ll terribly miss him. Since from September onwards he is going to a university in Buffalo city, which is quite far away. And I’m terribly afraid that seeing each other so rarely (for he surely can’t come home often, which I understand) might lead to a change in our relationship. After all, a new and certainly exciting life awaits him.

___________________________

LAST WEEK I VISITED FATHER; I can never eat a thing on those days. My stomach shrinks to the size of a plum stone. But it had to be done, because I promised him a visit a long time ago. And I also had to go because of some papers he owned mother, but it might have been a pretext. He still claims that he loves me. Quite incredible, considering how he had treated me for years…

We don’t really keep in touch since moving apart. Even before, we didn’t talk about anything, but now we can’t meet either. It takes around forty minutes to get to his house by feet, but I like walking and thus I calm down by the time I get there. My head becomes clearer thinking about other things, things that make me happier.

Sometimes I ask Nathan to accompany me, and he’s always glad to come because he knows that I don’t like meeting father alone. But this time I preferred going alone. – It’s going to be alright, it’s going to be alright. – I kept saying myself.

Dad’s currently unemployed, he used to administer a shop shared with my grandparents, but he quit when he met his new girlfriend Lizz Wade. Thus my grandfather and grandmother are left with the business. I don’t think it’s fair, they probably can’t take it for long, they are too old for that.

Lizz is coming from a rather wealthy family and wanted father to be with her almost all the time, so she convinced him to quit the job because it takes a considerable amount of time travelling to grandma’s 500km away. So now he is looking for a job which does not require a lot of travelling. But in my opinion he is utterly satisfied with the current situation; he is not working and still has money from Lizz.

When we were living together, father used to say that he had achieved his goal by owning a nice house and a beautiful flower-garden… At times like that I start wondering about my and mother’s role in his life.

He has been together with Lizz for two full years. I have nothing against her, we don’t really meet a lot, but there’s no grudge between us. She is always kind to me and vice-versa. I accept the set-up and that’s it, though it never ceases to amaze me how she can love father and live with him. Well, it’s her own business. It might be that when he is with Lizz, father becomes well-mannered, or at least that’s what we see with mother every time we are invited to a big family event where everyone has to turn up, and on these occasions he is somehow really different. And I might imagine the man in him my mother fell in love with. Thinking more about it, I’d say that father is quite popular, he has lots of friend, but he always shows a different face to them, never revealing what kind of man he really is. To be honest the same goes for everyone else.

Only mother and I knew the truth about father. Even my grandparents buried their heads in the sand when we told them his doings. Deep inside they probably knew the truth, but didn’t want to become aware of it.

I know that even father has some good qualities, but I just don’t forget so easily. I noted everything, but it grieves me that mostly bad memories are left of him. I know there were good ones, but I can’t remember those. Somehow they got erased from my memory.

Our last conversation went along the typical How are you? Fine… Me too… line followed by a big silence, and that’s why it is so good to have someone with me, because at least I have an excuse for leaving early. Staying together might end up in a row, which I wouldn’t like the least, so exchanging a few casual lines only is all for the best.

I never knew the use of all the rows and arguments. I find it utterly superfluous; only hatred and odium comes out of it.

Eventually, their divorce with mom was simple. Ever since mother was pregnant with me, he kept cheating on her, and she endured it for a long time. They were trying to keep these secreted from me, but I was a child and no idiot, so I knew everything.

I heard them at it countless times. I didn’t even have to eavesdrop, for they yelled so loud I could clearly understand every word. And of course I heard things from other people as well, which is quite odd, to know they were occupied with us…

Later on I often saw father with other women, mostly on the streets, in the cinema or in the theatre; he didn’t trouble himself in public spaces. But father thought that not talking about it will make it null. Nice lil’ theory. Honestly, I have no idea whether he wanted to deceive us or himself. But the twelfth grade exams changed everything. Now all the bad things are over, and I can think about only this, that now new and good things will happen to me.

___________________________

AFTER MY EXAMS, WE DINED out and it was quite an interesting one. Since we moved, this was one of those events where the whole family gathered. Or at least those people who really belong to the family. Or who think so. After the ceremony we went to a restaurant just like almost everyone. We rarely go to restaurants and I still don’t know why, but it doesn’t really matter anymore.

We went to my favorite restaurant, which was at the shore of the lake. Only good memories tied me to this place, so I hoped that this event will be great, too. The restaurant was on the landing-stage, directly at the shore, and so was our table. I thought that if anything bad happens, any ill-willed comment or remark, I can just turn my head away and watch the flowing rims on the surface of the lake as light glimmers on it. I sat on the farthest side of the table because of this, though they disapproved, saying why I don’t sit in the centre, for it is me who we are celebrating. But we hadn’t had to wait too much before mother sat down to the centre quickly, thus allowing me to stay at the side.

What I was very glad for, was my grandparents’ coming. The parents of father. I’ve always been in a good relationship with them, without any grudge ever, but I think they didn’t know much about me either, only roughly. The facts.

Mother’s parents died a long time ago, unfortunately, I didn’t know them. I was very young when we met, but I don’t remember them which I feel sorry for. Both of them died in cancer. What I know about them is that they lived in California and mother says they were happy. Never argued, they were calm people. It is good to remember them like this even if it’s not entirely true. Some old photos had been left behind by them, so at least I could see how they looked. I think they were a very nice couple.

So father’s parents came because of me. Grandpa was a bit, no, not a bit, but quite a lot from the seclusive type. He shares some features with father, but he has never raised his voice in an argument, I have never heard him yell or shout. Grandma was always kind and nice with me, but not with mother or Lizz. For some reason she didn’t like them as much. It was not very conspicuous, but everyone knew. But neither mother insisted on keeping a good relationship, so naturally they never sit next to each other. Lizz, on the other hand, was always trying, just like now. She was always incredibly kind with grandma, hoping to get closer. Although if she puts on dresses like this, it won’t help to make a good impression, because grandma has always been conservative in terms of clothes, and despised those women who put everything they have on show. And Lizz always shows too much flesh, just like now.

But I really appreciate that they travelled here all the way for me. They believe that time is a thing of which you can never have enough. They never have time for anything. Always in a hurry and with no time to spare they run through everything in a hurry, hurrying all the time. They live like this. But maybe because of this city, when they arrived here something changed in them and their time stopped and they don’t want to rush away. Most of the time, they feel this way here. But now with the shop left fully on them, you can see that they are loaded with work. I felt sorry for them.

Father arrived with some of his regular and inevitable delay, and became seated with Lizz next to me. Father looked especially well and youthful now. He has no grey threads at all, and the suit and all just fit together perfectly. Of course this is due to Lizz; she keeps father in form and looking at him you could really tell that he’s feeling well.

Mother came alone. She was wearing a snow-white dress and her hazel-nut colored hair loose. In spite of being 43 she looks quite well, too. Since the divorce she had a few boyfriends, but all these relationships ended soon, for they all resembled father in some ways, I mean, their personalities did. I can understand that we are always looking for the same person, in part at least. Always. That’s how mother is trying to fill the void, but I think she needs to overstep some obstacles to have a lasting partner again. Crossing any kind of obstacle is quite an interesting process.

In my opinion, two kinds of hindrances exist in one’s life. First those which are set-up by others, easier to cross, reminding me of little ponds, and second those which we create for ourselves. These are the most difficult to overstep. We isolate ourselves, cover the walls with barbed wire and these obstacles are like attempting to swim through an ocean. Extremely difficult, but nothing is impossible. As they say Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible.’ I like clichés and I don’t think we care enough about their meanings, but they are so true.

Exceptionally no argument infected this dinner. Everyone was disciplined as much as possible. All of this for me, and partly because we weren’t at home to let ourselves go.

I only felt it a few times, after some rare comments that I would most happily jump into the lake and swim to the other shore.

I knew this topic would come up. One of my favorites in the world.

- What are you going to do now after graduation? - asked Lizz kindly. And since everyone was deeply interested in the answer to this question, they stared at me as if I was right before giving an important speech.

- I don’t really know… - As I don’t like answering this, I felt rather embarrassed.

- But you surely have something in mind? - interrupted father, as if interested.

- Not yet. - I shrugged.

- Then you won’t continue studying? I don’t even know if you applied to university. - Lizz kept on asking.

- I have not applied anywhere. I thought that this summer or this year will help me decide what I’d like to do and depending on the situation I might apply to a university then.

- And what will you do until then? You know, I’d be glad to help you; I have many connections in more than one field. You can always turn to me, I mean, us. - and she grabbed father’s hand meanwhile.

- You’re truly kind, but I really don’t know yet. - I saw on mother’s face that she is about to burst with rage because of Lizz being so kind with me, offering even her connections. Mother doesn’t hate her, she’s only frustrated not being able to help me in this matter, and she has nothing against Lizz indeed, but they won’t be best friends any time soon.

- So you really didn’t apply anywhere eventually? - asked grandma.

- No, I didn’t.

- But I heard you had good marks, you’re not a bad student, are you, my child? - asked grandpa.

- Nah, usually B, so not A… But that’s not the issue. I simply didn’t want to go to a university I might not even like. And the same goes for workplaces in the future. - By now I’ve had enough. But I saw they had no answer to this. Everyone had a definite opinion about me. Some agreed and some took me for an idiot. But I was sure about my mom’s agreement and she did me a favor changing the topic.

After all, she ended up exactly how I don’t want to. Back then when she had to make a choice where to turn her hands, she didn’t like what she chose. Then she went with the flow and couldn’t turn back. Couldn’t