Cadre Kids: Illusion

By Mary Mulligan

Finding themselves amerced in public school, two fraternal-twins, Jake and Rosa lean on each other as well as their older brother, Ted, to help navigate the public education system. The odds became stacked against them when their mom fought the system attempting to prevent it continuing their home-schooled e

• Language: English
• Publisher: K&C Publishing LLC
• Release date: Nov 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781735295435

Mary Mulligan

Mary Ewing-Mulligan, MW, is president of the International Wine Center in New York.

Book preview

1

Blasphemous Brimstone Barista

Yes, is this Mrs. Gretchen Murphy? asked Ms. Brimstone, the children’s assigned guidance counselor at Plant High School.

Hi. Yes, this is Gretchen. Who is this?

This is Ms. April Brimstone. My preferred pronouns are She, Her, and Hers.

Is this woman serious? Does she realize she phoned me at 7:45 a.m., on a Tuesday morning, after a second night lying awake again worrying about the children?

Ms. Brimstone said, I called to introduce myself, I am your children’s guidance counselor and strongly encourage you download the school’s 3S app.

German Tiger Mom took the information with politeness, and planned on enjoying her cup of coffee first before doing so.

The coffee bean company that Paco had turned GTM onto had issued a new, exclusive monthly subscription club that she joined. The aroma just from unboxing the new bag of beans made GTM drool. New beans and an old wedding gift coffee set, a little over two decades old, was getting used again for the first time since the twins were born. The coffee gift set included a manual grinder, digital variable temperature kettle, and a six-cup CHEMEX pot. All allowing GTM complete control of everything from temperature down to the size of the bean ground, to create the exact perfect cup of coffee.

Heck, the coffee company even provided their ideal recipe for putting together that perfect cup.

GTM mumbled, Courtney cups have nothing on this!

The phone rang again, less than ten minutes later, right after GTM poured the deep brown ‘nectar of Gods’ into an oversized Best Mom mug, seconds before she took that first sip. Ms. Brimstone AGAIN.

Gretchen, may I call you Gretchen?

Yes, certainly, April.

Excuse me, but it is Ms. Brimstone and to reiterate, my preferred pronouns are She, Her, and Hers. This call is a standard practice for all the parents. However, I’m concerned that the school’s side of the software does not yet reflect your download and sign in. Have you taken the proper steps to download the app that we spoke about? Do you even know how to download an app?

GTM snapped back, Of course, I know how to download an app! It was ONLY a few minutes ago that we spoke!

Now, now, I didn’t mean to imply anything. My goal is to ensure it wasn’t a glitch with our software. Would you mind downloading the app while we are on the line?

GTM obliged her. The download was taking forever.

There isn’t hidden spy code in there from the Chinese, like those free flashlights apps were known for having? GTM asked kidding, trying her best to have cordial conversation.

Oh, gosh no! The GPS tracker is what takes so long. It was clearly defined in the end user agreement, which you should have been well aware of when you clicked the accept button, Ms. Brimstone commanded.

GTM’s eyes narrowed and lips straightened. The ten-page user agreement you insisted I click through to accept, in a hurry to download this app while you are on the phone?

Instead of acknowledging the question, Ms. Brimstone replied, Oh good, the school can see your phone from this side. Now I insist, we walk through proper usage of the software.

Charlie’s words echoed in GTM’s head.

Be nice. Not everyone was blessed with beauty, brains and personality.

GTM stared at her un-sipped coffee.

I bet ‘She, Her, or Hers’ on the other end of the phone is 0 for 3.

Taking the phone away from her ear, GTM held it out in front of her staring at it. She wasn’t going to let this woman start off her day wrong. Ms. Brimstone’s voice was loud and crystal clear coming across the phone. It wasn’t even on speaker mode!

GTM was tempted to press the button to hang up. However, this type of person doesn’t respect personal boundaries and she didn’t want the children to have a harder time than necessary.

The little bit of steam left coming out of her mug seemed to spell out, DO IT!

Plan B, GTM interrupted whatever Mrs. Brimstone was saying with, Thank you, April. I will use the tutorial the app has built in it for help. I appreciate your call. Gotta go now, bye.

Before GTM disconnected she heard a cut off part of a sentence IT’S MS. BRIMSTONE AND YOUR CHILDREN ALREADY HAVE DEMERITS.

GTM sat staring at her phone on the table next to her—at best— lukewarm coffee. A minute later it buzzed with a two-paragraph text from Ms. Brimstone.

This woman seriously doesn’t know how to take a hint! I am going to have to get used to people like this while I work on my teacher’s certificate.

The Florida Department of Education had multiple accredited teacher preparation programs where GTM had to gain certification. Her doctorate in engineering didn’t amount to much in the eyes of the State, but at least they weren’t requiring she do another bachelor’s degree.

Six months and this will all be history.

Speaking with Charlie, GTM confessed, Friday night can’t arrive soon enough. I am so excited to see the children, I almost hope the demerit story is colorful. How can I be mad? The children have an entire staff of Ms. Brimstones to deal with. I had one measly phone call that lasted ten minutes.

I get it Honey. It’s what the phone call represents that bothers you. ‘Play by our rules. We judge and determine who your children become.’ Six months of this mundane process and things can go back to normal. Charlie said as he helped himself to her undesired coffee.

It's only six months! GTM reminded herself hourly as the week crawled past.

Friday arrived and the anticipation of the children arriving home had all three parents gathered together, eager to hear stories over dinner.

GTM made the boys’ favorite—bacon wrapped meatloaf. Assuming cafeteria food was much like hospital food, GTM knew meatloaf made plenty for ‘secondzies’ maybe even ‘thirdzies’ as Ted called them, quoting the movie The Hobbit. To impress Rosa, the meatloaf had a twist. It was Mediterranean Meatloaf made out of lamb with feta cheese. She was serving it with fresh roasted Brussels sprouts and smashed potatoes.

The bus to take the children home wasn’t allowed to depart until one hour after the last bus arrived from Plant High School at Robinson High School. It was to ensure all the children had a fair amount of time to gather their things. It also meant this week’s buses didn’t depart until 6:30 p.m.

Ted sent text updates to ensure dinner was hot. He missed eating homemade meals.

Leaving now 6:30

Bus half full 7:30

Plant City drop 8:00

At 9:00 p.m. the children stepped off the bus.

The long grey-haired, leftover hippie driver wearing shorts, a tie dye t-shirt, and flip flops, didn’t notice when Ted climbed off. He just called off to the three parents, First week. Still getting used to the Robinson route! The parents glanced at each other. Did they hear Robinson?

Ted spoke first while bear hugging GTM. The good part about a brain-dead hippie is he isn’t sharp enough to assign me demerits for getting off the bus at your house versus Dad’s condo. Is there still meatloaf?

At that GTM answered, Yes, of course! We waited for you on the meatloaf. Why did he say Robinson? And speaking of demerits, how did you two lose five on your very first day?

Rosa looked at Ted to accuse him. Don’t bite the hand that feeds ya, and heck, you gave me a sirloin Rosa, on Meatless Monday of all days, Ted said.

GTM didn’t quite know what that exchange meant, but cleared things by adding to her statement, Ms. Brimstone was calling me as early as Tuesday morning? The school’s 3S app shows EVERYTHING.

Funny though, not one of the children was familiar with who Ms. Brimstone was, what she looked like, or even knew they were assigned to a guidance counselor.

Rosa seemed short of words. Ted was the only one acting normal.

Charlie and GTM tried their best over dinner to do the ‘You can talk to us. You can trust us to be on your side first’ conversation. However, it was coming across as awkward as attempting a ‘birds and bees’ conversation.

Malcolm took advantage of the uncomfortable silence, looked at Ted and said, My level of importance: One. Do your best to not let anything get back to your mom in Miami. Two. Don’t go to jail. And, three. Try to avoid emergency rooms. Everything else, we are good!

Charlie smiled, Sounds almost like how we judged a successful holiday dinner at the Murphy house. Ditto to you two on what Uncle Malcolm said. GTM rolled her eyes at Charlie for taking the easy out, but Malcolm did create the perfect ice breaker.

In all actuality, they couldn’t reprimand the children. Saturday is the one day of the week to spend time with the children. Any kind of reprimand on Saturday would work against them. The last thing they want to do is make it so the children don’t even want to come home.

Sunday will be consumed with busy tasks like laundry and any weekend homework. They couldn’t even reprimand the children by taking the kids phones away. The stupid school policies and rules mandated the children have their phones with them, and all other things have already been restricted!

GTM decided to go along with the jovial atmosphere and add her two cents.

Our requirements, instead of Olivia in Miami, is that you stay off Ms. Brimstone’s radar. She ruined my morning coffee! So, tell us all about your teachers. Hopefully, they aren’t all like Ms. Brimstone. The children glanced at each other not talking.

Charlie began with the first question Someone I cannot wait to meet is this Mr. Sylvia, your Cryptozoology teacher, Jake. Does he really believe Bigfoot is alive? Perhaps we can plan a vacation/ hunting expedition next summer to search for Bigfoot.

Total OMG Dad! Why a ‘Hunt?’ Poor Bigfoot is misunderstood! It’s not like he can waltz into the mall and shop for clothes, Rosa said, shaking her head

My apologies Rosa, Charlie said.

We can plan a Bigfoot greeting. We might have to buy a new .300 Winchester Magnum to bring along for protection on our greeting from killer white rabbits though.

Rosa was too young to understand this was a reference to a Monty Python joke, but the adults were all giggling.

Malcolm then added, The WHITE RABBIT! That’s the foulest, cruelest and worst-tempered rodent you’ve ever set eyes on Rosa. He’ll make you soil your armor!

Rosa, ignoring the two, turned towards GTM. Mom, this meatloaf is delicious! I love it. The herb is oregano isn’t it? Can we have it again next Saturday, but without bacon, and pita bread instead of smashed potatoes?

No bacon? Honey, you better get that teacher certificate before they turn our little girl into a Vegan! said Charlie.

I second her request, with bacon included of course, and stick with mashed potatoes. Pita won’t help me solidify my meatloaf tower! Jake added, It would be…it would be like having the outside basketball courts and pool without the community center in between—no cement.

Ted added, Definitely keep the bacon GTM. It gives me food to fantasize about all week.

What pool, what basketball courts? GTM inquired. Last she knew Plant High School had both of those things, just not outside. Rosa kicked Jake under the table hard enough that he flinched hitting his nose with the fork full of potatoes. Smashed not mashed! Ixnay on the issionmay.

Ted spoke up, changing the focus off Carpe Noctem. GTM weren’t you notified? The teachers made a big stink at Rosa and me the first night, claiming we weren’t paying attention. All junior high students seventh, eighth and ninth grades are overnighting in Robinson High School, because the AC unit is broken at Plant.

This was the first GTM, Charlie or Malcolm heard of it. All three adults shared, as the children call it, a WTF moment.

No, we weren’t notified at all and what mission? GTM asked.

They said it’s only temporary while they are busy building out the dorms at Plant High School, and trust me they are building nonstop. You can barely hear the teachers with all the construction, Ted said.

Zero notifications were sent to the parents. Aside from going so far as to analyzing the code on the 3S app, GTM dissected every other aspect of it. The GPS tracker didn’t show her the children’s location, it did however, verify her location in proximity to Plant High school. Nothing in the app indicated they were at Robinson. It did, however, detail every minute of every school course including homework—as well as a three-paragraph dissertation on the five demerits the twins received for speaking in Ms. Fischer’s class.

Realizing her question was avoided, GTM switched topics. I’d prefer to hear your side of the story on the demerits versus trust Ms. Fischer’s, but if you don’t want to talk, I guess I have no other option. You realize the school app tells me everything?

The dam broke. The twins unloaded everything about their teachers—how Ms. Fischer was blind as a bat, how Professor Luger was a drill sergeant. Rosa even swore he quoted Apocalypse Now— ‘I love the smell of napalm in the morning!’—in the mornings when he stepped on the nasty school bus. She then shared the rumor that her French teacher, Miss Monique Marcela, is known for not wearing underwear.

However, none of them mentioned mission Carpe Noctem at all during dinner.

After hearing all about the children’s school, and running through their daily agendas, Charlie suggested the children go watch a movie, perhaps a fun one about high school.

Ted chimed in, Rosa should be required to watch ‘Mean Girls,’ after nicknaming Willard.

Debate then ensued, because ‘Clueless,’ ‘Sixteen Candles,’ and ‘American Pie’ were off the list, according to GTM, although Rosa insisted everyone at school their age already saw them. But Charlie came through as a hero, suggesting ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.’ It was spot on, teaching the children school didn’t determine everything, but wasn’t too off color.

While the children were distracted in the other room, Malcolm was the first to speak. So, am I understanding this right? My boy gets stuck on a bus twice a week for three hours, to be picked up and driven back home from a school less than a mile away from us? On top of that he has to sleep in a bunk bed that is probably worse than what we had in boot camp, amongst more than 1,000 other kids?

You forgot being bused to and from school daily, right past where we live, GTM added.

Charlie looked at them both. I would love to be the voice of reason, however, I’m all out. This doesn’t make any sense to me. I think it’s hitting me what you are so upset with, Honey.

Let’s see if this Ms. Brimstone takes calls on Friday nights, GTM said, as she dialed BBB in her contacts list. There was no answer.

Wait, what does the BBB stand for? asked Charlie, curious over the contact name.

In my defense, she ruined a great cup of coffee! GTM said.

Malcolm glanced over at her, GTM, please share? Except for the fact that I know Ted will be signing up for French next chance he gets. I can use some humor right about now?

How could I deny him that? We are all in the same uncontrolled boat, trying to navigate the grip the government has over our children.

"Blasphemous Barista Witch! I couldn’t help envisioning her with short elbow-less arms, pointing a stubby little finger at me with one hand, while holding my coffee hostage in the other hand, dressed as a short Uncle Sam, under the saying ‘We Want Your Youth!’ Tuesday morning, as she spouted the word DDEEMMERRIITTSS.

Perhaps Blasphemous Barista Witch will respond to a two-paragraph text since she is not taking my call!

Charlie placed his hand on GTM’s, covering her phone, preventing her from texting, and said, Okay General, let’s not overreact. We have two more days before Monday shows up and I think face-to-face will be a much better option. Besides, the last thing we want to do is make this harder on the children.

This is government-sanctioned kidnapping, where we are being permitted visitation rights, GTM fumed.

I doubt Ted even fits on whatever tiny little prison bed they gave them. Heck, for the past week we were misled on where the children even were. I agree this needs to stop! Malcolm said.

GTM agreeing with Malcolm added, Yes! It does! How the heck do they expect children to learn anything in this setup? I don’t care if we have to go to an extreme and move in with your parents Charlie. This is wrong!

Charlie looked over to Malcolm for support. Don’t look at me. I will sign over custody yesterday if you can change residence to a place without CCSP. Heck, Olivia and I have been talking. She is willing to move now if we thought for a second, we could outrun this, and if Ted would promise not to go back to his old habits. She loves that boy!

Charlie smiled a huge ‘cat that ate the canary’ grin at his friend. Charlie don’t even think it! said Malcolm. "Malcolm, I am not thinking anything, I am just glad you and Olivia are on better speaking terms. Remember, this is only for six months. Now, I do have some news, but both of you have to promise not to get your hopes up too much.

Gracie Tampa South MMA, along with a bunch of other afterschool programs, is petitioning through the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation, to be permitted to pick children up during the afternoon and then drop them back off at the school. CCSP is costing businesses, especially small businesses, tons of money. If they accomplish it, there aren’t any laws that say we can’t be rolling on the mats at the same time of day as the children. It might be only two hours of the day, but it will be worth it.

That aside, six months tops, Honey! Malcolm six months! Honey, Malcolm…Crap, am I really being the voice of reason consoling you both? Malcolm, I think you just officially became what they refer to as my ‘work wife.’

OH, HELL NO! The grappling match ensued spilling out of the kitchen across the couch knocking popcorn everywhere.

Dad, Ferris is about to get caught, pleaded Jake. To that the both men stopped right before Charlie got a tap out of Malcolm, who said, We don’t want to ruin the movie you suggested Charlie, do we?

Charlie responded with, To quote Gracie Mag, ‘Time on the mat will eventually surpass talent and ability.’

Some of us still have to work, Murph, Malcolm said.

They both stopped, inherently taking couch domain as the children glued to the boob tube migrated to the floor.

The weekend was a blast! Boy did the three adults miss their children.

Instead of GTM being the only parent on Sunday night who was over-kissing and over-hugging the children, Charlie and Malcolm were also there. They exhibited their affection through a game of catch with a pewter and red Nerf football.

Rosa, standing next to her Mom, while the boys all ran in and out of the streetlights, confessed how excited she was over the nutrition program she was going to partake in. Next week we will be able to create daily menus for all three meals. I already have ideas for Meatless Monday, Tomato-based Tuesday—not Taco Tuesday— and, oh my gosh, the food possibilities are endless.

GTM’s mind wandered from the food cacophony conversation.

Hmmm, Rosa might prefer public school, even if they are stuck in a prison-like environment.

As the Grateful-Dead-t-shirt-wearing hippie pulled the lever back, closing the bus door and saying, Later dudes, GTM asked, Charlie, was that your new duffel Jake was carrying?

Sure is! There is no way to fit all the extras for their mission in my old duffel. Charlie smiled at the two of them. He added, "Teaching my boy another famous Jiu Jitsu quote by Royce Gracie, ‘A black belt only covers two inches of your ass—you have to cover the rest.’

Let’s grab a beer and I will fill you two all in on the mission Carpe Noctem!

2

WD-40 for Everything

Squeezing herself in the bus seat next to Ted, Nikki exclaimed, Thanks for saving me a seat!

Reaching over, she pulled earbuds from Jake and Rosa. So, I never noticed Willard, because he is older. You wouldn’t know it from how small he is, though. Anyway, I did some online snooping at my mom’s workplace this past Saturday. Willard is a second child about four years younger than his big sister. His big sister graduated valedictorian two years ago.

Rosa paused the soundtrack downloaded to her phone.

Wow! She’s almost as tall as Ted and skinny enough to fits in the same bus bench with him.

Without pause, Nikki continued, My guess is Willard is probably trying to live up to his sister’s standards at home for attention. Odd part is, his big sister isn’t some saint or anything. Get this. She actually tweeted, ‘Got caught drinking at school twice, spoke anyway!’ right after she did her commencement speech. You don’t get more arrogant than that!

Jake said, Have you forgotten Hunter Harris?

Oops! Oh yeah. Jake mentioned, you guys call him Hunter the Horrible Harris. I must say, VERY fitting!

Rosa looked at Jake.

Even he knows who she is. She talks way too fast! Does she have time to breathe?

"Anyway, from all online appearances, Willard’s parents may have gotten a divorce that same year, because his mother has all these Facebook posts titled ‘my new boe.’ However, according to the Urban Dictionary ‘boe’ means girl, and the pictures are with a guy. Maybe she meant ‘beau,’ since they’re pronounced the same.

"Anyway, Willard is part of the Ecology Club again this year, which is comprised of him and two morons our age, Phillip—two p’s, two i’s, two l’s and an h—and David. The club is overseen by Mr. Miller. He’s a cool teacher though, which also makes sense since Mr. Miller teaches Horticulture. Heck, I wouldn’t have known we had an Ecology Club if I didn’t read it on Willard’s LinkedIn page. The nerd has a resume up and everything, like an adult.

All of it is clear now, because I saw David messing around with the school pond last week, and thought he was continuing to be the same moron he always has been. Oh wait, you guys weren’t here and don’t know. So, get this, David the entire year in third grade, walked around with a live frog pinned to his shirt.

THAT’S CRUEL! Rosa blurted out.

THAT’S COOL! Jake blurted out.

Both simultaneously interrupted Nikki, however, she didn’t miss a beat talking. The pin didn’t go through the frog silly. Guts would ooze everywhere! Don’t homeschoolers have to dissect frogs? You are sooo lucky if you didn’t! Anyway, the pin was on one end of a string, and the weirdo had a little Velcro strap around the frog like a leash on the other end. He wore it all year long, too. Anytime there was a play, or a reason for the teacher to lower the lights, the stupid thing would start croaking. It was sooo distracting. I swear he switched out frogs. Claimed it was a therapy pet, which is why he was permitted to get away with it. His mom even confronted the Principal over it. And eww, like frog poop on your shirt. Jake, there’s nothing cool about that!

The bus stopped.

Jake and I shouting ‘that’s cruel’ and ‘that’s cool’ too loud. It must have alarmed the driver.

The hippy bus driver stopped to pick up another kid.

Thank goodness! Wait, I wonder how loud I have to scream for the driver to notice us.

The stop was to pick up another student at an extremely fancy house.

Are all the kids houses like this? How did I not notice this last week?

That’s Hunter’s house, Nikki exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

Politicians must get paid really well! Rosa said, staring at the five-car detached garage that alone had more square footage than her whole house.

Wow! Hunter’s mom sure is pretty! Ted said, staring.

Nikki touched Ted’s knee distracting his gaze. NO! That’s a nanny! Don’t get your hopes up either, NONE OF THEM ever speak English. Hunter always has a nanny, especially after he got caught in Tallahassee. I haven’t ever seen his mom, but he’s never left alone. Every week there is a totally different one.

So, no one ever sees him off? Rosa whimpered.

Got caught doing what? Jake, all ears, wanted to know.

"Oh my gosh, you didn’t hear? Hunter the Horrible WAS, I mean IS, the bumper sticker bandit. Remember when someone went all over the major cities sticking those stupid CCSP bumper stickers on expensive cars? That was Hunter!

"Worse, while he and his Dad were in Tallahassee, Hunter stickered a beat-up old pickup truck. Get this. It belonged to the governor! I guess all politicians don’t earn the same amount. The governor had the entire thing on surveillance. I bet Hunter thought the truck belonged to a groundskeeper or something. Okay, so it gets even better. Even though they are both Republicans, the governor and Congressman ABSOLUTELY HATE each other!

"So, the rest of the stuff I know came from those YouTube channels, you know, the ones that always get demonetized so, who knows if it is true. The story is the governor offered not to press charges. All Hunter had to do was apologize, do some yard work, and clean the old pickup he stuck the sticker on.

"That’s where I think the channels doctored footage, and are fibbing to us. The videos show Hunter’s dad getting cross with the governor, and he said something like the governor might come from people hired for yard work, but the Harris’s don’t. Since Hunter didn’t get in any trouble though, I doubt it is true. Weird, though, how all supposed doctored video came from different angles.

Nikki continued talking without pausing. Anyway Phillip—two p’s, two i’s, two l’s and an h—is a ‘Clear-the-Room’ kid, so best to avoid him altogether, anyway.

What’s a ‘Clear-the-Room’ kid? Jake asked.

Ted answered, It’s a kid that you can’t control, who acts out. The teachers aren’t supposed to discipline them because they are sorta special needs.

As in autism special needs, or something? Jake asked.

Nikki answered, "No, silly, more the ‘or something.’ Autistic children are quite capable and smart, just