Henry – A Honey Badger Discovers America

By Themistocles Jacks

Henry had a problem.

His people creature friends were going on a journey to lands far away. To Malta, Scotland and America. Henry listened to them talk about what an adventure it would be and started scheming how to go with them.

He could ask to go, but he knew that people creatures had rules about honey badgers on airplanes. So, he decided to use the black ops skills he learned as a Long Range Reconnaissance Honey Badger in Ghost Force. He stowed away on the jet that Uncle Deke Craddock had chartered for the trip.

And what a grand adventure it was! Posing as an emotional support doggie, Henry and his people creature friends faced muggings, floods, escaped murderers and a team of professional assassins. And by the time the trip was over, the honey badger hero from the tiny African country of Malinda had become a hero in America, as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098352356

Book preview

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Henry — A Honey Badger Discovers America

By Themistocles Jacks

Print ISBN: 978-1-09835-234-9

eBook ISBN: 978-1-09835-235-6

©2020 Bandera Creek Media

All Rights reserved

Other books by Themistocles Jacks:

Henry — How a Honey Badger Became a Hero to a Nation

Henry — Long Range Reconnaissance Honey Badger

Henry — A Honey Badger and the Illusions of Peacetime

For K, who fact-checked this book.

If I fly with the wings of dawn

And alight beyond the sea,

Even there Your hand shall guide me.

Psalm 139: 9

Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Chapter 67

Chapter 68

Chapter 69

Chapter 70

Chapter 71

Chapter 72

Chapter 73

Chapter 74

Chapter 75

Chapter 76

Chapter 77

Chapter 78

Chapter 79

Chapter 80

Chapter 81

Chapter 82

Chapter 83

Chapter 84

Chapter 85

Chapter 86

Chapter 87

Chapter 1

No one had seen Henry for almost two weeks, but it was not unusual for him to tire of the ways of people creatures and wander back to the wild bush and the ways of honey badgers. In any event, his people creature friends in the little town of Nyati were so busy getting ready for their upcoming trip to Scotland and America that none of them noticed his absence.

*****

The pilot inspected his aircraft. Soon, he would take it on a flight that would span continents and oceans. He was careful and observant. But he did not observe the pair of eyes that watched him, plotted, and waited.

Houston Boggs was serious about flying. As a young boy, he loved to ride his bike to the small airport near his home in New Jersey and watch the planes take off and land. Even before he could legally get a job, he mowed lawns and shoveled snow to earn the money to buy a handheld aircraft radio so he could listen to the airport’s Unicom frequency. He learned the language of aviation. Riding in the car, he read license tags in the phonetic alphabet. At 16, he got a job at the airport as a ramp rat, pumping gas, picking up trash and doing anything that needed to be done. Every penny he earned went into flying lessons. He passed his private pilot’s written exam with a perfect score and scheduled his check ride on his 17th birthday, the first day he was eligible to be certified as a pilot. Unfortunately, his designated pilot examiner came down with the flu, and he had to wait nine days. He flew his check ride perfectly and earned his private pilot certificate. Next came an instrument rating, commercial certificate, certified flight instructor, multi-engine, and seaplane ratings. Like so many, he became a flight instructor to build hours. In the summer, he towed banners up and down the beach. He studied the operating handbooks of different aircraft and read the classic literature of flight: Charles Lindbergh’s We, Wolfgang Langewiesche’s Stick and Rudder, Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s Flight to Arras, and Beryl Markham’s West with the Night.

And now he found himself in the tiny African country of Malinda, captain of a Bombardier Global Express 6000 jet. But he hadn’t done any flying in a while. He was cooling his heels with his co-pilot, Abner Wilson, at the airport in Maatlamotse, the country’s capital. Soon, that would change. Deke Craddock, a wealthy Texas oil man whom everyone in Malinda called Uncle Deke, had chartered the jet to fly to a wedding in Scotland with a layover in Malta, then on to New York.

Houston Boggs said to his co-pilot, Ab, you got the list of passengers for the manifest?

Abner Wilson handed him a file folder. The captain opened it and checked the names and nationalities.

Verity Olabumba: Malinda

Solomon Olabumba: Malinda

Mercy Botshelo: Malinda

David Botshelo: Malinda

Miriam Toleka Hartman: Malinda, Kenya, United States

Cecil Richardson: Malinda, United Kingdom

Sheila Burns MacPherson: Malinda, Scotland

Robert James MacPherson: Malinda, Scotland

Nancy Hartman Russell: United States

Suzanne Hartman Craddock: United States

Deacon Hammer Craddock: Texas

Houston Boggs laughed. Ab, I think we’ll let Uncle Deke explain that to Customs.

*****

One name not on the manifest was Padraic Pearse Finn. He wasn’t going anywhere. The United States had put him on the Terrorist Watch List and the No Fly List. He was charged by the International Criminal Court in the Hague with crimes against humanity. In the eyes of the elite New York media and Hollywood, Paddy Finn’s crime was far worse than burning a city.

Paddy was the founder of Malinda Safaris, the oldest and most respected safari company in Malinda. Two of his clients, 28 year-old tech billionaire Camden Yarrow and his girlfriend, Sparkle Brightly, snuck out of the safari camp one morning before dawn to make a vanity video. They came across an old lioness and moved in for a close up. The lioness killed and ate them. Paddy and his old cook found the lioness feeding on the bodies and shot her. The video of the couple being killed and eaten went viral. A storm of outrage erupted. Peaceful protests were held in cities throughout Europe and the United States resulting in billions of dollars of peaceful burning and destruction. It wasn’t because of the deaths of the young couple. They were just people. It was because the lioness was killed. Hollywood celebrities piled on, adding their brilliance and gravitas. Politicians licked their fingers, tested the wind, and folded like cheap origami. Overnight, the legendary soldier, scout, hunter, naturalist and conservationist was cancelled. Three quarters of Paddy Finn’s upcoming safaris were cancelled, as well.

But a ray of light pierced the darkness. Paddy’s old friend and client of 30 years, Uncle Deke Craddock was in safari camp when the lioness incident happened and extended his month-long safari. The wealthy Texan’s wife, Suzanne, flew over to join him. More importantly, she brought her cousin Nancy, a 62 year-old widow from South Dakota. Paddy was a 64 year-old widower. And under the glorious African sun, love’s flower blossomed.

*****

It had been a season of weddings. Mac and Sheila MacPherson had been married in a civil ceremony, but they wanted a church ceremony in the presence of their families in their native Scotland.

Chief Police Inspector Cecil Richardson married Miriam Toleka Hartman, Nancy’s younger sister and proprietress of The Little Dress Shop in Nyati.

On the same day, another wedding took place 8,000 miles away in New York City. Viktor Dzerzhinsky, billionaire Russian émigré and president of Cheka Worldwide Holdings, Ltd., married Narcissa Kajembe, formerly Narcissa Dikeledi, widow of Nyoka Dikeledi, the disgraced and traitorous former minister of Malinda. It was a large and extravagant wedding, and attracted a large herd of unsavory bipeds.

*****

Henry lay motionless under a batanga bush not 50 yards from the jet and watched the pilot. He was planning. His people creature friends in Nyati were going on a trip to Scotland and America, and Henry was determined to go with them. He could ask them to take him, but Henry knew that people creatures had funny ideas and strict laws about honey badgers flying on airplanes. So, believing in the old honey badger proverb that it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission, Henry decided he’d rely on the black ops skills he learned as a member of Ghost Force, and the first Long Range Reconnaissance Honey Badger.

Henry knew the value of accurate intel and careful planning. He also knew that a good plan keeps Occam’s Razor in mind: Make nothing more complicated than it needs to be. He made the long trek from Nyati to the Maatlamotse Airport wearing the compass and the GoPro camera and head mount he had used so effectively on Ghost Force missions. He observed the plane and the pilots every day, noting their actions and their schedule. After dark, he disappeared into the thick woods at the airport boundary to hunt.

Chapter 2

General David Botshelo rose with the sun. Careful not to wake his wife, he quietly slipped out of their little house in Nyati, and drove two hours south to the ministry building in Maatlamotse. At this hour there was no traffic on the Molani Road, and the first vehicle he saw was an old moped an hour south approaching the village of Tunati.

It gave him time to think about the trip and his upcoming cardiac procedure in Tennessee. Dr. Omalo and Dr. Wanntom had said that the risks were minimal, but still, minimal does not mean risk-free.

When he pulled into the ministry parking lot, he was happy to see that Bibi’s Bistro was open for business. The proprietress of the little cart sold excellent coffee, tea, and breakfast bread.

Bibi smiled and clapped her hands as he approached. Dumela, general! It is a beautiful morning, but Bibi thinks that your eyes are not sufficiently open to appreciate its beauty.

David laughed, Bibi, I think you are right. I’ll have a large coffee and piece of batanga berry bread.

Very good, general, but Bibi knows you need two cups of coffee this morning. You will have a very busy day.

David took a long sip of coffee. And how do you know that, Bibi.

Ah, general, I am a woman. I notice things. And you men are not always as clever at concealing things as you think. And you don’t always notice things you should.

David took another long sip and felt the coffee work its magic. And he noticed that Bibi was wearing a bright orange dress with a blue parrot on the back. David said, I like your dress, Bibi.

She said, Thank you, general. You know I wear it only on special occasions.

Where does he want to meet me?

At the cathedral. In back by the grotto.

David said, Do I have time to eat first?

If you do it quickly.

*****

Paddy Finn was up early, as he always was. Cookie, the old safari camp cook, was in the kitchen tent making coffee for Uncle Deke.

Dumela, bwana.

Dumela, Cookie. Is that coffee ready yet? It smells great.

Cookie grinned. My coffee is always great, especially when Uncle Deke is in the camp. Bwana, how long I work for you?

Close to thirty years, Cookie.

Right, bwana. Long time. Uncle Deke been come with you since I come. He be my favorite client. Always a happy camp with him. Knock-knock and Who’s-there say it because Rra Deke is nice, happy man. But I think it because I make his coffee perfect every time.

Paddy chuckled. I think all three of you are right. You know, Cookie, we’ve been lucky. Most of our clients have been nice, but Uncle Deke is the easiest client we’ve ever had. The only thing he’s fussy about is good, strong coffee in the morning.

Yes, and I know exactly how he like it. And Mma Nancy like it, too, bwana. She come now.

Paddy turned to see Nancy step out of her tent and walk toward them.

Cookie grinned. Bwana, most ladies like to sleep later. But Mma Nancy like to get up early and have coffee and breakfast with you.

Yes, it has been pleasant having breakfast with her.

The old cook clapped his hands. Knock-knock and Who’s-there say she very nice widow lady. They say she perfect for nice widow man.

Paddy blushed. Oh, is that what they say?

Cookie’s grin couldn’t get bigger. Yes, bwana. They say other things, too, but they make Cookie promise not to repeat them.

*****

The old Franciscan sat on a stone bench by the grotto, silently moving his lips as he fingered his rosary. His hood covered his head, the white cord cincture lay coiled on his lap to keep it out of the dirt. The sandals that showed beneath his habit were quite well made and expensive. David sat down next to him.

Dumela, father.

The priest nodded, finished the decade and said, Dumela, general."

David said, I see you’ve had a change of vocations, prime minister.

The PM chuckled. A temporary change. We have to make this quick. My wife’s uncle is staying with us. I have a meeting in 40 minutes, and I have to take his habit to the cleaners before I go.

David said, Well, bless me, father, for I have sinned.

The PM said, I’m sure you have. We all have. But right now, I want to hear your plans, not your confession. You’re leaving on Saturday?

Yes. I’ve gotten things pretty well squared away. General Pamwe has an office and has started his investigation. I’ve promoted Captain Riley to major and assigned him temporarily to be General Pamwe’s executive officer. It will be good staff training for Riley and added security for the general. He is likely to discover misdeeds that powerful people wish to keep hidden.

The PM said, Good. And he can call on his Riley’s Raiders for reinforcements. What else?

David said, The public ceremony upgrading Danie Christiaan and Matebe Soto to Order of the Elephant is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. I checked with your secretary and she put it on your schedule. I will then promote Matebe Soto to full colonel. Like General Pamwe and Major Riley, Colonel Soto will report directly to me. I don’t want anyone interfering with what they have to do.

The PM said, I assume you have instructed them always to be armed.

David said, I did, but didn’t need to. They are always armed.

The hooded figure nodded. Excellent! You’ve got everything covered. And you have my private cell number in case you need to reach me from abroad.

David said, I have it, sir.

The PM said, Good. I must go now and take this habit to the cleaners. I give you my blessing.

David said, Thank you, father. Are you going to give me any penance?

The PM said, Don’t worry about your penance. When you get back home, there will likely be hell to pay. Now, go in peace.

Chapter 3

The bills for Viktor and Narcissa Dzerzhinsky’s wedding were coming in. They were staggering, even by New York City standards. His accountant was accustomed to Viktor’s high living, but he had questions.

Viktor, is it possible that Mrs. Dzerzhinsky’s dress cost $145,000?

Da, she has expensive tastes.

The accountant nodded and pushed his half glasses higher on his nose.

And is it possible that her ring cost $575,000?

Viktor shrugged. Da.

And her young daughter’s dress, could that have cost almost $43,000?

Again, Viktor shrugged and smiled. Da. And he remembered the dresses. His new wife had looked stunningly and unapproachably beautiful. It was a dress of simple lines that clung to her perfect figure like pearl-studded skin. He remembered how easily it had slipped off. Her daughter Selphi’s dress was more daring, more revealing, more enticing. She had a younger, fresher, more innocent beauty, as tempting as ice cream on a hot day.

Narcissa had noticed Viktor staring at Selphi throughout the wedding reception. It was quite obvious. At one point, he even licked his lips involuntarily.

Chapter 4

The sign over the door read:

Snip & Sip

A Traditional Beauty and Tea Parlor

Verity Olabumba, Proprietress

Verity had notified all her clients about her trip, and she was busy from early morning to evening cutting and styling hair. Her hands were sore from the scissors and her legs were tired from standing, but she was happy to have the business. Many of her clients doubled their usual tips, saying, You’ll need it on the trip. Verity was grateful for their generosity, but not surprised. The people in Nyati had far less money than those in Maatlamotse, but were usually far more generous.

*****

Chief Inspector Cecil Richardson was also busy with assignments for his officers for the time he’d be away. Cecil was in charge of the Northern District, a huge area covering almost half the country. The inspector worked hard to understand the people he was sworn to serve. He was fluent in the clicking language of the Forest People and in Malindo, which along with English, was one of the two official languages of the country. Although Nyati was a small town, it was the largest settlement in his territory. Most of the people lived in tiny villages and on remote shambas in the wild bush country. They had their own histories and their own ways. Cecil was quite conservative in his approach to police work, meaning he did not believe in forcing people to change the way they lived just to mollify the mandarins in Maatlamotse. Change always comes, but Cecil believed it best if it comes slowly and gently. Oftentimes, memos from HQ in the capital mandated procedures Cecil found impertinent, gratuitous and unworkable, and these were routed to the circular file. He had seen in other countries the tyranny that resulted from doing away with old customs, old culture, old habits and old ideas. Unless it was a serious offense, such as murder, armed robbery, rape, arson, commercial poaching or treason, Cecil preferred problems to be settled by families, village elders, or local customary courts. Still, he was a peace officer and had to deal with all kinds of trouble, from minor annoyances to serious crimes. Cecil was by no means a pacifist. If force was required, he did not hesitate to strike hard. He was an expert with firearms, and several times in his career, violent criminals had learned that the hard way. But he believed the fist at the end of the long arm of the law should be used sparingly and only when necessary. He was polite, fair, honest and incorruptible. As a result, he was respected and well-liked among the people of the Northern District. As a result, he was not always popular with the police brass in Maatlamotse.

Chapter 5

Henry was not sure what day it was. Honey badgers don’t use calendars. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow might not come, every day is today. But spending so much time with people creatures had taught Henry many things. He thought of his Uncle Apollo, perhaps the wisest honey badger that ever lived. For a honey badger, Uncle Apollo was an odd duck, but he was known far and wide for his wisdom. Many honey badgers of his generation referred to him as The Guru. Henry wished Uncle Apollo were still alive and with him now.

Henry thought that Uncle Apollo would be astonished at the cleverness of the compass he wore on his left front leg. The red needle always pointed north. And he would have been mystified by the GoPro camera in the special mount Henry wore on his head. Henry wondered what he would have thought about airplanes. No doubt Uncle Apollo had seen them pass overhead. Did he think they were just big, noisy birds?

Henry pondered that. It struck him that many of the things people creatures do were noisy. Trucks were noisy. Mopeds were even noisier, which was surprising since they were so much smaller. Guns were very noisy. At first, Henry thought that the noise they made killed things. Then, he studied physics with Mac MacPherson, and learned about internal, external, and terminal ballistics. He now understood that the noise of gunfire was the result of expanding gasses that pushed a projectile through a pipe called a barrel and out the end. It was the projectile, the bullet, that killed things. Mac could hit things with a bullet from a half mile away. Uncle Apollo would be impressed with that, especially if the things Mac hit were hyenas.

Henry observed that airplanes had wings like birds, but they didn’t flap their wings. However, they did make noise. Henry had been studying philosophy and formal logic with Inspector Richardson, so although he believed the noise airplanes made was related to their ability to fly without flapping their wings, he discerned that the noise itself was not the cause of flight. Both Inspector Richardson and General Botshelo were pilots, and Henry hoped someday to study aeronautics with them.

As everyone who knew him would attest, Henry was one brainy badger. He didn’t have a calendar, but he knew the day of departure was only a few night times away. He would remain at the airport, observing the pilots and the plane, and pondering the mystery of flight.

Chapter 6

Before their wedding, Viktor Dzerzhinsky had insisted that Narcissa sign a prenuptial agreement. Narcissa protested, saying that they were being joined together in the eyes of God as one flesh, until death them do part. She said that a prenup was a presupposition that the marriage would end in divorce. Viktor’s lawyer was surprised. He thought the 25 million dollars he had advised Viktor to offer her was quite generous.

My dear Viktor, how could I sign such a document? What would I be teaching my daughter if I did? That there is a price tag on the sacred vows of holy matrimony? That your promise to me, and my giving all of myself to you is a mere financial transaction? How could I face God and my daughter?

Viktor said, But Malishka, I have been married three times before. Sometimes situations change. And I have children and step-children to take care of.

Narcissa turned on the tears, just a little, enough to make a point, but not enough to smudge her makeup. "And what do you give them that you will not give your wife? The wife who