Being on the Isthmus of Rage and Despair

By Scott R.S. Raphael

"...being on the isthmus of rage and despair/all I can do is stand, and sit, and stare."

In his debut poetry collection, Scott R.S. Raphael explores the depths of the human mind through a narrator battling the throes of unrequited love, fear, death, fantasy, mental deterioration, and, of course, rage and despair.

An exploration of the human condition and the depths to which one can sink within the darkest corners of the mind, Being on the Isthmus of Rage and Despair reaches into what it means to live and seeks the answers sought by many but captured by few.

"I miss you/ And I reply,/I do too/But I'm not sure if I'm referring to her/or to myself,/for both are equally gone"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Scott Raphael
• Release date: Jul 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781777768157

Book preview

Being on the Isthmus of Rage and Despair

Scott R.S. Raphael

First published by Scott Raphael 2021

Copyright © 2021 by Scott Raphael

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

This book is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

First edition ISBN: 978-1-7777681-5-7      

Dedicated to

Samantha

for enduring the strange parts of my brain

Foreword

I've never really considered myself to be a poet. Poetry was always for people with grand worldviews or a deep connection to the human soul. I was a writer, yes. An author. But not a poet. Yet, my first real introduction to the world of writing publicly came in the form of poetry. Maybe that was just because Instagram offered the most immediate platform for me to connect with other writers and potential readers. Or maybe it was because there was something more that I wanted to get out of my system. 

Poetry has become a kind of catharsis for me, an outlet for the darker thoughts that swirl about in my head. In fiction, that manifests in unhappy endings and a slew of tragically dead characters. But in poetry, I don't have to capture an emotion in the sleeve of corpse. Here, my brain can run wild, my words can mean anything, and the strained, crossed wires short-circuiting in my brain can say whatever the hell they feel like.

My poetry may not be for you. Or it may be. It really depends on what you're looking for. If you want nature, beauty, love, and hope; if you want deep insights into humanity, politics, the world as a whole; if you're looking for an epic, a structural masterpiece, a work fit for the Gods—you will be disappointed.

But if you want something visceral, emotional, aggressive, and violently human, something that captures the lost and confused mind, something that speaks without thinking and doesn't need to regret later because all of those words were spoken solely within the head—then, maybe, you'll find something to hold onto, here.

I don't like the idea of telling you how to interpret my words. I believe in the freedom of the reader to find personal meaning and to understand as one chooses. However, if you are looking for a bit of a guide, at least through my own interpretation of the words and characters that follow within this collection, I'll do my best to offer a small nugget of what to anticipate.

Being on the Isthmus of Rage and Despair is, at its core, a tale of unrequited love, told through the lens of a character whose world is over-defined by the fabrications of his own mind. The collection begins with the title poem, wherein the narrator welcomes a woman from his past back to the city. Is she truly there or has she returned solely within his mind? This is for you to decide.

The rest of the fractured narrative progresses from there, watching the character express his unrequited love, if only to himself, find himself trapped in a headspace that permits only the two title emotions (rage or despair), and fall into a black hole of mental uncertainty. He envisions a future that will never come, idealizes a past that never was, drinks too much, collapses into a dream-world of nonsensical ramblings, explores the concept of his own death and death in general, visualizes the reality and unreality of sex and love, awakens to discover his solitude, but now with a new perspective that attempts to be more respectful and understanding, but that still dances back to the past and to the visions—sometimes honest, sometimes beautiful, sometimes perverse—that have scarred his brain for so long that they will never truly go away, and, in the end, proclaims his own salvation.

Believe him or not. Decry him or not. Love him or not. He is, and is not, as he presents himself.  He is yours to mould now; yours to hold and yours to hate.

Find, in him, yourself,

if you choose to care,

but beware and fade not

into rage and despair.

~ Scott R.S. Raphael (2021)

Table of Contents

Being on the Isthmus of Rage and Despair

Guardrails

Tomorrow, Five Years From Now

Precision

As Stated, So It Is

Consider me a backup plan, then,

If and When

Do You Know How It Feels?

Damage Me

A Drink Too Many

What Little Solace

Sensitive Skin

Hollow Loss

Truth, and Other Lies

Drunk at Work

In the Night

Three Days to Friday

Waking Up

The Sole Right of the Dead Conception

One Day, It Just—

Feileb

Protozoa

Helminth

A House of Human Skin

Little Fettered Things

Beautiful Blood

Patience Slew

Intimacy

The Visceral Sex

I Don’t Taste You

The Fallacy of Predetermination

Co-Perception

Getting