Gretchen's (Mis)Adventures Boxed Set 7-9: Gretchen's (Mis)Adventures Boxed Sets, #3

By P.A. Mason

Books 7-9 in this hilarious high fantasy witch series all wrapped up in a neat bundle.

 

The Troll and the Minotauress

 

 A troll's path to love will have Gretchen walking around in circles to come rescue him, but she's on the clock if she wants to get out in one piece. A treacherous labyrinth lies on a stark island in the shadow of a crystal fortress, and Gretchen must traverse its dangers to get her friend back home. But trying to convince a troll in love is a different story.

 

A Very Krampy Christmas

 

Christmas Eve is never a good time to have the sheriff come by after dark, and after Gretchen protests her innocence, it's up to her to clean up Edgewater's Krampus plague. Demonic cleanup is witch business, after all. Baffled at the swarm of pint-sized Christmas tricksters, Gretchen must find out who is behind the summoning so she can banish the horde.

 

An Elvish Sweatshop

 

A proposed business venture turns into exactly the kind of covert rescue mission Gretchen promised herself to avoid. But being a responsible parent and setting a good example sometimes don't go hand in hand. And if Gretchen isn't careful, she'll prove everyone who doubted her ability to raise a fledgling witch right.

 

If you like fairy tale retellings with a good dose of humor, wit, and sometimes crazy witchy fun you'll enjoy this boxed set.

'Irresistibly like Terry Pratchett's Discworld Witch books' - Two Books Blog

• Language: English
• Publisher: P.A. Mason
• Release date: Apr 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201921217

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Copyright © 2020 P.A Mason

First Edition

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, contact [e-mail]

Cover design by P.A. Mason

Editing Services from CJ Skye

pamasonauthor.com

GRETCHEN’S

(MIS)ADVENTURES

7-9 BOXED SET

The Troll and the Minotauress

A Very Krampy Christmas

An Elvish Sweatshop

P.A. MASON

For those who yearn to see a love story between those others consider monsters. Monsters need love too.

Chapter 1

Stop— Gretchen brought the business end of a broom down on the ogre’s head. Shaking— she thumped him again. That gnome!

The broom handle broke in her hands, and the ogre dropped the mischievous gnome who’d upended his drink moments earlier.

Right, Gretchen screeched. Get out! The lot of you.

A concert of groans erupted in The Salt and Bog’s taproom and Gretchen turned with a snarl. None of you try this rubbish when Jurgen’s around. If you think I’m gonna be a light touch, you're sadly mistaken. Leave now, and I’ll consider opening up again tomorrow if you remember to bring your manners.

Stools scraped on the battered timber floors, and a few of the regulars began chugging the last of their ale before standing. Gretchen tried not to listen too closely to the dark muttering among them and helped the last gnome out with a heel to his backside before barring the door behind them. She turned and leaned heavily against the door with her eyes closed. It was only day two, and she was already beginning to wonder why she’d agreed to hold the fort while Jurgen went off on his mysterious vacation.

Sure, her new cellar was already mostly dug out, and Jurgen had brought over the lumber to line the walls, but she’d almost forgotten what a handful the regulars could be without the burly troll around to keep them in line.

Her foul mood, she decided, had more to do with Nora’s convenient absence on the night before it was her turn to take over. Her friend was never a morning person, and the chances of her arriving anytime before noon were slim. Gretchen had a feeling she wasn’t going to get to her stall in the city in the morning, and with the last orders of medicinals placed before she shut up shop, she would miss out on a good chunk of change if she didn’t deliver.

Vacation, she muttered. Who ever heard of a troll going on vacation?

Stopping only long enough to bank the fire in the hearth and douse the lanterns, Gretchen left the mess behind and moved through the kitchen with her mind on getting a good night’s sleep. The mattress in the guest room was so soft she thought it might consume her, and her back had ached after climbing out of bed that morning. She thought she might make a pallet for herself on the floor as she climbed the stairs. And if Nora didn’t show up in the morning, she had a mind to lock up the tavern until Jurgen returned.

Gretchen paused by the door of the troll’s bedroom and arched an eyebrow at her scruffy, purple feline curled up on a pillow. Mulligan’s only response was to stretch his legs and yawn.

Traitor, Gretchen admonished, though she knew her familiar had a particular affection for Jurgen.

Further down the hall, Gretchen rubbed the small of her back and dragged the pillows from the bed. The room wasn’t particularly large, and she almost knocked over the nightstand as she tried to heave the mattress off the sprung bed frame. The mattress gave way and slid to the floor like a gelatinous mess. Gretchen kicked it in irritation.

As she pulled off her boots, she wondered for the umpteenth time where Jurgen had wandered off to and pulled her pointed hat from her head. The venture undoubtedly had something to do with the letters she saw him clutching to his chest when he thought nobody was looking. She was almost certain there weren't any other enchanted trolls kicking around on account of having accidently enchanted him herself and couldn’t begin to guess what kind of creature he was wooing.

A dwarf, perhaps. Or maybe even a yeti. She would have to give him some kudos if he’d sweet-talked a brownie, and perhaps if he brought her back to The Salt and Bog, she could negotiate a spring clean back at her place. The cobwebs were starting to look like the spider fortress in the fairy tooth realm, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d polished the—

Hope I’m not interrupting.

Gretchen swung around and stared at the man leaning against the doorframe, a wry smile tugging at his thin lips. Black hair standing at impossible angles jutted from his head, and Gretchen shook her noggin to clear the apparition from her clearly addled mind. When he didn’t dissipate back into her imagination, her cheeks burned with outrage.

"I said out! How dare you sneak up and… Gretchen’s mouth hung open as she looked the guy up and down. His clothes seemed foreign, and his pointed teeth made her question if he was a regular human or another creature entirely. Who the heck are you?"

The Lord of the Labyrinth, he drawled. You must be the troll’s keeper.

The troll’s what? Gretchen spluttered. I don’t know what kind of joke Jurgen’s playing, but you’ve picked the wrong night to come and rattle my cage, mister. If you don’t—

The strange man leaned closer and sniffed. Yes, I can smell the reek of his enchantment on you. Your troll has strayed onto my lands. If you ever want to see him again, I suggest you come and collect him.

A cold grip of fear gnawed at Gretchen’s belly. Nobody except her and Jurgen knew how the troll came to be enchanted.

What are you? she demanded. And what have you done to my friend?

His laughter was mocking, and he drew a scroll from under his belt and handed it to her. You have three days to retrieve him. I’m afraid it will be too late after that.

Gretchen blinked as the stranger evaporated into a cloud of smoke, and she turned to be sure he wasn’t standing behind her. With magic like that, she would expect him to be a wizard of the highest order. She twitched her nose to be sure, but the distinct lack of allergic reaction told her he couldn’t be of their ilk.

Staring at the scroll, she moved woodenly to sit on a small stool in the corner and untied the ribbon sealing it. It didn’t seem to be the enchanted sort, and when she unfolded it, she was glad it didn’t explode in her face.

For a moment, she wasn’t sure what she was looking at, but as her eyes followed the lines, she recognized it as a map. Most of its mass was the sea which separated the two continents. A circle around a small island off the south continent’s coastline drew her eye, and she squinted at as though the marking held answers to the questions swirling in her mind. The island wasn’t even named, and Gretchen’s first thought was how Jurgen could have gotten that far in the first place. A sea voyage would take days, and the closest port was beyond the city.

Lord of the Labyrinth, she recalled. What a stupid name. If it was some kind of gimmick, and she arrived to find Jurgen in a quirky bed-and-breakfast next to well-trimmed hedges, a cellar wouldn’t begin to compensate her for the trouble. But she knew deep down Jurgen would tell no one of his creation. As much to keep her from unwanted attention as his wish to live quietly as a publican.

Mulligan? she croaked. Her familiar should sense her discomfort, she told herself, and come and offer a mangy shoulder to cry on. But he had never been that kind of cat.

She moved from the guest room to find him more or less where she’d left him and sank to Jurgen’s bed to pluck him into her lap. He gave a disgruntled chirrup and glared up at her, but she smoothed her hands over his fur and began talking.

"The southern continent, Mulligan! I should have made him tell me where he was going. It’d be just like him to go and talk trash to some magical creature and end up in trouble. Who were those letters from, anyway? I thought I was giving him space, you know? Figured he’d tell me who his lady friend is in good time, and—"

Gretchen blinked and looked around Jurgen’s neat room. Her eyes fell on his nightstand and she turfed Mulligan from her lap to reef the drawer open, spilling the contents on the coverlet. Her feline familiar stalked off in a huff, and Gretchen spread out the mess of socks, handkerchiefs, and coins and plucked up an envelope with a victorious hiss.

Ah ha, she announced. What have we here?

She thumbed the back of the envelope and pulled out a letter addressed to her friend. As she scanned the contents, she threw it away in disgust. A polite note to let him know his poem titled ‘A Hairy Bard’ had not been accepted in the Scribe of the Realm’s snooty literary publication. For only the briefest of moments, she wondered when he’d taken up poetry.

He would have figured she would snoop and must have hidden his love letters somewhere he thought she wouldn’t find them. Jurgen had underestimated her, Gretchen thought, and she flung open chests on the far wall to dump his clothes over his bed in a frenzy.

As she searched his room, Gretchen worried over each of the words the stranger had said to her. Three days to collect him… or what? It would be too late for what? There wasn’t even a feasible way to get there in three days. She may have a chance if she took to the skies right away and chanced a long journey over turbulent seas on her broom. But even then, she doubted she would do much more than circle from above looking for the right rock to land on.

No. To get there, she would need something more powerful than a broom. Nothing short of a portal stone was going to do the trick, and she knew of only a few people who could get her access to one.

Giving up on his bedroom, Gretchen tore down the stairs and began upending canisters of herbs, sacks of flour, and even checked behind each keg to look for a bundle of notes. Perhaps he’d taken them with him, she considered. If he had, this lady friend must be really something.

Gretchen wandered into the bar and pulled down a bottle of apple brandy to calm her nerves. Thoughts of sleep had fled, and she held the bottle to her lips and drank deeply. From her angle, she saw the folded corner of a note jutting from the top shelf. She sputtered and slammed the bottle down on the bar.

Her friend was misinformed if he thought she was above drinking his top shelf liquor in his absence.

After fetching a stool, she brought down a single letter and a better bottle of brandy. The light in the room was dull, so she pulled a light charm from her pouch and waved it in irritation as she spoke the incantation to awaken it. Clear, white light illuminated the missive, and she opened it on the counter to inspect it closely.

I cannot wait to be together, my love, and send this stone to usher you to my island home. You need only think of me, and it will activate. On the border, speak my name, and the path shall emerge.

A xx

Gretchen uncorked the brandy and poured herself a healthy dose. Jurgen had either been catfished in the worst kind of way, or the labyrinth guy had an accomplice.

Chapter 2

Gretchen didn’t bother looking over her shoulder as the kitchen door opened behind her, instead drinking the last of her coffee and thinking of any last-minute supplies she may need.

It looks like a bomb has gone off in here, Nora grumbled. Why didn’t you kick them out if they started brawling?

I did. Gretchen spun on her heel. And they didn’t. No time to explain. Jurgen’s being held prisoner, and I need to go to the city to see Cordelia. It’s the closest portal stone I can get my mitts on, and I’m not taking no for an answer.

Gretchen moved to step past Nora, and her friend held out an arm with a sharp look. Don’t even think about leaving without explaining yourself.

Gretchen closed her eyes and groaned. She’d been about to leave regardless of whether Nora arrived and was vaguely surprised Nora had made the journey in the darkness of pre-dawn. The only thing that had stopped her from doing the same was the need to keep her arrival at the academy from being noteworthy to those who may stick their noses in her business.

Some weirdo showed up last night and threatened me. Gretchen pulled the scroll from her pouch and pressed it into Nora’s hand. Gave me this, said I had three days to pick Jurgen up.

Nora pushed her spectacles up the bridge of her nose and squinted. But this is a map. Who was this person?

Gretchen pointed out the marker on the map and sighed. No idea. Wasn’t a wizard as far as I could tell. Evaporated into thin air when I started demanding answers. I tore up the entire tavern looking for those letters Jurgen’s been staring at and found this.

Gretchen waited impatiently as her friend scanned the note and they puzzled over the information together.

What has that beast gotten himself into? Nora mused. Better raid the pantry if we’re to go on a trip. The academy? You thinking of purloining a portal stone?

Gretchen’s chest tightened as she tried to figure out a way to fob Nora off. As much as the older witch was her best friend, she knew her inquisitive mind wouldn’t rest if she knew what magic Gretchen had instilled in Jurgen. Even with the best of intentions, her secret wouldn’t stay safe with her for long.

I’m doing this alone, Nora. Gretchen kept her face neutral. "It’s your turn to mind the bar, and I need someone to keep Mulligan fed. Besides, if this goes horribly wrong—"

You’ll need someone to save you both, Nora sighed. It’s a shame the baron doesn’t see the use in portal stones, or I would have one myself. But I may have something that could be useful. Enchanted it just last night as a way for us to coordinate this place.

Gretchen gave her a questioning look, and Nora drew a small notebook from the satchel she wore at her hip. It was a wonder Nora wasn’t giving her much by way of argument, but then she never was much of a morning person.

What is it? Gretchen took it gingerly between her thumb and finger.

I have its twin, Nora patted her satchel. Rather complicated, the charm. Had me up most of the night trying to get it to work properly. But what you inscribe on that one will appear in mine and vice versa. Once you figure out what’s going on, note it down. If there’s any way I can assist…

Let you know, Gretchen finished and nodded. Thanks Nora. You’re a lifesaver.

Her friend gave her a strange look as Gretchen