Memoirs of a Christian Couple: A deeply transparent, his-and-hers take on how to overcome your past failed relationships and connect with the spouse of your dreams

By Joshua Parker and Anastasia Parker

Memoirs of a Christian Couple is a deeply personal look at how we as men and women, despite enduring failed relationship after failed relationship, can still find the perfect spouse designed just for us - if we’re willing to do the work. Joshua and Anastasia take you deep as they unpack and relive their most darkest times and, by G

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shields Up Ministries
• Release date: Feb 29, 2020
• ISBN: 9781733476713

Joshua Parker

To learn more about the authors, go to: www.fixingfracturedfamilies.com

Book preview

MEMOIRS OF

A CHRISTIAN

COUPLE

A deeply transparent, his-and-hers take on how to overcome your past failed relationships and connect with the spouse of your dreams

Joshua and Anastasia Parker

To learn more about the authors,

visit www.fixingfracturedfamilies.com

Copyright © 2020 by Joshua and Anastasia Parker.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020902400

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible,

New Living Translation, copyright © 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation.

Acknowledgments

To Jesus

All glory and honor belong to you, the author and finisher of our faith. Without you, we can do nothing. Your call to us at just the right moment has launched us on a trajectory that will impact the lives of many. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of this journey. Our prayer is that, with your continued help, we leave this earth with no assignment unfinished.

To Our Past

We couldn’t write any of this without you. What you did for us is best described by 2 Corinthians 4:8–9 (nlt):

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

You are a major reason why our light shines so bright.

to Family

For supporting us in ways we could never imagine.

To Our Parents: Words cannot express our gratitude and love for you all. We couldn’t ask for a better foundation to stand on when God graces us with children. You’ve set the bar high by imparting love, discipline, and a genuine heart to serve others inside of us. You can be proud of who you’ve raised. God has taken it from here.

To Our Sisters: From the moment you were born we were inseparable. Spending time with you has lifted our spirits in times of trouble on many occasions. You are both intelligent, you are both strong, you are both beautiful, and you are both fearless. Nothing will change that. God has made you perfect, and I thank Him for using you to help us through our hard times. We love you both!

To Antibee: I (Joshua) don’t know what I would have done without you. Having you in my life has brought me and my sister both so much joy. No matter how crazy things got around us, your home was our safe refuge. You protected us as your own children. You nurtured us, taught us, protected us, and you did life with us. Waking me up at 3 a.m. so I could pass a Frogger board on PlayStation, or us running you over when that bird from hell got into the house, or you river dancing every time you had a toothache. You weren’t rich, but you’ve enriched my life more than I can express. So, I’ll simply say, I sat there and ROARED!

To Our Grandmothers: We dedicate this book to you. We miss you more than ever. Thank you for daring to be different. Thank you for being a misfit for Jesus. You taught us what His strength looks like, and now, like you, we can feel it too. We know if you were still here you’d be proud of us; we pray every day that you knew just how proud we were of you.

To Reverend Skip

From the moment I (Joshua) came to Christ, your voice rang through the halls of my spirit. I thank God that He has given me my very own Paul to submit to, learn from, model myself after, and lean on in times of trouble. You’ve been my pastor in the most pivotal times of my life. You’ve taught me most of what God has confirmed in my life concerning purity, boundaries, and the blueprint to God’s intention for marriage. When you read this book, you’ll see a lot of you in it. That’s because when I was writing it, I realized that I have a lot of you in me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, big brother.

To Our Readers

We are no experts. We aren’t doctors or counselors or priests. We’re everyday people, just like you. Our goal is not for our journey to end with this book, but begin. We want to build a platform that inspires couples to approach dating differently. Through comedic edutainment, couples coaching, and everyday life, we hope to share our transparent message on a couch, stage, or theater near you. But for now, our prayer is that this book answers your prayers and gives you the courage to give love one last try.

Contents

Foreword

HIS TAKE

1. Prologue

2. Problem

3. Pain

4. Process

5. Precursor

6. Prayer

7. Pardon

8. Preparation

9. Principles

10. Promise

11. Provision

12. Proposal

HER TAKE

1. Prologue

2. Problem

3. Pain

4. Process

5. Precursor

6. Prayer

7. Pardon

8. Preparation

9. Principles

10. Promise

11. Provision

12. Proposal

Foreword

My bride and I have coached hundreds of dating, engaged, and married couples and it is extraordinary to find a couple like Joshua and Anastasia to be on the same page with a healthy and mature outlook on what is involved in a Christ-centered relationship. Their compelling story and deep transparency captivated me and I’ve recently celebrated thirty years of marriage! I kept asking myself, Where was this book thirty years ago?

Only read Memoirs of a Christian Couple if you are serious about turning the page on your past and you are willing to allow Christ to use your past to deepen vulnerability in your marriage.

–Dr. Johnny Parker

Author of Renovating Your Marriage

Former Chaplain of the Washington Redskins

(No relation to the authors)

HIS TAKE

Chapter 1

Prologue

This book is not of this world. The process it describes has been around longer than any other, and yet, its otherworldliness seems to baffle Christians and non-Christians alike. It’s kind of like that scene in the 1997 science fiction film entitled The Fifth Element , with Bruce Willis and Chris Tucker. They’ve been given a mission to save the earth from total obliteration. Korben Dallas, played by Bruce Willis, has gathered the five elements of life: earth, fire, wind, water, and a fifth element within a supreme being named Leeloo. In the final moments before earth’s destruction, Korben and Ruby Rhod (played by Chris Tucker) are inside a large Egyptian pyramid and have one goal: activate all five elements before a great evil consumes the planet. The problem is, no one knows how to activate these elemental keys. With time stretched thin and destruction imminent, they figure out how to open them. Finally, in preparation to activate the final elemental key, Korben pulls out a matchbox. Inside the box was one previously struck match, with the final key they needed to activate being, you guessed it, the element of fire. With everything on the line, Korben Dallas has just enough phosphorus and potassium chlorate on this burnt match to light it and pull off activating this elemental key in preparation of saving the world. In the end though, those four elements meant nothing without the fifth: love.

This memoir is your match. It’s the last one in your matchbox. It was written in hopes that by the end you will realize that, like us, you have exhausted all worldly measures, and are now ready to cross into the otherworldly. The change will be drastic, but only at first. You can do it. We know you can because, well, we did it. We’re nobody special. We were just like you: broken, bitter, and befuddled. Our previous relationships left us empty and with only one option—to try something different.

We were down to our last match.

Within these pages you will follow the story of us, Joshua and Anastasia Parker, as we ventured through a very real journey from pain as singles to our proposal by God’s grace. We tell this story from our separate perspectives; a his-and-her take on the process of approaching, courting, and the details that surround them. This end of the book is my (Joshua) point of view, while if you read from the other end of the book you will find my wife’s (Anastasia) point of view. It is a very truthful look at how we went wrong before we met, what we endured to correct it, and the blessings that God provided for doing so. It is not for the faint of heart. As uncomfortable as it is, we believe our transparency concerning how we operated outside the will of God as singles will reinforce the importance of operating under biblical principles as a couple. Even if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ, this book stands alone as a surefire way to light that last match in your matchbox. Don’t give up on the fifth element. We’re praying our testimony will save you from a great evil. Love is right around the corner. Let our failures be your success. Let our ending be your beginning. Let our story be your blueprint.

Welcome to the Memoirs of a Christian Couple.

Chapter 2

Problem

I was prepared to do it. Everything was settled. I would die on Wednesday. I had thought it through some more on Sunday, and by Sunday night nothing could change my mind. I was literally determined to kill myself. I had given up. The depression had won. Years of pretending that there was nothing wrong with me had finally taken its toll. Looking back, I never thought I could stoop this low or fall so far. I mean, how had it gotten to this point? I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. What was my problem? As I sat alone in those final days of my life, I thought about where it all started and who I used to be before I became this unrecognizable person ready to just give up on life. And then it dawned on me.

My name is Joshua Parker, and I was the problem.

I’m an ’80s baby, so naturally I grew up on all the coolest fads—Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Nintendo, the Walkman, Teddy Ruxpin, and many others I’m sure you remember. Those were the days! My parents were also the coolest. They married young, right after I was born and, despite being divorced by the time I was seven years of age, they provided for my sister and me in a way that made for an incredible childhood. We hit amusement parks, fishing, family reunions, Disney World, and many other things. It wasn’t bulletproof, mind you; but in the end, I think I turned out alright.

I was raised in Danville, Illinois. I grew up the oldest and was the only boy out of five grandchildren for the longest time. Having girls outnumber the boys wasn’t unusual in our family. My mother’s brother was the only boy out of four children and my father was the only boy out of four children, so they certainly understood the odds. Three boys out of thirteen. Yikes. Somebody pray for us! Me, my little sister, and the other grandchildren grew up as if we were all siblings. As the oldest, I remember quite a bit I sometimes wish I couldn’t, and those experiences made for an interesting course to adulthood. We endured a lot of the hardship together, some of us moving towards the future and others still reliving the past. We all continue to press forward despite the odds.

How I became the problem in my own life started when I was pretty young. By the time I was twelve, I had been heavily exposed to pornography, masturbation, domestic violence, alcoholism, womanizing, and drug abuse. My first memory of porn came when I was around ten years old. I remember my sister and I being picked up by my dad, as it was his weekend to have us. Upon arriving home, we ran with excitement to the living room and turned on the television where the VCR was still unknowingly playing. When the picture became clear so did the images. My sister and I were surprised and confused by what we saw in those few seconds. It was like an action movie how fast my father turned that TV back off and removed the tape. But that’s all it took. From there, my curiosity peaked. Anytime I was alone, I searched for the tape. When I finally found it, my curiosity didn’t end there. My hunt continued and I found many others.

The assault on my young mind came in the other forms as well. While I never witnessed domestic abuse between my own parents, it was on vivid display in many other households in my family. I remember being in the third grade and witnessing a physical attack on my cousin. I had just gotten home from school and she and I were alone in the house. Her boyfriend at the time barged in the house and locked her inside the bathroom. I sat there, unable to help. Hopeless. That feeling stayed with me even into my adulthood. I couldn’t save her from the pain. I was weak. I believed I was the problem.

There were a few households within my close-knit family that actively expressed their faith, but for the majority it was an, It’s your choice to choose what you believe, kind of upbringing. I think the last time anyone made me attend church was probably in the third grade. Church life just wasn’t something we were a part of as a family. I received a very emphatic don’t do this and don’t behave like that as guidance in a lot of areas in life; but in terms of women and religion, I had to encounter them both for myself.

I was quite confused about my identity growing up. I was shy and developed behaviors of self-inflicted isolation. Specifically, my uncertainty about girls caused me to spend a lot of time behind a computer screen. Naturally, that meant most of my macking skills were developed in online chat rooms, far from the risk of being rejected or humiliated in person.

Even out in the real world, I spent a couple of middle school years trying to figure out why I wasn’t noticed by girls, seemingly at all. Naturally, I questioned my sexual orientation in hopes of finding a solution. It made more sense seeing as I hung around and was noticed by lots of guy friends. I mean, I was a cool, funny guy. All the guys loved hanging with me because I would make them laugh. I had female friends too, but my buddies always had girls and I was the only dangerously handsome black kid with no girl of my own. While there were a few girls I had major crushes on growing up, of course, I never took action.

There was one young woman I noticed while in middle school who was a few years older. She was around fourteen and I was just eleven or twelve. She reminded me of Rosie Perez, but like way finer. She knew of me, too. She hung out with the cool kids her age and wasn’t about to date a dude that was like three grades behind her. That was like robbing the cradle! At least, that’s what I told myself so I wouldn’t have to approach her. And it most certainly worked. In the end, I would get teased like most other nerdy kids for being a virgin, called out for never getting with a girl. It pushed me deeper into the shell of isolation I’d created. I created my own virtual world in video gaming, making friends with people I never had to meet in person. This way I wouldn’t be made fun of. In the real world, if I just hung out with me, myself, and I and avoided all extracurricular activities I possibly could, I would have all the friends I needed, right?

By the time I turned eighteen and was preparing to ship off to the Marine Corps, I had mastered the art of online dating. Before it was really a thing. In my mind, being alone paid off; I had access to far more women than my friends without ever leaving my home. I developed a real gift for using the written word to sweep women off their feet in a mere paragraph or two. But when it came to actually speaking to one in person, I was the absolute worst. I never attended school dances, never made out under the stairs, never squeezed a girl’s butt before running through the halls to third period. None of that. I was simply socially depressing (if you asked my wife today, she’d probably tell you that I still am), but only in places where I felt uncomfortable. If you left me secluded in front of a computer, where every conversation was under my control, I was a new-age pimp!

The one chance I had to turn my socially awkward self around was during my senior year of high school. This one girl had a secret crush on me, and we ended up getting connected through family members of mine who clearly hated me. I mean, why else would they set me up on what was essentially a blind date? I remember picking this young lady up in my ‘89 Chevrolet Caprice. I loved that car. It was gray with a sparkling silver finish, had a nice-sized subwoofer, and air shocks, which allowed for me to lift the frame and whatnot.

The day of our date came and it was raining hard, but I pressed my way to her home. Upon arrival, she invited me to come inside and meet her family. Thankfully, the details of those interactions are still a bit foggy, but after meeting her folks, we were off to the movies. Don’t ask me what movie it was because I have absolutely no idea, and don’t ask me how the date went because you already know I’m socially depressing. Heck, I don’t even think I looked her way the entire time we were in the theater.

Once the movie was over, I took her straight home. When we got to the door, she asked me to come in, and even requested that I stay over. While most guys my age would be looking to get the draws, I was running for the car. I was terrified! I couldn’t get off those steps fast enough. It was like something out of a romantic comedy, and I was the guy who suddenly had to use the bathroom really bad. I gave her a nice hug—not a moment spared to chance her giving me a kiss preceding my departure—then bolted for the car as she watched in what looked like astonishment ... or possibly horror. Yeah, I’m going to go with horror. The way I ran out of there, you would have thought that girl was trying to kill me.

It’s okay; you can laugh.

Needless to say, there was no second date. Not that she didn’t want one; I was just too afraid to go through that all over again. Even now I feel bad for the young lady. She probably thought I found her completely repulsive. Truth is, I found me completely repulsive. So, I eventually cut off all communication with her, and crawled back into my comfortable, familiar shell of isolation. After that nightmare, online dating never looked so good. You see the problem yet? I told you—it was me.

The day I shipped myself off to San Diego for Marine Corps boot camp, I had three women head over heels for ya boy. I mean, I was a real chatroom Casanova. Despite being a smooth operator, the fact still remained that I was headed to the military a nineteen-year-old virgin. There was no way I was heading to the boot camp of the most elite fighting force in the world and still in the category