Sifting the Ashes

By jaelynn cameron

Sifting the Ashes chronicles jaelynns life as an African-American baby boomer facing new challenges that her mother never faced: Corporate America, instant material success, and growing up in an sexually open society.
It is a graphic account of how a southern "good little girl" who was raised in the church with two loving parents struggled with low self- esteem and long bouts of depression. Her attempt to be accepted caused her to be used by several men which fueled her contempt of herself even more.

Jaelynn discusses openly the consequences of multiple partners, the day that she seriously thought of suicide and the breakthrough that is a work in progress four years later. The verbal and physical abuse at the hands of her husband plus a failed relationship after the marriage caused her to mentally break down and seek help to determine why she was not worthy enough to love.

Sifting the Ashes is written in poems, a manuscript that originally started as a therapeutic way for jaelynn to face her life and see, although painful, the power of the experiences in her life. Her sister, after reading the book told her that she needed to pursue publishing the book for others to share this unique story. After several friends read and agreed the importance of her lessons, jaelynn decided to share this journal with others to realize that the light we are looking for from others can always be found within.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 2, 2002
• ISBN: 9781462819911

jaelynn cameron

Jaelynn, or as she is commonly known, Jennifer Cameron, was originally born and raised in Laurel, Mississippi. After receiving her bachelor’s degree in business, Jennifer moved to New Orleans where she has lived since 1983. She started a career in banking, working in various positions, including secretary, customer service representative and working in several middle management positions. She is currently a training consultant responsible for new employees for a major bank in New Orleans. Sifting the Ashes is her first published manuscript. She is featured on the International Library of Poetry’s website and has been nominated as Poet of the Year several times.

Book preview

Copyright © 2002 by jaelynn cameron.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

ORIGIN

DIVA BRAT

PIANO LESSONS

NIGHT OF FIRE

WALKING DOWN THE AISLE

THE SIGHTING

PUPPY LOVE

TERRIBLE TEENS

A REAL BOYFRIEND!

THE BYRD ANGEL

LEAVING THE NEST

CRUSH ON A JOCK

S. UPER E. XCITING

X. HILARATING

ROOMMATES

CONFUSED STUDENT

THE BIG EASY

LOVE JONES

THE SACRIFICE

CRIB TIME

CORPORATE AMERICA

SOME SECRETS BETTER

LEFT UNSAID

TRIBUTE TO MY FRIEND

ACQUISITION IN

THE CAR DEALERSHIP

THE FINESSE LIAR

BRICKS, BILLS, BANKRUPTCY,

OH MY!!!!!

CAREER 3 LOVE LIFE, 0

BUM RADAR ON!!!

ANGEL ON EARTH

HOW IS HE, YOU KNOW??

VANILLA CHOCOLATE

SPOILED ROTTEN

SELF LOVE (THE LACK OF)

YOU HIDE HERE,

YOU GO THERE!!!

THREESOME AIN"T FUN

EVIL IN A DRESS

BANISHMENT OF A BANKER

THE DECISION

SURGERY

RAGING, RUNNING,

RAMPANT SWINGS

RECYCLED GOODS

THE ANNOUNCEMENT

THE WEDDING

CONGRATULATIONS

LUXURY CAB

WHERE IS HAPPY???

THE PAINTED SMILE

MERRY . . . . WHAT’S THAT AGAIN???

RUNNING AWAY

PEEKABOO RING

THE AWAKENING

THE COAT OF ABUSE

PLAYING NURSEMAID

THE RING IS FOUND (YEAH, RIGHT)

HORROR ON HAYNE STREET

BAD TIMING

STARS, STARS AND MORE STARS!!

HUMBLING EXPERIENCES

THE OBJECTIVE BOYS IN BLUE

BEGINNING OF THE END

AIRING THE LAUNDRY

DAZE

BADGER HER SOME MORE, PLEASE!!!!!!

MEANWHILE . . . .

OUT THE FIRE INTO THE VOLCANO!

JUDICIAL JOKE

THE WILL TO SURVIVE

CHEAPER TO KEEP HIM!

PERSONAL LOSS

A LITTLE SUMPIN, SUMPIN

CHRISTMAS ‘95

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!

HOT COURT SEAT

POST DIVORCE BLUES

SATANIC FORCES

TIME TO GET FINE

PACT WITH THE DEVIL

THE NATIONWIDE HOOKUP

GOD TAKES CARE OF FOOLS

AWKWARD MISTAKE

SHOW ME YOURS, FIRST!

THREE STRIKES, YOU’RE OUT!!!

OUT BEFORE YOU’RE IN

YOUNG ADMIRER

DIVINE PACKAGE

ANOTHER BUM?!!!!!

MAYDAY, MAYDAY, RED FLAGS!!!

FELL UNDER THE WAGON

THE RIGHT MOVE

THE VALUE OF SELF ESTEEM

THE TURNAROUND

FINALLY CINCINNATI BOUND

WORK ANXIETY

THE WONDERS OF DRUGS

DEALING WITH MY TWIN

THE BREAKTHROUGH

ME, A HOMEOWNER?

POLITICS OF HOMEOWNING

RESPONSIBILITY FOR ACTIONS

OH SO CLOSE

LORD, DONT FAIL ME NOW!

CONSEQUENCES OF THE PACT

IS THIS ALL YOUR STUFF??

IN MY NEW HOME!!!

Thanks to two people who have believed in my writing talent

all along; they have pushed and encouraged me to achieve

this milestone of publishing my first book!

My oldest sister, Diane, I thank you for being there for me

and giving me the cheerleading sessions when I needed them.

My adopted sis, Shelia Stewart, you’re my girl and

I thank you for being a true blue friend;

thanks for always seeing the best in me and

seeing the glass as half-full.

The old adage you have to burn the wood and sift the ashes to find a good man could apply to the author’s intimate relationships as well as her other life experiences. To understand the depth of one’s inner strength, you often have to be stripped of all pretension, ego, and most of all, pride to face the core of your being, the ashes of your true self. It is then that life experiences are cherished and valued for their lessons. Read jaelynn’s honest and provocative journey in discovering herself and respecting the woman that she is, flaws and all.

ORIGIN

Two people in love

Coming from humble paths,

Knew their union was destined

because they had found their

other half.

They conceived from their

love four children of which one

did not survive,

It was after this child that in the

summer of ‘61 that I made my arrival.

I had no hair and was

puny by my culture’s

measuring stick,

That didn’t stop me from

getting into everything and

receiving my share of licks.

 "

DIVA BRAT"

Memories of my childhood

are few,

A stolen moment, a birthday

and a laugh or two.

I know that I was a spoiled

brat,

that caused my sister and brother

to constantly threaten me behind my

mother’s back.

I was a constant tattletale and

repeated all that was said,

But one thing that I do remember

is the friendship that I had with my

next door neighbors Haile and Brett.

Those two I can say made me the

tomboy I became,

and after they left my neighborhood

things were never the same.

PIANO LESSONS

My sister played the piano, so did

my cousin and achieved,

so this one should do well also

or so my mother believed.

She set out to find someone

who could