Necessary Knowledge for Newbies
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Pete brings Rosie an exciting evening of lovemaking every Friday when he delivers her weekly supply of beer to “Rosalie’s Palm”. When Pete brings, Lonnie, a young driver he’s training, with him one Friday, Rosie fears their customary frolic is out. But when she introduces Lonnie to May, her young barmaid, the frolic is back on, and Lonnie’s training begins to encompass more than truck driving!
This story and 27 other short stories exposing the secret shady side of South Branch, Iowa can be found in the The Shady Side of South Branch by Gene Clements, available as an eBook or in paperback at the usual retailers.
Welcome to South Branch, a made-up town in Southeastern Iowa, which stands in here for many midwestern small towns: charming, friendly, proud, and with a comfortable aura of remembered history and a pleasant patina of deferred maintenance. The older men meet in the mornings at Pearl’s Downtown Diner to discuss the state of the world, the price of soybeans, the superiority of older cars they can fix themselves, the revisionist history of their romantic exploits from sixty years ago, and to complain about “kids today,” just like their fathers did sixty years ago. There’s a sense of community, a slow pace, and a thin veneer of prudence and prudery. People who live here, within the embrace of a horseshoe bend in the South Branch of Mosquito Creek (which the locals call “Skeeter Crick”), love the place, even though they agree it used to be better in nearly every way back when they were twenty.
Like any human settlement, South Branch has its share of secrets, desires, and incidents that most participants hope will not become common knowledge, and, like most secrets, these, or some incomplete, incorrect, minimized, or exaggerated version of them, quickly become part of the town’s breaking news. These secrets fade into vague memory fragments over time as fresh gossip becomes the entertainment of the day. In spite of the whispers and raised eyebrows, the hearers of these stories divide themselves, somewhat randomly, into those who are inwardly horrified by what they’ve heard, and those who are inwardly envious of the miscreants. Sometimes these responses do battle in the same person.
Even though the South Branch Sentinel comes out every week, the most interesting news in South Branch travels faster than the boys and girls on their bicycles who deliver the paper. If a young lady is smoking in the alley behind the hardware store, dad will know about it before she gets home, whereupon he’ll light up a cigarette and admonish her against the practice. Part of the attraction of these small towns is that everyone knows, or at least suspects, even the most discrete indiscretion on the part of their neighbors; that’s also what some people find repulsive about these places. Every nuance of scandal wafts over South Branch, enlivening the conversation at Pearl’s, the gossip at Claire’s Hair Affair, the tipsy talk at Rosalie’s Palm, and even, or especially, the whispered revelations at Reverend Goode’s “Salivation [sic] Station.”
What follows is a collection of short stories, completely made up, I hasten to say. Most of these stories center on particular people and places, along with a talented supporting cast. A word of caution for those who have read the earlier South Branch stories about Tilly and Elmer – you should know that Tilly and Elmer, fans of frisky fun as they are, find some of the shady characters and events in this book scandalous and shocking! Until they read this book, they had never thought of, much less engaged in, any of the more outrageous undertakings of their neighbors. Nevertheless, you can be sure everyone in these stories is enjoying him or herself, and no characters were harmed in the writing of these tales!
Gene Clements
Gene Clements is an artist, architect, and educator. He began the Tilly and Elmer series by writing a couple of paragraphs about a frisky older couple. His friends thought they were funny and wanted to find out what was going to happen if he finished the story. Now they know, for better or worse.Gene grew up in a small town in the Midwest although he now lives in California. He thinks he’s eighteen, but he’s really the same age as Tilly and Elmer. These stories aren’t necessarily autobiographical. Gene knows a lot of interesting people and has a prolific imagination; a dangerous combination.
Read more from Gene Clements
Virgil's Reality Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Trio Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer In Decent Exposure Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBag Tag Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsRitual Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGetting Nina Naked Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSally's Curious Neighbor Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer Get Warmed Up Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMax and Mable on the Table Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer's 50th Class Reunion Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer: Tilly's Afternoon Delight Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSkinny-Dipping Scandal Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMoving In: Reverend Grawlix Comes A-Calling Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBirthday Presence Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMoving In: Dinner Date Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMoving In: Asking for Trouble Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLet's Tryst Again Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Sexy Seniors of South Branch, Tilly and Elmer: Expanded Collection Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMoving In: Church Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer Go to Las Vegas Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTruck Tryst Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer Get Crazy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer Trip Out Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTilly and Elmer: Snug as Two Bugs Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
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Necessary Knowledge for Newbies - Gene Clements
The Shady Side of South Branch #20
Necessary Knowledge for Newbies
Gene Clements
Illustrations and Cover Design
Gene Clements
Pickleworks Press
The Shady Side of South Branch #20
Necessary Knowledge for Newbies
Gene Clements
This is a work of fiction. Events, places, characters or names are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events, places, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Any references to historical events, places, or real people are used fictitiously.
Copyright 2020 Gene Clements
Smashwords Edition
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Smashwords Edition, License Notes
"This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Rosalie’s Palm
Rosalie’s husband, when he was alive, opened a bar in South Branch and jokingly named it the Rosie Palm
as a tribute both to his wife Rosalie and the slang term for the lover of last resort of unattached men. After his unfortunate demise, Rosalie took over and made a small name change to make the place more acceptable in polite society.
Rosie has a sympathetic affection for a few of her customers, lonely, unattached men who she occasionally takes