Hope, Strength and Courage: With Stories in Medicine Training and the Atypical Sibling Rivalry

By Kathryn Lee

This book has been a self-reflective journey of a medical doctor as an ordinary person going through ordinary life's ups and downs. In epistolary form, its articles were written during the special time of her first year of training to become a general practitioner/family physician, including making the tough decision to give up hospital specialist training, "withdrawing" from fast-paced hospital work, transitioning to working from a metropolitan hospital to a rural community clinic, witnessing and getting used to a younger sibling's growing up, and being independent from a close and loving family. Some also feature a promotion of the author's new academic career at the start of the COVID 19 pandemic and how it was perceived. The book shows a journey of love, strength, perseverance, purpose and encouragement. Lots of anecdotes, lots of stories, lots of quotes. With love and respect.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: May 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9780228833307

Kathryn Lee

A medical doctor. A Christian. A daughter. A sister. A student in life university. An ordinary person in an extraordinary world.

Book preview

Hope, Strength and Courage

With Stories in Medicine Training and the Atypical Sibling Rivalry

Kathryn Lee

Hope, Strength and Courage

Copyright © 2021 by Kathryn Lee

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-2288-3329-1 (Hardcover)

978-0-2288-3328-4 (Paperback)

978-0-2288-3330-7 (eBook)

Contents

Preface

Part 1: Letters to My Brother, Al

Part 2: Letters Between Kathryn and Leo

Part 3: On Becoming an Academic GP

Part 4: A Miracle A Day

Conclusion

Preface

My family and I are from China. In 2005, we moved to Hong Kong. In 2006, we further migrated to Australia and settled in Adelaide. Times were hard. My parents struggled and I took much responsibility for my younger brother, who is diabetic. We became remarkably close due to our unusual and precarious circumstances.

As time went on, we settled; my parents got jobs and my brother and I got educated. As the older sister, however, I had a hard time letting go of him when the unthinkable happened … he got married and moved away, claiming his life as his own, while I took the responsibility of becoming the major financial provider for the family by training as a doctor.

This is the story of how I learned, with God’s help, to ‘let go and let God’. I learned that the burden of my responsibilities was weighing me down and I learned that, instead of worrying and striving, practicing gratitude made life so much easier.

Part 1

Letters to My Brother, Al

Families that pray together stay together.

—Patrick Peyton, Irish Catholic priest

and founder of the Family ‘Rosary Crusade’.

One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

—Sigmund Freud, Austrian neurologist

and founder of psychoanalysis.

To my dear my brother Al (and my readers):

As you begin reading my home letters, my story will begin to unfold. I started these letters when you, my dear brother Al, moved out of our family home. I found myself facing difficult decisions about work and what it meant to move away from family.

Because we found ourselves living separate lives, and did not see each other often, these letters became my way of expressing my love for my family, care for my brother, and gratitude for God’s blessings. In these letters, I also depict some of my inspirations, struggles and reflections about becoming a medical doctor (now transitioning into academic and educational roles in medicine as well).

These are the letters mostly from the year before the COVID-19 pandemic. I hope by the time you are reading this, the pandemic has settled down, and life in its renewed form, continues as we march forward. From these letters, I also hope you will get value out of them. I give them as a gift to inspire and show love. As a Chinese proverb goes, The fragrance always remains in the hand that gives the rose.

Let us be the hands that give the rose.

Blessings, respect, and love,

Your sister, Kathryn

Acknowledgements

Thank you, Al, for being part of the family in which we grew up.

Thank you, Mum, and Dad, for being the best parents I could ever ask for.

Thank you, Eve and Naomi for joining us in harmony.

Thank you, my fellow doctors, nurses, and colleagues in the public and private health sectors.

Thank you, my patients.

Thank you, my countries.

Thank you, my relatives.

Thank you, Tellwell team.

Thank You, my God, my saviour.

1. Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Walks with Mum

Hey Al,

Hope you are well!

Summertime has come and I have started taking small walks with Mum at night. What a pleasurable way to get a little exercise! After a sweaty, hot day, and maybe a shower or two, walking at night allows the cool, night air to brush against our tired skin via gentle breezes. It is very soothing. What’s more, chatting over things with Mum, both big and small, destresses both of us and a deeper rapport between us has formed.

Dad waters the garden while we walk. The garden grows as our days pass. It is a beautiful garden. Many passers-by comment on how beautiful it is. Mum and Dad did a great job renovating and decorating it, putting little flowers here and there, and planting some trees as well.

Recently, while you have been away, we have thought of you. You are a topic of discussion because we’ve received no news as to how you are doing overseas, or what the progress of Elaine’s baby bump is. I think the family is totally justified in blaming you for not contacting us during the Christmas season. I hope you realize that you should have called and let us know that you care about us. It would have warmed our hearts to hear from you, and it would have made everyone so happy if you could have made it home.

We discussed both your work and my work. I struggle to make balanced, family-friendly decisions about my doctoring career; however, your work/job remains a family concern. During nights of discussion with God, He has constantly reminded me of His grace throughout the years and the guidance He has given, so tonight, the discussion left me feeling like things were a little bit clearer. I may actually relocate to Meadows Field, and start general practice (GP) training there.

An idea popped up earlier tonight when I walked with Mum. The idea was that we must aim to be self-sufficient in order to be the ‘life ring’ (analogy to the inflatable rings used when swimming) for others. I suddenly gained faith and confidence in facing the prospect of relocating. But I worry about you, Mum, and Dad. I hope you will look after them when I am gone, which will happen soonish once I make up my mind.

Here are some tips about communicating with our parents that I stole from a Chinese book, How to Love Your Parents - Where, what, and how. You probably haven’t realized that it is surprisingly simple to communicate and show care to our parents. All you have to do is to start by telling them where you are, what you have been up to, and how you are doing. According to the book, it shows that you care and that you keep your parents in your heart. They will instantly feel your love, despite you doing so little though you ought to do more. Al, I think this would be a good place for you to start.

I look forward to sharing walks with you and the rest of the family on a regular basis someday. A good family rapport wouldn’t hurt. Remember the story of ‘footprints in the sand’; when you think there is only one pair of footprint in the sand, you must know there are two, for that is when Jesus carries you.

Don’t forget, we are walking alongside you, and you are never alone.

Love,

Sis K

2. Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Surgical Experience

Hi Al,

I finally got a response from you—a few words in your message. I hope you can respond more to show you care, then the family will be so happy.

It was another busy day for me, running the vascular ward and being a surgical assistant in the hospital operating theatre. I participated in several operations today, and there were a few disconcerting incidents. The first one happened during a left, lower leg femoral-popliteal artery bypass surgery for a gentleman who was troubled by vascular disease. My registrar (senior doctor training to become a surgeon), Dr. DM, operated alone and I joined him later. It was a difficult case because no consultant (senior surgeon) scrubbed to guide us.

This was unexpected, as the vessel was opened while he was under anesthetics, I nearly fainted at the sight of the gushing blood. An average human has 5 liters of blood, and because of a slow and difficult repair of the opened vessel, he bled close to 300-400mls in a short time. As the bleeding continued, his blood pressure was dropping to a dangerous level and the whole theatre team was alarmed. My eyes went dark and the sounds around me were muffled. I was having a vaso-vagal episode, and this happens when our body subconsciously over-react to certain stimuli. Thank God the theatre nurses and doctors were well rehearsed in how to handle this. I was soon given some water and a chocolate bar. The anesthetic nurse, Rev, was so nice and she volunteered her large bottle of herbal tea for me. I was very touched and thanked God immensely for that.

I returned to the operation later, after some food and a 30-minute break. Thank God, His spirit and protection sustained me throughout the rest of the operation and the afternoon cases, which included a left temporal artery biopsy and excision of a pseudoaneurysm (a small out-pocketing of an artery which, in this young patient, presented as a small lump on the side of the forehead), and an amputation of fourth and fifth toes for an older man with poor blood supply to his foot.

What’s more, I learned to perform my first special mattress stitch today—you know, those absorbable sutures that are buried under the skin and dissolve away as the wound heals; yes, those ones. It worked okay on the bypass patient, and the consultant, Dr. EW, even allowed me to do the young man’s temporal artery case. I felt encouraged and was motivated to achieve more with God.

For the bypass case, I prayed and stayed positive and hopeful that God would lend a helping hand. To be honest, the patient had much intraoperative blood loss and at one point I was worried that the patient was at risk of dying from blood loss. Thank God that He sent Dr. EW. We fixed up the blood loss and the patient and vessels were saved!

At home, Mum worked late tonight. Her bodily aches seem to be worse after cleaning duty. Dad cooked a simple meal, and I had to praise his attempt to cook Mum’s best, tasty chicken with the multi-use, Korean ‘Happycall’ frying pan. The chicken was nice.

Right now, Dad is applying some ointment and embrocation on Mum to soothe her aches a bit after a long day at work. We ought to be grateful for our parents, since everything they do, they do it for us.

This reminds me of what Elaine, my just-turned sister-in-law, once said. Remember how she once told me to go and find my own happiness? Dude, to tell you the truth, I feel very joyful being with my parents and family, and God, at the moment. What’s more wonderful than being with my favourite people on Earth, and with God? This is it.

Be grateful, hopeful, and positive. Why not try and live abundantly with God?

Love,

Sis K

3. Thursday, January 10, 2019

Getting along with Parents

Dear Al,

How’s your day been?

Guess what? It is, after all, not so difficult to get along with our parents. The book I was referring to in my last letter, How to Love Your Parents, outlines a number of useful tricks including ‘how, when and what for’ when communicating with parents. Quite honestly, communicating effectively conveys the message that you care for the parents who gave birth to you, raised you and sustained you throughout your life. Please let us know you care.

Since working at the Regional Northern Hospital last year, I learned to use my time driving to work for acquiring knowledge or singing songs, given that it was an hour’s drive to work and another hour back home. Although I now work at Muller Health and the commute is shorter, I have continued practicing this. I find it a good way to listen to inspirational speeches or learn a song or two, and most enjoyably, I learn the words of the Lord Jesus, our God.

You might find it a useful thing to do as well, since I know you also spend a considerable amount of time driving. The inspiring individuals I listen to are often modern giants of intelligence and emotional intelligence, as well as spiritual mentors. They are positive people, and are positively changing the world through technology and by being positive role models for young people like you and me. You must have heard the big names: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Anthony Robbins, Simon Sinek, Bob Proctor, Oprah Winfrey, Joel Osteen, Billy Graham and so on. I thank God for helping me learn from these people. I thank you too, because in a way you helped me as well—because you handed me your old phone, a smart phone. If you had not done so, I would still be carrying an old phone, or none at all. But I now have a phone that delivers videos, emails, news, and photos in addition to phone calls.

One speech I listened to that might interest you was a speech by a reverend about how parents get along with their adult children—a deep topic. Most adult children want their parents to understand them, give them the freedom to do things they want, and respect their wishes in life. This is one of the topics in this speech. However, not many adult children spend time reflecting on their relationships with their parents. The adult children often selfishly expect their parents to provide understanding but don’t think of understanding their parents. If they understood the experiences their parents have been through, then perhaps they would return the favour of understanding and offer freedom to their parents in return. It is so easy to find information about how parents should provide support by ‘letting go’ of their children; I can find nothing about how children ought to do the same for their parents, except the book I have recommended for you.

I thank God for helping me find such a book. I learned a few things about ‘childrening’ (in contrast to ‘parenting’). I encourage you to have a read, have a think and start taking action about ‘childrening’ appropriately. While lots of people agree that parenting is a fine art, I would argue the same holds true childrening. What are your thoughts on this? Let me know. I would love to hear you out.

Since you will have a child soon, it’s worth researching. How do you see your children acting toward you as their parent when they grow up?

Love,

Sis K

P.S. A powerful note from Dr. Martin Luther King I read last night in the Daily Bread (last version in 2018): Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can; hate cannot drive out hate, only love can. Food for thought, Dude.

4. Friday, January 11, 2019

Deciding the Next Move

Hi Dude,

Well. I noticed that you read the messages in our WhatsApp group, ‘Home’. We hope to find out soon when you and Elaine can come home for dinner and a bit of catch-up. By now, Elaine’s baby bump must be at least 14 weeks along, and the morphology scan should be due soon, right?

For the past few weeks, I have been thinking hard about whether to actually take the next step in my doctoring career. You may think it is a reasonably simple decision, the answer being ‘want’ or ‘not want’; in reality, it is a much more difficult decision than that.

This is my third year of postgraduate study. Many junior doctors, by this stage of their career, have made up their minds about what specialty they are going into and, unsurprisingly, have done many things, including achieving a postgraduate degree (or two); gathering important references; and getting a fair bit of clinical experience under their belts. Whatever they have done, they are often well equipped and prepared to apply for the specialty training they aim for.

In my case, Dude, as you know, I am slightly different. I started later and have extra years of medical science and laboratory medicine behind me. Initially I was admitted to a specialty program during my internship a couple of years back. I forfeited that because I wanted to move closer to you so the family and I could support you better. Anyway, even though I did not go into specialty training straight after internship, the two extra years of clinical experience taught me a great deal, especially in the past few months, where I spent time in neurosurgery and vascular surgery. Being exposed to these two medical specialties gave me much insight into being a key team member, a strong advocate for patients and their families, and a committed and dutiful doctor.

After some long discussion, pondering and heavy thoughts, and delays, I feel our parents are hugely supportive of whatever decision I make. I have been offered a couple of jobs. One is to stay at Muller Health, which is closer to home; however, this job would only offer me a general position and I would have to apply annually without certainty of employment. The other job is a specialty position in Meadows Field. If I take this job, I will have to move away from Melbourne and settle in the country for a year or two.

Most of my worries are based on uncertainty around how Mum, Dad and you are doing, and how you all are going to support each other if I go, especially since you are now not spending much time at home and have reduced your amount of contact with them.

I have been struggling to decide what to do. If I don’t specialize, employment prospects are all unpredictable. If I do, I will be fully trained and I won’t need to worry about looking to complete specialty training in the future with all the struggles of random day and night shifts. Most importantly, when the time comes where family needs a hand, when I finish training I will be able to provide support, which I owe, given the foundation our parents built for us. The trade-off, of course, is being away from home for probably at least two years, and my anxiety around leaving you gang.

That said, I expect you will be thoughtful and mature, and look after your health well, getting regular check-ups and blood glucose level (BGL) monitoring, for your insulin-dependent diabetes as well as keep an eye on those in this family who share with you both good and bad things.

Dude, I urge you to check your pre-meal BGL at least three times a day, record it in the BGL booklets and I can certainly give you a hand with insulin adjustments if necessary. Let me know. Look after your health, so you can look after those who matter to you. As Pastor Joel Osteen mentioned in a sermon I listened to today, Be a man of integrity while others are not watching. God is watching. Be a man of integrity so God can trust you for small things, and He will certainly trust you for big things.

Because I know God is almighty and all faithful and all knowing, I bow my head and confess my sins too. May God cleanse us; may our prayers be heard and may we be able to move on every single day. The next move with God is going to be the best move, each and every single time.

Good night,

Sis K

5. Saturday, January 12, 2019

Adulthood Realization

Good Evening Al,

Thank God for guiding us throughout this week. Despite Mum, Dad and me tossing and turning because of your being away, there has still been lots of grace and glory from God. I trust your life is the same. Whatever you do, He is always with you.

As I grow older, I realize that people are at all stages of life, and all experience life differently. You and I both started our adulthood in its purest form because our parents taught us to live simply and be kind. These two characteristics accompany us today and will for the rest of our lives.

With that said, because we started out quite naive (from the world’s perspective), we are often easily deceived or taken advantage of by other people. Part of my experience in turning 30 years old is to finally realize there are people in this world who do not operate with kindness and sincerity. This is even more apparent since I moved to Melbourne. Melbourne is great, but some people are not. You probably recognized it some time ago since you have lived in Melbourne for longer than I. People are generally more indifferent, more competitive, and more self-focused compared to where we came from and lived for the past ten years.

But whatever the circumstances, or however different people might be, we should not let it be an excuse to be mean, indifferent, and careless; instead, we ought to learn from Jesus and sprinkle love and kindness on those around us so we can be a blessing to this place, this world.

Additionally, a nice phrase I learned today that I now share with you pretty much sums up my understanding of life at this point in mine: We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds. This is by Aristotle Onassis, the famous ancient philosopher. Having gone through so much with family, you, and God, I have finally gathered enough courage to abandon my fears, anxiety and worries.

Stay encouraged Dude!

Love,

Sis K

P.S. The Chinese CCTV has a good program called My Speech to the World. Mum and I listened to some of it today. If you have time, this would be a better TV show than the soap opera that Elaine watches. More educational and insightful. Have a go.

6. Sunday, January 13, 2019

Be in the Present

Hi Al,

Happy Sunday!

A few things have