Transformational Consulting: Bringing Lasting Change to Individuals & Organizations

By Andrew Henry Jacobs

Let's not dance around the problem— the vast majority of clients do not rehire the same consultant a second time. The statistics are staggering: 83% of clients slide back to the same old habits within six months of the termination of the contract. Would you go back to Starbucks if 83% of the time the coffee you received was different than the coffee you ordered?

What if there was a way for you, as a consultant, to retain your clients beyond the conclusion of the initial contract? How much would that be worth to you?

"Transformational Consulting" demonstrates how to consult in a way that results in sustainable change and repeat clients. To do this, readers will engage with passions, their motivations, and discover the voice that is uniquely theirs.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Mar 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098343170

Book preview

ONE

Transformational Kindness

Yes. You do have the correct book.

Why would a book on starting a consulting business begin with a discussion on kindness? Building a long-lasting, sustainable, and successful Transformational Consulting business starts with going through transformation for you as an individual first. The foundational energy of compassion, when practiced and lived, eliminates the three main reasons the clear majority of consulting relationships fail. The three main contributing factors that cause this failure are:

Selfishness and ego on the part of the consultant,

Failing to produce measurable and palpable results; and,

Inadequate follow through and follow up on the part of the consultant and the client

All three of these are one hundred percent on the shoulders of the consultant. Understanding, embracing, and practicing Transformational Kindness eliminates all three of these and replaces them with the following:

Transformed lives and organizations where stress is decreased and joy is increased;

Measurable and palpable results that are proven through numbers, culture, and actual net profits; and

Customers who keep coming back to you with new challenges and opportunities.

If you want to have a consulting business that makes money and transforms lives, stay with me. This, of course, is not a guarantee of success. No one can guarantee anyone else’s business success. But I have yet to see someone fail who embraced the foundational energy of Transformational Kindness and practiced it in their daily lives. Of course, to be able to apply something (a concept, skill, or ability), one must understand the concept and skill. The foundational principle of Transformational Consulting is Transformational Kindness. Therefore, the rest of this chapter will unwrap the following:

The paradox of kindness as a strategic business tool;

The effects of kindness on our spirit, psyche, and body;

The ways kindness keens the consulting business; and

The bottom-line results to your business.

The Paradox of Transformational Kindness

Transformational Kindness is the foundation of a successful Transformational Consulting business, but it’s also the sheer strength of your practice. It is a vital strategic business tool for your continued success. The dichotomy of this is that often business leaders misunderstand kindness as weakness while believing that they must be harsh and ruthless to succeed. Genuine Transformational Kindness permeates every aspect of your life and your business. However, you cannot give or use what you don’t have. Think of a home improvement project you would like to get to. Close your eyes and picture it. Capture it in your mind. Close your eyes and really picture it. Hold the picture in your mind as if it’s a reality. Capture it in your mind’s eye. Now, what do you need to do if you don’t own the right tools for the job? That’s giving you the benefit of the doubt that you have the skills to do the job well. But let’s say you do have the skills and it’s an issue of tools. What do you need to do if you don’t own the proper tools for the job? Usually, one of two things:

Improvise a potentially suitable replacement tool such as a stapler instead of a hammer; or

Borrow or purchase the correct tool.

The deciding factor is usually a mixture of how simple or complex the job is. The more complex it is, the higher the likelihood you will borrow or purchase the tool. A word of warning: if you attempt to improvise, instead of using the correct tool, you will screw it up. As a rule, you always want to use the right tool for the right job. The tool of Transformational Kindness, however, cannot be borrowed. You can only use it effectively in direct proportion to the degree you own and live it. You cannot fake it. This is so important, I will say it again:

YOU CAN ONLY USE TRANSFORMATIONAL KINDNESS IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO THE DEGREE YOU OWN AND LIVE IT.

No exceptions. No shortcuts. Ever. Period. Either you embrace the concept and live it, or you don’t. The good news is that once you embrace it, you can start anywhere. We all started somewhere in our journey of living Transformational Kindness. Some will have a more natural strength for Transformational Kindness, while others will have a little more work to do. The good news is that everyone can learn and grow into this area, and the energy of Transformational Kindness is always open to everyone. Let’s jump in and look at the core principles of Transformational Kindness in order to make the concept clear.

Transformational Kindness is not for the weak or faint of heart. It requires deep personal maturity and fortitude of mind. The reason it is so difficult is that it requires absolute honesty and respect. For most people, these two concepts are feel good only. If it feels good, they are honest and respectful. This is one of the paradoxes of Transformational Kindness. Even if the intent is to protect someone’s feelings, it is unkind to lie to them or withhold the truth from them. Most people who want to get into consulting are good people who want to help others. But sometimes the best way to be of service to others is to tactfully and respectfully share painful truths with them. Sharing these hard truths with our clients in ways they understand and embrace is a big part of our service to our clients as Transformational Consultants. Therefore, the first step in living Transformational Kindness is: always tell the truth.

For many full-time employees, telling their boss the truth can bring subtle but lasting negative repercussions. It can be challenging to engage in these conversations when a supervisor is unhealthy or insecure or when one is financially responsible for his or her family. I know this from experience. Years ago, I had a supervisor who said he wanted to hear the truth about his leadership and the impact he was having on the organization’s success. I was young, and I trusted that he wanted what he was asking for. For a few years, he seemed to appreciate my honesty and insight. That all ended when he asked me to tackle a sensitive area, which was a blind spot for him and involved his best friend. I had no idea that from that point on, I was digging my own grave in the organization with every honest conversation we had. I learned a life-changing lesson during that situation that was, for me, a real epiphany. From then on, I needed to speak the truth with love and tact at the level the recipient could receive it. If we fail to do that, we’re not just wasting our breath, we are potentially damaging the relationship and opportunity for future influence.

I was fortunate enough to have a powerful example of this concept when my boys were very young. They were five and seven, and I had gained some weight. My therapist of choice was named Haagen-Dazs, and I had put on about thirty pounds. Both of my boys have a great sense of humor. My youngest was a ruthless truth-teller, and my eldest was much more tactful. My youngest son was walking through our family room, leaned in, and put his ear to my stomach. He said, Shh, I’m trying to hear the baby. Then he patted my ample stomach and said, "You’re kinda getting fat, Dude." As he ran off to play, he smiled at his quick wit.

I knew I had gained some weight, but it still hurt my feelings. I believe that by the time you have noticed someone has gained weight, they are already self-conscious about it. I found my older son getting ready to meet his friends outside and asked him about his brother’s comments. He was very concerned and thought before he spoke. Dad, I love you, and I have noticed you’re gaining weight. It worries me because I don’t want you to have a heart attack. He continued sharing that he needed me in his life and didn’t want to lose me. He was seven. They both told the truth, and both of them loved me. One said it in a way that could have been offensive while the other said it in a way that allowed me to receive it. He spoke the truth with love and tact and at a level that the recipient could receive it. That takes real strength and skill.

When you consider communicating painful or hard truths, it is easier to consider how to speak the truth with love and tact at a level the recipient can receive it. When you do this, you avoid needing to have the same difficult conversations multiple times. In my Transformational Living Workshop, we discuss and learn to implement the tools needed to speak the truth with love and tact. I will explain the three essential components that are necessary for effective communication that produces results. However, the workshop is where you’ll have the opportunity to learn how to embody and enact these components in your life and relationships.

The first component of love is simple. Love is many things. It’s not just a warm fuzzy feeling; it’s a verb. Love wants the healthiest and best experience in life for another person. If you love that person, you want the best for them. Sometimes that means giving them what they need, rather than what they want.

The second component of tact is more advanced and nuanced. What is tactful to one person may be received as rude to another person. The key is to put yourself in their shoes. The better you know them, the easier and more effective it is to do this. It is best to think through many things in this stage: how do they best receive truths, which words or concepts may be triggering, which questions will be most provocative, what tone and energy will they most likely respond to?

The third component is sharing at a level the other person can receive it. You must think through their maturity as a person, the health or shallowness of their ego, their stress level, and any narcissistic tendencies they may be prone to. Consider how they have responded to difficult conversations about other issues. It’s a lot to consider, but it will save you tremendous pain and clean up in the future. Like so many other things, the more you practice, the better you will be at using this skill. Think of the surgeon who, as she learns to use her scalpel with greater skill and efficiency, causes less tissue damage. Like any skill, this will take practice to become proficient in its use.

The strength required to live a life of Transformational Kindness will also take time, patience, and courage to perfect in the art of your expression. If this becomes a way of life for you, it will become who you are and how you live. Years ago, I bought a Filson canvas jacket. It was stiff and a little awkward when I first put it on. The salesperson explained to me that the jacket would feel odd for the first few months, but it was designed to form to the user’s body through body heat, inclement weather, and general use. About the tenth time I wore it, it began to feel comfortable. Within a year, it fit like a second skin. Today it is my favorite casual jacket, and I don’t think about its initial awkwardness. It started as a generic jacket made in a factory and ended up uniquely mine. Beginning a life of Transformational Kindness isn’t difficult to implement. It’s quite simple, but it’s also arduous to go from making one conscious decision to implementing that new change into your lifestyle. It’s not unlike when you learned to walk. It took effort, frustration, and practice to be comfortable taking those first steps. Today, you likely don’t think about walking; you just do it.

The strength required to living a lifestyle of Transformational Kindness is essential because the work is mostly internal. When we embark on any kind of inner journeys, we run into natural roadblocks. These can be anything from a lack of objectivity about ourselves, to a true blind spot, to some unconscious cultural conditioning. This change must be something you really want because it’s hard work to transform. Transformation requires strength and determination. Doing the difficult inner work of change requires fortitude. This is a great divider when embarking on your career as a consultant. Many will see the concept of Transformational Kindness as irrelevant to a consulting career. And, in truth, it is. You can be a consultant without Transformational Kindness. However, do you want just to be a consultant, or do you want to bring lasting transformation?

There are some who will stop reading now, and for them, I offer my sincere gratitude. I am grateful because you leave more, better paying, repeat clients for the rest of us. Also, it requires real honesty on your part to disagree with this and bow out. Sincere and lasting thanks to you for honoring yourself and those of us who will continue with this work. I do not mean that sarcastically. This is not for everyone, and I applaud your courage for realizing this is not for you. It is genuine, and you are being authentic to who you are and what you believe. Ironically, authenticity is one of the keys of living Transformational Kindness.

When your kindness comes from a place of authenticity, everything becomes more manageable. Everything. No matter where your practice of Transformational Kindness starts, it makes the next act of kindness easier. And so on, and so on. Seeing life through the eyes of kindness is a higher, more mature way of living that is not for the faint of heart. So how do you begin to act in kindness and grow your capacity for transformation? It’s easy to act kind in areas that naturally pull at our hearts. But the way to grow Transformational Kindness is to begin to act genuinely kind to those who you look down upon, those who irk or irritate you, and those who you don’t understand. The way to grow your capacity for kindness is to look at others and seek to understand rather than trying to be understood. The way you come at genuine, authentic Transformational Kindness is to pick an area of difficulty for you and begin to be kind in that area. If your thoughts, comments, and acts are faked or forced, others will be able to tell. They will sense it, and what you intended as bridge-building will tear those communication lines of the relationship down.

Here is one way you can flex your muscles and grow your kindness capacity to become transformational. It’s merely one way, but it has worked for many others before you:

Make a bullet point list of those people and situations you naturally want to be kind to; then

Make a list of people and situations that you look down upon or irk you.

Every day as you encounter those people and situations, show them genuine kindness. When someone cuts you off in traffic rather than get angry, realize the other person either didn’t see you or they were inside their own head. More than likely, they were not thinking, Ah ha!!!! I’m going to cut that person off and ruin their day! Their actions likely have nothing to do with you. As you flex this muscle, you will notice it becomes easier and easier to extend it in more and more challenging situations. For kind acts to become Transformational Kindness, they must come from a place of honesty, integrity, and genuineness. It must become who you are, not just what you do.

Integrity is based on honesty with oneself and with others. Honesty is often embarrassing. It can be uncomfortable. Sometimes telling the truth can be more painful than telling a half-truth or lying altogether. It’s this dilemma that gets many consultants into trouble and ultimately diminishes their relationships. Anything other than Transformational Kindness based on integrity will make life more difficult and complicated in the long run. Avoiding the truth may allow us to save face in the short term, but in the long run, it prevents us from living transformationally. It can be challenging to have an honest conversation with a client’s employee who has demonstrated that they cannot or will not make the changes the organization needs them to. Having anything less than a clear and candid conversation is not only unkind; it is actually cruel.

Years ago, a major hospital organization invited me to interview for an Organizational