Ameher's No More Crumbs Chronicle of a 4-D Woman Rising from Hate to Hope: Beloved I Wish Above All That You Prosper and Be in Health Even as Your Soul Prospers

By Ameher

It took discipline and practice for me (soul, body and spirit) to be intertwined with the presence of the HOLY SPIRIT completing this 4-dimensional existence here enabling me to achieve this state of WISEMIND amidst trials and tribulations; preparing me for greater things. The Chakra as the Hindus call it is the centering of all these factors creating an implosion or explosion or quietness in spite of the surrounding circumstances and/or experiences inflicted upon by ourselves or others.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12 has been the theme and focus throughout this book. Wrestling one thing after another but through it all I took ...to me the whole armor of God, that I be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand. Standing therefore, having my loins girt with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; and my feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all taking the shield of faith, wherewith I am able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And taking the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints Ephesians 6:13-18.

Its a story of an immigrant woman finding her place in society and maneuvering old ways of thinking that created enslavement i.e. capitalism without conscience. Her transition from immigrant slave to heir, owning a piece of the pie and the share of the American Dream is inspiring yet provoking to young people, especially those of immigrant extractions and pedigree who find themselves giving up on their dreams due to hardships and challenges of being termed the immigrant.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781491871935

Ameher

Ecarg Uakam, an immigrant who came to the United States post 9-11 relives her life through her memoir. She was able to handle the pressures of living in the United States in unfavorable political hatred and/or bias against immigrants. Having no family ties here at the time but a few friends, she managed to survive and later secure her place in society thriving amidst the challenges. She tells of her faith in GOD and how this faith gave her the strength to endure and fight racial discrimination and/or partiality from local to state levels. She maneuvered closed mindsets of judges, state and county officials to civilians and in her own right wound up becoming a civil rights activist with a passion and compassion for the rights of the underdog. Her hatred for inequality and injustice from the least to the greatest led her to write about it. She has continued to encourage young women (especially mothers) who end up with abusive partners to keep on, fighting the good fight of faith, laying hold of the good that’s due them. Hers is a story of courage in contrast to timidity, loyalty in the face of treachery, getting up after being “knocked up” indisposed and finding strength in weakness, beating the odds! HOPE is what this president has done for the author and changed her life, my future and that of her children. Until her dreams and others became reality and so that others would to share in the same hope, she wishes he’d stay on for more terms. What one president destroyed another restored reminding her of the Book of Romans which said through one man sin came into our lives brought death and through another man, life through obedience and righteousness restoring the earth, and world into its original intend; redemption, which is what she’s grateful for.

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AMEHER’S

NO MORE

CRUMBS

CHRONICLE OF A

4-D WOMAN RISING

FROM HATE TO HOPE

beloved I wish above all that you prosper and

be in health even as your soul prospers

AMEHER

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© 2014 Ameher. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 04/25/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-7194-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-7193-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014904736

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Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version.

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Contents

Preface

Breaking Fallow Ground

One down one to go.

Long Road Home

Stigma, Shame and Sadism of Scandal

Tortured in America; Legal in America, Bullied by OCDSS

Estimations, Assessments, Evaluations and Appraisals of the Mind

Ripple Effects:

Homecoming: chicken come home to roost

The Bible and DBT

About The Author

About The Book

Preface

When reflecting on four dimensions I’m not actually stating that a new art dimension has been created but I’m including the workings of the all the minds. The 4-Dimension includes the OMNISCIENCE, OMNIPOTENCE and OMNIPRESENCE of GOD is inherently and coherently intertwined in with the WISEMIND; the emotion, reason and body mind working together in unison. The 4th Dimension includes and involves our Ultimate, Utmost SELF, the paradigm exemplified and the sphere engulfed within and without.

In today’s world people have opened themselves up into the existence and reality of their own spirituality and biology in different lights forming and creating their own opinion, credence and philosophies. The freedom of worship expressed in the constitution has instituted mindsets, beliefs, standards and laws that have destroyed in part yet established in general.

The human, made up of soul (will, mind, emotions), body (heart, brain, blood) and spirit (breath); an empty sphere to be filled with the HOLY SPIRIT or spirits, was fashioned to function sovereign and definitive. The Wise mind made up of emotion mind, reason mind and body mind have to function inherent and coherent.

The evaluations, assessments and/or eliminations of the exploration of the spirits (astrology and irrational mind), and principalities, powers, dogma and canon zeros in on the presence of the HOLY SPIRIT through Jesus Christ engulfing the entire existence and structure in the constitution essential for the completion wholeness and total well-being of the individual as it relates to Love, Life, Light and the family. Conveying balance of this union is essential remembering the world we live in and its system and functions enabling equilibrium eliminating dysfunctions.

It is not impossible to live in perfect harmony of this union matter of fact GOD commands that we be HOLY as HE, PERFECT as HE, and even in our own meager existence perfection termed as the root of addiction, G.R.A.C.E. (God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense) maintains this equilibrium. Only this amalgamation can aid in acquiring this complete state of being.

These passages following are personal accounts of personal experiences as I dealt with the system, spirit and how my body (reflexes) and the mind were affected. This book is a continuation of No More Crumbs that recount how I arrived at this point in life and how I dealt with the various issues that molded me into the person I am today.

Breaking Fallow Ground

In 1998 I made the first attempt to pursuing a dream I’d had for years. My oldest brother Jean Nzui was already in Denmark, making a family with his wife, living his dream; my other brother Ashton Nzui married and settled too doing church business, my older sister Glenda Nzui in Bible school and later married my younger sister Gretchen Nzui in her last year of high school. Distance learning in the United States (detached from family) had been in every young college aspirant and seemed appropriate due to the extremely high demand for post-secondary education that didn’t accommodate everybody. The United States was a land flowing with milk and honey and I knew I was destined to be here not only because I was born on the 4th of July but that if my mother had found a sponsor to pay for her airfare I sure would have been born here. She had been awarded a scholarship to an Institute of Higher Learning in the U.S. but couldn’t afford to pat the ticket. They settled for the date of birth which came close to her great American Dream. The local newspapers reminded me of the Independence Day that was now within reach. My dad always bought the papers and was proud to brag of his connection to the United States right in his home right from his loins. I knew I was special. He made me feel that way every now and then.

My dad thought at 19 I was a bit too young to take on the Super Power all alone. Bernard Harvey, an American stranded in the streets of Nairobi was going to be responsible for my care but he didn’t trust that Bernard would be kind enough to take me on. He was too old so he couldn’t marry me and didn’t entertain the idea. He was twice my age and he didn’t want there to be problems between he and I regarding intimacy. It was inappropriate. Dad was very protective of his cows as Kenyan culture often liked to refer to their daughters. They bring in a hefty price called Dowry during or before marriage so I was very valuable and couldn’t take the thought of him losing his most valued possession.

What my father didn’t realize is that Bernard was actually saving me from already existing home grown predators lurking in the shadows, lying in wait to pounce given the opportunity; saving both me and him in the process. Bernard Harvey by divine appointment got stuck at a hotel and while he went into a Kenyan Christian Keswick bookstore bumped into my mother. Being military trained, his social skills enabled him to carry on a conversation with my mother, opened up about his dilemma to her later rescued him from eviction because he had fallen prey to bandits who took all that he had accept the suitcase with the few clothes in them. His passports and moneys were gone. This happened two years prior to my 19th birth year. My mother visited the store to buy Christian literature and Bernard happened to be in the store hoping to stumble across a book that would motivate him to survive knowing nobody but the one friend he entrusted who abandoned him.

After months of living with Bernard, we became very fond, he became family and I referred to him as uncle brother. In the Christian circles anyone not related to you by birth earned the title by their mere connection and common bond to the body of Christ or the House of GOD. Bernard became one of my brothers due to his devotion and dedication to Christ and it was my mother’s Christian duty to accommodate such who become less fortunate. Bernard upon his return to the United States back in October 1996 felt compelled to give back after 8 months of rent free living, care, compassion and hospitality. He wouldn’t stop about it either.

After High School at Our Lady of Mercy, I was guided by a guardian of mine that protected me from getting pregnant as a teen and plutonic friend Steve O. N. and got admitted to Westland’s Nairobi Institute of Technology in January of 1998. I completed the short Architectural Program there six months later and aspired to come to the USA for further Architectural explorations. While at N.I.T. I met quite a few eligible bachelors but again Steve was there to fend them off. There was one in particular who took special interest and Steve would get jealous. His dad was rich and famous and I thought he could be the one to rescue me from the high tower and the king who locked me up in it. Disney was not only an American Theme of Dreams but had permeated cultures and societies far far away they may never get to hear of them. He I thought would be the one. His brother had been to the U.S. And he I believe at one point was making plans to set sail amidst the clouds to the land of opportunity. He would pay daddy a fat bride price! And felt he was strong enough to get through the guard dog. See had chased many away and didn’t let us date in our teens. He called those rascals beasts and warned never to trust them any of them. Didn’t matter if he were an altar boy! I entertained eloping because I not only had one but three. In addition to my dad my two older brothers were pretty much as intimidated and much less sensible sometimes senseless out of their immaturity. The advantage was that dad kept them busy; busy chasing life, chasing dreams, chasing money, chasing lifelong partner! So their dedication to their guard duties was limited by their business.

Up until 1998, Social Security cards were issued to all who applied that carried a visa on them that was valid until Osama happened. I was supposed to be at the roundabout in Nairobi’s downtown area at 11:35am when the bomb went off, less than a block from the belly bottom’s building that was blown up. I woke up that morning running late because my watch was two hours behind. Thinking I was on time, I got ready to get to College in Nairobi’s City Center. I had completed a 6 month crash course on Architecture and received my certificate and furthered increase in knowledge in computerized training. It was required and was on demand because the world was changing putting a demand on technological advancement that involved the use of computers for everything that had to plug into to an electrical socket and anything controlled by some waves, be it sound waves, air waves etc. My father had obtained his Electrical Engineering and Telecommunication credentials and was running his own business (Ru-Phence Electronics) that handled Telecommunication contracts from Israel. He was trained by the Japanese, the Germans and later finished his program/s in England’s Cambridge University; he came in 2nd overall his graduating class and his office was also within a block’s radius from the blast.

He was in town and in his office that day and heard the blast. Glasses flying from buildings is what killed people much less the impact. A stampede of people running to and fro frantic and unaware where the blast originated cost my father his shoe. He came home that limping on one foot, shoe on the other. He described complete chaos and confusion and people falling down the stairs from the rush and the crowd; confusion on whether to take the stairs or elevators. Usually in a fire people are advised sternly to take the stairs but this was no normal fire incident; not one they were accustomed to. Grateful he made it out alive I thanked my lucky stars for saving my life from broken flying glass.

After 9/11, 2001, three years after Nairobi’s blast, Immigration reform went into effect. I was scheduled to be here prior to that but my dad had trust issues and didn’t trust that I was going to be okay in this great big land. He had experienced life in the West and understood the challenges. He didn’t realize or know that it was better if he had let me go then that he did 4 years later. Bernard did not give up trying. He was burdened by the idea of pay back. He was emotionally attached to us. His second trip in 1998 landed me my first scholarship at a Charlotte Interior Design College, something in line with the Architecture I had done and Bernard knew that I had to keep the knowledge of Architecture in my mind and continuity was important. Interior Design was right on point. Architecture went hand in hand with Interior Design and could leave the other undone. When designing buildings the cosmetics is an added bonus to the selling features in addition to the structure of the building. It was a perfect fit.

I was heart broken when he declined to let me go. He didn’t realize I was safer with Bernard that with the rascal that comforted my broken heart soon after. I was distraught and I felt that daddy (as many kids do) was standing in my way of greatness. I was meant to be born here I reminded him had he not stood in the way of my mother’s educational aspirations that is. He married her or promised to marry her to keep her from leaving him. She was in her prime and I felt history repeating itself. Bernard was disappointed after all the work he had done to get me the money to pay for my first year. That’s usually the challenge. After the first year of school I’d then qualify for in-state Tuition as opposed to the out of state high cost of fees.

Nairobi Institute of Technology’s training was still fresh in my mind. I had graduated in June was supposed to get on the plane soon after to start school in the Fall of the same year. That was the plan: My plan, Bernard’s plan. The one good thing I got from my father was his engineering and artistic genes; must have transferred at conception and I was grateful. I loved drawing and was one of the best artists in high school (secondary school). Our Lady of Mercy Secondary School where I attend my high school education marveled at my art work. Everyone thought I’d be some big shot artist but I needed something a bit more challenging than fine art, it was too easy for me. Architecture was it. My art skills were cultivated much earlier on. I went to Hospital Hill where I received equivalent to Elementary and Middle School Education knowing art. My art skilled developed in Kindergarten; Aga Khan was where my art work was featured at exhibits. They picked the few who knew their stuff. That was me little as I was. As I mentioned earlier, a transfer of art genes took place at conception and I lived it. At all the schools I went, we were a diverse bunch of Africans, Asians, a few whites and Bi-racials and we bragged on our art work. In High School my art work was to die for and everyone knew that I had the gift. On one occasion when I missed school, a classmate of mine took home my artwork after she received them on my behalf and refused to return them. At N.I.T., my house designs were so peculiar they got stolen and probably sold to the highest bidder who knows.

When dad refused to let me go Charles Kisoso, heir to the National Social Security Fund, Nairobi, Kenya became my guide, my friend, boyfriend and confidant. We had been in class together the whole six months of Architecture. He’d sometimes give us a lift when my dad didn’t come to get me. He was the danger that I needed protection for and fortunately unfortunately the shoulder I leaned on for comfort. I wanted out my father’s house. I felt I needed to escape his control because he made me feel trapped. I had the chance to explore this artistic mantra that had grown over the years in a real challenging arena. I could make millions if I succeeded. I loved to add the title Architect to my name. At this point I had been informed by my older siblings of the possibility of a calling GOD bestowed upon me from the foundations of the world but I hadn’t explored it. I didn’t know where it would take me. I knew I was called vaguely but I thought it for a later period in my life and presently needed to cultivate a passion that already was. I wasn’t ready to take on Chaplaincy as were my predecessor siblings, parents and uncles. I grew up around preachers and I knew one day I’d teach the Bible much less preach it. Right now I loved drawing. It took me away from pressures of life like a vacation break. It had me on a tight leash. It presented its own positive effect, it was good pressure. Because of my preacher church surrounding I didn’t have much freedom to explore life like most kids my age did.

Dad was strict and there was a code of conduct. He cultivated a lot of discipline in my life and it’s not to say that I didn’t rebel. Rebellion was my outlet and something that had extreme consequences in my dad’s books. Obedience he’d say was always better than the sacrifices and the opportunities to sin. I had to be obedient. He often compared me to my older sibling who was different from I. She was born with it. The golden girl I later called her in life. She was the analytic judgmental outgoing outspoken live by the book extrovert and I was the she devil opposite. The one who sneaked in and out, the one who rebelled, the global artistic dysfunctional girl with the coat of many colors (the gift of art all decked and locked up in me. I could sing, I was poetic, I could run and I could swim, I played and was good at netball, softball and ping-pong, in addition to the art). I was also the introvert and shied away more often than not amidst her outgoing boisterous qualities. We’d bump heads a lot and dad always ended up taking her side because unlike me (the she devil-he thought) she was the angel. I was the strong willed child that you wouldn’t want to contend with because I got my way one way or another, by any means, all means necessary. With that introversion came its own mystery and in the mystery came deceit and in the deceit came deception and therefore I was more miserable than she was.

For all Charles and I lasted my dreams were shattered not once but twice. Daddy not only prevented me from leaving his fold but I sinned! I became pregnant and had a greater weight of burden ahead of me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage especially after baby daddy denied paternity and dumped me. He alleged infidelity. He said it might have been Steve’s. How was I sure it was his and a myriad of excuses after he got caught with his pants down. He wasn’t ready was the underlying problem and he too had a guard dog for a dad. I was thinking marriage even if it meant eloping he was thinking get rid of problem which he did. He had his educational goals to accomplish and I was certainly in his way. I dug a hole for myself dating him and a bigger hole getting knocked up. Us Christian girls are expected to live high and that meant no sex before marriage and consequences always followed if we disobeyed so birth control and prevention maintenance and not instilled much less enforced. I was not only faced with the challenge of saving myself but the innocent life growing inside of me and I had Bernard as my only hope. Dad flew out the window. Mom was supportive but sometimes wished he would go behind dad’s back for some matters. She became enlightened years later but not without a price.

I became serious with this Christian church business and Matthew 6:33 came to mind. Seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you it reads. Verses 19 continues to read how we’re to lay not up for ourselves treasures upon the earth where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. Chapter 7 of Matthew Verses 6 also reads that we’re not to give that which is Holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. In my endeavors of finding my life I lost my life laying aside Biblical principles and in order to gain or find my life again I had to voluntarily lay it down and lose my life for Christ’s sake Matthew 10:39. This was a hard bargain but a maneuver, a strategy and the direction that I needed to take.

Often GOD is called upon when tragedy strikes. This indeed was a tragedy and the strategy out of this tragedy was Christ. I had to give GOD a chance or win the lottery. GOD had been my real Guide and Counselor all my years. I had introduced Charles to one of my childhood friends and I couldn’t face the shame of explaining that it actually didn’t last. I had pro-life consciousness deeply embedded in me and I didn’t have the guts to terminate. GOD had a lightning bolt ready to strike if I dared killed the life HE entrusted me with. I though support. I needed support so I confided in Steve and he laughed at me to scorn but he pitied me. Steve had pledged to me and his family that I was his dream girl all through High School. He went St. Mary’s Boys Nairobi and we’d often meet on the way home. He was my neighbor and spent most of my teenage years with him protecting me from vultures. Steve had three sisters so he much less treated me like one of his sisters. Deep down after this pregnancy saga I knew I was alone and wouldn’t get much support from him either. The woman he secretly called wife who guarded me all through high school had been knocked up by some stranger I had just met in 6 months earlier in college.

Charles was gone. Steve the friend that had stuck closer than a brother was slipping away, Liz came to my rescue as my supportive friend. We grew up in the same neighborhood as Steve and she took charge of the situation like a pro. See Liz had had her own childhood hardships with her older brothers raising her after the death of her parents. She was orphaned at age 11 and was familiar to struggles. They as a family had struggled and disciplined themselves until they completed high school with no parental supervision. That’s who I needed to help because she had the experience. I didn’t trust anyone because my teen years were decked in slander and gossip. Everyone wanted to know everything about you. That was the society I grew up in and the only to guard your privacy is to shut it up! I was carrying a bombshell and I couldn’t even trust my sisters with. In September I committed myself to a local church and ministry where I began to grow.

My dad had laid the foundation in Ministry and I realized my Ministry gift/s was starting to emerge in my pain. I wanted to wait until I completed something a Degree, I had Architecture still chiseled in my heart but my plan was short lived and cut-short by my rebellion. I prefer broken heart. I blamed my dad for pushing me into the arms of another man who cared less. I rededicated my life to Christ and Jesus Is Alive Ministries became my next assignment for the next year or two. I went from Usher, to Choir to Praise and Worship backup singer to a leader in less than a year. GOD by HIS divine plan purpose and power had also entrusted my dad with millions from his Telecommunication business. The Israelites came through for him. This was my saving Grace. I couldn’t stand the thought of shame from my childhood friends and neighbors alike if they saw a protruding tummy. Dad bought a house away from my old childhood neighborhood oblivious to the fact that his first granddaughter was growing inside of mine. I kept her secret. At this point Liz and Gertrude my younger sister knew and I swore them to secrecy. They understood the culture and knew that they would endanger my life by their mere revealing. They had to conceal the secret and helped me with it.

In my bottomless pit or so it seemed like I cried out to GOD to at least save me. I was sinking deeper and deeper every day and as the days grew closer and closer my tummy grew bigger and bigger. My older sister’s curiosity from my weight gain led her to blurt out her suspicions to my mother. I had been spending a lot of time with my mom who was preparing for her retirement at age of 55, a few years shy of 55 was spending a lot more time at home now. She had worked all the years of my life. All I knew was mom worked. I believed GOD was tired of me and it was time to face the consequences of my actions. The double life I’d led which wasn’t bad because I had just fallen for the wrong guy anyway was proving to be a nightmare. Sex sins had special repercussions is what I was coming to understand.

At eight months daddy had to know according to mom. He couldn’t keep it a secret. He described how he almost had a heart attack at the