One Day or Day One. You Decide.

By Floriana NK

I have been where you are now. I have felt unsatisfied with my life and unfulfilled by my work. I thought that if I did whatever was expected of me, then that would be enough. But it was not. Years went by and my goals grew further and further out of reach. One day, I knew things had to change. I was desperate to make some kind of progress to reach my goals, so I immersed myself in everything that had to do with setting goals, achieving success, and living a more fulfilling life. I tried every technique and gimmick I could find; however, no matter how much time I would spend formulating a flawless plan of action, I would always stop short of putting that plan into action. Every time I would try to put what I had learned to use, I found that I simply did not have the motivation to make it happen.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Floriana NK
• Release date: Jun 20, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201763916

Book preview

Chapter 1: What Holds You Back

First, you need to first address what has been keeping you stuck. The last thing we want to admit is that our behaviors could be holding us back; however, this is often the case. Even if we are aware of the harm these behaviors cause, we resist change. These behaviors are, in a way, a safety net. For example, you want to lose weight, but after a long stressful day of work, you indulge in a pint of ice cream. Instead of thinking of better ways to handle the stress and get ourselves to be more proactive, we seek comfort in old bad habits. To achieve our goals, we must cut down these safety nets by acknowledging these behaviors.

Self-Sabotage

For many people, it is hard to see how certain behaviors negatively affect our lives. We want to keep certain areas of our lives compartmentalized. What happens at work should not interfere with our interactions with our kids. Our diet could not possibly inhibit progress on that business idea we have been sitting on for a year. But life is not so easily compartmentalized. When we feel like we are lacking in one area of our life, that sense of lack spreads to other areas of our lives. For example, someone who feels unfulfilled by their work might stay up late watching Netflix to recoup time they felt had been ‘wasted' at work. When it is time to get up for work in the morning, they are exhausted. Maybe they oversleep. Either way,it is highly likely that instead of preparing a healthy meal for their breakfast and eating it at their leisure, they get dressed and leave as quickly as possible. Because they skipped breakfast, they have to buy fast food for lunch, a choice which is as expensive in the long term as it is unhealthy. Because they got so little sleep the night before, they drink something high in sugar or caffeine, or an energy drink, in order to be able to stay awake for their entire shift, let alone function. Their exhaustion lends to them performing poorly; struggling to keep up, they grow even more resentful of their job. When they get home, they spend hours watching TV and eating junk food. The cycle, of course, repeats. Over time, they gain weight, which erodes their self-esteem. Now, the consequences of their actions are apparent; but instead of trying to fix any of their bad habits, their situation will likely only deteriorate. Eventually, they become less confident and less social, leading to missed opportunities and poor relationships. Clearly, all areas of our lives are interdependent. This interdependence, however, can work in our favor. Consider exercise. Regular exercise leads to better overall health and increased self-confidence. When we feel confident, we are more willing to take chances and socialize, seizing opportunities and enjoying healthier relationships.

Self-sabotaging behaviors are those that interfere with our ability to improve our situations. Self-sabotaging behaviors include:

●  Procrastination

●  Negative thought patterns

●  Poor coping mechanisms

○  Turning to drugs or alcohol to deal with stress or depression

○  Unhealthy eating habits (comfort eating)

○  Gambling

Disrupting these self-sabotaging patterns is the only way to ensure you stop getting in your own way. As previously mentioned, identifying self-sabotaging behaviors can be difficult because self-sabotaging behaviors often do not immediately precede the consequence of those behaviors. Self-sabotage, however, has some red flags. If you find yourself saying, Why do I always do that? or, This always happens to me, these thoughts indicate self-sabotaging behaviors that need to be addressed. Others signs include:

●  Shifting blame

●  Prematurely abandoning tasks

●  Picking fights

●  Not expressing your needs

●  Not upholding boundaries

●  Holding unrealistically high standards

●  Putting yourself down

Many self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts begin in childhood as a result of our earliest relationships. As adults, we continue to do what had gotten us the most attention as children. If we only received attention from our parents when they were angry with us, then we unconsciously provoke others in our adult lives. We can stop these self-sabotaging behaviors; however, positive change requires careful examination.

One of the first things you can do to uncover undesirable behaviors is to consider your long-term goals. This is the time to be honest with yourself about what you want out of life and what behaviors will keep you from getting there. Ask yourself, Does this behavior align with my long-term vision? If it does not, take note. Do not obsess over immediately changing these behaviors; simply becoming aware is a step on the right path.

Bad Habits

Along with self-sabotaging behaviors, there are bad habits. Bad habits are the things we do daily, without thought; and they can prevent us from reaching our full potential. Self-sabotaging behaviors can lead to the formation of bad habits. For example, you may self-sabotage your chances of getting a promotion at work because you do not think you have enough experience to get it. Your behaviors begin to align with this belief; you have already decided you are not going to get the promotion, so you do not need to put in the effort to prove you deserve it and start being tardy and neglecting your responsibilities. Therefore, it is essential to identify both self-sabotaging behaviors and bad habits.

Don’t Ignore Your Emotions

Many habits are formed because of the emotional attachment we have with the behavior. Bad habits are often the result of repeatedly doing something that allows us to alleviate painful emotions. Ignoring your emotions does not just mean you are trying not to feel; it also refers to numbing them through habits like eating or drinking. If we want to eliminate bad habits, we need to understand the feeling that is causing us to do them.

When you feel strong emotions rising, pause before you react. Acknowledge what you are feeling instead of trying to numb it through a coping mechanism. This will be uncomfortable, but the discomfort is better than reverting to old habits that you know will set you back.

How We Automate Our Behaviors

When behaviors are consistently repeated, they become habitual. We do not need to think about them; we just do them. Every habit that is formed follows the same pattern. First, a behavior is triggered by internal or external stimuli. Triggers can be a thought, emotion, or anything in our environment. Then we perform the habit. Finally, shortly after we have completed the habit or as the habit is being performed, we gain a reward. This reward often provides us with something pleasurable that is not always beneficial for us. Many people form bad habits at a faster rate than more desirable ones because they put little thought into initializing the habit, not necessarily thinking of what we will gain. Short-term rewards lead to faster habit development, which is why bad habits can form quickly. We are instantly relieved of pain and find temporary pleasure when we engage in these behaviors. We struggle to commit to better habits because we are focused on the long-term results. We do not experience an instant reward with most successful habits. The reward is a critical component in both situations.

Psychologically, the law of diminishing returns suggests that the more we engage in a reward, the less appealing that reward becomes. Our desire for expected rewards will diminish the more times the reward is used to complete a task. This means we need to keep ‘upping’ the reward to gain the same pleasurable feeling.

By understanding how our habits are formed, both desirable and undesirable, we can use effective triggers and rewards to adopt better habits.

Successful Habits

Successful habits are ones that help us move forward with our goals and personal growth. They can include a wide variety of daily routines, from exercising to reading. Establishing the right habits is essential for maintaining motivation. When our habits align with our authentic selves, we become unstoppable in achieving all we desire.

Adopting the right habits will depend on where you think you need to improve the most or where you think you need to improve first. Do not get caught up in choosing the ‘right’ successful habit to start with because cultivating one successful habit will result in a domino effect. One successful habit will influence our other habits, putting us on a healthy, happy, and successful path.

Procrastination

Everybody procrastinates to some extent. Putting off things that we do not feel like doing until tomorrow provides us with short-term rewards in exchange for long-term consequences. Those that suffer from chronic procrastination, however, are not just putting things off. Despite knowing there are severe consequences for not getting something done, like having to pay a late fee, procrastination persists.

Procrastination is not as straightforward as many are led to believe. Many who procrastinate on important tasks are overwhelmed with self-doubt. They procrastinate not because they do not have the time, but because they would rather be seen as someone who is not trying hard enough than someone who is incapable. Procrastination is a common self-sabotage behavior often due to ineffective coping skills.

Poor time management has long been considered the most common culprit behind procrastination, but new evidence shows that this is not the case (Jaffe, 2013). Individuals who have higher levels of stress tend to