Hard to Luv

Prologue

"Y ou can’t have that baby. Cutty paused long enough to send death rays at his sister before he angrily began pacing again. You will not have that got damn baby. This changes everything, Tan. EVERY FUCKING THING!"

Don’t you think I know that? But I don’t care, Carlton, I’m having this baby. Just let me tell him. You never know. He loves me. He will love this baby. And if he loves me, then he’ll take care of us. We can still have it all. I’m sure he’ll let you…

Let me what, Tan? Work for him? Be one of his got damn errand boys? I’m not doing that shit. I want to be in charge. I want that shit to be mine. The fuck you thinking about? That’s why we did this in the first place. You think I invested all this time to be a got damn errand boy? Hell no. You’re not having that got damn baby. We have a job to do, and I can’t have you all emotional. If he knows about that baby, it will change everything. And what the hell do you think he will do when he finds out the only reason you opened your legs for him was because I told you to? Do you think he’ll still take care of you and that bastard child that you’re carrying? Huh, Tanessa?

Cutty walked up on his sister and got right in her face. The hate in his eyes was so intense that she stepped back. The way he moved through his personalities was so crazy to her. He could be as calm as a summer breeze, and then in the blink of an eye, as violent as a tornado. That was part of the reason why she always just fell in line with his plans and ideas. She didn’t want to be on the receiving end of one of his violent storms. Tan loved her brother and it was just the two of them, but some days she felt like her life would be much better if she just left and never looked back. This was one of those moments.

He doesn’t have to know.

Cutty laughed arrogantly and then glared at his sister. He loved her, but in his eyes, she could be so clueless sometimes. This plan had been set in motion for a long time. She wasted a year of his time getting close to the mark, learning his ways, and just when the time was approaching for him to follow through with his plan, she pulls this shit.

Carlton, she began slowly, with her eyes locked into his. She touched his arm and he yanked away.

What I tell you about calling me that shit? That’s his name. I’m not that muthafucker, and I don’t want his got damn name, her brother growled when she referred to him as Carlton. It was their father’s name, one that they both hated, but Cutty more than anyone.

I’m sorry, Cutty, just calm down. We don’t have to—

You’re not having that got damn baby. That’s it.

Cutty turned to walk off when Tan yelled out in desperation. I have to. It’s too late for me to do anything about it.

The fuck you mean too late? Get rid of that shit.

I can’t, I waited too long. But what if I just stay away until I have it, and then go back?

She lied. Tan knew that she was barely even three months, but she wasn’t trying to kill her baby. She loved it already, and just couldn’t do it.

How the fuck do you think that’s going to work, Tan? You sound stupid. You can’t just disappear on that nigga and then show up again.

Thinking quickly because she was desperate, she threw out an idea. What if he thinks that someone took me? He has enemies, Cutty, a lot of them. We could make him believe that. You can call him. Tell him that you have me. I know he’ll believe you. Please, Cutty, she pleaded, hoping that he would agree.

The tears fell as she watched and waited. She needed him to agree. Cutty held an evil gaze with her for a few moments longer, but didn’t say a word. He simply walked away…

-One-

A year and counting…

Y o, where the fuck you at, Zell?

MyZell looked over at the king sized bed that he was sitting across from and glanced at the body balled up in the center of it. He still had no clue why he brought her there, but something about her just wouldn’t allow him to leave her behind. He couldn’t tell Trez that because it would require an explanation that he didn’t currently have.

I’m caught up right now, was all he offered.

Caught up? The fuck you mean caught up, Zell? Did something go wrong? Nah, fuck that. I already know better, so what’s the deal, bro?

He chuckled to himself at his best friend, Trez’s, reaction. MyZell was never caught up. He didn’t know why that statement even left his mouth. He was extremely good at his job, and there wasn’t a chance in hell that he would get caught slipping. But admitting to Trez that after he had gone in to kill Graves and found a female balled up in the corner slightly beaten, possibly strung out, and then took her with him wasn't going to fly. Trez wouldn't have believed him anyway.

Zell, the fuck, bruh? Did you hear me?

Yeah, I heard you, but let me hit you later. I need to handle something real quick.

Pulling the phone from his ear, he could still hear Trez yelling, but MyZell ended the call anyway. He’ll be alright, he thought as placed his phone down on the table next to where he was sitting.

The sound of her mumbling prompted him to sit up, lean forward, and prop his forearms on his leg as he intertwined his fingers. He watched as she moved around in the bed, moaning a bit. Likely from pain or withdrawal. Possibly both. MyZell noticed that she was not only beaten, but high as a kite when he found her. Even through all of her bruises, disheveled hair and tattered clothing, what little she wore, he could see how beautiful she was and that she didn't belong with Graves.

Now here he was watching intently to see if she would actually wake up this time. For the past three hours it had been the same thing. She would toss, turn, moan, and even cry out in her sleep for help, but then she would settle and fall back into a deep slumber.

It was odd for him to feel the need to stay there with her while all of this was going on, not because he wasn't a caring person, just simply because he didn't do people. However, something about his mystery girl intrigued him, and MyZell had to know her story. Even if it was just so that he could give her a few dollars and send her on her way, he had to at least hear her voice. Until that happened, he was staying put.

Being the man that he was, it was strange for him to be pulled in by someone who he wasn't close to. MyZell was torn between his usual desire to be alone and his new addiction for finding out who she was. He wasn’t your normal guy. He was far from it. MyZell was a big name in Miami, but people knew very little about him. In fact, all they really knew was that he was not the type of man that you crossed without consequences. That was the way he liked things. He kept to himself because it was easier. He didn’t trust easily because the one time he did, it came as a very expensive lesson. A lesson that cost him the one person he loved most in life.

As Ryan sat up and adjusted her eyes, she looked around the hotel room in confusion. Her heart started racing when she didn’t recognize her surroundings. The last thing she remembered was being sent out on her first job. Her first memory was being driven in the back of a Bentley to meet a man named Graves. She had vague memories of being amazed by his million-dollar mansion, which was lavishly furnished, and the dinner they shared which was prepared by his personal chef.

After that, the details got fuzzy. She remembered feeling light headed and Graves all over her. Ryan didn't take drugs, so he had to have slipped her something. There were flashes of him ripping at her clothes and then putting his hands on her when she refused to have sex with him. That was all she could recall. And now she was in a hotel room that she didn’t recognize.

Ryan pulled the covers back and realized that she was in a man’s Nike t-shirt and nothing else. She began to touch her body and frantically look around. That was when her eyes landed on MyZell, and she really started to panic. She gripped at the covers and pulled them back up over her body. Without even realizing it, she found herself scooting to the headboard of the bed that she was in.

Relax, shorty. I’m not going to hurt you.

His deep voice flowed through the room, and for some reason, it relaxed her a bit, but she still didn’t know this man. Her eyes moved across his golden skin which seemed to be covered in ink on every exposed part. He wore all black, including a ball cap that was pulled down low over his head, but still exposed nice tapered curls that spilled out the perimeter of it. There was a certain ruggedness to him which drew her in and made her feel safe, but he was still a stranger.

Who… who are you?

How about we start with who you are, and why you were with Graves? I’ve known him for a while, so I know you’re not his girl.

I don't know you, so why would I tell you that? she stated defensively.

Her stranger was quite handsome. A little too sexy for the two of them to be sharing such an awkward moment, but regardless of that, she didn’t know him and wasn’t about to disclose personal information to a stranger.

And I don’t know you either, shorty. Not to sound like an asshole, but my identity is far more important than yours. So, I need to know who you are before I start revealing shit to you.

Well, how about this? You don’t have to tell me anything. If you just leave the room, I’ll be on my way.

Where you gonna go? When I found you, you had no clothes, no money, you didn't have shit, shorty. You're wearing my shirt, so the least you can do is say thank you.

Thank you for what? Insulting me? I have somewhere to go. Regardless of what you think, I have my own place, and if you will please leave, I’ll get out of your life and go there.

MyZell chuckled. He didn’t believe her. He leaned back in the chair that he was sitting in and peered at her with a smirk on his face. He was good at reading people, and he knew that she was lying. Mostly because the details didn’t add up. If she wasn’t Graves girl, then she was likely paid to be there. She didn’t really look like she hung out on a corner, but she could have easily worked for one of the many agencies in Miami. There were plenty. He never used them because he didn’t have to, but he knew about all of them because his drugs supplied them.

Who do you work for, and what are you on? he asked, causing her to frown at him.

She was upset that he figured out the fact that she was working, but she was also annoyed that he assumed she was a junkie.

I don’t know what I’m on. I don’t do drugs, at least not willingly. He gave me something, and I don’t know what it was. It had to be in my drink or food.

Figures, MyZell mumbled.

Graves was the type. He wasn’t a man who respected boundaries, which was why MyZell filled him full of lead hours ago.

If you’re done judging me, I’d like to go home now.

Home, huh?

Ryan watched him, trying to figure him out, but she couldn’t read him. He was incredibly calm, but something about him made her uneasy. She just couldn't wrap her mind around what that was. She could tell from his clothes and jewelry that he had money, and he didn't seem like the type who took orders from anyone, so that led her to believe that he was important. His demeanor had a certain arrogance to it.

Yes, home. She glanced at him and they faced off in a stare down until she looked away and he smiled.

Aight, bet. Let’s go, I’ll take you where you need to go, but you have to tell me your name first. MyZell stood and folded his arms across his chest.

Ryan watched the definition in his arms become more apparent before she caught herself staring, and focused on his face.

No, thank you. I’ll manage.

How, shorty? You don’t have a phone, no purse, no keys, how the fuck you gonna manage? I’m not asking for your life story, just your name. You can’t give me that?

No, but thank you for the offer. I would like to use the phone here, if you don’t mind.

Her eyes moved around the room again as she tried to figure out who she would call. Lydia came to mind, but she didn't know if that was a good idea. Her first job, and she ends up in a hotel room damn near naked with a man who was not her client. She had no