The Mirror Never Lies

By Rusu Mihai

This novel is made up of a rollercoaster of emotions that could portray any of us at a specific moment in our lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jul 18, 2021
• ISBN: 9781291427530

Book preview

        It's the third night in a row waking up halfway through, covered in a cold sweat gasping for air. It's like I'm snapping out of a terrifying nightmare without any recollection of it. I can feel my mind slowly slipping away from me. A muffled voice has picked up residence in my head, and it's getting louder. I started talking to myself these past few weeks in the mirror, and everything I hear from the other side confuses and terrifies me. Most of the time, it doesn't even feel like I'm the one talking. I feel more doubtful every day, and I lost all of my confidence. I don't like who I see in the mirror anymore, and it appears the feeling's mutual. I know everybody talks to themselves every once in a while, but this feels different. At times, I don't have any control over the conversation. It looks like two people sputtering hate at each other with no intention of listening to what the other person has to say.

        I lay back down and cover my head with the pillow, trying to block any sound. The morning will come soon, and once I start my daily routine, everything will be just fine. For some reason, I think that things are going to sort themselves out. I close my eyes tight and don't move, almost trying to force myself to sleep. I can't shake this eerie feeling that there's something in the room with me. I don't believe in ghosts or any supernatural stuff, but I can't explain this. It's almost like someone's leaning over me, reaching out to grab me. I swear I feel a cold grip on my shoulder. All the hair on my body rises, and I start shivering. I grip the pillow tighter and start mumbling to myself over and over that this isn't real. I am unable to move my body as if something is pinning it down. My heart is beating out of control, and it's about to jump out of my chest. There's a weird murmur in the room, and it's making its way to me. It feels like someone or something leans over me, trying to whisper something in my ear. But what I hear is loud and clear, and it's frightening.

        -You're the only one to blame for this situation!

The voice in my head is loose, and it's screaming at me. The scream snaps me out of my sleep. I open my eyes and sit up. It appears there was a whole argument happening in my head. Is this what's been going on for the last couple of weeks? Is my mind spiralling out of control? Is there more than one person residing in my head? Or is my subconscious trying to tell me something? I want to believe this isn't real, but the voice sounds very familiar and seems to be full of resentment. Am I unhappy with my current situation? Did I started hating my life and myself a while ago and didn't even realised it? All I know is that hate has become more and more present in my life lately. I hate most people I interact with, and all I see in them are flaws. The only decent interactions I have with people happen at work, but it doesn't feel real. It's all a front. I feel like I can't fit in anywhere. I can't find any joy in anything I do anymore. Nothing I do brings me any comfort, and I became very bitter inside.

        My brain is throbbing, and my head feels like it's about to explode. I almost feel like another person grew inside my head, and it's trying to get out by any means necessary. This condition doesn't last very long, and everything calms down just as suddenly as it started. I'm clear-headed again, and I try to analyse what just happened, but I can't figure it out. It has to be a bad lucid dream! Nothing else makes sense. I'm too fucking old to be scared of the boogieman! I take a couple of deep breaths and manage to relax a little bit. My whole body feels exhausted. My mind can't seem to isolate and focus on a single thought, and very soon, I fall asleep.

        The sound of my alarm clock wakes me up. It seems I am a little bit jumpy this morning. Cold sweat is covering my body again, and on top of it, I am a bit anxious too. I open the shades to let the light in and chase the nightmares away. I take all my sweaty clothes off and head straight for the shower. A hot shower always made me feel good. It's almost like it doesn't only cleans my body, but my spirit too. During my shower, all I can think is how I will handle what today throws at me. I'm trying to analyse what happened last night, but my brain doesn't seem up for it. It already blocked it out or locked it deep in my subconscious. Maybe it's because my mood changed and I feel much better. Dark, disturbing thoughts are hard to access if I'm not in a bad mood. I do start to wonder just how much stuff I have pushed down, buried deep in my subconscious. Maybe there's a lot I haven't addressed, and it's starting to overflow.

        I need to stop overthinking this and get ready for work. I step out of the shower, and I feel very refreshed. I head towards the kitchen to make some coffee. It's almost strange how calm I am right now. The speed with which my emotional state changes from high to low and backwards should worry me, but right now, I'm just content that I don't feel anxious anymore. While coffee is brewing, all I do is stare at the pot. I can't get a single thought going. It's time to get dressed and go to work. I take a look at myself in the mirror to check if everything fits well. I have to wear a suit and tie for my job, so that's important. I make it sound like I'm some big shot at a giant corporation, but that's not the case at all. I work at a hotel as a receptionist, and I'm ok with that. I liked the job a lot when I got it. I think I still do, but it's so hard to be sure of anything anymore. I didn't go to college right after high school, like most people. I felt like I needed a break from studying. But I had to do something, so getting a job was the logical thing to do. I tried a few different things before I got this job, and none felt right until this one.

        I always thought of myself to be a people person, so working as a receptionist and interacting with many strangers came naturally to me. It felt exciting, and I was looking forward to my first day of work. A lot has changed over the many years I worked here. Or maybe only I have changed. I know that lately, I barely manage to fake a smile when I interact with people. And every time, it feels like everyone can see right through me. But I don't care anymore. For whatever reason, I decided to dislike everybody. And it's all their fault! Staring at my reflection in the mirror is messing with my head. We can't stand each other! I need to get out of this apartment. I lock the door behind me and rush down the stairs towards the exit. I step outside, and the warm, spring sunlight hits my face. I stare at the sun a bit, trying to absorb its light. A feeling of hope fills me up. Now I'm ready to go to work. It's a ten-minute walk to get to work. There's an alley right down the middle of the building complex I live in, and it spills into a major street. That street leads right to the hotel. The location of the hotel is on top of a hill next to a park. I remember a time when I used to enjoy this walk. It was like meditation for me. I found the whole scene quite beautiful. No matter what season it was, I always found something beautiful about it, soothing. Lately, it seems like the same beauty offends me.

        Many of my neighbours are using this alley early in the morning on their way to work. I pass by a lot of them and keep the interaction to a minimum. I pretend to look busy. I didn't make any close friends in the neighbourhood since I moved here, but I was always friendly enough. I talked with most of them at least once, and I don't remember having any arguments. Despite that, I barely say hi to them. I look at them as obstacles on my way to work. Whenever I see them stop and talk to each other in the middle of the alley, I want to push them out of the way and not be gentle about it. Dark and violent thoughts take over my mind for a split second, and it terrifies me. It's not who I am. I don't have any history of violence or ill intent towards people.

        -Don't worry about it! They don't like you either!

        -What the...?

I say that out loud, and people turn and look at me. It appears like I'm talking to myself, so I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. I start fumbling through it, pretending that a text or a call annoyed me. I nod my head and smile awkwardly at my neighbours. But my hands are a bit shaky, and I'm worried that I might turn into that crazy guy who walks the streets talking to himself. I'm scared that the voice in my head is trying to escape or take over. How do I fight this? Can I even fight this? I can't remember the last time I considered something worth fighting for, including myself. I increase my stepping, so I get off this alley faster. It feels too narrow all of a sudden, and I feel trapped. The buildings around me are old and grey, and it feels like they're crashing down on me. I need to get out into a more open space.

        Once I reach the street, everything seems brighter. The trees grew fresh leaves, and some of them look like they're about to bloom. They look alive. This whole scenery makes me hopeful again. Walking through this area was always the best part of my day. It's the main reason I stopped taking my car to work. Everything looks very vivid right now, and it's incredibly soothing. I see the hotel on top of the hill, and I'm starting to calm down. I like my co-workers, and I hope that interacting with them will get my mind off everything else. It turns out I have a handful of people left that I don't hate. Now I feel good, and I'm walking towards the hotel with a smile on my face. I see a person outside the hotel waving at me. That's Tim, stretching his legs from a long night shift. Based on his body language, it was an uneventful night. He's drinking a cup of coffee, trying to sober up. It appears it was a long, boring night.

        -Good morning, Tim! How was your night?

        -Morning, Michael! It was horrible! Probably one of the worst nights I had in a long time.

        -Did something go bad? Were there any issues?

        -Issues? Quite the opposite. Nothing happened!

        -Were there no customers? Not even some of the regulars?

Our hotel is known for its privacy and discretion, plus a twenty-four-hour opened bar and restaurant. Very soon, it became a hot spot for the town's most influential people and their mistresses. These are our regular customers. At this point, Tim is furious.

        -No, man. Not a single customer!

        -Unbelievable! Wait! What about the doctor? Without a doubt, the doctor was here!

        -Michael, listen to me! No one! Not a single fucking person!

        -Wow! If the doctor wasn't here, then things are going downhill.

        -Maybe there aren't any more nurses left for him to bang!

Tim and I look at each other and start laughing hysterically. We're both sure that everything will be fine. Out of all the customers, the doctor is my least favourite. He is the best surgeon in town, he has a beautiful family, and I've always assumed that that would be enough to keep him happy. I might have even understood if he had only one mistress, but the way he's rotating them makes him look creepy and disgusting! Especially since most of the girls he brings are young nurses working in the same hospital as him. You'd think that would get him in trouble or that he'd have a moral issue with it! I guess when you reach a high enough status, you're untouchable.

        -Or maybe he's a real man, and you're a weak, pathetic loser!

        -What the fuck did you say?

I lose my temper for a second and raise my voice at Tim, and he looks at me confused, not sure if I'm serious or if it's a bad joke. It wasn't his voice I just heard. I seem to have lost the distinction between reality and imagination. I try to force more laughter to show him that I'm playing around, but I don't think it's working.

        -Are you ok, Michael?

        -What? Yeah, of course, I'm ok. I just didn't quite hear what you said, so I wasn't sure why we're laughing.

Tim isn't buying this at all. We got to know each other very well over the years we've been working together. He can see that something is odd in my behaviour. I always thought that I could talk to him about everything, and I want to tell him what happened last night. But I'm too scared to do that. If I talk about it, then it becomes real.

        -Whatever, man. I don't have time for this. Let's go inside so I can turn over the register to you. I want to go home and get some rest.

Tim walks through the hotel door and goes inside. As soon as the door closes behind him, I let out a sigh of relief. I got away with it, but for some reason, that doesn't make me feel good. I hope that this isn't serious and that it will pass very soon. If no one knows that something is wrong, then it means that everything is ok. Or at least that's how I lie to myself again. I've always liked how straightforward and honest Tim is, but fear makes me keep my mouth shut. I can't stay behind for too long, or Tim will get suspicious if he isn't already. I walk through the door and head straight for the front desk. Tim's already there waiting for me.

        -I left you a list of people that must clear their room today. Go over the register again before informing them to be sure I haven't made a mistake.

        -I'm sure you haven't, Tim, but of course, I'll double-check to be on the safe side.

        -Yeah, do that.

Tim stares at me for a bit. I have a feeling he's still analysing the weird interaction we just had. I feel bad for not letting him know what goes through my head right now, but I need to better understand myself before opening up to him. I do think of him as a friend and lying to him feels very wrong.

        -Are you sure you're ok, Michael? You don't seem like yourself today.

        -Yes, Tim. I am fine.

        -Did you get enough sleep last night?

        -I think I got too much sleep, and my brain needs a bit more time to fire up because of that. I feel like I'm in a bit of a haze.

        -It makes sense. If your sleeping patterns changed, that could've messed you up a bit. But you have to get it together fast. The day shift is usually hectic, and I need you to perform at your best.

        -Don't worry about me, Tim. Once I start my shift and get my flow going, I'll be back to my regular self!

I feel relieved that Tim is satisfied with this reply. He hands the register over to me and starts gathering his stuff. It seems a bit outdated that we still use a big paper register to keep track of our clients, but there's a good reason behind it. It's just for show! We have a computer and an online database, but I don't have access to that. Tim updates it regularly and only with information that can be seen by the public. It's a dodgy aspect of the business, but I knew it from day one. I had no complaints about it, and I prefer using pen and paper.

I could just shut up and patiently wait for Tim to leave, but I don't want the silence between us to get awkward. Or maybe I'm scared that something else might start talking.

        -By the way, Tim, have you considered applying for the manager position?

        -I like my job, Michael. I can handle my responsibilities just fine, and the stress load is not too high. On top of that, it pays well. I'm happy with how much free time I have and the paid vacations. I don't want to change any aspect of it. I'm right where I need to be.

        -I hear you, Tim, but I think you'd be great at it. You know all the oldest customers, and you have a great rapport with them. Why not go for it?

        -It's not my cup of tea. I like working close to people, not above them. I enjoy how I interact with everybody working here, from the kitchen staff to the cleaning personnel, from the guys at the restaurant to you, Michael.

        -I know you and your wife we're talking about having a child soon. Wouldn't a step up at the workplace be beneficial to that goal?

        -No! My wife and I are happy together. Adding more stress to our relationship would be a mistake. We have everything the way we like it. You seem interested in the managerial position. Why don't you try to get it, Michael?

        -I don't think I have the brainpower to do that job, nor do I have the ambition to go for it.

        -You shouldn't dismiss yourself like that, Michael. You have the same skill set I have. That should make you qualified for the job as well.

        -Maybe I was a bit harsh on myself. That position requires more meanness than I possess. Perhaps that's not the right word either. I just don't think I could ever fire someone, no matter how many mistakes they make. Besides, I'm ok with where I am right now. I don't have ambitions to get that job. I just don't want Junior to get it. You understand my worries, right, Tim?

        -Oh, so this was your concern! Listen, Michael, you shouldn't let it bother you at all. Mister Johnson loves this hotel. It's been in his family for generations. If he decides to leave it to his son to manage it, then so be it. We will adapt to it and keep going. As far as I'm concerned, nothing changes. Also, I'm sure Mister Johnson will keep a very close eye on Junior!

        -I hope you're right, Tim! We both know Junior isn't competent enough to run this place. He's made many bad decisions over the years, and most of them are pretty well known. His dad had to bail him out of trouble more than a few times.

        -If Mister Johnson decides to put his son in charge, then it's a done deal. He's not choosing any of us over his son. Also, I heard that this might be Junior's last chance to redeem himself. I'm looking forward to the changes that are coming. They might bring some excitement!

        -So typical of you, Tim, making the best of every situation. I swear your optimism is sometimes getting on my fucking nerves!

        -Well, at least it's good to know that, after all these years, your pessimism hasn't rubbed off on me! Well, this turned out to be fun after all. Let's continue in the evening. I need to get home to shower and rest up.

        -Ok, Tim. Have a great day and see you in the evening!

We're both in a good mood and shared a few laughs in the end. We shake hands. Tim heads for the doors, but he turns to say one more thing before going through them.

        -Don't let pointless thoughts weigh on your mind, Michael. We're going to be ok. Trust me on that! Just stick to what's in front of you.

        -That sounds great, Tim.

        -See you later, Michael!

        -Bye, Tim!

Tim finally takes his leave, and I'm still staring at the doors, and something doesn't sit right with me. Why wouldn't he take the manager position? Everyone here thinks that he's in charge anyway, so at least let's make it official. Ah, fuck it! It's not important right now. I must come up with a plan to keep myself busy all day. Right now, work should be the best distraction from my subconscious. The thought of going home tonight, and being alone in my bedroom in complete darkness, sends shivers down my spine. Just the word home itself should give me a sense of security, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. Everything around me is changing, and I have a bad feeling about it. I must push these thoughts down and focus on my work, but first, I'll seek more human interactions.       

        I'm heading towards the elevators. I want, or better said, I need to say hi to the staff. I always go to the kitchen first, located on the first floor. One of the lifts is for personnel only, and it only works with a key card. It didn't make sense to put the kitchen on the first floor, but it's better for the room service.