Life on Purpose: A Roadmap for the Journey

By Greg Dragan

The man in the painting on the front cover is my father. A quintessential people person who wasn't interested in just being one of the crowd; the color scheme of his first house is a rich example! This meant in his late twenties, getting off the road well traveled and finding the unique opportunities on the path that he wanted to take.

Anyone starting to build a career, a family, or both, needs a process and a plan, just like what my parents wanted, discovered, and used to set their own course. Sadly, though, most don't have a plan; they never learned it was necessary, or even how to properly go about it. This book shows you how while escorting you alongside the authors' family experiences using a simple deliberate approach he learned growing up with his parents and siblings.

Here is what you'll discover and learn:

APPRECIATE how your family has influenced you, and contributed to what you are now getting out of life. From this understanding, you can better design the successful family characteristics you want your own family to have.

DISCOVER how you can help your children have extraordinarily rich sibling relationships as part of a true family team!

UNDERSTAND how your powerful mind interacts with your personality traits and external influences, and is used to set and control the path you want for you and your family.

REALIZE that change is the only thing we can be sure of, and that parents can truly turn uncertainty and uprooting into an advantage in their children's lives.

LEARN that your young children and early teens can understand complicated concepts — literally, the rules of life. You must know them yourself, and get to work as early as possible teaching them to your children.

ARE THESE IDEAS AT WORK IN YOUR FAMILY?
If not, you can get started right away, applying the tools in this book and have a life and family on purpose!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098389680

Book preview

To My Family

Recently during my weekly conversation with my prayer partner, we were discussing our church’s recently retired pastor, who we are both close to. The pastor mentioned he was on a Zoom call with his daughter, and they were discussing him and his nature, his personality. She wanted to know more and belted out, Dad, you have to write a book!

My prayer partner and I began to discuss what writing a book about our life experiences would look like. I mentioned that several years ago my son’s father-in-law wrote to his children based on a dozen or so questions from each of them. He answered in writing and published it for them. Not a book, but certainly a means to share a great deal of important information. I thought about doing the same at that time, but I was afraid I might end up getting a number of questions from my children that really weren’t on my list of things I’d like to communicate! A good reason to avoid writing anything at all, it seemed to me at the time!

As my prayer partner and I continued to talk, I felt like I still had a desire to write, and to write to you, Steven, Danielle, and David. Chapter titles started to appear in my head. I rattled off half a dozen straightaway, and it became clear to me that this idea brought on by our pastor’s daughter was my answer! I could indeed write a book, and it could be exactly what I wanted to say. And here is the strangest part of all about this book idea: After we ended our call, as I sat thinking more about how to begin, a perfectly clear memory surfaced from twenty years ago.

I recalled that in my mid-forties, soon after my father passed away, I listed on one of my annual goal sheets: write a book. I even sketched out the cover art and a rough title. How had this memory escaped me so thoroughly?

It was a picture of a garage door, the one on the front cover of this book, with a title going something like, What Color Should a Garage Door Be? I know, a lame title, with no meaning (yet!) but it was there as a placeholder, and it sat in place in the file drawer and on my brain for over two decades.

So here we are. This twenty-some-year-old idea has finally happened. I wrote this book with my family as the first audience. But the more I wrote, I sensed I wanted to have an additional audience. That my stories and messages were to you, but that others could benefit at the same time; other young people starting a career and families like you. So that is what I’ve done. I hope this is of great joy to you and that it helps you in your family’s development.

I appreciate all your input and help. I asked questions of everyone nearest me: Diane, my wife; Steven, Danielle and David, my children; and all of my siblings. You all provided great input. This kind of rich exchange wasn’t new to us; you have often shared your love and feelings freely in writing, in words and spirit; definitely a Dragan legacy of sharing and loving! I’m expecting that as you’re reading this, you will reflect on some input you provided me and recognize it in this book. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Your grandparents left this wonderful Earth a lot sooner than expected; your Grandma Darlene at 52 years of age on June 17, 1987, and your Grandpa Emil at 65 years of age on May 31, 1999. I’ll talk more about this later in the book, but this was a challenge for me at 31 and 43. They gave out so much love and care in giant scoops, and that was sorely missed when it ended.

…soon after my father passed away, I listed on one of my annual goal sheets: write a book.

I even sketched out the cover art and a rough title, What Color Should a Garage Door be?

One thing I missed in the care department from my parents was the chance to ask questions of them. Often these questions were about things that might help me navigate this world a little better. They had such great perspective and usually had perfect advice. And wisely, to be sure, some of their advice was to give none! While they were still here, I took advantage of their wisdom and tried to make good choices, and mostly I think I did.

I grew to manage without this blessing over time, though it was very hard. The questions didn’t end immediately though, of course. They would pop in my head and I would think I should call your Grandma or Grandpa. Then when your Grandma passed, I would think the same of just your Grandpa. After Grandpa’s passing, I discovered the questions slowed, and one day they were gone. But something funny has happened recently since my retirement. Questions started popping up again! And I realized as I began this book that these questions were getting answered as I wrote. Funny how that works right?

These questions aren’t about successful living like before; I think through God’s grace I have gotten at least close to that. Instead, they are about people, friends, family and others and their influence on me. Yes I was asking important questions, which is good, but I would unfortunately have to answer them on my own for this book. Questions I would have asked them, such as how did I react to a variety of life experiences, in their opinion, and why? Questions about places; how had I reacted to new environments? They are about events large and small that happened in my life when I was young, under their roof; things that largely influenced who I am and why I am the way I am. How did I handle them, good things and not so good? What about events that hardly hit the radar screen for me? Were there some they thought were significant that I have a weak memory of? Definitely many questions I could have asked my parents while they were here.

To put a finer point on all of this, I think I didn’t have these questions when my parents were here because I was too busy living, loving, parenting and on and on. This is not a slam on me; they just weren’t pressing. I was living and succeeding, and I hadn’t the need or desire to root around in my past. My present was full-steam ahead!

The desire is there now, though. It’s not a hole in my life story I’m trying to fill; nor am I frustrated or feeling some sort of pain. I’m simply curious for my own good, and I’m curious for the good of others. What if my parents had written this book and I had it to refer to? What if they shared what life was like in their eyes, and I could see and envision how I fit into that world that I can only understand so much as a child sees? Would the answer to some of my questions be in there? I believe so!

And so, the purpose for all of you in the form of a few questions: Maybe when you read this you will have some of your own questions answered. Or maybe it will cause you to ask some questions of us or of your siblings earlier rather than later. Maybe understanding why I am the way I am, you may get a good glimpse into understanding why you are the way you are. Maybe you’ll see I’ve shared some of my understanding about many life things and they are helpful to you and your family. And if that is too much to ask of this humble writing, maybe it might entertain and you probably will get to know your Mom and I a little better! That’s got to be good, right?

I want to mention something about your Mom right up front that I want you to remember throughout this book. She comes in later in this book for a reason. Mainly because I’m writing about what happened in my young life, for a good portion of this book. I take until the ninth chapter out of fourteen to introduce you to my college years, my first post-college job and your Mom and I, as soon to be husband and wife. Your Mom and I together close out that chapter with gusto and your Mom’s very own chapter begins right after that: A Life-Long Partner with a Shared Purpose!

Your Mom means more to me than any of the early-chapter stories and lessons. It’s just important to introduce all the stories and lessons before, so you can see how she makes my entire life complete!

Stay on course in your busy living, loving, parenting lives that are happening right now! Take care of the one who makes you complete! Your Mom and I are so proud of all you have accomplished and who you are. Great start for you already, right? Here’s hoping this adds lagniappe!! (Cajun for "a little extra!")

Generational Differences and Life Purpose

My parents were part of the Silent Generation. Their generation was born between 1925 and 1945. They were dubbed that because they were seen as more cautious than their parents. For me, I think they deserve a much better moniker! Their parents were titled the Greatest Generation, born in 1924 or earlier; they truly were larger than life and had a well-deserved potent title after winning the Second World War and surviving the Great Depression.

My parents and their peers were heavily influenced by the world the Greatest Generation created and raised them in. They experienced first-hand as children what the Depression wreaked on the entire world, and how it affected their family, too. And if that wasn’t enough, they also witnessed parents and siblings head off to the Great War, some never to return. Thankfully, all of my Mom’s and Dad’s brothers made it through and came home. Truly, they saw and experienced plenty.

My generation came along after this Silent Generation; we’re called Baby Boomers! I make no apologies for that! Boomers were born between 1946 and 1963. I landed on earth in the middle of all us Boomers in 1956. My earlier formative years take me into the early 1970s, all really interesting years to be learning a life.

Fortunately I was born into a family that was very solid. It doesn’t always go that way. My parents were kind, fun, smart, curious and optimistic with just about everything. They wanted lots of kids, and they got them. They were also serious about that job and wanted to do it right. On the road to doing it right, they also spent time in trial and error just like all new parents; but they discovered they could go well beyond guessing their way through parenting and living; you’ll soon discover this book is all about that.

Early on, they realized that there were some great tools available, developed around the time when they started their family. After all, this was late in the next decade after winning World War II and America was exploding with new discoveries, ideas and products on every front.

Research on the brain led to enormous advances toward understanding the power of the mind. This further led to new ideas that focused on getting the most out of it, applying the power of positive thinking, and developing tools to help humans do a better job in the game of life. My parents were exposed to these tools in the earlier 1960s and believed they would help them and help their family succeed. They were deliberate about educating themselves about it and sharing this with us children.

You’ll see in this book, through examples and experts, that it is indeed possible to lead your family with tried-and-true disciplines and techniques that are valuable to parents and children alike. I’m writing this to provide that insight while using the backdrop of my life story. You will read meaningful examples showing how my parents first supplied tools, and then later in life, how I worked to do the same.

I spoke with a friend recently and was describing my writing plan and gave him a run-down of my parents’ parenting approach. My parent’s tools were completely different from what he had known. He said he was raised almost by accident; no specific plan was applied. That’s not unusual; and it doesn’t mean you can’t get great results anyway; many do. However, a structured approach will get you much closer to the results you want, because you planned for them.

I believe what I have to say in this book alongside my personal parallel narrative can benefit others. I think also that the examples and lessons can be especially meaningful to Millennials, who are at the front end of starting their careers and possibly raising a family right now. All of my children are mid-stream Millennials, born in the mid to late 1980s, and are now thirty-one to thirty-five years old, so I have some real life perspective and experience here! They all have wonderful spouses, families, with dogs; two have kids, and are all successful hard workers. I like to think my wife and I had a hand in their success, as my parents did with me, by passing along the tools to a purposeful life.

I recently ran across a study on generational differences. The focus was on Boomers, Gen X’rs and Millennials. The study was conducted in 2012 and published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. It was titled, Generational Differences in Young Adults’ Life Goals, Concern for Others, and Civic Orientation. This study has continued every year since 1966. High-school seniors answer a series of questions, fourteen in all. They’ve added twenty more questions along the way, but those are not pertinent here. The high-school periods were between 1966 and 1978 for Boomers, 1979 and 1999 for Gen X’rs and 2000 and 2008 for Millennials.

The widest gap between Boomers and these other two groups, by far, was regarding this one question: Finding purpose and meaning in your life. For this single question, Gen X had a gap score of −28%; compared to Boomers, while Millennials had a gap score of −40% compared to Boomers. A negative gap score means Millennials or Gen X’rs had less interest in a particular question then Boomers, while a positive gap score means they had a higher interest than Boomers.

The Boomers/Millennials −40% gap score on the giant question, Finding purpose and meaning in your life, is a showstopper. At first glance, after discovering this cold hard fact in the study, I feared that Millennial’s were in serious trouble; that they genuinely are about to face an insurmountable life dilemma in their late twenties and thirties just when they were about to seriously need a life purpose! There is a lot more needed to understand this serious quandary then just hard numbers, and we need to dig into the meaning of these generational differences carefully!

First, saying you desire, need or want a meaningful purpose in life, and doing it, are two very different things. Sadly, most people never develop a plan, regardless if they want to or not. Let that sink in. Why is that? Because developing an actual plan is a learned skill; something you are taught; and secondly it is serious, hard work! One more thing, and this is the most important element; it requires that you first believe you have that much control in the outcome of your life. This is also something that is taught, and most aren’t.

Later in the book, in Chapter 7, Knowing the Rules of Life, I share much about a self-improvement researcher and motivational speaker named Earl Nightingale. I used his template, Rules for the Game of Life, as early as age thirteen. I’m certain you can guess that my parents were behind me having this life-changing tool. Seriously, what kid at thirteen figures this out himself! Nightingale spent his entire career teaching these rules and techniques to people who took his courses. Nightingale says this about purpose in life: This is shocking but true, only 5 out of 100 people you pass on the street can clearly tell you what they are working toward; what their purpose is in life. The rest are just drifting along, hoping something good will happen to them, or at least nothing bad will. These are the people who have not learned, and do not practice, the rules of life.

Think about that for a minute. First, he wrote this over six decades ago. This was a fact of life then and is a fact of life today. Second, it sets up this next really important point while relating it to the generational study we just reviewed. Indeed, Millennials reported much lower interest on this matter, having a meaningful purpose in life, remember the 40% negative gap score; but by the related Nightingale research, Millennials are no worse off on this matter than the thirty-something’s a half-century ago! Why? Because the Boomers, even though they reported they thought it was much more important than Millennials reported, most Boomers did little about it either! Very few people ever get around to actually understand how, much less do, the hard work it takes! I would say that sets up a pretty even playing field between the generations, if you ask me. We all have enormous room to improve!

This is shocking but true, only 5 out of 100 people you pass on the street can clearly tell you what they are working toward; what their purpose is in life.

You’ll learn in Knowing the Rules of Life, that Nightingale’s processes work to help people live successfully; and my exposure to Nightingale’s Rules were life-changing, they were helpful to me, but I did not adopt those tools and processes only. I am first a Christian. This is my first foundation. From my earliest memories, I had a strong desire to know Jesus and to grow in my faith. Christ was the first foundation for my parents and the first foundation given to their entire family. Through their guidance and encouragement, they help us Dragan children develop a daily Christian experience.

Nightingale’s lessons were a powerful part of who I am and how I operate, that can’t be denied, but God and prayer and faithful petition was