The Prayer of My Life:How God Changed Me in Seven Months: How God Changed Me in Seven Months

By Tony Portugal

What makes this book extremely unique is that the story portion, minus the editing process, was actually written in less than one week. The principles, which are at the end of the story, were written during Tonys journey in his initial seven months with God. In Tonys own words he says: I was not raised in church. I have never known God. Truthfully, I have never actually known myself. My familys love and their concerns for my well-being had always fallen on deaf ears. Simply by establishing my life around counterfeit friends, it forced me to live in the darkest reality of my time. What changed? I went to kill a manand instead Jesus interfered. It is quite unbelievable how believable God really is. The Bible would become the first Book I ever read. Did I understand it at first? No. But the Bible is not based on logical thinking, but illogical people. Lord, I refuse to leave Your presence until You bring out of me what You promised was in me. With that same perspective, the Bible contains a power that enables us to go beyond ourselves. Its mind-blowing how within seven months God can flip your world inside out!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 24, 2010
• ISBN: 9781450047388

Book preview

The Prayer of My Life

How God Changed Me

in Seven Months

Tony Portugal

I am deeply committed to reach out to those in need. Whether it be for prayer, biblical information, comments, or well-wishes. I’d love to hear from you! Contact me at: [e-mail]                    God Bless!

Copyright © 2010 by Tony Portugal.

Library of Congress Control Number:        2010902222

ISBN:                Hardcover                          978-1-4500-4737-1

                          Softcover                            978-1-4500-4736-4

                          Ebook                                978-1-4500-4738-8

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Contents

Acknowledgements

Prologue

Part One

How It All Began

Part Two

Discovering Myself within God

Part Three

My First Writings in Prayer with God—The Principles

Conclusion

On My Way Home

This book is dedicated to Delano Peña—I’ve been struggling within my own mind thinking about how we went wrong. It seems like yesterday when we were practicing sports; going through each other’s closets, switching our clothes; making jokes and being the life of the party. We have shared in life experiences, many in which no human being should be a part of. I have traveled down a different avenue, on a road that has brought me life. I know that you think I have abandoned you, but honestly, I have been expressing a quiet strength—a strength that has been solely based on leaving everything behind, just so God could have all of me. I love you, my brother, and I die inside every time I hear that you are in jail, high, or hustling. We have been the eyes behind each other’s heads our whole life, and the greatest way I could look out for you now is by going to God with the hope that you might follow. I know that you believe the streets are the only thing that you have, but believe me when I tell you the streets will always be the source that takes everything from you. Always remember that I love you, and you will always be in my heart and part of my prayers. I am going to God and will continue to go to God, but when the time is right, I will be coming back for you. This book is dedicated to you to show you that it is possible.

Acknowledgements

My inspiration has been solely based on a desire to know God. Throughout this journey there have been many people who have allowed me to find myself truly in Christ, with support, direction, love, time, and commitment. There are going to be so many people whom I will not acknowledge here, but whom I know beyond doubt have wished nothing but the best for me. My sincere apologies for not recognizing you individually, but always know that I am extremely grateful for your prayers and genuine care for my life. While I lie on the hood of my car and stare at the stars in the sky, I am elated and thankful for these specific people God has brought into my life.

Kathy Morales—my mother, on whom God has painted a picture of heaven for me, before I even knew there was one. Mom, thank you so very much for never giving up on me and continuing to feed my dreams with your devotion. I now realize that without your love I never would have come to know life. The stars remind me of your smile, because even in the midst of my dark reality your smile is what has expressed my only light for so long. Mom, it has been your love that has made me invincible to pain. It is your love that has kept me alive to experience life. Thank you.

Jim and Ada Goodwein—Grandma and Grandpa, you have been the key that has unlocked the prison doors that have kept me bound and broken for twenty-three years. I thank you so very much for being my support system and being the tears and voices that have persistently prayed on my behalf. I thank you for being the angels whispering in my ear, the arms of my comfort, and the shelter from my storm. Most importantly, I express my deepest gratitude to you for positioning the name of Jesus in my life. Thank you.

Charlie B. Sandefur—Granddaddy, I hear you. All night long I can hear you. I hear your voice leading me to a place where no man has been. I hear you all day fighting for me, keeping my adversary from crushing me. Granddaddy, I can hear you. While I sit in my room as if I am alone, I know that you are there—you are my study partner. Some days when I don’t feel like reading, I can hear you sliding the Bible across my desk toward me. Granddaddy, I can hear you. Some nights when I am too tired to pray, it is your voice I can hear praying for me. When people claim that I am somebody I am not, I can hear you laughing in my defense—it brings a smile to my face. Whenever I feel like I am alone, Granddaddy, I can hear you. I hope that I am making you proud . . . I know that I am . . . because, Granddaddy, I can hear you.

Chris Kent—My cousin Chris, you are in my heart more than you know. I love you, and I hope you understand that you have changed my life. Without you, I would have never come to know me. I know that at times you may think that you are weak, but that is impossible, because you have made me so strong. Without you I would have never made it through the brokenness to see what God was knitting together in my life. I thank you because I know if it came down to it you would give me your last breath. I cannot wait until you come to the point in your life when you realize that you are more powerful than what the devil is telling you. I am going to be standing on the other side of the bridge waiting for you to cross over, so we can experience heaven together. You can do it. Become what your heart is pleading for you to be. I thank you for being such a major importance in my life, and most all, I love you.

My entire family—I thank each and every one of you for being a great encouragement on my journey. For everyone who has kept me in prayer, know that you have been in mine as well. And it’s so true that it’s when people don’t want to hear what you have to say that God makes what you have to say be heard. I will know when every one of you has found God, because I will see your lives evolving into my prayer requests. Take faith for a ride, because with the right vehicle there is no telling where it may take you. I love you all, and I thank you for keeping me in your prayers.

Chris and Felicia Ganter—Your family has gained my heart. I cannot express in words how grateful I am that you have allowed me to live with you and your family, and for honoring your commitment to me as a friend. You have extended an uncommon generosity, and you have been my guide in a genuine friendship. It has been time that has revealed to me who my true friends really are. Even though we lived in different states for several years, being as close as we are, even miles apart we still managed to stand side by side. Your loyalty has run deeper than I could have ever asked. I owe you more than I could ever possibly give you. Be prepared for what God is about to drop in your life, it is going to change everything, and that is beyond knowing. You are the sort of person who has made my life more fun just by being in your presence. Thank you.

The Birge family—Chuck and Ms. Trina Birge, I am exceedingly grateful for having allowed me to live in your home when I had no place to go. It is difficult for me to find the words that best express my gratitude. You took me in during my times of feeling most empty, my times when nothing seemed comprehensible, and my times of feeling dry simply because I held my own pain aside. During my days of having nothing to eat, no money, and no desire, your family extended to me my greatest blessing in knowing there were actually people who cared for me. My love toward your family is oceans wide. Thank you for accommodating me, not just by making me feel like I was your special guest, but like a person who was part of the family. Thank you for resuscitating the very little hope I had left. I will be forever in your debt.

Monica and Patrick Norman—I cannot express in words how extremely grateful I am for both of you. Thank you for your dedication and commitment and striving past the possibility of the perfect outcome and into perfection. It is priceless to see how amazing God is, seeing firsthand the verification of how incredible and influential the presence of God can be in a single person’s life. All of these countless hours have opened a secret wisdom that I never knew I had bound within me. Monica, thank you so very much for your precious time and being patient with me. Patrick, I especially thank you for your commitment and understanding of how important this entire transformation was for me. My experience in North Carolina has enabled me to take with me that there are some absolutely amazing people in this world. You both have been the confirmation that God does indeed send great people and, most importantly, friends into your life to help you on your journey. Thank you.

The Shue family—Thank you for all those great meals, and welcoming me into your home with generosity; the experience of my first country four-wheeling adventure while stalling out after every turn; and the Fourth of July BBQ, and almost lighting myself on fire with a guerrilla rocket. I have especially enjoyed our great Bible studies and deep discussions on the Word of God. You have truly found an everlasting friend in me. Thank you.

Brandon Warren-Gordon and Abel Frederic Jr.—Thank you both for standing up for me in the midst of persecution. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for watching my back for so many years. Even when we have bumped heads, disagreed with one another, and have said some spiteful things to each other at times, we have always known that our love cuts deeper than those pitiless moments. Thank you both for being the friends who have maintained my hope. We have always said that "when one of us makes it, we all make it. I have gained access to something far more profound than anything this world can offer—God’s love. I have made it! I am standing at the door, waving you both through. I just hope you will continue to follow me to understand exactly what I feel. Abel, I can remember all of those times sitting in your car, dreaming, reminiscing, and hoping that one day we wouldn’t have to live the lives we were living. Brandon, I can remember all of our long trips up north, talking about what we would do if we no longer had to hustle. All of our visions have always been based on providing a way for our mothers to never have to work again. I have found the way," and the only way. I know that our moms are proud of us all, and I am extremely proud of you both. Thank you for being closer than friends.

Pastor Benjamin and Stephanie May—Restoration Tabernacle, Concord, North Carolina.—"Loving the hell out of people." www.Restorationtab.com

Pastor Tom and Mary Ann Peters—Trinity Church International, Lake Worth, Florida.—"20/20 vision—reaching the next generation." www.tci.org

Pastor Dr. David and Yvonne Remedios—Trinity Christian Center, Forest Hill, Louisiana.—The Louisiana Outpouring—"Providing an Environment That Is Conducive to the Growth, Development, and Reproduction of the Body of Believers."

www.tccministries.com

www.louisianaoutpouring.com

Bishop Tony Miller—Destiny World Outreach, International Ministry, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma—"We don’t really determine our destiny; we discover it!" www.destinywo.com

Pastor Dale and Jean Gentry—Fort Worth, Texas—"Let’s Pray America!" www.letsprayamerica.com

Pastor Diane Mann—Fourth Avenue International Worship Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida.—"Bringing Hope to a Hurting World."

Photos, including book cover, taken by Barbara Payne.

www.barbarapaynephoto.com.

Finally, to everyone who said I would be nothing, you were right . . . forgive me for being the wrong person because the person God exposed I didn’t know was in me. Thank you.

Prologue

The excitement of any person’s future can certainly be measured by what the person has overcome from his or her past; even more fascinating is the belief in the power that promises the overcoming of that past.

And the unpredicted reality that it can happen within seven months. Yes, God turned my world inside out within seven months.

I am twenty-four years old, and for twenty-three years I had no cause in life because I didn’t know true life. I had never read a book up until this point, and the Bible would become my first. My terminology was plainly an extraction from the streets, and my conversations were never based on anything intellectual. I say this because what you will read is far from anything I’ve ever known. I was an unintelligent individual and an unwise decision-maker. I ignored every bit of my family’s concern when they tried to spare my life. I put my entire hope in the devil’s destruction without hesitation. I’ve walked down a dark, desolate alley where most will never walk in their entire life.

Do you want to know pain? Do you want to know retribution? Do you want to know about the death sentence of influence that controlled my life? Do you want to know the darkness and rage that took me into a realm of vengeance? Do you want to know about an athlete who at one point was ranked no. 104 in the nation, but destroyed that prospect because of a fight gone wrong at a nightclub? Do you want to know what being involved in over one hundred physical fights in the streets did to me? Do you what to know how the respect of counterfeit friends is established? Do you want to know what it is like to absolutely hate life and hate yourself in the process? I was no longer standing on the edge of defeat and suicide, but I took a nosedive off the highest tower of hopelessness and into a pit of impossible return. I walked directly into a death chamber of complete darkness, witnessing homicide, getting stabbed, and plummeting my way toward self-destruction through the drug movement, robbery, theft, and a mark of death that led me to an awakening of love. I went to kill a man . . . but instead Jesus interfered.

The night I almost killed a man I cried out to Jesus for the very first time in my life, but for two years after that I struggled because I didn’t know what Jesus was doing. I would try and do right, and then fall back into the same drug hole. I would try to get away from the bad influences in my life, and then get involved with them again. Yes, for two years I didn’t realize what Jesus was doing, until He gave me a proposition that would absolutely change my entire life.

I knew I was down to my last lifeline, and if God was real, I would be the one to find out, because I was going to give Him everything I had and truly seek His face. And if I found no truth, then my life didn’t have purpose anyway. I made the decision to give up my life in order to hopefully find where so many people claim life is—in Jesus. Then, something unexpected happened. Jesus brought me out of who I was and made me into who I never thought I could be. The transformation affected me so deeply that I threw over $100,000 in the garbage, because that’s what Jesus told me to do.

There is not a person in this world who can tell me God is not real. There is not a person in this world who can tell me God doesn’t care about you in spite of what you’ve done in your past. There is not a person in this world who can tell me that by giving God everything you have, He cannot change your entire life within seven months.

My story is a testimony to God’s mercy and how He brought me to where I am at this point in my life. One of my main questions for Jesus was, Where were you? As God answered, He showed me that He was always in my life’s interruptions, and He gave me a deeper knowledge of how He moves and develops transformation. Not only did Jesus take me back, but He also brought various angels and people with Godly insight into my life, at divinely appointed times, to encourage and teach me the Good News. The experience of this book was written with fear and with a page by page certainty of God’s grace. The very things that God hates draw us to Him, which ultimately brings us to love Him. I was desperate to follow God’s will and learned that we must also have a determined will, with an elevated capacity to know God and to seek what pleases Him. The confirmation of God Almighty in my life was established with conviction and a daily, crying repentance that led me to the Cross and obedience to God’s Word, which enabled me to find my way Home. I now welcome the high waters. I welcome the oppression. I welcome the burdens. I welcome the pain. I welcome the suffering. I welcome the high walls. I welcome the mountains. I welcome the fire. I will welcome it all . . . if that is what it takes for me to get to You. Nowadays, you can’t convince me that Love doesn’t love me. It is the time you spend alone with God that demonstrates that your life is never without God. Giving God every moment of your existence is not sacrificing your life; it is rightfully using it. Allow God to take you beyond the valley through the brushes of the wilderness just to pitch a tent on the far side of the desert, finding yourself in a prayer that builds an everlasting barrier where life’s opposition trembles at your voice. While proclaiming the revelation in the city of refuge, mysteries begin to manifest while you speak. The calling of God is not an invitation for contentment; it is a preparation that will prepare you for war! As the world comes tumbling down, you will have an option: either to move forward into the wreckage, screaming for others to run while you risk your life to save those lost, or be part of the people who are running away from the wreckage, while others are risking their lives.

This book is based on the evidence in my life that I have encountered God through His infallible Word. My affirmation—the Word of God—is the greatest implication of truth! I am not the author of my existence; I am the biography to the Author’s will. God became my best friend, plainly because I wanted to love everything He loved. Yes, God took me back not to my original condition, but to His original intention. All of this happened simply because I found myself—in the prayer of my life.

The arrangement of what is written is not in chronological order. It is written how God has given it to me, bringing me back to certain instances in my life, encouraging me and then changing me. If it seems like a roller coaster of change, good! You can experience what I went through in my seven months with God.

The bold phrases, quotes, poems, free verse and watchwords are my authentic words and are written as given to me by God. They are original and only separated because of their significance and to give clarity and divine motivation.

Throughout the portion of the book that chronicles my life story, you will notice that specific scriptures are referenced in parenthesis. Each reference refers to that particular message of the story. However, the references are left without the verses inserted with hopes that you might find it worthwhile to open the greatest source of power that your life will ever have—the Bible. Find it worthwhile to open your Bible and create a foundation of consistency in which your entire life will be unveiled. There is only one source that can change your natural condition, and that is the Word of God.

If you truly want to change your very nature, your ability to-do, receive confirmation of God’s existence, and obtain a power that only manifests through faith—I dare you to believe!

My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge . . . (Hosea 4:6; KJV)

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Tim. 2:15; KJV)

Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. (Matt. 22:29; KJV)

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient. (Rom. 1:28; KJV)

Part One

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How It All Began

To understand why I am so happy, you must first understand where it is I’ve come from. I was born into a preprogrammed atmosphere of "unlikely probability" in South Florida, in the summer of 1984, and yes, right away it began. By no means could I ever understand what state of mind a man must dwell in to destroy his very own cause for life. Children soak in trails of water left behind by its maker, agreeing with whatever the water may be. A flood begins with a single puddle.

My father was a malicious, intolerable, painful human being who hated the very ground he staggered on. He was a product of criminal dominion whose pursuit in life was not to provide for his family, but to gain respect among his allies. The red that scorched upon his tearless eyes created dry soil for the sprouting of his seeds. My growth was unproductive because my father’s idea of raising a kid was not traditional; it was more physical, like "by your throat. As a child, I understood, without being taught, that the result of any form of resentment was pain, which ultimately became an awakening for my slumbering hate. The same anger that prowled around in him began to expose itself in me as a youth. You would think this would give reason for discipline, but unfortunately my father praised his baby boy. My oldest sister was unlucky in a good number of my father’s feuds; she was his focal point for lashing out. I guess when you’re at the bottom of the opinion line" in the streets, you advert your frustration and release it in your own home. Through the darkness of this time lingered not only my siblings, but also my mother, whose inner beauty was deeply coated by violence and confusion. My mother had minimal options, and so she chose to lean on a man who was already in the course of diminishing. My mother has always been the angel wandering in the midst of my eyes. Moreover, she is a heroic angel, brave in the coming battles, but battles a woman should never partake in.

When I was young, my father continuously and aggressively abused not only my siblings, but his other half also. My mother was smothered with unjust words by my father’s family as she tried in vain to explain the ordeal she and her kids were enduring day after day. Her in-laws uttered in disgust, Women serve men. What he is doing is out of love, and you need to shelter it and take it. We all do. My mother is far from inferior; in the disarray of battle, she covered us in the corner of her own home and, indeed, sheltered us, as my father shattered glass over her. Her covering protected us from injury. My mother then stood her ground and demanded he leave. As he turned, he looked over his shoulder with a smirk on his face as if to say, Ha, but in that very moment joy never felt so good.

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As time went by, my mother married again and found herself enslaved to comparable mishaps, marrying a man who argued with himself over happiness, peace, and enjoyment. As a young boy, I fell in love with my stepfather, whom I considered to be a real father. Was he in reality unsurpassed? Perhaps, I considered him to be so real because he was a better father than the one I knew. Slowly, this man began destroying his family in the process of destroying himself. My stepfather would badger my mother for doing motherly gestures, yet he was very diligent in searching for life’s advantages, but advantages that would usually only benefit him. I remember overhearing a conversation with one of his friends about how he was going to purchase a Mercedes one day. I leaned over and jokingly said, That means I’m going to be able to drive it one day? His reply was, "Umm, nope, what’s mine is mine, and you won’t be anywhere near my stuff." I don’t think he understood, but in that split second he completely trampled on the idea of the father-son connection I thought we had, and that I had always been holding on to.

You know, I am yet to find any suitable reason as to how the devotion of love can be isolated from a parent’s natural compassion. My stepfather discontinued the relationship with my sister and restricted all communication with her over a negligible incident, an incident that still burdens my conscience. My stepfather was consumed by the persuasion of people’s opinions, and he was easily provoked. Gambling became his fortress until he lost it all, but it was in the abuse of alcohol where he would eventually meet his demise. Given that my stepfather was influenced by his intake, he created a wall between himself and my mother to avoid giving her any sympathy, and this was a wall that enabled him to drown himself in his own pity.

Because of this, my mother was evicted from two homes, had cars repossessed, and became financially unstable. I loved this man from the bottom of my heart, but I never realized how bad it hurt to want a relationship with someone who was unable to see the pain that he was causing. I remember as a kid being on the baseball field on picture day when he lost control of his anger and slammed me on the ground in front of everyone in the recreational area. It was not discipline; it was more like frustration. Yet I loved this man too much to hate him. I remember going fishing with my stepfather, and he was consuming alcohol against my mother’s approval, and mine at that. At an earlier period he swore to never drink alcohol again because of the effect it had on him. I bit my lip, held my anger within, and never told my mother because I knew alcohol would destroy my family. Yet I loved this man too much to hate him. He abandoned my oldest sister just like 95 percent of the men in her life had, and he became another reason for her wavering confidence. My sister, his daughter, a child, didn’t deserve to know the pain of disloyalty. Yet I loved this man too much to hate him. Before my mother decided to leave him, I waited up all night for him to come home just to ask him, "Why, why do you not care? He said, I am who I am, and I will not change for your mother. I said, She is an amazing woman who doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you treat her. He gently said, You’re right, but I can’t help it, and I don’t know why. I am going to die the way I want to, and no one is going to tell me any different. I cried in front of my stepfather because my heart was throbbing. I got up, went into my room, and screamed, I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!" No . . . I love him to much to hate him. Again, in the same lifetime, my family had to start all over.

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Throughout this period in my life, I developed the very thing that I despised—a force of anger, an anger that affected my way of living (Ps. 37:8). My only solution to have an abundant life was the street mentality, Get what you want and take what they don’t give. I built a group of destructive people around me and withdrew into a tunnel of darkness, assuming it would simplify my life. There was something that always tried to pull me back. I felt as if something or someone had a grip on the back of my shirt trying to drag me out of my despair (Job 33:16-18). Unfortunately, my mind was so full of malice, and I was so self-involved that I was choking myself into believing that the only method for me to breathe was to "get respect. My hands were a tool of development for my fury, and I became accustomed to fighting and the hype that shadowed around it. What initially ignited my fury was a period of time in elementary school when my mother and stepfather separated because of his alcohol problem. That separation also had the effect of crushing my composure. It impacted me immensely, and that week I had a stain of tenderness within my heart. I can remember so clearly, as I was on the handball court after school one day, when this kid walked directly into my bottled emotions . . . I exploded on him like shattered glass! My teacher knew something was wrong with me because it was outside of my normal behavior. What made it even worse was that in the same week I picked up a rock and hit another kid square between the shoulder blades while we were on the blacktop, simply because he was getting on my nerves. I would fight because fighting would empty out everything that had built up inside of me, and it felt good to be noticed (Prov. 7:7). In high school, people would actually pay me to fight for them, dropping a hundred dollars in my face to deal with their problems. I remember walking into a house party and dragging a kid I was paid to handle out to the street and leaving him unconscious. I turned, walking back to my car with new friends and with his raggedy wallet that only had two measly dollars in it. The more I fought, the more free I felt. The baggage of friends that I carried with me was more like promoters for my temper. What influenced me was based on my affluence of friends . . . the power of the dollar." As long as we made