Spark the Grit: Tenacious Parenting in a Topsy-Turvy World

By Holly Cox LCPC

In this easy-to-read book, author Holly Cox shares the insights she has gained during the 40 plus years she has worked with children as a mother, grandmother, teacher, counselor, and parenting coach. She is honest and open with the reader as she shares many of her own parenting challenges, along with the insights she has gained while working with children and teens in the school system and in her private practice.

This book is designed to be an interactive resource for parents with questions for reflection following each chapter. Holly willingly shares her vulnerabilities as she takes you through the ups and downs of her experiences working with children and teens. Throughout the book, she gives you a sneak peek into the roller-coaster ride of her emotions as she learns to navigate the parenting journey with her own children. She also shares her observations relating to the struggles and challenges that are facing children, teens, and parents in our society today and offers some suggestions for getting ourselves back on the right track.

Holly sees parenting as a sacred trust - designed to be one of the most important roles of our lives. As she sees it, we have the incredible responsibility of influencing the lives of our children as well as generations to come. Parenting on purpose requires us to "spark the grit" in our children and guide them in the direction of leading responsible, resilient, resourceful, and fulfilled lives.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098358167

Book preview

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Copyright © 2020 by Holly Cox, LCPC

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author.

First published by Book Baby – New Jersey - 2021

ISBN: 978-1-09835-815-0

eBook: 978-1-09835-816-7

Table of Contents

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE: DON’T PUT YOURSELF ON TRIAL

CHAPTER TWO: SPARK YOUR OWN GRIT

CHAPTER THREE: SELF-ACCEPTANCE STARTS WITH YOU

CHAPTER FOUR: TENACIOUS PARENTING 101

CHAPTER FIVE: GRIT IS AS GRIT DOES

CHAPTER SIX: IT’S NOT PERSONAL

CHAPTER SEVEN: PICK YOUR BATTLES BEFORE THEY PICK YOU

CHAPTER EIGHT: DECLINE THE INVITATION

CHAPTER NINE: REMEMBER THAT IT’S NOT A RACE TO THE FINISH LINE

CHAPTER TEN: EMBRACE FAILURE

CHAPTER ELEVEN: FALLING OFF THE BARSTOOL

CHAPTER TWELVE: DON’T RAISE A TROPHY

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: DO NOT CHASE HAPPINESS FOR YOUR CHILDREN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: GRITTY PEOPLE DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE FAIRNESS FAIRYTALE

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: GRANDMA, I HOPE I DON’T DIE. THE FAIRNESS FAIRYTALE PART 2

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: DON’T JOIN YOUR CHILDREN IN THEIR MISERY

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: THE MAGICAL, GRIT-BUILDING QUESTION

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: IN PRAISE OF GUILT

CHAPTER NINETEEN: TO DISEMPOWER OR EMPOWER—THAT IS THE QUESTION

CHAPTER TWENTY: AS THE FUTURE UNFOLDS

A SPECIAL THANKS

BIBLIOGRAPHY

PREFACE

We are all born with grit . The fact that we are living today, despite the odds of something going terribly wrong on the arduous path from conception to birth, gives testimony to the grit and determination we exhibit on our journey into this world. Once we are born, we become very dependent on the people around us for survival. Even then, we are fierce in our efforts to get our needs met. As tiny babies, we scream the house down when we are hungry, uncomfortable, or overly tired just to make sure someone responds quickly to our demands. Despite weighing only a few pounds, we instinctively know how to problem-solve and courageously interact with our environments. We are tenacious in our determination to roll over, sit, crawl, stand, walk, and talk. We are willing to risk failure over and over again in order to achieve our goals. As we grow and develop, however, many of us learn that the world is a scary place and that failure of any sort is a bad thing. We learn to avoid it at all cost, since it seems to disappoint or worry the people who love us. In the process, we can lose confidence in our ability to handle the challenges that come our way. If we stop believing in our own grit, we start relying on others to run interference for us. When we think they can handle life so much better than we can, we lose sight of our resilience and resourcefulness. Our avoidance of anything that might lead to failure and a lack of belief in our intrinsic abilities can make it very difficult to successfully navigate the transition to adulthood. One of the critical jobs of parenting is to spark and develop the grit that is already inside each and every child. It’s not always easy because our adult fears can get in the way. We see our precious children struggling, and we want to protect them from real and perceived dangers. Of course, it is our job as parents to keep our children safe. However, when we do things for them that they can easily (or not so easily) do for themselves, we rob them of the chance to develop autonomy and the essential skills that will serve them long after they leave our homes. Raising children who are resilient, resourceful, responsible, and filled with grit takes a great deal of tenacity in today’s topsy-turvy world, but it is definitely worth the effort. The chapters that follow include many examples from my own life as a daughter, mother, grandmother, teacher, counselor, and parenting coach. Some of the suggestions come from the mistakes and successes my husband Tim and I experienced as parents. Other tips I picked up during my years teaching elementary school and the almost thirty years I’ve spent working as a high school guidance counselor. Working in private practice, counseling and coaching couples and families, has also added to my current parenting philosophy.

I wrote many of the chapters in this book before the world was hit by Covid-19. We certainly never could have predicted the scary and life-changing challenges thrust upon us in such a short amount of time, and many of us were not prepared to cope with the variety of obstacles we faced. After experiencing this horrendous pandemic and observing its impact on our lives, I feel even more strongly that it is critical that we develop grit within ourselves and in our children. Time is of the essence. We need to take a look at what we’ve been doing and respond accordingly. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do want to spark the questions.

Thank you for taking the time to read this book. It’s designed to be interactive. Please highlight passages that interest you (or infuriate you), and use the questions to reflect on your own experiences. I have also included a Thoughts and Reflections section after each chapter to give you some space to make notes.

We cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend serious obstacles don’t exist. To get children ready for adulthood effectively, we must be willing to do whatever it takes to prepare them for the real world—a world (like the one we are experiencing right now during the Covid-19 pandemic) that can change in the blink of an eye. Hopefully, you will find the information helpful as you work to spark the grit that is already in your own children. After all, what could be more rewarding than raising resilient, resourceful, and responsible adults who have the ability to face life’s ups and downs with tenacity and joy?

INTRODUCTION

It seems like it was only yesterday. The year was 1980, and I was eagerly awaiting the birth of my first child. Pregnancy absolutely suited me. As someone who grew up without siblings, I always dreamed of having a very large family; however, my son’s actual delivery had me rethinking the whole idea of giving birth to even one more child. At the end of nineteen hours of a rigorous and excruciating induced labor, Ryan’s larger-than-average head got stuck in the birth