Gretchen's (Mis)Adventures Boxed Set 10-12: Gretchen's (Mis)Adventures Boxed Sets, #4

By P.A. Mason

The last three instalments in this hilarious high fantasy witch series all wrapped up in a neat bundle.

 

The Head of the Horseman

 

Getting waylaid in the forest by a headless horseman wasn't what Gretchen was expecting in the dead of night, and she's on a mission to get her hat back from this ghostly thief. And evict her new houseguest while she's at it. Nora has given up her position with the baron, and has grandiose plans of taking up a seat on the Witches Council. Gretchen doesn't have the heart to tell her it's a long shot, but can't put up with her crowding up the cottage indefinitely.

 

The Kingmaker's Sword

 

Gretchen always knew her trusty infinity pouch held a world full of secrets, but she didn't imagine she was carrying around a relic that could bring down a kingdom. Or that it would land her into a boiling pot where she ends up a fugitive from the witches and wizards alike. But standing accused of a shocking crime she didn't commit, this witch refuses to give in.

 

Queen Mab's Castle 

 

The glimmer of a portal in the sky is too much to resist when Gretchen finds herself feeling old and frumpy. And on the other side it's all booze and parties. Then she finds someone who looks a lot like Aunt Esme, and all thoughts of a bender are pushed aside. Fleeing into the fairy forest, Gretchen learns she's stumbled into Queen Mab's realm, and is now the fox fleeing the hounds.

 

For lighthearted fun with fickle moments of tragedy and feel good moments, join Gretchen on her travels in this final boxed set. You can't help but cheer for this purveyor of potions, unlikely champion of the downtrodden, and all round good samaritan of the magical world.

 

'This story reminded me irresistibly of Terry Pratchett's Discworld Witch books' - Two Books Blog

• Language: English
• Publisher: P.A. Mason
• Release date: Aug 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201003678

Book preview

Copyright © 2020 P.A Mason

First Edition

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, contact [e-mail]

Cover design by P.A. Mason

Editing Services from CJ Skye

pamasonauthor.com

GRETCHEN’S

(MIS)ADVENTURES

4-6 BOXED SET

Witches Teeth

Psycho Mirror

Halloween Date Night

P.A. MASON

For those who thought there must have been a good reason for a headless horseman to be grumpy. There is.

Chapter 1

Homework? Gretchen rubbed her eyes and took a healthy swig of ale. I don’t remember signing up for that. We agreed you’d go to the academy during the day. If they want you making potions, they can do it during school hours.

Piper gave Gretchen a level stare from across the table at The Salt and Bog. Cramped handwriting filled the notebook splayed in front of her, and Gretchen wondered what else she had in store for their spare time.

The other students get to go on a field trip in the forest after dark to look for luminescent mushrooms. Since I’m with you, I need—

The door of the tavern swung open with an almighty bang and Gretchen turned in her seat to see Nora step in, her face a frenzied mask of victory.

I’ve done it, she announced. I told that snooty little pipsqueak where he can shove his job!

She hooked her boot around the door to close it, and the silence that followed in the taproom was heavy with shock. Gretchen’s eyes flickered between Jurgen, Piper, Nora, and even the gnomes in the corner, waiting for the spell to break. Nobody said a word, and Nora held up her arms with an indignant scowl.

Well? Isn’t anyone going to say anything? Congratulations, perhaps?

Jurgen cleared his throat from behind the bar and thumped a tankard under a tap. I suppose that calls for a drink.

Next round’s on me. Nora swaggered to the bar to the cheers of the gnomes. Tonight, we party!

Gretchen realized her jaw was hanging open and clicked her teeth shut with a shiver. It was the last thing she’d expected to hear on a quiet afternoon while taking respite from the cold at her favorite watering hole. Nora had been in the baron’s employ for years, and in recent times had taken more than one blow on his account without complaint.

After taking a gulp from her tankard, Nora spun on her heel and made her way to their table. Gretchen met Jurgen’s eyes over Nora’s shoulder, and the burly troll only shrugged. When her pal dropped to the chair beside her with a contented sigh, Gretchen grasped for words to keep Nora busy while she reconciled with the news.

What? Ah, well. Tell me what happened.

Nora grinned and laced her fingers over her midsection as Piper tucked her notebook into her satchel. Jurgen ambled over wiping his hands with a dishcloth, and pulled up a seat to listen in. Gretchen reckoned even the gnomes would tilt their ears in Nora’s direction, and that soon the tavern would be brimming with all sorts of magical ilk seeking gossip and free grog.

Well. Nora drew a deep breath. It was the last straw, you see? His uptightness took offense to a quip at court by Lady Bishop and insisted I make her bald! Usually, I put him off a day or two and he settles down, but this time he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

She took another gulp of ale and smacked her lips.

Now, nobody will accuse me of being squeamish, but I only agreed to bothersome hexes when I signed on. Persistent cases of athlete's foot, boils the size of plums, itching in inconvenient places… but permanent baldness is just too far. She shook her head. And the lady in question is a good egg. She’s done me one or two kindnesses over the years, and I refuse to have her in one of those gaudy wigs for the rest of her days.

Gretchen turned her tankard in her palms and bit her lip. Jurgen swallowed and pursed his lips.

So, he ventured. I take it things didn’t end well?

I told the twerp that he needn't spread his misery just because his scalp had long since given up. That he was a master of bitterness and held in low regard among every barony in the kingdom. A cliched man of short stature renowned for an even shorter temper. She waggled her eyebrows and held a finger up. And that without my services he would find himself in a tenuous position among the blue bloods of the realm, and I would laugh heartily at his fall to ruin.

Gretchen couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped her lips and lamented the fact she hadn’t been there to witness the look on the baron’s face.

Piper’s features remained solemn, and she opened her mouth to speak. Sounds more like you got fired.

It was too much, and Gretchen doubled over in her chair, holding her belly as she cackled. Embellishing stories was something of a pastime for Nora, and Gretchen wondered how many times her friend had practiced that little speech on her way to The Salt and Bog. She wiped tears from her eyes and strove to get her breath under control.

Nora’s eyes narrowed. The man might be an idiot, but he isn’t stupid. She considered Piper and cocked her head. Dismissing a witch renowned for her hexes would be foolish. No, I quit. It’s been something on my mind for some time, and the portents aligned to that purpose today.

Oh? Gretchen held up her tankard to hide her smirk. And what grand plans do you have for the future, then?

Nora turned her nose in the air and sat a little straighter. It’s about time I take up a seat on the Witches Council.

Mid-gulp, Gretchen’s eyes widened, and she sprayed a steady stream of ale across the table. With a hand to her chest, she sucked in a breath of air, and the remaining ale in her mouth went down the wrong hole. Gasping and hacking, she thumped her chest and stood to lean over and regain her composure.

The chorus of laughter from the gnomes accompanied Nora’s icy voice. Are you quite done?

Maybe, Gretchen spluttered and winced before dropping back into her seat. You should really make those kinds of announcements when there’s less risk of people choking to death.

What is so hard to believe about it? Nora clucked. Gwendolyn Blight passed three months ago. Those women have been putting off a vote on the next candidate which tells me they’re hard pressed to find someone worthy of the seat.

Aren’t they all old and powerful? Piper asked.

Gretchen bit the inside of her cheek to hold back another fit of laughter. From the quizzical expression on Nora’s face, she clearly couldn’t tell which prerequisite Piper thought she lacked.

Like really, really old? Piper clarified.

Sure, Nora agreed. But what’s more important than either of those things is infamy. And there’s not a single lord or lady who doesn’t know who Nora Brightstar is in this kingdom.

Be that as it may. Gretchen kept her tone gentle. The machinations that go on with the council… the old hag club to contend with… is that something you want to sign up for?

Gretchen couldn’t bring herself to voice doubt over whether the council would welcome Nora into the fold.

It’s about time those biddies had some fresh eyes and a new perspective at the table. Nora shrugged. And I’m just the witch to do it. Besides, there’s been a Brightstar on the council in each generation. It’s been fifteen years since my Aunt Delilah breathed her last, and that old crone spent the better part of twenty years at the table.

Great, Gretchen thought as she took a tentative sip of ale. It appeared the notion was an issue of pride, and that Nora wouldn’t be dissuaded from likely embarrassment of being laughed out of the room.

So, what about your workroom? Gretchen asked changing the subject.

Magically sealed. I don’t trust that spiteful twit. If given the opportunity, he’d empty it of anything valuable. I told him I would be by to collect my things, Nora nodded to Jurgen. Which I hope you can help me with.

I can take the wagon over. Jurgen blinked as though reckoning. Maybe the day after tomorrow. You can keep your things here until… um. Does a councilwoman live in the city?

She lives wherever she damn well pleases. Nora chuckled. Most times in their own apartments at the academy. But I’d prefer to get my own digs. In the meantime… well, I thought I could stay with Gretchen and Piper here.

Gretchen’s eyes traveled up to the ceiling, mentally picturing the second level of the tavern. Where guest bedrooms were in good supply and left vacant by the publican who decided letting them was too troublesome. Try as she might, she couldn’t reconcile the spaciousness with her own cramped cottage, and why Nora would want to stay with her if given an option.

Then Nora cleared her throat, and Gretchen blinked. A glimmer of vulnerability lurked in the depths of her friend’s eyes, though nobody other than Gretchen would likely have seen it given her confident facade. There was more to the story with the baron than Nora was letting on, Gretchen wagered. And with grandiose plans ahead of her, Nora evidently wanted a friend by her side. Scratching the back of her neck, Gretchen glanced at Piper with a shrug and then nodded.

Of course. What are friends for, huh? I mean, I’m not sure how much you’ll like bunking in with me at night, but I suppose it won’t be for all that long.

Jurgen made a face from behind Nora’s shoulder, and Gretchen felt her cheek twitch. Nora only took another swig of ale and dragged her sleeve over her mouth.

So, what about my project? Piper folded her arms on the table, and it took a few seconds for Gretchen to recall the problem of the glowing mushrooms. She was about to speak when Nora opened her mouth.

Ah, yes. You’re at the academy now, huh? Well, I suppose while I’ve got some time on my hands, I can help you out with whatever potions they’ve got you brewing. You’re at quite a disadvantage with all this toing and froing from the city.

Gretchen bristled at the word ‘disadvantage’, but only ground her teeth at the vague insult. Piper pulled out her notebook and found the page she’d marked with the ingredients she needed. We need to make a light spell. It will be marked against the strength and the quality of the light. I need luminescent mushrooms, but they’re only good for a few hours after picking them.

Those glow in the dark ones? Jurgen rubbed his chin. There’s plenty of those in the forest.

They must be a certain shade. Piper thumbed through the pages. Those with a blue glow will yield a whiter light. Anything that looks white will give the spell a yellow tinge. The blue ones are hard to find.

Gretchen propped her head in her hands, struck by the groan-worthy familiarity of her own time at the academy. Pedantic, if you asked her. Light was light. In a dark tunnel, she doubted the ‘quality’ of the light would matter much to those who found themselves caught in blackness unaware. Gretchen reckoned she wouldn’t care if the light was pink and sparkled in that kind of situation.

They are hard to find, Nora agreed. But don’t you worry. You and me will brew the best light spell that teacher has seen in years. You can tell ‘em all you have a noteworthy tutor at home. Maybe I can drop in on some of your classes and give out some pointers.

So far, Gretchen had done an admirable job of keeping unentangled from the school and its politics. Suppressing a groan, she realized that was just the thing Nora would be looking to stir up in her bid to get on the council. She could already see it. Posturing and pushing for the top spot in the class. Competition and rivalry at its finest. The exact opposite of her own laid back educational philosophy that she’d tried to instill in Piper.

Great. Gretchen’s tone was flat, and she took a big gulp of ale. Well, that’s just great.

Chapter 2

Gretchen ground her teeth at the table as Nora waffled on about the council and decided if it kept up much longer, she’d be chewing meat with stumps. She’d heard it all before—at great length—but she’d come to learn there was no shutting Nora up after her third dram of double-distilled witches’ brew.

—and Hattie will cast her vote wherever Marion tells her to. She will be the one who needs convincing, and after Aunt Delilah showed her up back in—

Have you helped Piper with her project yet? Gretchen blinked, trying to recall how long Piper said she had to turn the potion in.

Nora frowned and her features went slack. She’d forgotten, Gretchen realized, and bunched her fists under the table until her fingernails bit deep into her palm.

Oh. The mushrooms? Nora smacked her lips and glanced out the window. Perhaps tonight. It looks clear out, though the moon isn’t too bright. Makes spotting the difference in the glow that much easier.

Don’t worry about it. Gretchen scraped back her chair and stretched. Piper’s in bed. This new school routine is really tiring her out. I’ll go get the mushrooms, and we can get her up real early to get the potion done before we leave.

Nora opened her mouth to protest, but Gretchen held up a hand to silence her. It’s not cheating. I won’t drag her out of bed in the middle of the night, and that’s all there is to it.

A long hike in pixie infested woods was preferable to listening to Nora prattle on anyhow. Between that and worrying over Piper, who’d become more withdrawn since Nora arrived, it felt like she hadn’t had a minute to herself in weeks. She just hoped by the time she got back, Nora would be snoring soundly. If she didn’t make it all the way to the bedroom to crash, even better.

Well, make sure you take a stout stick with you. Those pixies can be nasty beggars if you wake up a nest. Nora fumbled with the bottle of liquor on the table and poured herself another measure.

Sure. Gretchen felt her throat tighten as she tried to keep her voice even. Mulligan gave her the stink eye from the sofa, evidently unimpressed at being Nora’s captive audience, and she decided to bring home a pixie as a consolatory gift if the opportunity presented itself. Dried pixie liver cured all cranky feline ills, and with Nora’s falcon screeching around in the garden, Mulligan had a persistent case of the sulks.

With her cloak around her shoulders and warming gloves tugged over her hands, she tied the infinity pouch to her belt and slipped into the night.

The cold air stung her lungs. She marched onward with confidence through the garden and decided against using a light charm to illuminate the dirt lane beyond. It would ruin her eyes for the forage, and she’d taken the track that led into the woods more times than she could count.

While she knew of one or two places she could effectively land in the forest from her broom, each step lifted the cloud of burden that had fogged her mind for the past weeks. At first, Nora’s arrival hadn’t been so bad. Jurgen was as good as his word and had made three trips to the baron’s estate to collect the decades of arcane junk that Nora had amassed. It meant Nora got out of the