Christian Divorce Wars: A Biblical View

By Sharon Smith

There is a war going on in the Christian realm, and conservative churches across the nation choose to ignore and avoid, hoping turmoil will subside if we pretend it does not exist. Christian Divorce Wars gives the reader a glimpse of the hurt and desperation of wounded soldiers caught in this often-overlooked war, which rages within the walls of

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9781647730536

Book preview

Acknowledgement

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I want to acknowledge Bridget Fox and Pastor Andrew McDonald for their endorsement of the book. I also acknowledge the four couples for their heartfelt and inspirational testimonies.

Back cover photo by Minister Noel McDonald, [e-mail]

Preface

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Divorce, although a very controversial topic within the realm of Christianity, is yet one of the most daunting, leaving the institution of family in a state of disarray. I wrote the original manuscript for my first book Christian Divorce Wars in 2013 however; the dismantling of the Church by this treacherous war continues. Therefore, the Holy Spirit prompted me to write a revision. As I counsel myriads of couples, whether before, during, or after marriage; one thing rings clear in my mind, and it is the fact that marriage is under siege. There is a war going on within the walls of the Church, as Satan is on the rampage to annihilate what God has joined together, and he will not stop, because his job is to steal, kill and ultimately destroy (John 10:10). While many agree that the topic warrants study, care and alertness, some waver, not wanting to go against the grain, leaving man to reckon with God. This book, by using additional references, will seek to dissect the subject once again, using the Bible as the ultimate source, realizing that this is where the answers to all problems are found. The book compares and contrasts the writings of those who have previously studied the topic and gained answers, as well as based on the inspired Word of God. We will journey from Genesis to Revelations endeavoring to derive what God ultimately says about divorce, and why He hates it. The literature will look at the effects children and families have been plagued with as a result of the devastation caused by divorce, and the pressures placed on them. It will also make a clear observation of God’s ultimate intention for the family and how humankind, because of sin, has used this device to eradicate His plan. This examination of the divorce wars will recognize the role of the Biblical counselor prior to and during a marriage, even when divorce enters the picture. It will require that the Biblical counselor embrace every effort to bring healing and ultimate wholeness. Thus, Biblical counseling is a major source through which lasting healing and change occur. This book aims to explain why God hates divorce; His people continue to find themselves within its grasp, leaving the Church in a compromising dilemma. It will thread its way through the Bible, recognizing the historical intent of God, for marriage, is still His intent today. It will also seize the opportunity to observe God’s forgiveness and restoration for the guilty and subsequent deliverance for the innocent.

Marriage and Divorce Data for the U.S.

• Number of marriages: 2,236,496

• Marriage rate: 6.9 per 1,000 total population

• Number of divorces: 787,251 (45 reporting States and D.C.)

• Divorce rate: 2.9 per 1,000 populations (45 reporting States and D.C.)

National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm

Variation in divorce rates by religion:

Variation in divorce rates among Christian faith groups:

Barna Report: https://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm

Introduction

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Divorce is like a tornado ripping through your life, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The emotional whirlwinds bring fear, confusion, and despair, affecting you, your children, family members, and friends. You will likely wonder; why did this storm hit my life, and why does it hurt so much? (Leonard, 2005) The statistics shown above indicate what continues to occur, making it obvious that divorce has infiltrated the sacred arena of the Church. This painful disease is, throughout this book, compared to a war that at times, can be more heart wrenching than the death of a spouse, and has taken root in the lives of God’s children. As the war rages, it continues to have devastating effects. Like the psalmist declares in Psalm 6:61, a spouse becomes worn out from groaning, as all night they weep into their pillows, and drench their couches with tears. The perception of being unsuccessful and the overwhelming guilt weighs heavily on the, at times, unsuspecting victim. Home, work, ministry and social life seem to come to a screeching halt by four all-consuming words I want a divorce. Loneliness becomes paramount while people either draw near or distance themselves, because of ambiguous feelings. The personal torment of an interrupted future, along with the controversy exhibited in the courtroom and the Church inflicts a damaging blow on all participants. The victims of this war have the scarlet letter written on their chests D for DIVORCE; or at least that is what it feels like, especially behind the walls of the sophisticated Church. What does a person do in light of these circumstances, especially as the twenty-first century world endeavors to wrap its mind around it, while the question arises should the Church do the same?

How about the children left in the dugout of despair while their parents at times battle for custody? While the adults fight their way through this debilitating war, the hope is that the scars will not incapacitate the children, and continue the generational curse that has taken root. Custody battles arise and the financial upheaval has the ability to inflict wounds that will ensue for years to come. In essence, the event becomes awkward, as one momentary unwholesome decision escalates into years of bitterness and un-forgiveness for the innocent by standing children. As one child explained, I was in mourning just as if someone I loved had died; the full reality of the divorce had finally hit home. The pain, which at this point seemed to be in my chest now settled in my stomach. I now know this to be a sign of a shift from fear and anxiety to depression. (Hart, 1997) The divorce war, therefore, has and goes forward to breed tragedy, as children grow and become bitter adults that continue the vicious cycle.

With this and other factors to consider, the Church faces a dilemma, as we try to encapsulate this war and at times pretend all is well. Divorce and remarriage remain the often unacknowledged elephant sitting squarely in the center of the sanctuary. We dance around it, carry on with our praise and worship services next to it, and frequently outright ignore it. (Evans, 2012) With the intent to weep with those who weep and not inflict more pain, the caring Church sometimes seems confused and seemingly compromising. The confusion comes when the Church allows itself to care so much, thus relinquishing confrontation in the face of sinful decisions. It would behoove the Church, in the face of this plague to take a stand, thus, establishing Biblical precedence requiring pre-marital counseling as a pre-requisite to couples about to say, I do.

Although the intent of God was; What therefore God has joined together, do not let man put asunder (separate) Mark 10:9, many believers have found themselves entangled in the divorce war, within the walls of Churches that are inadequately equipped to give help. It is incumbent on the twenty-first century Church to be equipped with Biblical counselors that are prepared to confront the issues of divorce. The Biblical counselor When working with marriages in crisis, will need to think through what they believe about temporary separation, child custody issues, and utilizing legal procedures to protect one party from the other. They must not allow crisis intervention to mitigate prevention ministries like premarital counseling. (Cornell, 2011) No doubt, the Church faces a