Centrism Games: A Modern Dunciad

By DCR Books

Chivalry is dead. These knights want Fame. And Fama's a witch. 

Follow a band of very different Knights on their quest to become the most balanced, the most tolerant, the most compromising of everyone on the modern political spectrum. 

Each knight dares to liberalize and conserve, but who will win th

• Language: English
• Publisher: DCR Books
• Release date: Mar 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578870823

Book preview

Centrism Games

Centrism Games

A Modern Dunciad

Dragon Common Room

Edited by

Rachel Fulton Brown

DCR Books

CENTRISM GAMES: A MODERN DUNCIAD

Copyright © 2021 by Rachel Fulton Brown, Kimberly Crilly, Matthew Langley, Humble Drake, Cheryl Simione, Talitha Koum, Jacqueline Khalfan, Michael Evan Gettinger, and Misuta Cider.

All rights reserved.

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher. Illustration by Misuta Cider. Published by DCR Books.

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978-0-578-87081-6 Paperback

978-0-578-87082-3 E-book

Dragon Common Room

Kimberly Crilly

Matthew Langley

Humble Drake

Cheryl Simione

Talitha Koum

Jacqueline Khalfan

Michael Evan Gettinger

Misuta Cider

And now the Queen, to glad her sons, proclaims

by herald hawkers, high heroic games.

—ALEXANDER POPE

Contents

1. Under the Arch

2. The Hollywoodlanders

3. The Cuomo Bros.

4. The Lady Priest

5. The Rainbow Boys

6. The Pregnant Girl

7. At the Andaz Hotel

About the Editor

1

Under the Arch

1

Hello? Is this thing on? It’s time to sing!

Beneath the Arch, let heartfelt praises ring!

Forsake us not, o mild and moderate goddess!

With fair and balanced rhymes we beg your largesse.

Help us narrate the story of your knights

and how they braved the un-forbidding heights.

We sing with measured tones, not high nor low,

our tolerance and fairness to extol.

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2

A banquet rich for donors great and small

the Goddess Fama to St. Louis called

to speak in clever phrases, easy rhymes

as up the social ladder lackeys climb.

Posthaste they flew o’erland from East and West,

hankering to prove their positions the best.

Longing for Fama’s accepting embrace,

they raced to the table, each to xir place.

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3

Surrounding Fama like flies on fresh meat,

they fluttered and fawned and vied for a seat.

They dined on foie gras, sipped ice cold champagne,

watching each other to see who’d be named.

One cried: "A toast! To Fama our goddess!

Jump right on in, no need to be modest!"

Seven bold knights with their friends all jumped up

as scrambling they raced to raise a gold cup.

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4

The Hollywoodlanders had come to shine

among the pretty people of their kind.

Two Sons of Italy were there to play

with shiny people prettier than they.

A Lady Priest in Christian collar came

to show that men and women are the same.

She found good fellowship with two gay men,

in town to march for pride and shout, Again!

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5

The race to be the first to bloviate

was won by an artistic heavyweight.

She hauled herself up in a gown (bespoke)

to reach the microphone before the woke.

Flanked by eager actors, chic, poised, and sleek,

with dramatic flourish, she rose to speak:

"To our goddess host let’s raise our glasses.

Her noblesse oblige no one surpasses."

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6

Hear, hear! chimed in another famous one.

Her dress and hair shone golden like the sun,

and on her face was not one clue of age,

just botoxed skin, her ego to assuage.

She sprinted to the mic and grabbed it up,

then lifting in the air her champagne cup,

spoke semi-incoherent New Age dreck,

to demonstrate her narcissistic flex.

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7

Then one by one the knights took up the mic,

inspired to praise their goddess and her like.

Arrayed in fashion’s finery du jour,

they beamed with glowing praise for their auteur.

Fama herself directed this affair,

and sycophants abounded everywhere.

But in the distance one sad woman stood:

alone, confused, and hoping for some good.

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8

"All hail our mother goddess without peer!

With bread and wine unblessed she brings great cheer!

To serve her I gave up no wealth, no hearth;

her myst’ries in the fateful stars I chart.

All faiths converge in her perennial truth;

I choose no card, but only follow suit.

Christian, Muslim, Jew—it makes no