I Will Not Feel Sorry For Myself

By Autum Augusta

What do you do when it seems everything is going wrong?

My grandmother died in 1949, when I was 15. I often wondered how she could be so happy when she had been widowed with four small children while she was six months' pregnant with her fifth child. She went through many hard times when I knew her. She was not religious, but she

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Dec 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9781647735579

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I Will Not Feel Sorry for Myself

Autum Augusta

I Will Not Feel Sorry for Myself

Trilogy Christian Publishers A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

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Copyright © 2020 by Autum Augusta

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Manufactured in the United States of America

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN: 978-1-64773-556-2

E-ISBN: 978-1-64773-557-9

Chapter 1

The McCormick Family Part 1

1860

The two men rode across the Missouri country road on their buckskin horses toward the McCormick farm. A father and son deep in their thoughts.

Son, are you sure you want to leave our family and go way out to the Oklahoma Territory? Francis Samuel McCormick asked his next-to-youngest son.

Yes, sir, Samuel replied.

Why in the world would you want to do that? the senior McCormick asked. I think I know, but I would like for you to tell me.

Well, sir, I love the work of a farmer. The land our family owns is not enough for me and my brothers. I want land of my own. I want land to leave to my children, like you wanted land for your children when you came to Missouri. The family will be better off with fewer families to feed from our land, and you know there is no more cheap land available here in Missouri, Samuel explained. Maybe this is the Lord’s way of calling me to go west.

What about the better job that Merchant Smith has opened at the store?" the older McCormick asked.

Pa, I have worked there for two years and saved my money so I can afford to go west. I am tired of working inside and I want to work the land the way you have all these years. I think that Oklahoma holds a great future for me. It has just been opened up to the whites for settlement. I can still get great farmland just by making something out of a piece of land, Samuel explained further.

I think I know how you feel. If that is what is in your heart, son, then we will help all we can. I thought I had enough land for everyone, but I didn’t plan to have so many sons, Francis said with a grin. And I know that it takes more land these days to support a family than it did when I was your age, he added. But it is important to always pray over every decision you make and listen to God’s leading.

I have talked to God about it and I feel peace that this is what I should do, Samuel replied.

They rode on in silence again for a while, each one deep in his thoughts.

Son, you need to visit all your family before you leave, because until the railroad is finished, you will probably not be able to see many of us again. It takes too long to travel that far by horse, or even by stage, the senior McCormick advised.

Samuel nodded his head in agreement.

In the following days, Samuel took his father’s advice, praying and listening and then traveled the twenty miles to see his grandparents. His grandparents were now in their seventies and having a little trouble still taking care of their farm. It was easy for anyone to notice how much they loved the Lord and each other.

I want to thank you for everything you have done for me, but most of all, I want to thank you for teaching me about God and how much He loves me and cares for me. I don’t know if I would have nerve enough to travel west without the faith you have shown me, not only by what you have said, but by the way you have lived your lives, Samuel said slowly.

You have been easy to teach, grandson, Grandma said, squeezing Samuel’s hand, and our faith helps us to be able to say our good-byes.

"Just remember, grandson, when you feel lonely and unloved, remember that we love you and miles make no difference. The Father God loves you even more than we do. He proved it when He created the heavens and the earth and put man in authority over the earth just so He could have fellowship with him every day—and He still wants to do that today.

"When man chose to follow the devil instead, God HAD to send is laws to protect man from himself and others. Then Jesus came to teach us about Father God and help people everywhere he went. The religious leaders beat him and hung him on the tree until dead because He said He was the Son of God.

"But He fooled them. He went to hell and defeated the devil and his brood, winning back all the power that Adam lost to give back to man. He rose from the dead so we can do that, too, and He went back to heaven to make intercession for us and He sent the Holy Spirit to live in us and help us.

What else could He do to prove He loves us? Grandpa asked. Never forget this: If we don’t see each other again on this earth, we will all meet in heaven someday, he added, laughing.

Samuel had heard this story many times, but it was always new and exciting. Thanks, Grandpa, I will remember, he replied.

Forever in his memory, Samuel remembered the knowledge in the Word that Samuel had learned from his grandparents. He would never forget the love of his grandparents for each other and others. And he would never forget the smell of Grandma’s peach cobbler, the smell of the farm animals outside, and the old hunting dog lying at Grandpa’s feet. It was tough to hug Grandma and shake Grandpa’s hand for the last time.

Hey, grandson, we would like to pray over you before you leave, Grandpa said. He put his hand on Samuel’s head and prayed, Dear God in heaven, we pray for our beloved grandson, Samuel. We pray for his protection every day, and that he will always have food to eat and water to drink. When he faces new circumstances, show him the answers. Give him a loving family, and help him to love and help everyone who comes into his life. Most of all, help him to feel Your love every day. Amen.

Samuel hugged his grandparents. There was a tear in his eye as he said, Thank you. Then he rode his horse toward home.

The next week, Samuel took a couple of days off work and traveled even farther to visit his five brothers and four sisters. It was difficult knowing that he was telling them good-bye, probably for the last time. Samuel had grown up in a family filled with love. His grandparents had given him much wise advice that he would never forget. It would help him to be tough in tough times.

Samuel sat by his older brother and sister.

Just remember, Sam, life is what you make it, Charley said.

Yes, young man, you can find happiness and love when you live a life of faith in the great Creator, or you can find an unhappy life when you live just for yourself, his sister Jenny reminded him. We can tell you that from experience, she said with a laugh as she hugged her husband, Leroy.

Samuel knew he would always remember the sound of his family’s voices when he was lonely.

The last night the McCormick family ate together, they prayed for Samuel. Lord, take care of our son. Give him a job when he needs one. Give him land and give him a loving family. Let him know that You are always with him and will meet his needs, if he will but ask, Samuel Sr. prayed.

Samuel Jr. was up the next morning as soon as his bedroom received the early morning light. He woke his younger brother, Andy, so they could visit for the last time. Samuel had made two wooden boxes in which he packed all his belongings, and he walked downstairs to where his mother was waiting.

Son, here is enough hard tack and jerky to get you to Oklahoma. And I’ll let you have a set of your father’s clothes. I can make him more shirts and pants. You also need to take a needle and some thread in case you need to sew. You never know when you might need to, Ma McCormick said handing him a sack containing fried bacon and hard boiled eggs. I think your pa is ready to take you to the stage. May the Lord be with you always, she added.

Samuel had always enjoyed the smell of fresh fried bacon.

Ma smiled, then lost her courage. She grabbed her tall, blond, light-skinned son of twenty years old, and she sobbed uncontrollably.

Samuel had not realized how much this slender older lady had meant to him until the thought crossed his mind that this might be their last time together. She had always been there for him, and he had taken her for granted many times. Love you, Ma, and I won’t forget you. Thanks for everything, the young man said as he raised his head high and walked out of the familiar house wondering if he would ever return to this place.

Samuel Sr. was quiet the first few miles as he urged the horse pulling the small wagon forward toward the town where the stage came through. Young Samuel was quiet also as he enjoyed the beautiful green trees and pastures of the Missouri countryside and the smell of wildflowers beside the road. I still think I’m doing the right thing, Pa, he finally said.

I think you are, too, son, the senior McCormick replied. I know how I felt when I was your age and I wanted to settle this land. Eventually, there was enough land to bring most of the family here, which I have been thankful, he explained. This is as hard on your mother as it was on my mother at the time, but your ma will be so busy with Andy and the rest of the family to spend much time in sorrow, he said.

The streets of town were muddy, as they usually were. People had been thankful when the wooden sidewalks were built. The women’s skirts didn’t get nearly as muddy when they used the sidewalks, except when they crossed the muddy streets. Here in Missouri, the streets were muddy most of the time.

Samuel Sr. pulled the buggy up to the rail next to the stage office and tied up Philly, the family’s horse. Son, before you go, I want you to have these, he said, reaching back into the wagon, then handing his son something rolled up in a burlap bag.

Father, these are your tools! the young McCormick exclaimed. I can’t take your only set of tools! he argued.

You will need them where you are going. Your mother and I have saved up enough money to buy me another set very soon. Take them and be successful, and build many things, and —that is an order, Samuel Sr. said, trying to laugh.

Thank you, Pa, for these, and for all you have taught me. I hope I will be as good of a father and head of the house as you have been—and as good of a farmer, Samuel said.

I have made many mistakes, son. Don’t look at me as though I’m perfect. The Lord is the only perfect one, the senior Samuel said with a chuckle. Lord, bless my son in everything he tries to do, he prayed. The father then hugged his son good-bye and watched him put his boxes on top of the stagecoach and crawl in with the other passengers. He slowly turned the horses around and headed back over the rutted road to the farm.

There were tears in his eyes as he watched the stagecoach disappear down the road. But men don’t cry; they have to be strong, he said to himself as he turned his thoughts to the labors of the day. Lord, take care of my son, he prayed again. I am so glad that You, Lord, can always be with him.

Chapter 2

Samuel’s Journey West

The stage was dusty and bumpy. An older man and a young couple were riding the stage, along with another man about Samuel’s age. The woman was pregnant and seemed to jerk with every harsh