Years

By Noah Matthews

Sixteen-year-old Nathan Conley has been convicted of manslaughter; he has been sentenced to serve five to fifteen years of his life behind bars. With no friends or family on the inside to help keep him safe, he must manage prison life all alone. All the while, he worries whether or not his father, with cancer, will still be alive when his time has been served. But there are bigger concerns Nathan must confront. The biggest problems being if he’s built for what it takes to survive a world of hate, isolation, lack of hope, and the ability to conquer adversity. And if he breaks, there’s no guarantee he will survive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Mar 31, 2021
• ISBN: 9781645753391

Noah Matthews

Years is Noah Matthews’ debut novel. He was born in the state of Virginia, where he has lived for most of his life.

Book preview

2018

About the Author

Years is Noah Matthews’s debut novel. He was born in the state of Virginia, where he has lived for most of his life.

Dedication

To Grandma Kathy, the most stabilizing piece of my life, without whom there would be no telling what type of man I’d become. And Pawpaw Dave, a man who has always spoken to me with respect and whom I hope to have many more conversations with in the future.

Copyright Information ©

Noah Matthews (2021)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.

Any person, who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication, may be liable to criminal prosecution an

d civil claims for damages.

All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of author’s memory. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.

Ordering Information

Quantity sales: Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the address below.

Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication data

Matthews, Noah

Years

ISBN 9781645753377 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781645753384 (Hardback)

ISBN 9781645753391 (ePub e-book)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021903892

www.austinmacauley.com/us

First Published (2021)

Austin Macauley Publishers LLC

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New York, NY 10005

USA

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1

April 2006

Wake up, come on, Tyler, wake up, I whispered into Tyler’s ear, as I pushed him awake, Tyler, get up, man, the party has already started and I got Amber waiting in the car.

He rolled over in his bed. I could see I had brought him out of a deep sleep. You said you’d be here by eight. I waited till ten, Nathan, Tyler uttered out half asleep. I had said eight to him.

You’re right, I shouldn’t have promised, but I didn’t think I’d be this late, I did swear to him eight; those were my exact words. Still, my hope was Tyler would be understanding and avoid asking questions.

Well, what happened? Tyler asked.

I didn’t know whether to lie or be completely honest with my brother. But how exactly do you explain to your brother, that you just found out your father has lung cancer and that the cancers already reached stage four? First thing, the doctors told us, after I drove him to the hospital, was that at most he had a year left to live. I had taken the news pretty heavy, but my father didn’t even seem slightly fazed. It didn’t even appear that he was afraid of dying. My father starred at the blotchy X-ray in the hospital, as though he didn’t feel a thing. It was as if all his worries were washed away all at once.

I decided now wasn’t the time to tell Tyler what happened to our dad. In the morning, after we both had a fun night, I’d tell him the bad news.

Dad got me to help him fix some shingles on the roof. I took a little nap afterwards. I guess the time just got away from me, I lied.

Who taught you how to set shingles? Tyler asked, as he rolled back over in the bed.

I know how to work, asshole, now come on, man, get up, I was trying to remain quiet because the last thing I wanted to do was wake up Tyler’s Mom.

Jamie (Tyler’s Mom) never had warmed up to me and my guess for reasons why solely reflected from my similarities towards my father and his behaviors. It never bothered me though; she was the kind of person who turned their back on you the moment you show any sign of revolt. Tyler, of course, wouldn’t accept that his mother was a manipulative, self-centered bitch. What kind of person would want to believe their mother wasn’t a good person?

Jamie had gotten custody of Tyler before he could even walk; it tore my father apart, watching social service carrying him out of the house. I would always sneak over anytime I got the opportunity. First thing, he’d always ask me was how was Dad and how he was doing and what he was doing. Tyler was trying as hard as he could to keep himself tied to us, but after the years began to stack, Tyler’s interest started to fade. Along with his effort to keep that close brotherly bond we once had.

Finally, Tyler stood up out of his bed, revealing his striped underwear, and a white T-shirt. He stumbled over towards the pile of messy clothes lying in front of his closet door.

Just throw on a pair of pants and a jacket, I said as I walked over to his window and quietly climbed out onto the roof. I put down one leg at a time, so Jamie was less likely to wake up. Once I was standing steady on the roof, I jumped onto the short grass below.

I paused for any sound of movement in the house to begin. After nothing happened, I realized I was fine.

Got you, came a strong sounding voice from behind me. I turned around expecting to see Tyler’s Mom, but my fear was swept away when I saw it was Amber. Her beautiful green eyes, were piecing up towards me, through her bright red hair that was messily covering them. Scared you, didn’t I? Amber started laughing at a more than comfortable level.

Shhh, I covered her mouth with my hand. I almost started to laugh myself as I held her in my arms.

I let go of her mouth, hoping that her giggling had stopped. She was fine now, and instead of giggling, she was staring up at me tenderly. I smiled down at her in my arms. A part of me had begun to believe I loved her, and I hoped she felt the same.

You guys ready or do you need some privacy? Tyler said sarcastically, as he landed in the yard next to us, which broke Amber and my little moment.

Yeah, let’s go, I said while letting go of Amber.

About twenty feet out into the driveway was my blue Saturn; it was four doored, heavy on the mileages, still carrying a souring smell on the inside carpet, and to top it all off had a bust left finder.

I call front! Amber said, running over to the passenger door. Tyler stopped and made a stunned face, but then he let out a little laugh.

I see she calls the shots, Tyler joked. He opened the back door on the left side and practically had to crouch to get into the car. I was sixteen and I still didn’t have the size over Tyler and he was only thirteen, but you wouldn’t tell it from his almost six-foot build and larger frame. Over the last summer, he hit a growth spurt I thought would never end.

Finally, everyone was in the car, I made sure to avoid turning on my headlights until I was at the end of the driveway. I was trying to be as discreet as possible; because I didn’t wanna find out how Jamie would handle this situation. It was hard to see anything though, but considering it was basically pitch black, I didn’t have to guess why. Now that we had reached the end of the driveway, I switched on the headlights. Giving us a clear view of the field across the road and the beat-up fence that was covered by Ivy.

I turned left as I entered onto the ghostly empty road. Tyler started fidgeting with the radio, checking all of my CDs, as if there were any new ones he hadn’t noticed. And after he was finished messing with that, he would always choose the same damn CD! It was my Dark Side of The Moon album, by Pink Floyd. Every time Tyler would skip right to the song, Comfortable Numb.

It wasn’t a daily thing of having parties around our area to stop by at, but that’s what happens when you live in the southern heart of Goochland, Virginia. It was my hometown, but I couldn’t wait to get out of the whole goddamn state!

What made Devin decide to throw a party anyway? Tyler asked from the back, while he moved over to the middle seat.

His parents are visiting friends in Washington and he thought it be the perfect night…

It hit me then. I called and asked Devin to get me something, but I didn’t want Tyler to know anything about it.

What? Tyler questioned.

Nothing. Just lost track of my mind, I lied again.

Oh. Okay?

I took a sharp left turn onto a dirt road with potholes and gravel everywhere.

All of the roads and this is the one you decided to take, Amber dramatically kidded. The way she said my name just brought out a little grin and it was very hard to get me to smile. I never really had much room for it.

I continued driving along the road until we came across a gray house on the driver’s side; it had an old layer of paint that hadn’t been touched since the early forties at the latest, the porch was dusty and appeared to be ready to collapse within moments and a walkway in desperate need of maintenance.

I made another left which led me to Devin’s house about a mile down the road, which was bordering a humongous cow field along the road. When I drove past this field, I always thought it was humorous how a thousand-pound cow never tried breaking through a wooden fence. A fence that was decaying as fast as the termites were eating it.

Devin’s house, all the way down at the end of the road, was booming with lights and the sound of music was throbbing my ears from the dirt road. We hadn’t been driving for more than ten minutes and I had already reached Devin’s house; the one perk of living in a small town was you always got to places a lot faster.

Devin’s house was a beige-blue, with a house-wide porch that had columns all the way around. Next to the house was a gravel driveway connecting to a garage that was separated from the house.

We parked along the fence about two rows from Devin’s front yard. After the three of us had left the car starting our walk towards the house, we saw the cluster of drunken teenagers crowding the front porch. They were dancing to the blasting stereo that was thumping up and down on the deck.

An old friend of mine named Jimmy who I used to hang out with in middle school gave me a holler as we walked onto the porch. I smiled and waved to him. Once we were inside the house, we had entered the real party; there were vigorous amounts of alcohol spread across the middle hallway, while in the living room was a group of people playing an old racing game. Sitting half naked along the sofa was Jenna, a girl I went to school with who absolutely craved the entire room’s attention twenty-four/seven. All she ever did was give people a view of her God given beauty; that I never really thought was all that wonderful.

I kept walking down the hallway, which was filled with photos of Devin’s family, until the three of us reached the doorway leading into the kitchen. We walked into the kitchen, and Devin was turning up a full shot of whiskey then slamming the empty glass onto the countertop. Surrounding Devin was a young group of pretty girls, all, of whom, were holding their own red solo cups. They seemed as though they were trying to keep up with Devin on the drinking, but none of them were really making any comparison to his intake.

Nathan, you prick! I thought you weren’t coming; didn’t you say your … I cut Devin off before he could let anything slip about my dad.

Yeah, me and Dad finished setting the shingles before dark. I fell asleep right after, but I woke up early and decided I was still coming, my hope was Devin took my hint.

Devin paused, but after a second, he realized what I was trying to pull. I just figured you would have been worn out is all. Tyler! I want you to meet Samantha, Devin quickly drew Tyler’s attention to a pretty girl leaning against the countertop. Go on and show Tyler around the place, he asked Samantha.

She had long black hair with curls at the ends that brought out her blue eyes in the dark lighting, and a strong jawline for a young woman. Her lips were bright pink, which brought out the dark complexion of her skin. And when she came around the countertop, her hourglass figure was revealed.

Samantha came to Tyler’s chin and she stared curiously up at him. How old are you? Samantha asked.

Fifteen, Tyler lied to her without any problem and if I didn’t know he was thirteen I’d have believed him.

Really?

Yep.

Okay, Samantha didn’t say anything further; she grabbed Tyler by the hand, pulled him around, and walked both of them out the door.

Once Tyler was out of the room, Devin came around the countertop and put his arm around my shoulder. What was all of that about, if you don’t mind me asking? Devin said cackling.

I wanted Tyler to have a good night and if I told him our dad has cancer, I’m pretty sure that would kill the fun. We haven’t seen each other in a couple of months either, and I didn’t want that to be the first conversation we had after such a long time. It’s best I tell him in the morning.

Devin shook his head with agreement.

Another thing, Tyler wasn’t here tonight.

Why is that? he asked.

If his mother found out I had him out, she’d be taking my dad back to court for some petty shit she made up in her head, it wasn’t a lie either. Jamie absolutely despised my father.

What did he do that made her such a crazy bitch? Devin asked curiously.

I smiled at him, I honestly don’t know.

I glanced around the kitchen; there was a window straight ahead of the doorway, underneath it was a sink stacked full of dishes that had begun to create a rising aroma similar to how a wet dog smells. And it was probably because Devin hadn’t washed the dishes since his parents had left.

I went over and pulled out some chairs for Amber and me from the rectangle table, that was about five feet from the countertop. Devin pulled him a chair out on the opposite side of us. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a joint, and then he lit it up with a transparent lighter. The first inhale that he took lasted around ten seconds, and after the building of smoke in his lungs became overwhelming, he exhaled a huge cloud of smoke. Between the coughs that followed the smoke, he pushed out and gestured to me if I wanted a hit, but I raised my hand to deny his offer.

Do you still have what I called you about before I canceled? I said, while adjusting my jacket because it was caught on the metal chair.

Devin took another puff as he waved one of the girls drinking at the countertop over. She was clearly petite, with a face that screamed beauty.

Run upstairs, and there’s a little black container in my room, get it for me, Devin was staring at me the whole time he talked to her. She started walking away. Hey! he said, stopping her. Don’t go looking through my shit either, he turned towards her to show that he was serious.

The girl seemed slightly frightened by him, but she turned around and did as he said.

Devin was a name in this town, or at least the name that his uncle had already built defined him in this town. Calvin (Devin’s uncle) basically ran the drugs in the county and practically the whole region surrounding Richmond before he got locked up a couple years ago. Even though Calvin was locked up, all of the connections that Devin needed were easily accessible.

I’d say I respected Devin, but people like him don’t want respect, they want fear.

Amber looked as though she was starting to feel uncomfortable, so I grabbed her hand and gave it a tender squeeze. She smiled back with pacing eyes.

Do you have your end of the bargain? Devin asked me.

"I have it, but I wanna see what you have first," I tapped my jacket pocket.

Devin looked at my jacket for a short moment and then he turned towards Amber. You seem tense, why don’t you take a hit of this. Loosen up some, come on, Devin nudged the roach at Amber. Amber and I made eye contact and she was looking at me for some kind of approval. I nodded approval.

When she started inhaling, Devin and I both watched for her reaction. The front of the roach was bright red when she finally exhaled, and I’d never seen someone cough so loud and much at once. Amber was smiling now with the smile appearing permanently stretched across her face.

See, Nathan. Now that’s how you relax, you should try it sometime, Devin was trying to ridicule me, but I just gave him a brief almost unnoticeable grin. The blonde had walked back into the kitchen by this point, only now she was holding Devin’s black box. Ah, here we go, Devin grabbed the box, and laid it along the table in front of me. Devin nudged for me to open the lid.

When I lifted the lid, strings along both sides were raised to support the lid from falling. Inside was exactly what I had asked for. There was a sandwich bag filled with nail sized pills, that were shaped like small ovals with printed letters and numbers along the side. It was prescription Oxycodone for my dad, to help him relieve some of the sickness of the chemotherapy, he’d be going through in the coming months. It was going to take everything Dad had left to pay for the chemo, so I decided to use my savings to buy some painkillers. Even that wasn’t enough.

You see it all there, now show me what you’ve got, Devin was being persistent. Since it all seemed to be there, I took out the roll of money I had in my jacket pocket and tossed it over to Devin. Without wasting anytime, he started counting the bills one by one, and he did it twice until he had made sure it was all there. Once that was done, Devin tucked the money into his back jeans pocket. He threw his finger up at me as though he was about to give a speech. Now that’s the way you do business, my friend, keeping it simple and the problems out of the equations. Now that all of that shit has been said and done, let’s do what everyone’s here to do, he paused and stood up in front of the table, Fucking party! There was a fifth of whiskey on the table that Devin picked and started downing it.

All I could think was that the money from the last of my dead mother’s jewelry was tucked into Devin’s jeans. The most valuable one being a shiny gold necklace that her grandmother had bought her for her sixteenth birthday. The last thing I had in the world to remember my mother, besides the memory of her face, I pawned off just to stretch out what was left of my father’s life.

My father, of course, would ask how I got the pill and I would tell him the truth. My intentions weren’t to lie to him when I didn’t know how long he had left to live.

Amber jumped up out of her chair, as if the pot removed the stress and comfortability right out of her. All of the other girls began mimicking Amber as they began pounding down their drinks, until the foam covered the rims of each of their mouths.

Devin went and poured two shot glasses to the brim. Drink up, ’cause in the morning, you have to break some bad news.

He was right, in the morning, it was unpredictable to how Tyler would react. Hopefully, he got lucky tonight and fucked Samantha, so that tomorrow the news would be numbed by the past night’s pleasure. But I still was dreading the thought of telling him about our father.

You know what, fuck it, hand the glass here, I said. Devin slid me the glass, knocking some of the whiskey out of the sides. I picked up the shot glass and then threw the whiskey down my throat. The sting caused me to make an awkward face. I placed the glass down on the table, Another.

***

During the next hour or so of the party, which was filled with heaping amounts of alcohol, my functionality began to slowly diminish. All through the house though, there was nothing but partying; I thought it would never end, as I began to see everything slower than time could possibly be going.

After I’d downed around half the fifth of whiskey Devin handed me in the kitchen, I decided I needed to take a piss. My efforts of standing were pathetic at first, but considering my legs felt like cooked spaghetti, I was satisfied that I could even walk. The worst part was making my way to the bathroom; my vision was foggy and I hardly noticed anything going on around me, but I could still hear the sound of music, only now the music seemed to be off in the distance, as though I was listening to the song through a pair of ear plugs. Everything to me was an echo.

Now that I was leaning back and forth over the toilet, I made my attempt at peeing, but at first, I completely missed the bowl and instead I hit the floor.

Nathan, a distant voice said to me.

It seemed to take forever to turn my head, and when I did, I saw a blurry version of Tyler; he was standing right next to me, and too close for comfort while considering what I was doing.

Tyler, what’s…what’s up? as I spoke, I felt a yawn coming on.

I need a rubber man. That Samantha girl actually wants to do it!

His face was wrinkled over excitement, and I knew Tyler was a virgin. Which practically meant this moment he was about to have would only last around a minute or so. She’d be disappointed and Tyler would forever avoid the thought of his first sexual encounter.

I don’t even know why though; I’ve hardly said a word. But do you have one?

I began patting down my whole body and completely ignored the fact I was using the restroom. Oh, hold on, I zipped up my pants and patted down my front shirt pocket. Inside of the pocket was a rubber, I’d planned on using with Amber by the end of the night, but I figured in the moment, Tyler needed it more than I did, Here.

Thanks, man, you gonna be good to drive later? Tyler asked but I could tell he hardly cared, considering he was backing out of the bathroom.

Uhh. Yeah, I’ll be good, I snapped back into reality and then realized I had to lay off the drinks. I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything stupid for the rest of the night.

***

It wasn’t long before I made my way back to the kitchen, and I walked in on a crowd more fucked up than before. When I sat down, I noticed Amber and Devin laughing about something and I wasn’t gonna lie to myself, it was kinda making me jealous.

What’s so funny? I asked.

Amber was snorting, which was something I’d never seen her do. He was telling me this story, it’s hilarious. Tell him, she motioned Devin.

Devin stared me down again, but this time, he seemed aggravated. It wasn’t that funny. What I’d like to know is how exactly, someone like you, Nathan, gets a pretty little thing like her? Devin seemed to make Amber blush. She was getting real red in the cheeks and the only person she was staring at was Devin.

Guy like me? I made sure to sound as unhappy as possible, What exactly does that mean?

There was an awkward silence that went over the room, while Devin and I counter each other with drunken stares. Something about him screamed that he was looking for trouble, but I couldn’t understand why it was with me.

Our intense staring contest was broken by a panicking Jenna, who ran into the kitchen yelling at the top of her lungs. The three of us jumped from our seats, all unaware of what was happening.

What’s going on? Devin yelled over at Jenna. He tried to get some answers, but her loud breaths were what took up most of the silence.

She started calming down now. These boys are beating his friend up in the back, Jenna pointed over towards me.

What! Who? I said, running out of the kitchen into the hallway. I looked over to the right where Jenna had come from and what I saw was horrific; there were four guys crowded overtop of Tyler, repeatedly hitting him all over his body.

Hey! I yelled in their direction, causing them to stop bashing on Tyler, so they’d turn back towards me.

This doesn’t concern you, so don’t worry about it, the ringleader of the four said, with hair darker than the shadow filled hallway.

Listen to him, otherwise you’ll be next, the chubbiest of the four said, standing next to the ring leader. The sound of his voice was squeaky and hardly compared with his body size; I almost felt bad for how girly it was.

I ignored both of them; instead, I began walking closer to the group surrounding my brother. Behind me was a growing crowd of people waiting to see what was going to happen and nobody even considered coming to assist me with helping out my brother. Now, I couldn’t worry about that. I came so close to the ring leader and I stared him dead in the eyes, as I blocked out his friends and focused primarily on him.

How about you take on a guy with a fair shot, or would that be too much to handle? I said calmly without removing my eyes from his. His eyes felt weak as he watched me.

Now his friends began circling me, the chubby one on my left, rested against the wall, while the two with resemblance to some sort of rat, both blocked my rear and right side.

You got some balls, but I think you should look again at your numbers and mine.

I didn’t move, but then I heard Tyler moaning from the floor.

I moved only my eyes to see him resting in a pool of his own blood. The left side of his face had a long gash stretching from top to bottom with dark red blood flowing out of it, and his shirt was off with visible bruises covering his diaphragm and stomach. It was hard to even see that Tyler was still breathing.

I brought my eyes back to the ring leader, and at that same moment came Samantha walking down the stairs behind the four boys. Her shirt was halfway unbuttoned, revealing the hot pink bra she was wearing under the shirt. Now, I was getting an idea of what was happening.

Samantha walked around Tyler, maneuvered through the circle blocking me in, and she walked towards the front door. Call me later, Jerry, she said while walking out.

Where are you going Samantha, you don’t think you just get to fuck around with another dude, and I’m not gonna do something, Jerry, the ring leader said.

Looks like you already did, Samantha walked out the front door. She was gone.

His attention was back to me, I figure you’re Jerry.

That’s right, Jerry said.

Nobody moved for what felt like an hour, but realistically it was only around fifteen to twenty seconds at most. Jerry was the first to throw a punch, as I quickly ducked his blow and punched him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. A powerful fist from my left side sent me into the fat ass still resting against the wall, who grabbed my throat as quickly as I’d hit his body with mine and threw my head into the wall. I was feeling lightheaded, but I managed to elbow the fat prick in the chin, which caused his grip on my neck to loosen. Just as soon as I’d freed myself from his grasp, one of the rat-looking boys power drove me from the side into the wall.

My stomach was pressed against the wall, as he applied pressure behind me. So, I slammed my head into his rodent-sized nose, and the feeling of blood hit the open spot above my jacket collar. He instantly fell to his knees. That allowed me to turn around quickly and throw a straight jab at his busted nose, which sent him to the floor next to Jerry, who was still catching his breath.

A punch from my left knocked me back, followed by another right, but the third punch that came last was the bell ringer. The punch almost laid me clean out, but I had so much adrenaline rushing and more to fight for I couldn’t give up. Still, my willpower didn’t stop the two still standing from knocking me down and repeatedly hitting me along my body. A yell came from the kitchen and it sounded like Amber.

Still the sound of screaming wasn’t a helpful hand against these pricks.

I continued taking blow after blow and it seemed as though all I could focus on was the pain. Somehow, I pulled myself back together, and brought my attention to the chubby one’s knees; all of his weight was resting on his knees and I could tell from the stance he was in. Still with them hitting me and my body in excruciating pain, I drew back my leg and kicked him directly in the kneecap.

The first thing I noticed was the sound of his leg breaking, and the blood boiling scream he let out next. His fat ass fell backwards into a display table, knocking it on the ground and breaking the table all at the same time.

The last of the boys standing stared blankly at their newly crippled friend and I took this opportunity to jump to my feet, grab his throat, and slam him against the wall. I kept my arms wide to avoid letting him get the advantage again. Then I slammed my head into his nose and that dropped him down, and for a final measure, I slung his head into the wall.

I paused for a rest, assuming that everything was finished, but a sudden punch to the back of my head ended that quickly. The punch sent my face to the floor and it brought back the pain from the previous punches all at once. Whoever it was, rolled me over onto my back, and when he did, I saw it was Jerry. Now, all of the air in his body must have returned, so he leaned down and punched me right in the mouth. Luckily for me, Jerry let the force of his punch move his fist way past my head, so I was able to grab his arm when his elbow came centered with my face. I twisted his arm around to his back, so I could slide out from the bottom.

I pulled his arm until it broke at the elbow; this sudden pain caused Jerry to squeal like a baby. Once I had turned him over on his back, the squeals had become moans. Jerry could see my blood covered face that felt as though it had completely swelled up.

Then something inside of me was released filled with hate and rage. I began swinging at his head, with all of my physical force and paid no attention to his pleas for me to stop; I continued after I heard the breaking of bones and the noises they made were sounds of nightmares. Nobody stopped me. I didn’t stop myself. It was the animal released being pulled back into the cage that snapped me back into reality.

I could see now what was left of a once normal looking guy, but now he was an unrecognizable version of himself. The skin on his face had started to peel, along with a large four-inch gap that was separating on Jerry’s forehead to the point it was showing the bone.

Then I heard the music turn off and sound of police sirens ringing through the air. As I looked up from the almost lifeless body beneath me, I could see a uniformed man coming my way. It was a police officer holding a Taser, which he used to shoot me dead center in the middle of my chest. The pain only lasted for a second or two.

What followed left me alone in the darkness of my mind.

2

April 2006

I recognized no one in the cluster of people sitting in the peers of the courtroom, but the ghostly face of my father.

All color in his eyes were completely drained, and it was obvious to everyone he was running on the smallest of fumes. Seeing my father this way hurt worse than the possibility of me serving time in a juvenile detention center.

After I’d taken a closer examination of the forgettable faces in the crowd, I saw a red-haired girl with her face hidden about five rows back. The length of her luscious hair plus the similar curls made me assume the girl was Amber, even the skinny figure of the girl was a perfect size comparison. I waited for the mystery girl to reveal her face; if it was Amber, my current circumstance would momentarily disappear under a smile for her.

Sadly, that smile of mine would never be expressed because when she turned around, there wasn’t a similar feature in the girl compared to Amber.

I brought my attention to the rest of the peers; they were composed of a difficult group of people to interpret, some focused on me like a hawk watching over a dying animal, others seemed like they couldn’t care less if I was guilty or not guilty.

I couldn’t tell who it was, but there was someone clashing their teeth together annoyingly on a piece of gum in the peers and I began feeling aggravated by the noise within seconds of the person beginning to chew it. Another two men resembled the rat faced boys I’d beaten a week before, and they themselves appeared as though they had some sort of facial disorder and to top things off, I was sure they were borderline mentally handicapped.

Do you understand what Master Davis has just told you, Mr. Conley? the prosecutor’s voice drew me back into reality; he was wearing a neatly ironed gray suit, I didn’t know the type, but it screamed someone who wasn’t easily beaten in a courtroom. His face was visibly showing the stressful moments from the long years of working in a courtroom as his hair was receding and the wrinkles in his eyes came from sleep deprivation.

This man appeared unbeatable, unlike my lawyer. My lawyer had no other way of describing him than a low class, court appointed, hillbilly servant of the court. It was understandable though I had such as shitty lawyer, I did, after all, spend all my savings on a large bag of pills that I no longer had. The bright side of the night was the police found no trace of the Oxycodone as far as I knew.

The following week after that night seemed as though my father’s sickness began to worsen, as did his voice and mood. During the beginning of the week, while we had a moment alone, he almost fainted. Like he did the night I’d taken him to the hospital when we discovered his cancer.

My lawyer’s name was Joseph Caracofe; not a bad man or a smart one either. His pieces of advice over the trial were vague and unhelpful. Although the worst part of having him as my lawyer was I was a secondary client, and that meant I was only taking up half his time.

Yes, I understand my crimes can be punishable of up to a fifteen-year sentence, I hardly noticed myself saying the words without a hint of care or any emotions in general. Why should I care though? What I did was to protect my brother and I feel no guilt whatsoever.

The prosecutor paced around the front of the courtroom like it was his front porch. He was calm, as though this case was something he’d beaten easily numerously over his career. Good, now you’ve heard me speak all week, Nathan, but I must add in some minor statements for a moment, he raised his finger up, "Whatever Nathan Conley believes is right to his own personally beliefs are fine, but when they interfere with the law, it’s my duty to help justify his actions. I’ll end with this your honor before our recess. Nathan Conley did far more than defend his brother on the night of April tenth, he demonstrated something that was nearly evil," the prosecutor walked back to his table and sat down with a satisfied face.

Thank you for your statements, do either the prosecutor or the defendant’s lawyer have anything further to add? Master Davis said, looking back and forth to each of the men. They said nothing. My lawyer nervously twiddled his thumbs as the prosecutor sat calmly in his wooden chair. Okay, then, we will now take a short recess. Afterwards, I will make my final decision, the sound of the gavel hitting the podium cracked my ears like a whip.

The rows of people in the pears cleared out as quickly as I was turned around and cuffed by the officer standing below the Master’s podium; the officer was extremely overweight with layers of fabric sucking into the creases