Who, Who Said the Wise Old Owl: Reflections of a Caregiver

By Rebecca A. Alspaugh

Book Description
Who would have guessed that I would become a caregiver for my in-laws? Who would have guessed that it would have been at one of the busiest times of my life when this happened? Who would have guessed that my father would become critically ill three weeks after my father-in-law died. Who would have guessed that God gave me the needed strength and time to do this?
When my mother-in-law was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor I felt like the bottom fell out of my nice smooth comfortable life. Though my mother-in-law had symptoms of something being wrong health-wise for quite some time the final verdict and definition of what was wrong still hit us hard.
My mother-in-law looked to me as her closest female relative to help her and be there for her. I would not have had it any other way. My husband was patient and good with his mother but there were certain female health issues that needed to be dealt with and I was the one who needed to be there. My father-in-law was frail and even though he was there for her emotionally I needed to be the one who was strong and they could turn to.
My strength did not last long. I lost patience at home, became depressed and most of the other aspects in my life changed in ways I did not want. I felt grumpy and let down by those around me even though there were things that only I could and should have done for my mother-in-law. She thought of me as a precious daughter and I felt compelled to live up to that. By the time my in-laws had passed away and my fathers illness came about I felt like an old pro at this care giving business. I could be of some help to my brother and sister as we went through our fathers illness together. There is something to be said for experience.
This book is about choices, laughter in the arrow of pain and insight about how we can be the WHO, who becomes the one others need and lean on. The following reflections are my random thoughts as I continue to go through the journey as a caregiver.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 7, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453593738

Rebecca A. Alspaugh

Rebecca A. Alspaugh is retired from her local public library. She has taught preschool and music. She continues sharing her music with the elderly. Rebecca is married and has two grown children. She lives in southern Ohio. She has designed a presentation available for caregivers entitled “The Journey”: Caring for the Caregiver. She enjoys sewing, reading, and gardening. She continues to be blessed by God and able to share her knowledge with others caring for the sick and elderly.

Book preview

Respect

It was not hard to show respect to my in-laws, for they had been such loving parents and such wonderful grandparents to our children. There is a time though when you have to step in and perhaps talk back to them for their own good. There is a time when you become the parent and the parents become the child. This is very hard for both sides to accept. To ease the burden, I found that letting the parent help make some of the decisions was helpful to both of us. Giving them options was even better. Even though the options were all valuable choices, it gave them a chance to be part of the decision making.

Each of you must respect his mother and father . . . Leviticus 19:3a

The One Left Alone

After a spouse dies, your loved one can just be devastated. You are already devastated because you lost a loved one too. I found it helped my father after my mother died to be very, very busy. He became involved again in life and visiting people, selling his produce that he grew and melded into a fairly normal life again. My father-in-law was a very emotionally strong man and dealt with his grief about the same way. His health was very fragile so that did limit him in what he could do. He eventually became reclusive and that was unfortunate. The best thing is to love them, visit them, listen to them, and hugs don’t hurt either.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Middle of the Road

Sometimes the regular caregiver will feel like a fifth wheel when other health professionals take over. In the case with my in-laws, my father-in-law, who had been the chief caregiver, felt a little left out when we called in the hospice. All of a sudden there were caregivers all around doing the things he always had done before. My father-in-law felt like a chair pushed in the corner out of the way because others were doing the tasks he had done for so long. His health was fragile, and for us, it was for the best to get extra help. On the other hand, he was so grateful for the help that he would run errands while the hospice caregiver was there and enjoy his time away from the house. So think about the others left behind. Feelings may get hurt. You have to be very careful to make them still feel important. They will still make decisions for their loved one; it’s just that they will have help doing