The Last Resort: True Tales from the Islands

By J. L. Tobin

Have you ever stayed at a luxury resort or plan to in the future? Do you really know what goes on or do you want to know? You may be surprised at all the things that go on behind the scenes or events that affected guests in the past. Is it important? What you really want to know if someone died in the room you are staying in or it was infested with bed bugs just days before? Celebrities abound in these refuges away from the public and you may never be aware they are staying right next to you. Is it safe or are there hidden dangers to be aware of? This account should enlighten you to the secretive world of hospitality and both entertain you and prepare you for your next visit to a resort like this.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098353384

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Swim

Preface

Vacations, we all dream of them, many plan for them, and some of us actually get to take them. Getting away from all the stress and strain and troubles of everyday life is something we yearn for day in and day out. Most people have that very special place they dream of escaping to. For a vast majority of us, it’s one of those beautiful tropical resorts where you can relax, unwind, and let your problems just melt away. For those of you still unsure, one click of your mouse and the internet will burst forth with countless hideaways filled with promises to fulfill your every desire.

Whether you yearn for the seclusion of a private hidden beach, an exotic, worldly place to get wild and crazy with friends, or a destination resort the whole family can enjoy, they are all there for the asking. Perusing all those enticing photos of breathtaking locations can really whet your appetite, and all those carefully crafted descriptions can easily seduce you into taking the plunge.

What could possibly go wrong? After all, you did your research, counted all those stars, and read the reviews from previous customers. It bolsters your confidence that you made a safe and intelligent decision. There’s an old adage that may apply attributed to P.T. Barnum, who once proclaimed, There is a sucker born every minute. All those slick advertisements you read are just a modern version of the sales pitches of snake oil salesmen of yesteryear, promising everything and guaranteeing nothing.

Many companies entice you by offering you the experience of a lifetime, which may be exactly what you get, but not in a good way. Most people fail to realize that things can go wrong and usually by no fault of your own. A hell of a lot of things happen behind the scenes at major resorts that you are never privy to because, just like in real life, shit happens, and no amount of preparation can protect you from it. Bad things happen to good people all the time, and you shouldn’t be gullible enough to think just because you’re on vacation, the world is somehow a better place. Deaths, rapes, drug deals, muggings, and just plain accidents, happen in the fantasy world of resort life just as they do everywhere else.

This, by no means, is meant to alarm you or keep you from taking that dream vacation. It is intended to enlighten and hopefully entertain you. It is a collection of strange, comical, scary, and sometimes, unfortunate tragic events that occurred at a resort, much like the one you may have stayed at in the past or contemplate visiting in the near future. So I hope you enjoy reading about it as much as I enjoyed living through it.

1

Paradise Resort

Have you ever stayed at a major resort or have plans to in the near future? The events I am about to reveal to you took place at a luxury resort while the majority of the guests were totally oblivious that anything ever happened. It could have been you. It’s said, ignorance is bliss in some cases, but is it really fair secrets are kept from guests? Cruise ships are basically floating resorts, and recently, they violated their customer’s trust by withholding vital information concerning the pandemic. That was a life threatening situation and their guests should have been made aware of, but there are always a multitude of other things that happen at resorts that are kept from their guests and the general public.

Things happen at every resort around the world, some horrific, some comical, and others simply bizarre. I hope to entertain you with a sampling of actual events that will grant you a whole new perspective into the secretive world of hospitality. At the very least, you will learn of the humor and tragedy that befell guests at a resort you may have stayed at or could in the future. Rare occurrences? Not in the least! They happen throughout the hospitality industry on a regular basis, but they wisely protect themselves because billions of dollars of revenue are at stake.

While the cruise lines were caught with their pants down by the media, little fanfare was directed toward the bastion of hotels and resorts that also failed to inform their patrons of potential danger. That goes for nearly everything that happens at resorts since public scrutiny can spell disaster to their reputations. I am excited to share with you a selection of actual events that happened to guests at one such resort. Out of fairness, I have given it a fictitious name since it would be unfair to cast aspersion on one specific resort when similar things happen all across the broad spectrum of resorts worldwide.

The hospitality industry goes to great lengths to protect their image and shield themselves from undue publicity. At our resort, things happened that were kept hidden, not only from the public but also from our guests. For your reading pleasure, I have chronicled a small sampling of humorous, stupid, and sometimes tragic events that involved our guests. It will edify you, but knowledge can be a dangerous thing, so what you take from this newfound wisdom is up to you. If you’d prefer to blindly go on vacation believing everything is bliss, then read no further. But, if you care to be enlightened about the real and secretive world of hospitality, read on.

Would it be of interest to you to know that the person seated next to you at the pool is a celebrity hiding away from the paparazzi, or perhaps bother you knowing they were a convicted felon? Should you have been informed the last guest who occupied your room committed suicide just days earlier? Or, would you really want to know the suite you now occupy was recently infested with bed bugs? These are questions you may not want answered, so it won’t spoil your next vacation?

Every time you decide to take the plunge and venture forth to one of those fancy luxury resorts, remember, you are placing your trust and well being in the hands of total strangers. Were they adequately trained or newly hired, and did the resort do a background check or just hire them off the street? If, God forbid, disaster befalls you, will the resort be truthful about it and compensate you or just try to cover everything up? You might end up with memories that, unfortunately, last a lifetime.

The hospitality industry takes extreme measures to camouflage and conceals the unsavory side of things that happen, but in rare circumstances, it becomes impossible to avoid media coverage. Even then, they usually spin the story to lessen the negative impact because a resort’s reputation means everything in the hospitality industry. Once it becomes tarnished by the media or deluged by a chorus of unsavory reviews, it takes forever to raise their ratings and recoup the lost revenue.

With the advent of cellphones and the widespread use of social media, hiding the truth becomes far more difficult, but not impossible. I am about to introduce you to a small sample of unknown, exciting, mysterious, comical, and often times, tragic events that took place at one such major resort. Incidents such as these are commonplace throughout the industry regardless of a resorts size, location, what flag they fly, or whether they are a five star or just a mom and pop operation. Things happen! Crime does not take a holiday just because you do, and the perils of everyday life follow us everywhere we go, even on vacation.

Let me set the stage. Although I used a fictional name, "Paradise Resort, it is befitting a resort of this magnitude. Not unlike many other mega-resorts, what made it unique was its geography. I take literary license in altering a few details in order to protect the privacy, innocence, and guilt of various parties involved. But at times, I do identify some of those involved, many of which were celebrities that deserve recognition, while others, not so much. If I was to identify all, I would be no better than the paparazzi that often plagued many of them during their stay with us.

The majority of the tens of thousands of yearly visitors to our shores enjoyed splendid vacations, but for some, there was no escaping disaster. Contrary to popular belief, the number of stars, diamonds, or great reviews is no guarantee of a great experience. Taking a vacation is like having unprotected sex. Sometimes your desire for pleasure overrides your common sense and concern for safety. Think of it like clicking on a vacation blind date app.

Aptly described, Paradise Resort was quite similar to many other coastal resorts sprinkled all across America, the Caribbean, and South Pacific. Situated on a barrier island jutting out into the Gulf of Mexico, it was a grand oasis containing miles of sandy beaches, swaying palm trees, encircled by emerald green water. The surrounding waters were teeming with wildlife, including schools of playful dolphins, and tarpon in the flats, that beckoned many sport fishermen. The resort offered a seemingly endless array of water activities and amenities to satisfy nearly anyone’s desires.

Nestled amidst a plethora of coconut palms and lush tropical vegetation, Paradise Resort wreaked of old-world charm, a contradiction to the concert jungle of resorts located on Florida’s east coast. Privacy on the resort was established by a manned security gate that fended off the general public, solicitors, and paparazzi who tried to illegally gain access. But it was all an illusion at best. For those who were adamant about getting in, they could simply walk along the beach, bypassing the entrance gate. Therefore, our main gate was a good selling point, but created a false sense of security for our guests.

We marketed to a select clientele, including the rich and famous, celebrities, and politicians, but our doors were also open to anyone, as long as they could afford the ticket to our magical kingdom. In order to put heads in beds, as it is known in the industry, we offered a wide assortment of accommodations ranging from hotel rooms, private homes, and lavish condominiums scattered the entire length of the resort. This diverse variety of accommodations was enough to tweak nearly everyone’s interest.

To satisfy those tens of thousands of visitors each year, the resort provided countless swimming pools and tennis courts, marinas big and small, and even a golf course. It also included a handful of restaurants and shops designed to siphon the money out of our captive audience. Skillfully intertwined within the lush tropical surroundings, each building dissolved into the landscape, creating a lush tropical setting. It was probably the closest you come to a real tropical isle or oasis without leaving the continental United States.

Like all successful resort enterprises, its attractions and amenities were skillfully designed to separate you from your hard-earned money. Each amenity had a hefty price tag as nothing came cheap. A single game of tennis was costly enough, but then add a lesson with a world-famous tennis pro, and it would put a sizable dent in your wallet. If all you desired was to lounge in a chair by a pool, sipping on one of those fruity tropical drinks with the little umbrella, it was available. The only catch was it would cost you the equivalent price of a full bottle of booze back home.

As far as our room rates were concerned, you get what you pay for. Discounts were available but mostly during the summer or hurricane season. Usually, it didn’t take long before you realized that this vacation of yours was going to cut into your nest egg quite a bit. At the conclusion of your stay, when it became time to pay the piper, you might suffer a bit of sticker shock. I can honestly say I’ve seen grown men sweat profusely and ponder the limit of their credit cards. Eventually, everyone found a way to pay their bill one way or another. The idea of skipping out on your bill was thwarted by the fact we were located on an island, severely limiting any easy means of escape.

Occasionally, but not often, a dinosaur arrived, a guest insisting on paying with cash. Our cash policy required a sizable deposit, usually an absurd amount, just shy of a king’s ransom. Still, there were a few who did just that. The choice of rooms on the resort ran the gamut from a basic hotel room, luxury condos, and all the way up to a secluded private home. Your choice was only limited by the thickness of your bankroll.

Some of those who obliged themselves of our more exquisite accommodations came with higher expectations and often proved to be more trouble than they were worth. Of course, money talks, so we always found ways to accommodate them. Regardless, there was seemingly no end to the scope of their demands. For example, a defense contractor who booked a large portion of our rooms insisted we remove all the furniture from one of his units and turn it into a poker room for him and his buddies. Of course we obliged him, for a price, that is.

We usually turned a blind eye to some questionable requests, including hookers, drugs, and other unsavory desires. Those demands were generally provided by their own purveyors among their staff. Lesser demands were fulfilled by our willing convention staff or our trusty bellmen. They would attempt to fill any request in hopes of a sizable tip.

Our room rates could seem pretty exorbitant, but if you drew a comparison to what it would cost to travel overseas or to the Caribbean, you might consider us a bargain. If you considered the fact that our food and water was probably safer, there were no currency exchange issues or language barriers to overcome, then we were a great choice. In painting this picture of the resort, my intent is to provide a better picture for you as I describe some of the events that took place. With hundreds of units, filled with thousands of guests, scattered over miles of sandy beaches, it was inevitable things would happen, a perfect storm, so to speak.

So, sit back and let me entertain you by exposing the secretive, behind the scenes world of hospitality and events that befell our guests. Few, if any, were ever made public. At the very least, these will educate you to be more aware of your surroundings the next time you sample resort life. If you don’t want to spoil the illusion of that perfect vacation, read no further, and go blindly on your way. What you don’t know can’t hurt you doesn’t always apply.

The brief marriage between vacationers and resort is not always a match made in heaven. Still, it doesn’t always end up in divorce either. For richer or poorer, for better or for worse, and sometimes even to death do us part, it’s all part of the vacation experience for the participants in this union. Welcome to Paradise Resort.

2

You Always Remember Your First

When you start a new job, you have to expect there will be a period of adjustment, and hope for some time to get to know what the job is all about before you get thrown to the wolves. Unfortunately, you don’t always get what you wish for, as it was in my case. I was promoted to the position of Resort Manager, a job that entailed managing the resort from noon to the closing of the last outlet. I was summoned to the executive office by the President of the resort, a man I highly respected and considered my mentor. He gave me an in-depth description of what my new duties consisted of. That in-depth discussion lasted all of ten minutes.

Although there were several Vice Presidents in the line of succession, I was to report directly to him and provide nightly reports of all revenant issues that arose. He asked me to leave out all the minutiae and only list incidents that may need future reviews or decisions at a higher level. He wanted to know what was going on but not be bothered with normal operations or insignificant day to day events. Once his grand instructions concluded, we toured the office. He instructed me on the use of various pieces of office equipment, location of mailboxes, and assigned me an office space to work out of.

After that quick indoctrination was out of the way, he virtually handed me the keys to the entire resort and said, go to it. After thanking him for his confidence in me, he left me with one last important instruction. He informed me that I was totally in charge of the resort in his absence, and whatever decisions I made, he would back me up. His parting words to me were to not bother him unless there was a fire or a death.

Entrusted with this new position of power, I felt up to the challenge. The group of Vice Presidents who reined over various departments of the resort, and shared the office, also welcomed my promotion. My assuming the new role was considered a Godsend to them. It relieved them the burden of responding to any problems that arose in their departments during the evening hours. That allowed them the freedom to play, and they took full advantage of it. Their problems were now my problems, and they couldn’t be happier.

One Vice President, in particular, was overjoyed since he had been living on the property to provide a management presence, and now he could move on and hand the baton over to me. I soon learned there was a big difference between working at a resort and living at one. Much of it had to do with losing a lot of sleep. When I left the office to assume command, the President’s final words resonated in my head. I was committed to doing my job well, and per his instructions, never have to call him. Come hell or high water, I was determined to run the resort without the assistance of any of the executive staff or having to bother the President.

My confidence stemmed from having already held various management positions throughout the resort over time and had already gained a strong working relationship with most staff members. As part of my new duties, I would spend my time traversing the resort from one end to the other, checking on all the various departments, and handling any emergencies that arose. Encompassing hundreds of acres, stretching over a mile in length, could be a logistic nightmare if not managed properly.

Communication was handled through a pager system where our PBX department would signal me, and I would respond at my earliest convenience. They dealt with all internal and external calls for the entire resort and were my lifeline to what was going on. In the event of any extreme emergencies, they were the ones who I used to contact the paramedics or the local sheriff’s deputy when necessary.

I instituted a schedule where I followed a pattern each night, crisscross the property, checking on all aspects of the resort operation. It only varied when I was interrupted by an emergency call. I had no idea just now many of those types of calls I would have to respond to, but I found out soon enough.

We had a security force, but over the years, I became reluctant to send them out on calls as they had a propensity to really screw things up. Even on their best days, it was a crapshoot whether they could handle any assignment given them. I learned, more often than not, I was better off handling the situation myself.

They were a reflection of their boss, who did little in the way of any formal training. He was a retired New Your City policeman; the emphasis was on retired. Primarily, he drove around the resort, looking for places to take a nap. It was easy to spot where he was hiding since his vehicle sported a license plate that read, Was Fuss. He boasted he had a name for his work strategy, calling it reducing his visibility factor.

My first evening proved to be pretty uneventful. It included stopping some kids from skateboarding on our main road and ordering security to extradite some raccoons who were dumpster diving and making a mess. Other huge challenges I had to address included issuing a warning to one of our trolley drivers for smoking on his trolley and a noise complaint at our main pool. Responding to that type of complaint was the responsibility of our security force, but they were testing me to see if they could pawn it off on me.

As far as any significant guest-related issues were concerned, I responded to one call complaining about getting stung by a jellyfish. That time of year, these stinging creatures were prevalent. Signs were posted along the beaches, but many times they were ignored entirely. Regardless, in this instance, this guest felt it was our duty to rid the waters of these creatures.

There was no convincing him of the impossibility of that exercise. As an alternative, I suggested perhaps he could avoid swimming in the gulf and use one of our many swimming pools. He actually asked me if those creatures might somehow migrate their way through the plumbing into our pools. I couldn’t convince him otherwise, so I just advised him to be careful.

There was no getting around it; Paradise Resort was a beautiful tropical resort. Situated along a palm tree covered peninsula, it contained a single road that served as the main artery leading to all the accommodations and amenities. Lacking a company car, I was forced to use my own transportation to travel around the resort. My only competition for the road was our own trollies and a multitude of rental cars used by our guests.

It was off-season, which probably explained why I had so few calls my first night on the job. When season arrived, I knew I would be more than busy, so I should enjoy the calm while it lasted. When eleven o’clock rolled around, I decided to call it quits for the night. I was quite satisfied that I had done my job and felt like I would enjoy this new position. Of course, I had yet to have to make any earth-shattering, grab your balls, and hope for the best decisions.

Of course, just before signing off for the night, wouldn’t you know it, I received a call. It was reported that the lights illuminating our Marina pool were out. It was a high traffic area, nestled between two buildings, and the lights needed to remain on for our guests’ safety. Maintenance was already closed up for the night, so it became my job to determine why they were out and see if there was a quick fix. So much for getting home early tonight.

When I arrived on the scene, I found not only were the lights out, but as a prank, someone had gathered up all the poolside lounge chairs and stacked them up like some giant pyramid. Earlier in the evening, I reprimanded some teenagers for skateboarding on the road, so I figured that maybe they did this in retaliation. Whether they were also responsible for the lights being out didn’t matter, I had to get them back on. That was my priority.

The chairs could wait until morning, so I began fumbling around in the darkness in search of the main electrical panel. After several banged shins and stumbling around foolishly, I located the panel under the building and discovered it had been left unlocked and all the breakers and been physically tripped. Now I was sure it was the kids. I reset the breakers and locked the panel back up using my new set of master keys. I made a mental note to find out who screwed up by not locking it in the first place. Since my first nightly report was going to be pretty sparse, at least now, I had something to put in it, along with the minor incidents earlier in the night. I would also leave a note for maintenance to take care of the chair situation.

With that out of the way, I was once again prepared to end my first night on the job, when wouldn’t you know it, I received yet another call from our PBX department. Locating a resort phone close by, I responded. The operator informed me they had just received a frantic distress call from a woman on the top floor of our Villas. She sounded so distraught, it was impossible for them to ascertain the exact nature of the emergency. All they were able to make out was that it was a medical emergency, so they had called the local paramedics. They had a room number, and that was about it.

The local fire department was only a short distance away, so it wouldn’t take long to get here. I called security to join me on the call. I was on the other end of the property, so they were already on the scene by the