Move Forward Confidently: A Woman's Guide to Navigating the High-Net-Worth Divorce

By Patrick J. Kilbane and Caitlin Frederick

Divorce can be a challenging and scary undertaking, especially if you're a high-net-worth woman worried about your ongoing financial security. Move Forward Confidently can guide you, step-by-step, through the process. It is intended to help you take control of your financial future during and after the divorce, so you can have a positive outcome. This invaluable guide covers highly important topics, including:

• Choosing an appropriate lawyer and financial planning team
• Securing advantageous alimony, custody, and child-support agreements
• Dividing a family business or closely held corporation
• Developing a wealth management strategy that works for you

Because every divorce choice you make is like a business decision, approach it with knowledge and confidence. Move Forward Confidently is your business plan, designed to provide you with information to navigate smoothly through the divorce process and beyond.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9781544504896

Book preview

]>

cover.jpg

]>

Copyright © 2021 Patrick J. Kilbane J.D., CDFA® & Caitlin Frederick, CFA, CPA

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5445-0489-6

]>

The stories used in this book are based on real clients; however, names, circumstances, and identifying details have been changed to protect and respect their privacy. These accounts may not precisely mirror your own life and situation, but it is our hope that by sharing them, you will find parallels and relevant, useful information. A glossary of key words (italicized upon first reference) can be found at the end of the book in the appendix.

]>

Contents

Introduction

1. You’ve Got This

2. Which Attorney Should You Hire?

3. Breakdown of a Divorce Case

4. Assembling Your Dream Team

5. Mediation during a Pending Divorce

6. Caution Flags

7. When There’s a Business Involved

8. Merging Wealth Management with Your Divorce Case

9. Your New, Exciting Future

Conclusion

Appendix

Glossary

About the Authors

Introduction

Because you opened this book, you’re likely considering divorce (or know somebody who is) or are in the thick of it, and many of the questions on your mind are financial: How will I pay for college for my children? Will my lifestyle be dramatically reduced? What about alimony and child support? Am I going to be left with nothing?

Our goal is to provide you with a clear, comprehensive understanding of the divorce process. Think about the first thing you see when you enter an amusement park. A kiosk usually stands at the entrance with a map and a corresponding list showing where each ride is located. A big dot on the map displays your current position in relation to everything else. The dot is marked with the words YOU ARE HERE. Just like that kiosk map, we will show you where you currently are and how to get to the next place you need (and want) to go, as well as how to prevent mistakes—particularly financial ones.

We will break down the journey for you, step by step. With this guidebook, our intention is to help you create a plan for the future and gain the confidence and knowledge you need to navigate it.

We bring over twenty years of experience and expertise in family law and wealth management to the writing of this book. Pat worked as one of Northeast Florida’s most respected family law attorneys for years and is also a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ (CDFA®) and Wealth Manager. Caitlin is a Chartered Financial Analyst® (CFA®) and a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). She leads the financial planning process for our clients. Our experiences make us uniquely qualified to fill a gap—helping women navigate their divorces and providing the financial planning needed to help them create a rock-solid future. We’re extremely passionate about our work because we know the quality of our clients’ lives correlates to their financial health. Further, because of our experience, we understand how stressful and intimidating a divorce can be. We want to alleviate as much uncertainty as possible.

Please be aware that our discussion of the legal process throughout the book pertains to Florida law and procedure. Although procedures and laws differ from state to state, there are many similarities to the discussion of divorce in general terms. Also, even though Pat is a lawyer, he is not providing any legal advice to our clients. His expertise allows him to help our clients understand the divorce process and help their lawyers spot issues.

Divorce Is Not Uncommon

It is important to know you’re not alone, neither the first person to go through a divorce nor the last. Approximately one-third of our clients, as well as prospective ones, are divorced. Recent government statistics show approximately 40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. This number increases for second and third marriages.

Many women going through a divorce feel betrayed and hurt by the person they trusted most in the world. Others are the primary income earners or business owners who want to protect what they’ve built. Either way, they often feel trapped and want to exit the marriage as quickly as possible. Fears abound, including one of not being able to support themselves at anything close to the standard of living that they enjoyed during their marriage. (Millions of women have this worry; a 2013 study reported in Forbes magazine found that over 25 percent of the women polled with household incomes of $200,000 per year or more said they feared losing their money and ending up homeless.1)

One of the biggest steps you can take at this moment is to view what lies ahead as a business decision, not an emotional one. By calling on your inner strength and taking control, you’ll lay the groundwork for a successful outcome. It is not easy for any of us to admit we don’t know something, especially when the stakes are high. We congratulate you on taking the steps necessary to successfully navigate your divorce and to educate yourself on the process. By doing so, you are on the right track to managing your future.

Discovering Yourself in Divorce

It is paramount for your lawyer—and all other professionals with whom you will be working during your case—to understand who you are, not only from a financial standpoint but from a personal one as well. We call gaining a deep understanding of a person the Life Map process.

The Life Map begins with an extensive interview. We ask detailed questions about your goals, values, interests, advisors, assets, and relationships. You explain your values as well as what—and who—is important to you. The Life Map helps us gain a deep perspective into what motivates you and what you would like your new life to look like. In many cases, it assists clients in learning more about themselves and helps in reevaluating priorities. The product of this extensive interview is your personalized Life Map, a one-page infographic to which every member of our wealth management team has access. It allows our team to get to know our clients at great depth. Further, the Life Map can be used in meetings with your lawyer and other members of your team to ensure everyone is on the same page regarding your goals and priorities. (For an expanded discussion of the Life Map, see Chapter 8; a graphic illustrating the process can be found in the appendix.)

In the beginning of the divorce process, and when creating a Life Map, many women cannot identify their goals and desires, and perhaps, at this point, you can’t either. This is normal. Insecurity, confusion, even bewilderment are by-products of divorce in its initial stages, as is the feeling of not being able to trust anyone. Occasionally, some women develop the false belief that they do not deserve a portion of the marriage’s finances because they didn’t earn it.

One of the most important things to do from the start is to surround yourself with professionals who will competently guide you through the numerous financial and business decisions ahead. Now is the time to make the most informed and educated decisions possible. In a divorce, once the assets are divided and a deal struck, it is generally irreversible. There is no turning back. Too many women going through a divorce assume they can start over—perhaps go back to school and train for a new career. They don’t ask or pursue enough financial resources to do so. Other women succumb to intimidation tactics or agree to not use attorneys—to their detriment. This is why it is extremely important to put together a competent team of professionals who will help ensure the most successful outcome.

Metamorphosis

When we think of a metamorphosis or a drastic change, we frequently visualize a caterpillar morphing into a beautiful butterfly. However, the truth is that before the caterpillar can take flight, it goes through a process of substantial growth and change inside the protection of the chrysalis.

In the same way, before your new life can begin, key components of the old one must be dismantled, carefully and deliberately. In this book, we will describe each stage of the divorce process—from the first moment to the final judgment and beyond. Further, we will outline the financial aspects of divorce and offer best practices for identifying a strong professional team of advisors. Even before the divorce is over, you should have a clear idea of the kind of lifestyle you’ll be able to live. Countless women go through divorce and come out on the other side with happier, more fulfilling lives. Transformation happens. The key formula is solid guidance, expertise, and a dose of optimism. This book provides you with all three.

---

1 Allianz, The Allianz Women, Money, and Power Study: Empowered and Underserved, 2013, https://www.allianzlife.com/-/media/files/allianz/documents/ent_1462_n.pdf?la=en&hash=DB76F6EE3B711B77523AABC237F9B37F6E8F2F21.

]>

Chapter One

1. You’ve Got This

In marriage, women frequently take a back seat when it comes to managing their finances, despite their level of education and capabilities. Many of our clients have been married to alpha males who have controlled and managed everything, from retirement accounts to taxes to investment property. The advisors your husband has