In Highs & Lows

By Gloria Wallin

This is the story of a young girl who lived the first ten years of her life in Cuba under the pressure of the Communist government. Her family was able to leave with a pound of clothing per person. She faced the trauma of molestation from several individuals. In spite of this trauma she was able to get educated in Spain, Puerto Rico, and the United States. She faced mental illness with the help of a supportive family, church, and doctors. Her faith played a major role in her healing and here you will read of her illness and recovery journey. You will be encouraged to see that there is hope in the face of great obstacles.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 27, 2024
• ISBN: 9798385021307

Gloria Wallin

Loves to study and teach the Bible. Loves to try new recipes. Loves to read and write letters. Takes care of her gentle mother along with her supportive husband. Enjoys volunteering in as much as possible in her church. Appreciates the mental health she enjoys these days.

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Copyright © 2024 Gloria Wallin.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the King James Version, public domain.

Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

ISBN: 979-8-3850-2129-1 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-2130-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2024905231

WestBow Press rev. date: 03/22/2024

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1 Life before Mental Illness

Chapter 2 Triune Beings

Chapter 3 A Love Story Begins

Chapter 4 First Episode

Chapter 5 Second Episode

Chapter 6 Third Episode

Chapter 7 Fourth Episode

Chapter 8 Experiencing Depression

Chapter 9 Depression Part 2

Chapter 10 Spiritual Deliverance

Chapter 11 How Did They Help?

Chapter 12 The Roller-Coaster Experience

Chapter 13 Last Time Manic

Chapter 14 Sometimes I Just Don’t Remember

Chapter 15 Deliverance and Freedom

Chapter 16 Hope for Recovery Part 1

Chapter 17 Hope for Recovery Part 2

Chapter 18 Questions We May Ask

Appendix

Resources

Letter to the Reader

About the Author

To my safe people

To my husband, who is always believing in me and

fighting for me. He has been a great support with

his words of affirmation and acts of service.

To my gentle giant of a mother who has

always been a sweet companion. She has been

a faithful support in prayer and love.

May the Lord multiply their love and

patience a hundredfold.

Everyone has a story to share. May my story bring

glory to God and healing to those who read it.

Foreword

Where does mental illness originate? Is it caused by trauma or chemical imbalance? Could it be considered a spiritual matter? Could God be the answer to mental health? These are some questions that will be dealt with in this book.

I have known Gloria for over eight years and consider myself privileged to have been part of Gloria’s journey of finding hope, joy, and freedom in Jesus Christ.

Mental health is a topic that has been written about extensively, but few books provide the personal insight and raw honesty found in In Highs and Lows by Gloria Wallin. This book paints a colorful picture of her life, from growing up in Cuba and emigrating to the United States to her journey of understanding and dealing with mental illness. Gloria’s book gives the reader a front-seat-row experience of her life that went from a young vibrant girl with aspirations to becoming a special education teacher to someone who saw those aspirations being taken away by life traumas and mental illness. Don’t let that discourage you. Although Gloria shares details of her struggles of seeking medical and psychological help, she also shares about her breakthrough when she came to know her savior, Jesus Christ.

Reading this book will not only help you understand Gloria’s journey dealing with mental health, but it will also let others dealing with mental illness know that they are not alone.

Pastor Josue Hernandez

Luz y Libertad Church,

Glendale, Arizona, USA

Preface

When I read the story of Patty Duke and her struggles and triumphs with mental illness, I felt great hope. I also did not feel so alone in my journey. I hoped that one day I could share as honestly as she did. Then I started to volunteer at the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I received training to share my story with the people in the community. Their program is called In Our Own Voice. I had the wonderful opportunity to share my story with groups of caretakers and even nurses. I knew then that if my story could help one person, it would be all worth it to go through the difficult healing process of writing it. Then one day while I was having my quiet time in the Word of God and praying, I had the clear impression that God was sharing a title for my book, In the Highs and Lows. That sealed the deal, for I knew God was giving His seal of approval; He knew it was for His glory.

Acknowledgments

Writing a book is truly a team effort. While I may have been the one writing, to make the book what it is today, I had a supportive set of people who were my cheerleaders.

Thanks to Talyn Y. Prescott, who was so kind and gentle as she proofread my manuscript and gave me great suggestions. You encouraged me to share my story.

Thanks to Vilma Asuncion, who thoroughly proofread my manuscript as well and checked the background and sources of each of the quotes I used—something that had not occurred to me. Thanks to Vilma, I was able to attribute matters properly. I will be forever grateful for your beautiful friendship.

Thanks to my husband, Steve Wallin, who patiently revised my manuscript many times. He made great suggestions. He was my biggest cheerleader. He always believed in me. I would have never been able to go through the difficulty of rehashing my story without your loving support.

Thanks to my intercessory prayer team who kept me prayed up through the whole process. They sent me encouraging messages to keep me on course. They might not know what a help they were to me this side of eternity.

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Chapter 1

LIFE BEFORE MENTAL ILLNESS

We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.

—Barbara De Angelis

The Lord will keep you from all harm He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

—Psalm 121:7–8 (NIV)

Childhood

I was born in Cuba on September 11, 1962. When I think of Cuba, I remember my grandparents’ home in La Maya, in what was then the Oriente province in the eastern part of the island. La Maya was a small town where the families were tightly knit together no matter what the social status or race was; my mother always shared stories of how she socialized with the doctor’s daughters as well as the chauffeur’s daughter. She also shared how the best doctors were Black, and no one had qualms about going to them.

Castro split the Oriente province into five smaller provinces; La Maya is located in what is now the province of Santiago de Cuba. This is the most mountainous of the Cuban provinces, containing the Sierra Maestra with the country’s highest elevations. These mountains are quite rugged and were the base from which Castro launched his guerrilla war.

I lived there for the first few years of my childhood. My grandparents’ home had indoor plumbing and electricity. It was very spacious. The kitchen was fully equipped with a refrigerator and electric stove. Then we had to move to an apartment in Havana, which we shared with another family, so my deaf brother could go to a specialized school.

I was born to Candido Torres and Gloria Diez. My father had fought with Castro because he believed in the improvement Castro had said he wanted to bring to Cuba. When Castro announced his allegiance to communism, my father was—as many Cubans were—very disappointed. When we moved to Havana, he became a university professor. He was forced to teach the communist ideology, so he decided to leave Cuba. More details on that later on.

My mother was involved in the Catholic church. She did not work outside the home because my grandfather was well-to-do while she was growing up. My grandfather owned a store where they sold coffee, beans, rice, Coke, beer, and rum products—of which he had local distributorships—among other goods. She remembered when the rebels came into town, and my grandfather had to pile coffee beans and rice bags on top of the Coke trucks. They were caught in the crossfire between the rebels, who had airplanes, and the Batista troops on the neighbor’s roof right across from my grandfather’s home. A bullet was lodged in one of the Coke boxes right above their heads.

Castro took over in 1959, and by early 1961, he declared himself to be a lifelong Marxist-Leninist, allied himself with the USSR, and made Cuba a Soviet-style one-party state without elections or freedom. It affected every aspect of our lives. My elder brother, who was born in 1961, had many baby pictures. But when I came along in 1962, there were very few pictures of me as a baby; film was rationed as was everything else.

My grandfather’s business was taken over by the government. That meant our family was to still work there, but the profits had to be given to the government. This caused my grandfather to have a stroke; he was in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He was unable to talk as well.

Traveling the countryside riding La Cubana, a bus service, to Havana, was an adventure to me. It took us approximately sixteen hours to get to Havana because the bus had to make many stops. The buses were in good condition but did not have air-conditioning, so I enjoyed having the windows open. I spent most of my time looking out into the fields or talking to other passengers. I did not know a stranger at that time. Our neighbors in La Maya had many chickens, so I was used to seeing them lay their eggs. On our trip, whenever I saw cows lying on the ground, I would tell my mom, Look, the cows are laying eggs.

My father gave me my first name Gloria after my mother. My mother gave me my middle name Vivian because she wanted me to be strong like the French journalist who was the protagonist of the soap opera she was watching at that time. She wanted to spell it the French way, Vivienne. The authorities would not allow a foreign name to be used, so we had to spell it Vivian. Castro had taken full control of the Cuban government by then, and totalitarianism was alive and well.

I was a loved child, especially by my grandfather. Even though he was in a wheelchair and could not talk, somehow we could communicate with one another. As a game, he would try to grab me while I would try to stay just out of his grasp. He would laugh, and I loved making him laugh. Later on, when I was a teenager, I loved doing my homework while he practiced writing using his left hand. I truly felt that we were buddies.

My grandmother also loved me very much but was more of a disciplinarian. She wanted for me not to be so easily frightened. One night, she insisted that I go to the kitchen and turn on the lights by myself. When I finally agreed and went, I felt a crunch under my feet; I had killed a baby mouse! I screamed and ran crying to my grandmother. She tried to console me, but that was when I became terrified of mice. For many years I had nightmares of Mama Mouse coming to get me. To this day, I truly dislike mice.

My mother was very sweet to me. She has always supported me even when I proved to be a strong-willed child. I guess she got what she wanted as far as my name being after the French journalist who was strong-willed. I found out when I was in my twenties that many a day, she gave up eating so my brother and I could have food to eat. Everything was rationed in communist Cuba, so it was difficult to find things like eggs, meat, and milk. Even if we had a coupon left in our ration card, the store shelves were bare. She also sacrificed having a relationship with another man after her divorce from my father because she wanted her daughter to be safe. I consider her to have strength that is beyond amazing. When I was a teenager, I thought she was too strict. Now I realize she had my best interests at heart. Since 1985, she has become a great companion and prayer partner. She came to live with my husband and me in 1991, and she has cared for me and been a great blessing to the whole family. Now it is an honor to take care of her. God truly blessed me by giving her to me.

My father was very loving to my brother and me. He loved to sing and play the guitar. He wrote a song that he would sing to me. He was a charismatic man. He was the life of the party. Unfortunately, he could not keep a job. He also drank too much. Now we believe that though not diagnosed, he was suffering from bipolar disorder and was self-medicating.

Despite being in a loving family, I was terrified of being left alone even as a toddler. I believe this fear started when my parents had to take my brother to school in Havana. My parents had to leave me with my grandparents while they took my deaf brother to get registered in the school for the deaf in Havana. This was only about two weeks, but in my mind, it seemed far longer. My mind as a toddler could not understand why I needed to be left behind. I loved my grandparents, but this proved very traumatic for me. I just felt abandoned. I thought that my parents loved my brother more than me. I carried this throughout my childhood and teen years.

I loved my brother very much and always made sure that he was included whenever we played any games. Even though he was a year older than me, I felt responsible for him since he was deaf. I felt strongly protective of him.

Headstrong as I was, I recall a time when I insisted on helping my neighbors with grinding their coffee. Since I was so small, the pail of coffee beans spilled from my hands. They lost most of it. My neighbors liked to spoil me, so I imagine they tried to intervene, but I am sure I got a good spanking for that. I was so curious about everything that I sometimes would get in trouble because I would not obey. My mother told me to stay away from the backyard one day. I insisted on going there anyway and discovered they were in the middle of butchering a pig. I was so appalled by the whole butchering process: that poor animal fighting for its life and all the blood. It all made me feel extremely disgusted and very sorry for this poor animal. I still eat pork but would not want to be involved in the process of raising or killing a pig. Another time, I locked myself in the bedroom and played with all of my mom’s cosmetics. She pleaded for me to open the door, to no avail. Under communism, there were no stores where we could buy all the cosmetics we wanted. Everything was rationed if available at all. I got a good spanking that day. Well deserved, I might add.

Sadly, when I was about four or five, I was molested. It was a single instance that marred my childhood with more fear. Also, there was the addition of shame. I feared that if my family found out they would blame me and think of me as dirty. I did not understand all that had happened as I was so young, but I still understood that something terrible had happened. I don’t want you to think that my mother or father punished me in an out-of-control way. I really think that the enemy of our soul puts lies in our minds to think that our families would punish us and say that it was entirely our fault. I never told anyone about the abuse until I was in my teen years when I shared it with a friend. I do not clearly recall whether the perpetrator told me not to tell anyone or if I just felt so ashamed that I did not want anyone to know. This is a very typical reaction of children who are victims of molestation.

It breaks my heart to know that sexual abuse still goes on, and my heart goes out to you if you have been a victim as well, especially as a young child. My hope is that we know that God was with us and He cried with us. What I would tell that wounded child is that your shame is a lie, because you did not cause this. This is not your fault. You can share with a safe adult and they will protect you.

It is amazing to me that I do not remember who did this to me. I can’t tell if I had to play with him at other times because my mind has been healed from that memory so much since I forgave him that I don’t remember. I pray that victims get to that place in their healing so that they literally can forget the whole incident. True forgiveness happens also when we remember the incident but have no resentment toward the perpetrator. I still remember my neighbor who abused me (more on that later), but I have no resentment toward him now. I can forgive him completely because I know that God has forgiven me completely in Jesus. That’s the