Henry: How a Honey Badger Became a Hero to a Nation

By Themistocles Jacks

Henry is a honey badger with a hair problem. It grows long on his forehead and flops down on his face, obscuring his vision and causing him to miss his prey. He becomes friends with a beauty parlor owner, Verity Olabumba, who styles his hair into a pompadour, after which, he never misses.
Like many true life stories, it starts out on a light note, but soon turns serious. Terrorists attack a school and kidnap 13 students and their teacher. Verity's husband, Solomon Olabumba, is part of a secret anti-terror squad called Ghost Force. He invites Henry to join the mission to save the hostages. Henry is key to the operation's success, and becomes a valued member of the force.
General David Botshelo congratulates Solomon, and confides that there are troubling things going on in the army and in the government in capital city of Maatlamotse. He asks Solomon and Mac, another member of Ghost Force, to meet him at his shamba in two days.
Solomon and Mac camp near the general's shamba, and observe a pickup heading toward the general's place just before dawn. They follow on foot, and witness three men setting up to ambush the general as he lands his bush plane. They stop the assassins in a spectacular way, and learn more about the nature of the villainy and the villains.
There are more twists and turns, and a cast of unique and interesting characters, including a combat-wounded police inspector, a dressmaker with a secret history, a clever career criminal, a terrorist, an aging leopard, a murdered Irish nun, and a gentle simpleton who falls in with bad companions. A climactic confrontation takes place at a televised press conference at ministry building between the corrupt Minister Nyoka Dikeledi and Ghost Force. Henry, the honey badger, puts his life on the line for his comrades in a scene that goes viral, and is viewed by a hundred million people around the world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 31, 2019
• ISBN: 9781543979824

Book preview

Chapter 1

Henry was a fine, strapping honey badger, and like all normal honey badgers, he liked nothing more than attacking something. Anything. Big or small, fast or slow. Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. Occasionally, an elephant would get annoyed and stomp a honey badger into a honey burger, but for the most part, the other creatures wanted nothing to do with the nasty little beasts. Even the fearful jabberwock with eyes of flame would rather wiffle off through the tulgey wood than tangle with an enraged honey badger.

But Henry had a problem. Unlike other honey badgers, Henry had a mop of hair that constantly got in his eyes, and often as not, when he attacked something, he missed his target.

One day, he charged a parked car, hoping to bite through the tires. But his aim was off, and he got his head caught in the spokes of the car’s fancy hubcap. The only thing he knew to do was to attack harder, but that just got him stuck even further. He managed to rip the hubcap off the car and fling himself this way and that trying to get free, but after several hours, he collapsed, exhausted. Cars passed by and swerved around him. Not even a big beer truck wanted to tangle with a honey badger.

It was late in the afternoon when a woman of great substance in a bright blue dress came riding up on her bicycle, a substantially built model with three speeds, big balloon tires, and a straw basket painted with bright flowers fastened to the handle bars.

The woman, Verity Olabumba, saw Henry, and being a kindly woman, stopped her bike. This was no small act of mercy, because, being substantial, it would take her some effort to get her bicycle going again. But Verity stopped, and being wise as a serpent, as well as gentle as a dove, kept her distance.

Yoo, hoo! Mr. Honey Badger! Are you badly hurt?

Henry, showing proper honey badger manners, bared his teeth and snarled his fiercest snarl. Verity Olabumba thought this quite rude, and told Henry so in no uncertain terms.

Mr. Honey Badger, that is very rude behavior. You are in a pickle, so I stopped to see if I could help you. But I will not put myself and my new blue dress at risk if you are going to be so uncivilized and violent.

Henry suddenly felt shame, a sensation almost unknown among honey badgers. He closed his mouth, ceased his snarling and covered his ears with his terrible claws.

That’s much better! declared Verity, her hands on her ample hips. I will help you, but only if you agree to behave.

Henry lowered his eyes and nodded. Verity Olabumba got off her bicycle and approached Henry. Now, to those who don’t know honey badgers, this would seem foolish and dangerous, but Verity Olabumba knew that honey badgers are as honest as they are vicious. Once he gave his word on something, Henry, like almost all honey badgers, would keep it, no matter what.

It took some time, but using a screw driver and a pair of pliers that her husband, Solomon Olabumba, had put in the tiny white pouch that hung on the back of her spacious saddle, Verity managed to free Henry from the tangle of spokes.

Now, let me look at you to see how badly you’re hurt.

This was important, because honey badgers don’t seem to know when they’re hurt. Or if they do, they don’t act like it.

Well, Mr. Honey Badger, it looks like bruises and cuts, but I suppose that is nothing to a honey badger. Henry nodded.

But your hair is a mess! And I have never before seen such a mop of hair on a honey badger! Henry blushed.

If you promise to keep behaving well, I will take you to my beauty shop in our village and fix your hair.

Henry agreed, and climbed into the white straw basket with bright flowers. It took some huffing and puffing and wiggling and wobbling, but soon they were rolling along the little dirt road that led to Nyati, Verity’s village. And what a ride it was! And what a test of Henry’s willpower! He saw dogs and goats and cattle grazing and children playing and grownups talking and a thousand other things that seemed to cry out to be attacked! But he did not attack, for as you know, honey badgers are as honest as they are vicious.

Soon they stopped at a small shop with a sign that proclaimed:

Snip & Sip

A Traditional Beauty and Tea Parlor

Verity Olabumba, Proprietress

Henry climbed down from the basket and followed Verity inside. She patted the seat of her old-fashioned beauty parlor chair, and Henry hopped up into it. Verity laughed.

Well, Mr. Honey Badger, I can see that you are much more agile than I am, but I can also see that you know nothing about hair care! I can’t imagine how you can see through that mop!

I can’t, Henry confessed. I try to attack things, and half the time I miss what I’m trying to attack. It’s most embarrassing.

Yes, I can see how that would be a problem, Verity said. But I think I have a solution!

She rummaged about through a stack of beauty magazines, finally holding one up triumphantly. This is the look you need!

Henry was taken at once by the picture of Elvis Presley. His face bore a kind of snarl, and his hair was fashioned in a pompadour that rose four inches above his forehead and swept back to a point at the nape of his neck. It was perfect.

Can you make me look like that? Henry asked.

Not exactly. I can’t give you his hips, but I can style your hair like that.

And so she did. She clipped and snipped and checked her work from every angle. When she was satisfied, she unscrewed the lid on a jar that released a scent that Henry found delicious.

It’s one of my special pomades, she explained, made from aloe vera, batanga berries and hippo fat. I made it just for pompadours.

Verity rubbed the potion into Henry’s hair and went to work with brush and comb. Finally, she cocked her head, smiled, and exclaimed, You look magnificent!

She spun the traditional beauty parlor chair around so Henry could see himself in the mirror. He was astonished. First of all, with the mop of hair out of his eyes, he could see. And he was overjoyed at what he saw. He did look magnificent!

Thank you, Mma Olabumba, I shall never forget your kindness!

Verity Olabumba smiled, for she knew that honey badgers have very fine memories.

Henry took one last look at himself in the mirror and hopped down from the chair. He paused at the door and looked back at Verity.

My name is Henry. And then he was gone.

Verity Olabumba was touched by this, for she knew that honey badgers almost never tell members of other species their names.

The other honey badgers were stunned at the change in Henry. With his magnificent pompadour, he looked younger and bigger and stronger than ever. And with the mop of hair out of his eyes, he never missed his victim. Many a young and eligible honey badgeratrix looked longingly at Henry and marveled at his ferocity.

Chapter 2

One day, several weeks later, Henry was lurking under an acacia waiting for something to pass by that he could attack, when he heard voices. Soon, he saw two young men approaching. They hid in the bushes just outside his effective combat radius.

She comes by here almost every day at this time, said one.

Yes, and she has a nice new bicycle which will bring a good price in Maatlamotse, said the other.

Soon, Henry heard another sound — the sound of a substantial woman in a blue dress huffing and puffing and pedaling a bicycle with three speeds, big balloon tires, and a straw basket painted with bright flowers fastened to the handle bars.

The two attackers raced out of the bushes and blocked her way. As she slowed down, one grabbed the handlebars, while the other grabbed the woman and threw her to the ground.

Verity screamed. Suddenly, one of the bike-jackers also screamed and let go of Verity. Then, the other screamed and let go of the bicycle. Henry attacked with the fury of a great white shark in a feeding frenzy. The attackers ran off, howling in pain and spurting blood, with Henry in pursuit, biting off chunks of everything he could get his teeth on.

Verity Olabumba was unhurt, but quite shaken.

Thank you, Henry. You saved my life!

Henry shrugged. No, mma, just your bicycle. I’ve seen those two do the same thing many times. It was fun. And besides, that’s what friends are for.

Verity Olabumba watched Henry disappear into the bush. She smiled and wiped a tear from her eye. For she knew that when a honey badger says he is your friend, he will always be a true friend.

She climbed on her bicycle, and after a few moments of huffing and puffing and wiggling and wobbling, was soon rolling along the little road to her home.

The sun rested low on the horizon, and the soft light painted the land in pastel hues. Glancing back, she saw scores of vultures descending in tightening circle.

Chapter 3

Chui was exhausted. But he consoled himself that it was a righteous exhaustion. It had been a long night of hard work. He had brought down an injured young kudu and wrestled the carcass up to the top of a favorite tree. That would be heavy labor even for a young leopard, and it was a long time since Chui had been a young leopard. He was still in remarkably good shape for a cat his age. True, he was not as fast as he used to be, but he didn’t have to be. What the years had taken in speed and strength, it had more than replaced with patience, stealth, treachery and cunning.

Chui had watched with feline detachment the odd, little honey badger rip the two men apart. And noting the attachment he had to the large woman in the blue dress, he resolved never to try to eat her, even though she would make many fine meals. Just as well, Chui thought, there was no way he could ever carry her up a tree. Still, he was pleased that he could still bring down a kudu and muscle it up a tree, and he looked forward to a long and well deserved sleep.

The old leopard lazed dreamily on a comfortable branch in a familiar tree. Movement caught his eye and he tensed reflexively. But it was just the odd, little honey badger with the funny haircut, and Chui wanted no part of a tussle with Henry. Chui’s father had warned him about honey badgers. They’re bad medicine. You’ll kill ‘em, all right, but you’ll likely pay a heavy price. Best to leave ‘em alone. They’re crazy mean and tough as an old dugga boy buffalo. Chui remembered that his Uncle Zeke had fought with a honey badger, won the fight, but died winning. With his last flicker of life, the honey badger bit through Uncle Zeke’s leg, severing his femoral artery. That night, Chui and his father found what the vultures had left of him. It made a strong impression on the young leopard.

Chui and Henry were not exactly friends in the human sense. The very idea of a leopard and a honey badger sending each other smiley-face, emoji-filled texts would make even a dour crocodile burst into hysterical laughter. But they did know each other, and didn’t mind each other’s company, which for a leopard and a honey badger is practically intimacy. Their bond was a visceral hatred of hyenas and an incident two years earlier when Henry saved Chui’s life. Truth be told, Chui had a great deal of respect, and even leopardly affection, for Henry.

Chui remembered the episode well. It had been a dry year, game was scarce, and all the animals were starving and desperate. Chui had managed to ambush an emaciated impala at a barely moist water hole, and in his hunger, he tore into the antelope on the ground instead of carrying it to the safety of a high branch. The hyena was on him before he knew it. As they fought, Chui could hear the pack squealing and howling behind him, and knew that if he lost his balance for an instant, the pack would tear him to shreds. The hyena was a big male, and his powerful jaws could easily snap Chui’s bones, but leopards are blindingly quick and hard to get hold of. Suddenly, the big hyena screamed in pain and spun around. A honey badger had charged up from behind and bitten off a sensitive part of the beast. In half a blink, Chui pounced on the hyena’s back, and with one savage bite, severed the brute’s spine. The honey badger rushed in and bit the hyena’s nose off. Leaderless, the pack ran off in confusion and terror.

Chui never again ate on the ground. And he never again thought of a honey badger as little. High and safe on his comfortable branch, he watched Henry through half closed eyes. He chuckled as the honey badger paused, turned 90 degrees to his right, then furiously charged a termite mound, reducing it to dust in less than a minute. Henry jumped this way and that, snapping at termites in the air and licking them off the ground. Busy little fellow, Chui thought, but what a waste of energy. No wonder they die young.

At the base of Chui’s tree, Henry paused to groom his magnificent pompadour. The leopard called to him in his raspy voice, Dumela, Henry. You certainly taught that termite mound a lesson.

Henry snarled reflexively, then looking up and seeing Chui, said dryly, Yeah, well, I didn’t like the way it looked at me.

Well, I doubt it will make that same mistake again. And that was a nice piece of work you did on those two yahoos — beautifully sudden and vicious. Well done, Henry!

Thanks, Chui. It was great fun. I could do that all day, every day.

Henry finished grooming his magnificent pompadour, and uncharacteristically in the mood for conversation, looked up at the leopard.

Hey, Chui, you going hunting tonight?

Chui yawned. No, I got only 15 hours of sleep yesterday and I’m bushed. And hauling this kudu up here wore me out. I’m not as young as I used to be. I’ve gotta rest up. I’m leaving tomorrow night to go see my father in Maatlamotse.

Wow! said Henry. Your father lives in Maatlamotse?

Not exactly, he’s passed, Chui explained. A farmer shot him for killing his cattle. He was an enormous leopard. He was so big, they stuffed him and put him in the Natural History Museum. I like to sneak in there at night and spend time bonding with him.

Henry said, Well, at least he died doing what he loved.

Chui nodded. He did love killing cattle. Anyway, it’s better than what happened to my mother. She ran down a waterbuck, but it kicked her in the face and broke her jaw. She couldn’t hunt, couldn’t eat. She got so weak and skinny. Then, a pack of wild dogs caught her and ripped her to pieces.

The two were silent for a while, sniffing and listening for dinner or danger. Then Henry spoke. Say, Chui, I’ve always wanted to go to Maatlamotse. I’ve never been to the capital. Can I come with you?

At first, Chui didn’t think this was a good idea, but then he figured if there was trouble along the way, the vicious, little beast might be a useful traveling companion.

Well, I don’t see why not. But you’d better get some rest. It’s a long hike, and I like to travel fast.

No problem, said Henry. I’m a fast mover. But no sleep for me. I’ve got to work tonight.

The leopard’s eyes opened. Work? What kind of work?

Henry ran his claws through his magnificent pompadour.

"There’s a businessman in Nyati who has a problem with rats. His store is in that yellow building with the thatch roof. It’s called Slow Poke’s Ice & Ink. It’s a combination ice cream and tattoo parlor. Free chocolate sundae with every tattoo. Anyway, rats dug a nest under his shop, and he said he’d give me a free tattoo if I’d kill ‘em all. I said sure, who’d pass up an opportunity like that?"

Chui stretched. You’re getting a tattoo? Of what? And where?

On my belly. And it’s going to be really cool! I wanted a phrase that really proclaimed who I am, so I decided on ‘I will bite your face off.’ Cool, eh?

Well, Chui said slowly, it does fit your personality.

Yeah, but then I told my girlfriend Alice about it, and she thought that just saying I’d bite your face off was too narrow and limiting. She said even a hyena could bite someone’s face off, and I deserved something more subtle that showed my strength of character.

And what would that be?

‘Your bones will break before my jaws.’ Alice came up with it. Isn’t it great?

Chui blinked. The girl is a natural poet.

Yeah, Henry sighed, I sure do miss her.

Miss her?

Yeah, she charged a herd of Cape buffalo.

Did they run off?