The Star Trek Top Ten Book: With Borg Math Made Easy

By Brian C. Baker

TOP TEN REASONS TO BUY THIS BOOK



10. It gives Tom Paris his just desserts.

9. Chicks dig a Star Trek geek who can recite this book from memory.

8. It's required reading at the [Starfleet] Academy.

7. What it lacks in Star Wars and South Park references, it makes up for in references to Jeopardy and Jerry Springer.

6. Like a collector's plate, this book is bound to go up in value for unknown reasons.

5. Buying this book would be better than buying it as a book on CD read by Ben Stein.

4. Four out of five Vulcans agree it's the logical thing to do.

3. Just to validate what the critics say about us. That we have way too much time on our hands.

2. Wouldn't this copy look finer when autographed by Jeri Ryan?

1. There may not be another one of these written.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Feb 9, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456861643

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Brian C. Baker.

Library of Congress Control Number:       2011901533

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4568-6163-6

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4568-6162-9

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4568-6164-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as unsold and destroyed to the publisher and neither the author nor the publisher has received payment for this stripped book.

Star Trek, and all of its television and movie incarnations, are trademarks of Paramount Pictures. This book is not sponsored, approved, or authorized by Paramount Pictures.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

93746

Contents

Introduction

TOP TEN… .

1. Top Ten Signs You’re Watching A Very Cheaply Produced Episode Of Star Trek

2. Top Ten Least Popular Reruns Coming This Fall On The All-Klingon Channel

3. Top Ten Least Popular Star Trek Songs

4. The Voyager Doctor’s Top Ten Pickup Lines

5. Top Ten Signs Chakotay Is Nuts About Janeway

6. Top Ten Least Popular Jeopardy Categories In Star Trek

7. Top Ten Titles Rejected By Star Trek: Voyager For The Episode About Merging Two Crew Members Together By The Transporter (Pre-Seven Of Nine)

8. Top Ten Rejected Star Trek Toys

9. Top Ten Least Popular Fast-Food Joints

10. Top Ten New Star Trek Spinoffs

11. Chief O’brien’s Top Ten Pet Peeves

12. Top Ten Signs Rick Berman Is Nuts

13. Worf’s Top Ten Pet Peeves

14. Top Ten Ways O.J. Simpson Would Fit In A Star Trek Universe

15. Top Ten Things Tom Paris Does To Irritate Chakotay

16. Top Ten Things Overheard In Odo’s Security Office

17. Top Ten Painful Things Worf Does For Fun

18. Top Ten Rejected Q Titles

19. Top Ten Things Overheard Aboard Sulu’s Excelsior

20. Top Ten Troubles With Troi

21. Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Top Ten Bloopers

22. Top Ten Headlines In The Federation

23. Lieutenant Commander Tuvok’s Top Ten Least Favorite Nicknames

24. Top Ten Klingon Children’s Classic Videos Adapted From Earth Videos

25. Top Ten Rejected Recurring Star Trek Characters

26. Top Ten Other Frivolous Reasons The Original Series Crew Travels Back In Time To 20Th Century Earth

27. Top Ten Surprises In Voyager’s Third Season Finale Episode Scorpion

28. The Voyager Doctor’s Top Ten Pet Peeves

29. Top Ten Things Tuvok Does To Loosen Up

30. Top Ten Holo-Novels Written By Tuvok And Tom Paris

31. Top Ten Fears Of The Fear Clown From The Voyager Episode The Thaw

32. Top Ten Things Overheard On A Borg Ship

33. Top Ten Things That Will Get You Kicked Off A Klingon Ship

34. Top Ten Signs That Alexander Roshenko Is Growing Up To Be A Pitiful Man

35. Counselor Deanna Troi’s Top Ten Pet Peeves

36. Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Klingon

37. Top Ten Real Reasons Why Leeta Married Rom

38. Top Ten Ways To Make Data Angry

39. Robin Lefler’s Top Ten Other Laws

40. Top Ten Signs You’re Watching Too Much Star Trek

41. Top Ten Other Talents Of Elim Garak

42. Top Ten Lesser Known Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

43. Wesley Crusher’s Top Ten To Do List

44. Top Ten Exclamations (Besides Red Alert, Shields Up, And What The Hell) Of William T. Riker

45. Top Ten Signs Of Friction In The O’briens Marriage

46. Top Ten Things You May Overhear If Beavis & Butt-Head Lived On Qo’nos

47. Top Ten Ways Security Could Be Better On Deep Space Nine

48. Top Ten Reasons Klingons Shouldn’t Get Involved With Feddies And Vice Versa

49. Top Ten Fun Nicknames For The Jem’hadar

50. Top Ten Rejected Terms For The Occupation Waste Extraction

51. Top Ten Complaints Of Seven Of Nine

52. Top Ten Reasons Chief O’brien Left The Enterprise-D For Deep Space Nine

53. Top Ten Things The Next Generation Crew Did Between The First And Second Films

54. Top Ten Rejected Next Generation Episode Titles

55. Top Ten Romulan Complaints

56. Top Ten Good Things About Wesley Crusher

57. Top Ten Lines You’ll Never Hear On Deep Space Nine

58. Top Ten Ways To Tell You’ve Recruited A Borg Officer

59. Top Ten Other Uses For Self-Replication

60. Top Ten Potential Movie Titles For Deep Space Nine

61. Top Ten Signs The Civil War In The Continuum Is Over

62. Top Ten Signs Of Friction In The Leeta-Rom Marriage

63. Top Ten Fears Of Captain Jean-Luc Picard

64. Top Ten Points-Of-Interest That Have Occurred Since The Reappearance Of Captain Morgan Bateson (Played By Kelsey Grammer, Better Known As Frasier Crane)

65. Top Ten Fears Of Morn (Besides A Speaking Role)

66. Top Ten Good Things About Kes’ Departure (Besides Introducing The Borg Chick)

67. Harry Kim’s Top Ten To Do List

68. Top Ten Previous Occupations Of Morn

69. Top Ten Big-Budgeted Episodes For Deep Space Nine That Never Got Made

70. Top Ten Other Rejected Hosts For The Dax Symbiont

71. Top Ten Things Chief O’brien And Dr. Bashir Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead Doing Together

72. Top Ten Least-Known Half-Brothers Of Spock

73. Top Ten Revelations In The Personal Logs Of Pavel Chekov

74. Top Ten Things Khan Noonien Singh Would Do If He Were Alive In The 24Th Century

75. Top Ten Excuses Of Jem’hadar Soldiers

76. Top Ten Things Overheard At General Martok’s Previous Earth Occupations

77. Top Ten Lessons The Voyager Crew Learned From The Incident That Was The Year Of Hell

78. Top Ten Revelations In Uhura’s Autobiography

79. Top Ten Signs Neelix Is Becoming A Better Cook

80. Top Ten Pickup Lines On Seven Of Nine

81. Top Ten Rejected Attractions At Star Trek: The Experience In Las Vegas

82. Top Ten Signs You’re At A Really, Really Bad Star Trek Convention

83. Tom Paris’ Top Ten To Do List

84. Top Ten Reasons Yeoman Janice Rand Left The Enterprise

85. Top Ten Amazing Facts About The Crystalline Entity

86. Top Ten Signs Gul Dukat’s Mental Health Is Improving

87. Top Ten Lesser-Known Bajoran Orbs Of The Celestial Temple

88. Top Ten Categories On Maquis Jeopardy!

89. Top Ten Fun Phaser Settings

90. Top Ten Generic Episode Titles For Any Star Trek Series

91. Top Ten Potential Titles Of New Star Trek Films With The Classic Cast

92. Top Ten Lines You’ll Never Hear On Star Trek: Voyager

93. James T. Kirk’s Top Ten To Do List In Heaven

94. Top Ten Strange Occurrences In The Star Trek Universe

95. Top Ten Rejected Star Trek Soft Drinks

96. Top Ten Signs Odo Is Loosening Up

97. Top Ten Other Things That Are Futile

98. Top Ten Signs Your New Klingon Recruit Is Really A Human

99. Top Ten Bolian Complaints

100. Top Ten Things About The 20Th Century Tom Paris Knows Nothing About (Especially 20Th Century America)

101. Top Ten Ways To Improve Star Trek: Insurrection

102. Top Ten Star Trek Euphemisms For Breaking Wind

103. Top Ten Least Popular Occupations In Star Trek

104. Top Ten Ways To Make Star Trek More Exciting

105. Top Ten Least Likely Klingon Recipients Of The Order Of The Bat’leth

106. Top Ten Signs The Vic Fontaine Hologram Is Going Nuts

107. Top Ten Ways To Make Star Trek: Voyager More Exciting

108. Top Ten Signs Of A Disgruntled Jem’hadar Soldier

109. Top Ten Web Addresses Of Your Favorite Trek Characters

110. Top Ten Ways Life Would Be Different If Earth And Its Population Were Holograms

111. Top Ten Highlights In The Star Trek 30-Person Royale Rumble

112. Top Ten Things That Will Get You Killed, Or At The Very Least, Get You Kicked Off A Jem’hadar Ship

113. Top Ten Things Overheard In The Great Link

114. Top Ten Signs You’re Married To A Dumb Klingon

115. Top Ten Least Successful Businesses On Deep Space Nine’s Promenade

116. Top Ten Reasons Why Leeta Is Divorcing Rom

117. Top Ten Categories On Win Ben Stein’s Money

118. Top Ten Signs Your Chief Medical Officer Is Incompetent

119. Top Ten Revelations In Seven Of Nine’s Personal Logs

120. Benjamin Sisko’s Top Ten To Do List From Bajoran Heaven

121. Top Ten Signs Mr. Scott Is Losing Weight

122. Top Ten Surprises In The Deep Space Nine Series Finale What You Leave Behind

123. Top Ten Advantages Of Hiding In A Nebula

124. Top Ten Possible Names For Tom Paris’ New Cologne

125. Top Ten Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much Of Neelix’s Cooking

126. Top Ten Signs You’re At Another Really, Really Bad Convention

127. Top Ten Disadvantages Of Being The Easter Bunny In The 24Th Century

128. Top Ten Rejected Scotty Lines

129. Top Ten Signs The Ship’s Computer Is Nuts

130. Top Ten Disadvantages Of Being A Tall Ferengi

131. Top Ten Rejected Stage Names For Alexander Siddig

132. Top Ten Things Overheard On A Pakled Ship

133. Top Ten Funniest Bloopers Of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

134. Top Ten Amazing Facts About Naomi Wildman

135. Top Ten Rejected Borg Names

136. Top Ten Fears Of 150-Year-Old Admiral Leonard H. Mccoy

137. Top Ten Lesser-Known 20Th Century Passions Of Tom Paris

138. Top Ten Previous Occupations Of Amarie, The Four-Armed Lady From Tng’s Unification Ii

139. Top Ten Lesser-Known Klingon Beverages

140. Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear At Your Starfleet Court Martial

141. Top Ten Rejected Klingon Slogans

142. Top Ten Signs Of Friction In The Marriage Of Tom Paris And B’elanna Torres

143. Top Ten Things That Will Make Seven Of Nine Cry

144. Top Ten Least Successful Items Served At Quark’s Bar And Restaurant At Star Trek: The Experience In Las Vegas,