Poems

By Janice Hale Carrell

I was married to Janice for forty-one years. Our time together was cut short by cancer. These poems were what I could find from her various writings, mostly her yearly planners which she never threw away, sometimes in cards or in a special book in which she wrote to me . Most of these poems are quite personal, but I am sharing them because she loved poetry and I wanted to somehow acknowledge her own poet nature and to preserve, for those who loved her, the imagery of her writing.
Since this is a not for profit endeavor Im going to take the liberty to put down in writing something of us, of Janice and Bill. We were friends before love came to us and we were friends all the rest of our days together. I liked Janice better than anyone I had ever known and that is still true. We were committed to our marriage and to each other. Our best times were those we spent together, just the two of us. We believed that there was an ebb and flow to chemistry, but that we could commit to love, to respect, to honor. And that is the way we lived out our marriage, in that bond of mutual commitment.
I believe that no one has been loved more strongly, more deeply or with more real commitment than with the love with which Janice blessed me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 5, 2009
• ISBN: 9781450002042

Janice Hale Carrell

I was married to Janice for forty-one years. Our time together was cut short by cancer. These poems were what I could find from her various writings, mostly her yearly planners which she never threw away, sometimes in cards or in a special book in which she wrote to me . Most of these poems are quite personal, but I am sharing them because she loved poetry and I wanted to somehow acknowledge her own poet nature and to preserve, for those who loved her, the imagery of her writing. Since this is a not for profit endeavor I’m going to take the liberty to put down in writing something of us, of Janice and Bill. We were friends before love came to us and we were friends all the rest of our days together. I liked Janice better than anyone I had ever known and that is still true. We were committed to our marriage and to each other. Our best times were those we spent together, just the two of us. We believed that there was an ebb and flow to chemistry, but that we could commit to love, to respect, to honor. And that is the way we lived out our marriage, in that bond of mutual commitment. I believe that no one has been loved more strongly, more deeply or with more real commitment than with the love with which Janice blessed me.

Book preview

i

I saw my friend cry

  And I wanted to say

     Too much.

What I knew

     She knew too

      Grown-ups

      Are also allowed

      Time out.

Sometimes it is all

     Too much

The constant time line creation

Frustration, pain

     Fresh wounds

     Where scars

     Still burn.

But this we all have

     Learned

It is all all right

  It is just time to cry

ii

Lord what prayer have I not prayed

  Each night I call to You for help

   My soul feels sick within me

    My body shames me

      My mind does not hold its own thoughts

       I am desperate

        Every night I feel the knife cutting me

         My hand guides the plunge

          And pulls the blade across my fate

           I can sense the pain

            Anger holds my

             Hand through the bloody pit

              The stab that saps my life

               As I breath why not surrender

                To bring relief

I fear nonexistence in that forever where God