How I Rediscovered the Life I Never Had: A Poetic Journey Through Divorce and Back

By Trell Waindah

This is my true life story of surviving divorce and finding my real self. This is a book about new life; after twenty plus years of marriage, life as I knew it had ended. I share my pain, anger, grief, and the loss I felt and how over time as I crawled out of the abyss I had fallen into I was able to turn my life around discovering true joy, happiness, peace, and love. This presentation is a little different than what you may have seen before; as I use poetry and humor as well as narrative to tell my story. Youll see the coping tools Ive learned and put to use. I hope through telling my story you can see the humor and absurdity to some of the situations Ive been through and maybe my perspective will help you as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 26, 2010
• ISBN: 9781462831357

Trell Waindah

Trell Waindah, an anagram of the author’s real name, originated as a nameless entity in 2006 created by the author after a particular personal series of writings, thoughts, and musings realized the need for some anonymity. Writing is a passion that has given him great joy, opened the doors to many opportunities and given him the ability to share his thoughts, experiences, and ideas with others. Formerly his background had consisted only of technical achievements, for the second half of his life he is pursuing a variety of artistic endeavors and a more personal contact with people. The author is a life long resident of New England, currently residing in southeastern Massachusetts with the love of his life.

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Copyright © 2010 by Trell Waindah.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009914084

ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4415-8986-6

eBook 9781462831357

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book is an accounting based on the author’s own feelings, perception and interpretation of events during the time of his divorce, time of healing, and subsequent rediscovery of his own life and purpose. To protect the anonymity and feelings of others involved the author writes under a pseudonym. No proper names have been used in the telling of his story.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

68468

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

"Life is what happens while you’re making other plans."—John Lennon

"Understanding is a three-edged sword.—A conversation between Captain John Sheridan and Ambassador Koch, from Babylon 5, Season 3 Point of No Return, Episode 59—Interludes and Examinations" written by Michael J. Straczynski, aired May 6, 1996

"In the ways of the world, reality is meaningless compared against the power and persistence of perception."—Trell Waindah 2006

Dedication

This book is dedicated to the woman I love. It was not long after we met that I knew she was the one I was always meant to be with. That magical moment you hear about, When it’s right you’ll just know it. Honey, if I were to die tomorrow the time that we’ve had together would’ve been worth the whole trip.

Acknowledgements

To the many friends that have shared their pain, their sorrow, their story and firsthand experiences, their hope and rediscovery of a new life for themselves, and of course gave me advice to help me get through this time of transition. You helped me become whole again, this book is for you too.

Good Friends

Friends are the ones

We hold most dear

We can bear our souls

Without any fear

When things get tough

And it’s hard to breathe

They hold us close

And won’t let us leave

They’re always there

To hold our hand

Till we gather our strength

And we’re ready to stand

Yes, good friends

Are hard to find

But they’re with us

No matter the bind

And finally to my ex without whom the first hand experience necessary to write this book about divorce would have been impossible. I wish you happiness and peace in the years to come . . .

Disclaimer

Warning to the reader, in a few of my poems, I do occasionally use controversial language or swearing. Sometimes it is required for the credibility of the idea being expressed, a situation which might otherwise seem plastic and less real. Sometimes I use it to express anger or other emotion which might otherwise not feel as extreme to the reader.

I at all times try to avoid using language in what may seem vulgar ways. It all comes down to the sensitivity of the reader as to what they might find offensive. In the few cases where it has been included I hope that I relay the emotion of what I was feeling at the time without offending the reader.

Foreword

This book is my recounting of the events of my divorce and the rediscovery of myself. Subsequently, the view revealed is only my perception and interpretation of the facts as I see them. I have no degree in psychology, my training is all technical, real world applied science.

This is my story of how I helped myself find meaning for my life again after my marriage fell apart. I have put it in book form for you the reader using humor and poetry; it is a poetic journey through divorce and back to happiness. It is not an attempt to make fun of divorce or the pain that one feels when life as we know it suddenly comes to an end; believe me I have felt the pain and it is quite real.

I don’t make judgments or tell you what you must do to get your life back on track; you must discover that for yourself. It’s not intended as a self-help book; rather I simply share what worked for me and suggest that there might be ideas presented here which could help you on your path of rediscovery.

I have tried to tell my story in such a way that both men and women can read it and get something out of it. Men may be from Mars and women from Venus but we have much more in common than most folks realize, especially when it comes to how we feel about the things that happen to us. There are however some parts of my story and some of my poems where the gender is important to what I have to say, I think you will understand when you come to these points. In any case I hope sharing my experiences will help you to rediscover yourself as well.

All poetry in this book is original and under copyright protection.

Preface

Why I Wrote This Book

Why does anyone write a book? To entertain, to record history, to teach, certainly all these things are valid and I hope that my story does at least some of these things. But the reason I wrote this account of what happened in my life was to help me work things out, to help me find myself again. Many therapists will vouch for the power of journaling to help you get perspective on the issues you need to work thru and it certainly did help me. But at some point writing became much more than that, it became a passion, I was writing down my thoughts about everything. In addition to my journal entries I began to write little ideas, then stories, then poetry, soon I was writing everything I could think of.

I simply have to write.

Recently, I realized that this accounting might help others to reclaim their lives and so I have collected and organized those thoughts and feelings here. If I touch just one other person, help them through the difficult process of letting go and moving on then it was worth the effort of putting this into print.

There are points in this retelling where you will detect my anger over what was happening in my life. Most of this was in the past; as I learned how to move on, I discovered ways to deal with anger, how to release it and put it aside. Situations still come up which I must deal with but they generally are dealt with very quickly, often becoming a poem that I can share with others, and the negativity is put down, expressed and does not linger. Carrying these feelings of anger can only hold you down from being your best.

Laughter is a very powerful healing emotion and can go a long way towards putting the relevance of things in perspective. I try to laugh every day and much of my poetry here has at least a humorous edge to it, at least from my eyes. Dealing with life’s challenges in this way has helped me to share my thoughts with others and help them along the road to rediscovering that they have much to offer; that they deserve to love and be loved.

Very Important Fact:

YOU are NOT a failure! The simple fact that you picked up this accounting means you are looking for something. Whether it is answers, another viewpoint or confirmation that you are not alone in what you are feeling; from my perspective that means you are open to try new things, you are actively seeking your way. That is what it takes to be a WINNER! You are ready to rediscover your life . . .

By the way, your feelings are exactly that, your feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you it is wrong or inappropriate for you to feel a particular way about something. Only you know what you feel down deep.

Before I get started with my story let me say that everything in this book is true. Yes, I changed the names (actually I don’t really use names) and some details were left out to provide anonymity and protect those that I care about (yes, this does include my ex). I also tried to write much of the poetry here such that the reader could easily step into those shoes regardless of their gender. I do not believe these minor changes will affect what I am trying to share.

The chapters in this book while written to show the various stages and contain the poetry that reflects those feelings are in sequence, it’s important to realize that in real life the whole process is cyclical in nature and the various stages will be gone through more than once, possibly many, many times before you reach resolution. What works, is what works for you.

I think my story is unique, some folks have said it is bizarre; certainly it is not typical. I could not have gotten through it as I did without a strong sense of faith, my humor, some very dear friends, the arts, and writing.

Stranger Than Fiction

They say that truth is stranger than fiction

I believe I can attest

My story is so bizarre and strange

I will put it to the test

Everything that you read is true

To be honest I’ve done my best

When you finish reading it

I’ll bet this statement may rest

Incidentally, Trell Waindah is not my real name but rather a pseudonym. You might wonder why I would choose to write under a pseudonym instead of using my real name. I have many reasons, but basically I do it in order to protect my own privacy in addition to those I care about and it allows me to explore artistic areas which might otherwise be difficult to do in my life situation.

There are elements you will probably recognize as part of your own experience or perhaps someone you know. I have talked with many people who have been through the loss of a failed relationship in the course of working things thru and I have been amazed at how much we all really have in common in the divorce experience. It is important for you to see that you are by