Orchard Love

By Brandon Barchurch

Orchard Love is a contemporary love story. The book brings love to the Kent orchards via a cold February theatre hall as AJ and Zeek fall for each other among frosty fallen apples and frolicking dogs. This short read is designed to be read in one sitting and consumed as you would a show at the theatre; possibly complete with a warming cider and slice of apple pie (not included in the purchase of this book). In addition to being a cute romance between the two men struggling their way through the covid world, it is a love letter to theatre with the story unfolding on the stage complete with a frustrated director in the wings, a house band and stage hands sweating and grunting their way through scene changes.

Most of us are not currently able to get to the theatre at the moment. However, Orchard Love invites you to come experience it in a different way.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brandon Barchurch
• Release date: Feb 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005155865

Brandon Barchurch

I am an own voices contemporary writer specialising in humour and queer life.My first release was a satirical diary set in Kent with themes of mental health, gay love and PhD stress and failings. It was a hot new release in its genre with it breaking into the top 10. Here is a link to a recording of the first month - there is swearing. https://soundcloud.app.goo.gl/nndwnohmv416Cynw5My latest release is a complete change of pace from that as it is a contemporary gay romance set in Kent with themes of... okay. So maybe it isn't all that different... Instead of being a diary, though, its a closet drama designed to be experienced as you would a night at the theatre in one sitting. It is super cute and full of dogs, apple scented fog and new love.Thanks for visiting and stay safe x

Book preview

Orchard Love

Brandon Barchurch

Published by Brandon Barchurch at Smashwords

The adorable original cover art was created by Matthew Eden.

Copyright 2021

Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please spread the word! Thank you for your support. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to get in touch with @BBarchurch on Twitter.

Table of Contents

Start

Act One, Scene One

Act One, Scene Two

Interval

Act Two, Scene One

Act Two, Scene Two

About Brandon Barchurch

The Opening of the Satirical Diary: ‘Thesis, or Everything Else?’

As the audience make their way to their allocated seats, the room begins to fill with fog from the obscene number of machines spread around the theatre. Those entering furrow their brows in a moment of confusion and then smile warmly as they identify the apple scented oils that infuse not just the fog, but every textile surface in the room. One man stops half-way down the aisle and reaches for their asthma pump, clearly having ignored the multiple warnings in the play’s marketing. However, such is his determination to enjoy the show, he takes a swift shot of air and continues along the fairy light lit aisles to his seat.

Partly to boost the atmosphere and partly to balance the books after the extortionate expense of over a gallon of crisp apple oil a night, the venue is kept a brisk temperature entirely reliant on the February evening outside. The audience have all been forewarned, however, and people start putting their layers back on again after the warmth of the lobby and bar. There is a brief kerfuffle in rows F and G over the height of a woman’s woolly hat, but, after a quick negotiation involving the purchase of a tankard of mulled cider, everything calms as people notice it’s time for the show to begin.

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE

Working from the back of the room forward, the fairy lights guiding people to their seats twinkle out in a wave of bokeh through the ankle-height fog. As everyone’s attention moves to the stage, sounds of birdsong comes over the speakers along with the rustling of leaves in a winter’s breeze. The curtain raises to reveal glistening avenues of apple trees. They cover the stage from left to right with strips of frosty grass and iced daisies between. The audience gasp and murmur to one another over how beautiful and real it looks and they once again clutch at their warm clothes. As those in the front row examine the stage, they realise with delight that it is actually real: a genuine strip of Kent orchard brought down into this converted church for the night’s show. While not at their bountiful best, the trees’ lack of leaves makes it possible for the audience to see all the way through the multiple rows to the back of the stage where a glorious and cold sky covers the huge screen that fills the back wall.

AJ enters and slowly starts walking along the back avenue of trees. He is wrapped in a thick fluffy scarf and hat and looks toasty warm in his patched coat; unlike most of the audience. There’s a distant sound of dogs barking from off the stage which lightly echoes around the room, but AJ appears oblivious.

AJ: [Talking to himself.] I walk for hours and only now can I finally find peace. [He stops, frowning.] And now I’m talking like some puffed up arsehole from Beckett. Or worse: Roger from My Family. I say to myself, AJ, you must learn to stay true to your roots. As