Minunea mea The Creator (Not About God)

By Paul Cristoltean

Disclaimer:
As the title explains, this Novel does not talk about the ideas of religion (i.e. Not About God’). Though there are aspects of religion in the book, they are merely representational and do not have anything to do with any specific religion. If you picked up this book thinking it will help enlighten your own ideas about your own faiths and your paths following religion, it won’t. Or maybe it will, who knows?
If you are looking for a Novel that will knock your socks off, welcome. This book is going to be confusing. A cake batter mix of Reality, Good and Evil, and War with some weird sad frosting that tastes like rum and an old ashtray. To put it in complicated words; this Novel is about a schizophrenic sheep who turns into a monstrous wolf while on an adventure to try and find out what it means to be human. Makes sense? Good.
So, enjoy and thank you for picking up this Novel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Oct 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781716464249

Book preview

Minunea Mea

The Creator

(Not About

God)

By: P. S. Cristoltean

Disclaimer:

As the title explains, this Novel does not talk about the ideas of religion (i.e. Not About God’). Though there are aspects of religion in the book, they are merely representational and do not have anything to do with any specific religion. If you picked up this book thinking it will help enlighten your own ideas about your own faiths and your paths following religion, it won’t. Or maybe it will, who knows?

If you are looking for a Novel that will knock your socks off, welcome. This book is going to be confusing. A cake batter mix of Reality, Good and Evil, and War with some weird sad frosting that tastes like rum and an old ashtray. To put it in complicated words; this Novel is about a schizophrenic sheep who turns into a monstrous wolf while on an adventure to try and find out what it means to be human. Makes sense? Good.

So, enjoy and thank you for picking up this Novel.

Note: A few pieces of important information before you read it. 

First, the Novel is written in first-perspective present tense. That means it is written as it is happening from the mind of one character. The character is mentally ill, so if things get confusing, read a sentence further and things will make sense. On top of that, I don’t write sentences grammatically correct all the time and I don’t know how to use a comma that well. If that upsets you, don’t read this. You’ll hate it. It’s too poetic for correct grammar. Art is supposed to break the rules. That’s why Quentin Tarantino makes the best movies because fuck the rules. Bear with me, I don't have a degree yet. There’s so many typos and errors but trust me they are there for a reason.

Second, it is full of references. Not because I want to plagiarize. There is no plagiarizing in this Novel. I use the references as metaphors, so people understand what is trying to be portrayed. Also, it gives the audience a relation to the main character. The main character is one that watches a lot of TV and reads a lot of books so it’s just how he thinks it. The whole Novel is one stream of consciousness of himself. It’s how he sees it and hopefully it helps you, the audience, understand the picture I'm trying to paint. 

Lastly, chances are you skipped this page anyway. I make fun of myself and the story itself in the Novel a good amount. My name is Paul, so if you see one of the characters say my name or if there are pieces where the writing sounds like it's making fun of itself, it is. It’s a fun gag because these characters can hear each other's thoughts and can travel through dimensions and talk to beings out of their dimension. It’s humorous that way. 

Fourthly, I'm just kidding, enjoy the Novel.

Table of Contents.

Prologue: The Beginning is always confusing         4

Part One: Organizing Chaos

Chapter One: Sunday       12

Chapter Two: My Great Therapist       30

Chapter Three: Monday       41

Chapter Four: Tuesday     47

Chapter Five: Wednesday         61

Chapter Six: Thursday       70

Chapter Seven: Friday       82

Chapter Eight: Saturday                                                                           91

Part Two: Good and Evil

Chapter Nine: Next Sunday              95

Chapter Ten: Weekdays don’t Matter Anymore     105

Chapter Eleven: A storm is Brewing     113

Chapter Twelve: There’s Always A Rainbow After A Storm       129

Chapter Thirteen: The wolves of yesterday bite you in the ass the next morning          147

Chapter Fourteen: Mother Nature Plays her games all the time     164

Chapter Fifteen: Cement Dries Fast in This Story   172

Chapter Sixteen: Drinking Games Are Dumb       192

Chapter Seventeen: No more nonsense. Let’s get to work   213

Chapter Eighteen: Hall Hath No Fury     223

Chapter Nineteen: My Cocky Demon       240

Chapter Twenty: This is the peak of the story     251

Chapter TwentyOne: It’s terrible when you Lose Hope         270

Chapter TwentyTwo: The Roads Lead to Real Hope Sometimes     279

Chapter TwentyThree: Nothing makes Sense in this Crazy world              292

Chapter TwentyFour: we follow hope blindly sometimes            310

Part Three: War

Chapter TwentyFive: First Part of war Is gathering up the army        316

Chapter TwentySix: Finally, the sun smiles   321

Chapter TwentySeven: The Feast   333

Chapter TwentyEight: It’s almost over   349

Chapter TwentyNine: From Nothing Comes Everything            362

Chapter Thirty: A little while after                   367

Prologue: The Beginning Is Always Confusing

Not All Nightmares Are Ugly

Where do you see it? 

Down by the lip of the river

Right by where that open grassy plain is?

Yeah, don’t you see it?

Yeah, I have my eyes on it

I’ll swing by the left and flank it, you stay here

I’m waiting

GO

I’ll grab it before you do

Nope, I’m on its tail

Got it, now let's make supper

I almost had you this time you should have seen it

I felt you up on my shoulder, good job

Long way back home for this supper

We’re getting back before dark

In this spooky forest it already is dark

SpOoKy?

Yeah, stop it

We can kill whatever in this forest, we are the top of the food chain. Don’t worry about the spookiness

With these weapons, we can destroy this whole forest

That would be Evil, we must protect the forest because it has been Good to us

What’s the difference between Good and Evil?

I don’t know, but I know that we’re Evil to this little turtle.

But he is feeding us, so that’s Good right?

Right. That’s why I don’t know the difference. Sometimes we have to do Evil things with Good intentions

Does that make us Evil?

No. But it doesn’t exactly make us good either

It’s wrong to eat?

It’s about doing the right thing for us even if it’s wrong through another set of eyes

Perspective?

Yeah, you’ve been reading that dictionary I bought you huh?

Yeah, only the pages I can read, most of it is ruined when it rains

Home sweet home, get the pot, I’ll get the fire started

Is it under the sink? oh wait I see it

Water won’t put itself into the pot

Well, it sort of does because of the rain, you know?

Just use the sink

How much chow do we have tonight?

Enough for some breakfast, tomorrow we’ll go into town and see if we can trade the shell for some bait

Do I have to see that hippy man again?

Yes, you’re getting better. What did you see on the hunt today?

Animals, and the swamp

Specifics

There were crocodiles and hippopotamuses, birds that were eating the parasites off their bodies. They all looked similar except for a Raven and a Dove

What about the fish?

You couldn’t see the fish through that grey swamp water. The only thing you could see are the shells of turtles

And the swamp?

Dirty, that tree that tipped over a while back finally cracked into the nasty grey, it looked like a vomiting plank of wood. The vines on the trees were not attacking this time, being passive they must have known we were armed. The big trunks that came out of the water at their waist were still the same, maybe they have grown a little from when I was a child. I could see the purple sun through the tree branches, but only in the morning. I still saw its orange tint though on the water

Tell me again about the birds. You said you saw a dove and a raven?

Yeah, I only saw one of each which is weird because the birds here usually stay with their own kind. The dove was above us most of the time, watching where we were going. It followed us. You should have seen it. Silk made from an angel was woven together to make that beauty on wings. The blue spot behind its neck was shining with sunlight. I thought it got lost and it found us who reminded it of home. Maybe she thought we would take her home

She?

Yeah, you can tell by the feathers, she had a slight grey under belly

What about the Raven?

That thing was hard to spot through the shadows of the trees. It was as black as the night that is falling upon us tonight, except our eyes will adjust to this. It was whacky, going from branch to branch like a monkey. First place I caught it was when it dove down at us from above the green leaves. I ducked out of fright, it startled me. I looked at you after, I knew nothing scared you. After the dive, the dove showed up. The raven went out into the clearing. I saw it a little while later sitting on the mouth of a crocodile, yawning. It must have needed sleep. I saw it inside the water, and on the trees, over the sunken tree trunks

Yeah, I remember when you got freaked out

Were they there this time?

Yeah, they were there this time

How about you? What did you see on the hunt today?

A few turtles, I now know where they have their nest. Foods almost ready, get the plates. Next to the-

Shelf, yeah I know

Now eat up and head to bed, we have a big day tomorrow

Delicious, nighty night

Wake up

Did we miss the tide?

Not yet, but we have to hurry. Here, eat your breakfast in the boat

Where's yours?

I ate mine

"Hey, there's that dove again. Do you see it?

Yeah, I see it

I wonder where the Raven is. Oh wow

What?

I hope the raven doesn’t poop on that rugged hair of yours

Ha

There's town, meet in the usual spot?

Yeah, go take care of yourself. Tell dr. Gonzo I want to talk to him after your session

Hey doctor

Hello my child. What joy I have to see you finally. It has been too long

I brought good news. I’ve been getting better

That is the most wonderful news. I hope you are able to experience this life as it is

I have. I notice many things when I focus on what is really there 

What have you seen in reality?

The animals. Everywhere they are. From the birds and the bees to the crocs and the turtles. The green. Everything is green except for the water. But I don’t look down anymore. The purple sun is still shooting through the tiny gaps between branches

The purple sun must be beautiful

It is and today I saw a dove that added onto it, like beautiful icing on a beautiful cake

A dove? 

Yes

I wonder how a dove got into the middle of the rainforest?

I don’t know, I thought it was removed from its original family

Maybe. Where is the dove now?

I saw it this morning following us on the way to town

Did it sing?

No. I’ve never heard the dove’s song

It would add more to the beauty you see

Am I getting better?

Yes. I am proud you

Thank you. That puts a huge smile on my face

I remember a time when you said the only fears you had was reality

Now my fears are of going away

I will see you next time child

Bye Dr. Gonzo

Did you forget to tell Dr. Gonzo that I wanted to talk to him?

Yeah, but he said I was getting better. Sorry, I was caught up in how much I’ve improved

I traded the shell for some chow, let's head home and eat

Gosh that dove sure is beautiful. Its leaving, going up the trees and past the clouds. Wow, what a champ

Where's the raven?

Who cares? That dove is all I see now

The water level is rising

How can you tell?

The buoy is not there anymore

Get the stuff from the house quickly

What's the matter?

Just do it

Come on hurry, hurry hurry

What's the rush? The water is barely even in the house

That crocodile can still get on land, no matter how much water there is

It won’t attack us as long as we stay in the boat

WATCH OUT

gllrgrlgrlglrglrglrglgrlgrlgrlgrlglrglrg

Hey kid, you ok?

uhhhhhh

That flash flood came out of nowhere

Bet even that croc was startled

I watched it jump up and swallow your friend whole

What

You should probably open your eyes

AHHHH

Relax

How are you talking?

I’m magical

I must have gotten hit in the head pretty bad

Yeah, but you’re still better than your dead friend

Shut UP

At least he went quickly

Ah, what was that for?

Do you want me to end up like your friend?

...

Anyway, I am your demon. The one who is stuck with you for the rest of eternity

...

I don’t want a demon

Succckkkkkkkkssssssssssssss

I don't want to be here either, but you know who sent me here to ruin my already ended life

Who?

Count the clues boy. I am a demon sent from hell and I am linked to you through a possessive level

...

I can tell you don’t want to play around. Long story short, I am stuck with you

Fine, whatever. Just leave me alone

...

Hello

Now I know I hit my head. Bears are talking to me

What's wrong with that?

There are no bears in the rainforest

Quiet Raven. Child we are your guardians

Good to know

He just watched his friend die. Not the brightest star right now

I am sorry to hear that. I lost a good friend of mine too

...

...

Get on with it bear, we have not much time

Very well. I am sorry to have to rush your sadness at this time but there is a war right now

WOW. Just drop an anchor on the kid, why don't ya

There was no easy way to say it

A war?

A war that will end all wars

How cliché

Shut up. Kid we need you to help us

Why?

Because. Well. I don’t know exactly why, but I know that monsters are going to come after you. And the only way to stop them from coming is for you to help us

Just leave me be

Fine, we’ll wait until you’re ready and then we’ll go. But I warn you, there will be a point when the tide rises so high that not even a boat can help you float

That’s a stupid analogy

I agree

Part One: Organizing Chaos

Chapter One: Sunday

Something Else Entirely

Dreams suck. At least mine do, I hope it's not that way for other people, I hope they dream of beautiful wonderful things. What's a bear doing in the rainforest? What if it’s a sign from Good, things are not where they should be. A list of things that are not where they should be would include, my mind, my pillow, which is on the floor, and Muzzles. 

Muzzles is my golden Labrador who usually jumps on my bed to wake me up. There he slumps with his drool lining up a puddle on my hardwood floor. He looks so relaxed and calm, peaceful and quiet, I could throw a pillow at him and he wouldn’t react. He’s probably dreaming about chasing female doggy tail and steak pudding. Whistling would definitely ruin his slumber so, I knocked on my nightstand instead. 

Jolting up from what looked like a good dream, he is alerted by the knock, he is always alert and prepared to bark at anything. 

What was that? I said to him with a playful tone in my voice.

Woof said Muzzles, he is now playing with me. He knew that I was trying to play with him by faking a knock at my door. He faked that there is a real knock and barked at me. I knew he could tell it was fake by his fluffy wagging tail and his smile. It matched mine which we both know means that it’s time to play.

The only thing that broke the silence was when his tail thumped against the floor. It was a flag signaling for me to say, Come here boy, so he can jump and attack me with kisses. I stared at him for a while, the signaling flag slowed, I was waiting for him be completely still so he would explode when he runs at me.

It went to a stop when the light from the sun reflected off his golden fur. The sun was breathing its light, getting darker and brighter like the world was a set of lungs. It blinded my eyes, but I could still see him staring, waiting for something to happen.

Come here boy I said waiting for an explosion. More of a blast, like a torpedo, he charged in and knocked me right on the mouth with his snout. The snot from his nose was printed on my upper cheek. That didn’t matter much because he was licking, making sure he puts his dirty tongue all over my face.

I kept giving my dog good ole scritches. He started digging into my mattress like he was making a hole that would go all the way to China. Nothing to find, but damn was he cute, sneezing forcibly into the sheet. I shoved my head into his belly to get him to start biting at my shoulder. It was a playful bite, that's how wolves do it, that’s how some monsters play. 

Gnawing on my shoulder left him distracted enough for me to tip over his body and attack him with belly rubs. He was unable to bite my hands no matter how far he stretched his neck at them. He gave up by tilting his head up and letting out a huge breath like a deflating balloon. 

I got ya I said viciously as I got up to go to the bathroom. I didn’t look at the clock, but I knew that I was late for my morning walk with the angel that lives down the hallway street of our neighborhood. I like to imagine our dark dreary hallway as a street and each of our doors as a house. I like to imagine.

My morning walk angel usually comes to the door if I oversleep like I did today. I wouldn’t be surprised if she shows up, I took too much time playing with my pride and joy. If I’m late then her might think I am having another meltdown. She doesn’t get that paranoid anymore anyway. Things are getting better.

Young neighbor girl. I’m very lucky that I have a girl like her living down the hall. Getting up early was not what I expected I would do often when I moved here, but dreams suck anyway, might as well ruin them by waking up.

She is up before the sun; I wouldn’t be surprised if she was up all night. The amount of energy drinks and healthy food that she consumes makes me worry for her mental health like how she worries about mine.

But she doesn’t have a therapist like I do. I have a therapist that I will meet with today. His name is Haward and he’s been my brain doctor ever since I was little. I was left an orphan with an insane amount of money, he was left broke and homeless with a degree and saw me as the perfect opportunity, not really. I think he just saw me as a kid with much more than just abandonment issues.

I have problems that I hope no one else ever has to go through. I should correct that thought, ‘had’, I am getting better. Even the ghost who used to sit by my nightstand is gone. The sky is still purple though with thick orange clouds that don’t let me see the open ocean of the sky. I like to imagine that the sky is a polluted ocean but instead of trash it’s my brain that is polluting it.

And the demons and monsters that live in the other parts of my apartment are still moaning. They are their own form of brain pollution.

Example #1: Bloody Kate. I named her bloody Kate because she is a dark figure that shows up in my bathroom and stares at me. It reminded me of the days when I saw bloody Mary. Back at the orphanage, where I was taught that it wasn't really there even though I could see it. That’s where I was taught that I had an illness.

That shows the bloody part of her name. Why I named her Kate? I don’t know, when I think of the name Kate I think of a little kid. The figure that stares at me from the mirror looks sort of like a little child wearing a shadow of a dark hoodie. 

Every day I hold the edges of my sink, I try not to look up, I leave the water off just so I can sense the monster behind me. I usually stare down until I can feel her eyes on me like two cones of ice pressed on my back. It’s a good thing she’s not in the shower, I would leave and burn down the place, the whole building too. Then I would go to jail forever where they would take care of me.

I have matches in my nightstand. If I- no. No. Burning down everything never solved anything.

Still in bed, I make my way to the bathroom, off the orange hardwood and onto the cold white tile was a battle without socks. I don’t have money to buy heated floors. Well I do but I need it for my therapist. Isn’t that ironic?

I didn’t do today like I do every day because today feels different. I feel fearless today. Right on cue there she was, a dark figured floating Kate. Her eyes were the only part of her body that wasn’t dark. She looks like a floating 3D shadow. Her eyes pierced into the mirror to blind me.

Ha, I’m battling my own imagination. Brightness never scared me, and I was not about to let a figment beat me at a blinking contest. Yeah, it's on. 

Jesus that’s bright like staring into car headlights when the beams are on. They would blend into the white wall behind it if it wasn’t shining into my reflection. I squinted my eyes; I know I’m technically cheating but I am having a blink battle with something that exists in my head, I am allowed to cheat. 

I did it, she was unable to keep her headlights open for a long enough time, they blinked making me happy, I started today on a good note. It took too long though. I know the angel will be at the door to make sure I am not having a mental breakdown. 

Well, no time for a shower. Great. I could smell the sweat on my pajamas from my bed. I know I reek, deodorant and clean clothes for this guy, that usually does the trick. A clean mouth and some cologne to cover my nasty stench is like adding the icing to a gross smelling cake.

Brushing my teeth made me feel a little cleaner, I still feel filthy, if you put filthy and clean on a scale it would be spinning with filth carrying all the weight. The white closet where I keep my clothes should change my scent, hopefully. If not, I could just blame it on Muzzles, who was nudging me towards the closet door. In there is another terrifying sight. 

Example 2: The skeleton in my closet. There is a skeleton in my closet. It doesn’t move. Hanging from the ceiling, I realize it has a noose tied around its neck. I lied, it does move, the body would slowly rotate one direction or the other. I could hear the slight creaking that was the rope moving the body. It’s so old, I’m surprised the rope hasn’t snapped from the mold that was on it.

What a cliché, that just calls for lazy writing. And references. 

The body of bones stretched from the top of closet to the floor. It really takes forever to get a pair of clothing. The thing shakes like a maraca every time I brush past it to open a drawer. Today I will be sneaky smooth. All I have to do is grab some fresh pants and a sweatshirt. I have the rest of my clothes on me already. 

Muzzles was jumping on me as always, his two front paws scratch at my back like I’m a door that he wants to go through, I sometimes think he can see the bones and this is his way of asking me to pluck one out of the poor deceased figment and hand it to him so he could chew on it. I looked down at him and he looked back with a curious tilt in his skull. Could he really see what I see? 

Nope, I am just losing my mind.

I gave the middle finger to the sneaky smooth plan and just went for it. Today is different. I grabbed my clothes, moving his body swiftly, he laughed with a high-pitched witch scream like a Halloween decoration. At first, I thought the skeleton was shaking as a defense mechanism, now I realize he is ticklish, I guess laughter never dies.

His lower jaw fell off and landed on the floor to be picked up by a golden fur. I tried not to panic as the walls started moving. But it is ok, this happens every morning, I am trained. I am owning my condition right now. My helping hand is in my nightstand. 

Walking up to your bed from above the roof really makes you question reality. Good thing I have a sense of direction. I sat on my bed to change my clothes and rest this oncoming migraine. You never get used to the migraines; you just prepare yourself for them. The drawer was a boring wood color that only looks good when shined on by the sun. 

Those 2 racketeering pill bottles rolled and bounced slightly off the end of the opening. One labeled Symbyax another Zyprexa. They’re my drugs. I also have another prescription that Haward wanted me to try out. Don’t worry, these are drugs for everyone else’s safety, not mine. 

When I was a child, I believed I was being attacked by a demon and it turns out it was just a regular guy, but to me he had big fangs and razor claws. I grabbed a baseball bat and beat him until the wood snapped. It’s a good thing I didn’t kill the guy.

So that's how I found I have schizophrenia. How about you guys? Anybody out there find something new about themselves today? Well you should tell someone who isn’t a made-up character in a crazy kid’s mind. ;)

Taking the pills takes me to a place I like to call reality. Where the sky isn’t flying through the ground and the skeleton in my closet still has its jaw. I call it reality because I know I can trust what I see here. Most… Most of what I see here. The sun is still purple though, so you tell me. 

(Knock)(knock) went the door.

Woof Barked muzzles, except it went more like ‘Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof- you get the idea. Muzzles is always excited when people knock on the door, but now he acts different. His tail is wagging so hard the back part of his body is following its movement. He only reacts that way to one person.

I know who it is but I’m going to let suspense play a role for a moment. I yelled ‘Just a minute" to the lady out in the hall. I knew she heard me because I heard her footsteps take her back to her apartment to wait for me to go there.

I know this suspense is boring, but I still have to grab the snacks and pack them. Today is my day for snacks, you can’t go on a morning walk without snacks, it’s also our breakfast. I was supposed to pack last night, but I fell asleep on the couch watching a documentary on the tribes in the rainforest. 

Muzzles get the bag, I couldn't tell, but I knew his ears were perched up when I said that. I heard the thumping of his paws in the other room slide in my kitchen and into the backpack I kept under the sink. Then I heard those big thumps slip as they tried to gain speed to run into my room and hand me what I needed.

I could have walked over and grabbed the backpack myself, but this is more fun. Muzzles came in slipping on the bag. He fell over on my legs and laid there staring at his accomplishment, good boy Muzzles. I snatched the bag and pet my dogs head. That's when the belly rubs start. Rub rub rub. 

There isn’t a sound for rubbing a dog's belly to make into an onomatopoeia. 

After Muzzles belly was properly rubbed, it was time to stash the snacks to fill the backpack. It's one of those oversized swiss backpacks with extra pockets on the extra pockets. You could fit watermelons in this thing and still have space for water. I didn’t because it had to follow certain health fixes Claire told me to get.

The thumping made it back to the front door and started scratching at it like he did to my back when I was tickling my closet friend. That door looks like the inside of a casket where they find out that person was buried alive. Not so much of a hyperbole, I can see a few marks where the paint is chipping off but that's about it.

The snacks were in the kitchen, I slid them off the cabinet container like a person who bought the whole shelf, and into the backpack everything went neatly and pleasantly.

I was not fed when I walked out the door. My breakfast starts when the bag on my back cracks open to reveal all the packs of snacks. But I can survive a walk for about an hour before I need to eat. I know it’s not healthy to start the day without its most important meal, but I could care less. I don’t decide what I put into my body anymore anyway. The angel down the street and my brain doctor do.

I stood next to Muzzles to wait for him to sit next to the door so I can open it. He was shaking with anticipation like a rocket before it launches. I opened it and he shot out and down the street before I could even close my house door.

This hallway sucks. It’s a simple long cube that has half working lights lining the ceiling on the middle, there are holes and mold growing like angry lines of regretted age, and the moss on the bottom corners of the floor look like grass. That’s why I call it my little neighborhood.

I mean it's beautiful and glowing with a hue that matches the golden sky. I have never seen so much beautiful stuff in such a neat stretch of room.

I am lying of course, but right now, I cannot help but smile when I stare at the cracks in the walls and ceiling. It makes my whole day share a new meaning.

Yay.

This day will be great. 

You see what just happened? My whole mentality changed because of the drugs I have taken. I really hate being here at this time, going to spend 3 hours of my day walking in the cold then warm park. But I do get to be with my doggo. Oh darn. I almost forgot my new prescription; I plan on taking that during the walk. 

Muzzles was scratching at her door. I knew she would open it eventually, the paint on her door is almost all gone, she can’t afford for the scratches to get thick. I walked back into my kitchen to scoop up the prescription I left inside the knife drawer.

I walked out to find Muzzles attacked by a young attractive female monster. But Claire sure is an angel. Always looking out for others, helping in any way she can, never fearing. What a troop.

I guess angels could be monsters too though, anything that causes others to be in pain would be considered a monster, yeah, she’s a beautiful monster playing with my little golden monster. My dumb smile is stickered on my face. She knows I am under the influence of my drugs. I could tell by her laughing smile. 

It joys her to see me how I am. And it joys me to see that she is joyous from seeing how I am. I could die right now, in this already dead street, and I would be ok with that. I will have this dumb smile on my face at my funeral. All those frowns might need a little cheering up.

Muzzles tongue is making a puddle on the floor. He is on his back getting belly rubs on this dusty street. 

Who’s a good boy Claire asked rhetorically to the dog while rubbing his belly.

She is a runner in track shorts. She is wearing a sweatshirt marked ‘Prairie Pride’ in bulky yellow letters. Her black straight showered hair is tied in a ponytail. What a beauty. Drugs are bad kids.

Wow she is glowing now, this happens at least twice a day, never this early though. I guess I am finally getting better and this is a sign of that. Or maybe it's the window above the angel and the gold rug that cause it to glow, maybe.

She picked up Muzzles like a baby and continued to rub his belly with her free hand. The sweatshirt she is wearing will be peppered with gold strands when she puts hm down.

Looking over my way, she nodded her head towards the creaky crappy elevator. I would take the stairs if the stairwell hadn’t had a huge steaming pile of shit all the way at the bottom. I received what she was saying in head movement talk. It meant ‘get your ass in the elevator before I eat your face off’. I’m exaggerating, sometimes my brain likes to play tricks on me. I enjoy it at times.

I walked into the elevator following Claire into the death box. This building isn’t that old but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how slow it is and how you can hear it squeak even slower. The super called a guy to fix it, but the repairman said that to stop it from squeaking he would have to replace the whole thing. That won’t happen since the super would have to fix all the holes in the walls first. I live in an old brick that no one wants to pay to fix.

I have read books from cover to cover on this elevator. I am numb to the noise, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there, it is close to impossible to get that high gear pitched turning out of my head, it would drive me crazy if I wasn’t already there. I should have brought my airplane pillow to take a quick nap while I wait for the loud dissonant noises of the elevator to hit the bottom in a sad thump.

We could put on gas masks and be there in half the time I said referring to the stinky staircase while she lit up the main floor button with her finger.

We could. We’re here now though Claire said as the elevator doors closed. 

Great. It is so wonderful to be trapped in a room with 2 great people.

I took a deep breath like a person with claustrophobia. There are films of dust on the floor and in the air like a light snow peppered in here. Some flakes move around with our breath. They look like tiny bunnies floating in the air, with each inhale they go into our lungs. It never had been this dirty. The super doesn’t care about cleaning anything either, I’m not surprised everything is in such bad shape.

It didn’t seem to bother Claire; she’s breathing like the room is full of fresh air. Muzzles was having an adorable sneeze attack, he is at a lower height than us, where there are more concentrated bunnies. He was making fluffy dust angels.

The thick air fills up my lungs like food, it’s almost nauseating. I tilted my head up and imagined a happy place away from this melting pot full of snow.

It’s brisk in my happy place. A cool temperature that tickles my skin slightly. 

How did you sleep? Claire interrupted my peaceful moment with her stubborn words. 

Horrible I said to her without moving my head to look at her. My eyes are still closed, my head still in the clouds. I was headed back to my happy place. 

Another nightmare? Claire said with a gasp in her throat. I tell Claire about my days like a patient tells their therapist. Except Claire isn’t paid to listen to me bitch about life.

Yeah, this time I was in the rainforest I smiled at the irony. Since the rainforest is known for being beautiful how could someone ever wake up in a cold sweat with that in mind.

What’s so scary about a rainforest? She chuckled a little. This is why she doesn’t get paid to listen.

There were monsters I looked at the cracked elevator counter. Down 15 floors, only 1000 more to go. 

Oooo, SpOoky monsters? You must have been so scared She said with sarcasm in her voice. Her lips began to spin around like a clock, it read 6:00. She smiled normally, try and imagine that.

Yeah, they were quite spooky Not as spooky as my daily life, I wanted to say, my head is somewhere else. That was the first time I saw Claire's facial features move. My brain must be trying to tell me something, the answer must be inside of Claire’s mouth, that’s stupid.

Like what? What spooks you out? What a dumb way to say it.

What a dumb way to say it I took a pause to reminisce my dream. There was a hippo and a bear in a dark rain forest where the sun barely shined I replied, moving my fingers at her next to my face and making a ‘oooooohhhh’ noise with my mouth.

What’s a bear doing in the rain forest? She asked. I laughed with my response.

That was my first thought when I woke up

I noticed that she was frowning now. Her lips were back to normal, reading 3:45. Apparently, I was looking at her as if she was a ghost. 

I’m proud to have a friend like Claire. Someone who cares enough to laugh with me about my stupidity. 

I closed my eyes for a second.

Tired? Claire asked. She is so amped up from her morning energy drink that she has to say something or she’ll explode. I have never seen her explode, maybe I will one day, maybe today is the day.

Yeah I said with one eye open. The other was refusing to move from its tight close. It was a window with the lock on and it lives in the bad part of town.

Sorry She said and blinded me with a big smile. It forced my other eye open, causing them both to water. The dust bunnies hopped their way into my windows for a drink. They sting like lemons were dropped into my pupils. Claire handed me a tissue, have I told you how happy I am that this angel exists in my life? 

Thanks I said through a soaked napkin. My eyes used to leak blood every morning, usually right after I wake up, I think it has something to do with my dreams. I must not have had a good enough nightmare last night for the day to turn red. I forgot until now since I got into the habit, but that was the first sign that today is different. I crumpled up the tissue and placed it in my pocket. I could have dropped it in this filthy box we were in a no one would notice

Muzzles stood on his back legs and stretched up for me to pet his head at my waist. I got Muzzles under his ears, right above his neck. That’s the sweet spot. I am glad my doggo doesn’t get dirty from sitting in this powder, if we went into the stairwell, he would need a tomato sauce bath to get rid of the stench.

Below Muzzles, beneath the floor like it was glass, was an abyss leading all the way down to hell. I could see a yellow and red-hot lava lake bubbles boil and burst like it was a stew of rock. A skeleton figure with only a torso and wings shot up out of one of the lava bubbles like a shooting star.

It was grey and black at the eyes, the rest was covered in hot sauce, making it glow red. The head was screaming with its jaw wide open, I couldn’t hear it but I knew it was looking right at me, even if it didn’t have pupils. It was heading right for me. It was glowing dimly, the lava that was dripping off its body slowly cooled, making the light fade. I could see it only as a shadow slowly covering the lava bubbles below it.

I am not afraid of it; my imagination can only scare me in my dreams. It bumped its head against the floor below Muzzles, leaving a loud thunk that was blamed on a ‘it’s an elevator, they make those noises’. 

The skeleton seemed to pull an axe out of his ass and started hacking upward at the floor below. It made no noise inside the elevator, but I could only hear the screams as the lava began to get closer and closer. It was a howl you would hear from something giving its last breath to scream out in hopes of someone hearing it to help. I heard it and I did nothing. 

The boxed cage reached the lava, the screams sizzled into nothing, the bubbles were left calm and empty.

It opened its squeaky doors to the wide black tiles which made up the floor of the lobby. The peach pink walls matched the ones in the hallway upstairs, except there weren’t any tears in the paint or holes that were made from bad decisions, plus you could actually see the color like salmon was smeared everywhere. It’s well-lit down here, unlike upstairs in the poorly brightened neighborhood, the black tiles are reflecting the round chandeliers like there is a mirror world below our feet.

It’s clean too, there are no holes, it would be beautiful even without my brain swimming in medicine-land. My favorite hole in this building is the one that is the size of a person. Our old neighbor got into a fight and slammed the other guy into the wall.       The gaping hole is usually filled with cockroaches or the occasional rat orgy. That’s too dark to call beautiful, instead I am going to point my thoughts to the orange sidewalk that I can see through the glass entrance. 

We walked through the clean hall and into the bright outside.

The street that is my neighborhood has a sun at the top shining down on everything. The grass in between the sidewalk and the buildings have bushy trees above them. The road has people going about their days and still cars lining the edge.

The rest of my neighborhood is made up of 5 story buildings that look just like mine does. The whole place is mimicking itself.

Across the street from the glass entrance of my home is a park where little kids play. There are swinging on the bars like monkeys and running around chasing each other like cheetahs. Their parents sit on the benches watching the rainbow-colored shirts move around like a firework display.

The sky screamed black, covering the sky in clouds and whispered the sun in a bright light. I can’t see the purple orb; it’s hiding somewhere behind the buildings.

We walked down a few blocks to the tunnel that leads to the lake where we walk. It is overcrowded with people, which isn’t odd, it’s a long cave separating the business part of town from the neighborhood part of town. We live right in the center of the people traffic.

We took the alternate route all the way around an entire plaza and then through another park to get to the lake. It is odd, the lake is not full of as many people though they cut through it to get to the tunnel, no one stops to look at the stillness.

From the part where we entered, we made it inot a park where animals play with each other while being watched by their fathers and mothers like they are in a zoo.

Through that, the sidewalk becomes large and in squares. There are trees off to one side, inside a long cube of dirt in a line parallel to the sidewalk, inside a square of pretty concrete. Then comes the sidewalk with its benches evenly spaced to watch the loop of the lake.

This is where Claire runs and where I walk my dog.

Getting to the lake, she handed me the leash and began jogging, Muzzles tried to chase after her like he does every time, but I held him back. I waited until she was out of his sight and followed her trail at a walking pace. I let him lead since I was walking him. He kept sniffing at the trees, taking his time at each one, making sure he sniffed every possible scent of the tree’s prior friends.

The sun was just barely rising, you could see the reflection of it on the lake in pretty pink colors. The purple blue, orange gust mixed with the black ice clouds in the sky. The rainbow ocean in the sky is in the crater of a lake below.

Some clouds looked like dinosaurs, while others looked like faces. One cloud looked at me and said, ‘your time has come creator’. This seems like a good time to try out the new medicine that Haward told me to try out. I’m a guinea pig walking a dog around the sky while the sun barely shines.

I kept walking until I reached the area where I could smoke. I wasn’t allowed to earlier because I was next to a park with a big sign that had the ‘no smoking’. The sign also had a ‘No guns’ and ‘clean up your dog poop’ on it. Muzzles pooped by the first tree and I didn’t pick it up and no one came to yell at me.

Muzzles dragged me to the next tree as I puffed the medicine down to a little cigarette butt. I went through it rather quickly. I couldn’t focus on taking my medicine correctly because I was in a stare battle with that cloud in the sky. It kept peering at me like a tiger stalking its dinner. 

I was told the medicine would amplify my delusions to the point where even I would feel unbearable. I was also told I should be outside when I take it so the monsters in my apartment wouldn’t kill me.

The cloud started to melt, it then fell into a whirlpool in the lake like a waterfall mixed with a tornado. Reaching all the way down to its bottom. The swirl mimicked a tornado and a hurricane all at once. It started to blind me, I looked away at something more enjoyable with dots in my eyes.

Muzzles is a little Cerberus, two other heads showed up on either side of his original head, stretching from his neck. All three heads had different features, one is sad, the other happy and the one in the middle is normal. He looked back at me and tilted his 3 heads 3 different ways in confusion.

Then Claire jogged by, I could hear the footsteps shake the earth around me, I leaned against the gravity to not tip over. I turned around to wave at a planet sized head with a volcano erupting at the top on a pair of running legs. She waved back towards me and jogged over.

She reached with a crab arm out towards the bag. I knew she was reaching for a water bottle. I turned my back to her snappers so she could reach it better. I closed my eyes just in case my body was about to by snipped in half. I didn’t want to see my head roll like a basketball away from my body.

You ok? She asked, she is such an angel to ask me if I am ok. I opened my eyelids to see she changed into a dress made of dazzling white. She has a halo over her head. Damn, she’s beautiful.

Muzzles went over to get some petting. She rubbed all 3 of his heads at once with one hand. Then she put the bottle back and continued her jog.

I watched her dress bounced around her legs as she went around the curve of the sidewalk. Muzzles didn’t chase her this time, instead he looked back up at me with 6 eyes, beaming into my skull as if he knows something is wrong with me. He went back to sniffing the next tree down the line as I followed.

At this point we got to the dock. A long stretch of orange wood thrusted into the lake like a road with an end. I looked across the wooden floorboards all the way to the end to see a man in a red stained black suit pissing over the edge. I could tell he was taking a piss because he turned around and smiled really big at me like he was playing a practical joke, that and the steady stream of fire flowing over the edge. 

Muzzles growled at the guy, even though he could barely see him, or maybe even see him at all. I pulled him away from the dock before the guy finished taking his leak. Then I looked over to an empty dock. It is like the guy was never there, he disappeared like the wind.

The three-headed doggo and I continued our walk to the next tree. Each set of trees is separated with a concrete path in between, shadowed with the tree in front of it, an organized rock with an organized plant.

Muzzles dragged me to each one every time we walked here. Since we were usually the first ones here every day, he must sniff the urine and scent of all the dogs from the day prior and place his own scent for today’s dogs to sniff. He would never skip a trunk, always making sure he sniffed ever nook and cranny, entangling himself around each tree as he pleased.

We reached the end of the trees where the landscape turned into a hill, which paralleled the curve of the lake, it rose up like it was another part of the world. It was on an angle in case a crowd would form to watch a show presented on the path or a water show, like half a coliseum made of grass. At the top of the hill sat a white figure.

I ignored it and tried to stare at the lake to distract myself. This is the part of the walk where Muzzles stays at pace with me since there are no trees for him to sniff on this curve. It is the perimeter of the round part of the lake.

The water is springing now, falling from the lake into the sky. It was calm all the way through like an upward waterfall. Birds and fish flew through it like an air curtain, unaware that water is making its own physics.

I began to get nauseous, so I looked at the white figure at the top of the hill, I am closer now, I can get a better view than when I originally decided to ignore it.

It had long dirty blonde curly hair draped on a pair of broad shoulders and wearing a dress similar to that of which Claire is running in. The object looks like an angel, a golden crown on its head and ice white wings, with the halo reflecting off enough sunlight to burn a hole through my scalp. She was laying in the grass, arms out like she was making snow angels, how ironic. How odd that the snow showed up so early. I guess global warming is real. 

We continued on the path past the hill where Muzzles took a dump. I picked it up and threw it away in the trash next to the sign ‘clean up your poop’. We got to the other end of the round part of the lake where benches lined the outer edge of the path, where people usually sat to stare at their phones or reminisce about life. 

Down the sidewalk, was the church, the entrance was through its own little path through the hedges. It was a typical grey bricked church, a bell on the top of a summit peak. It rang every now and again to signal the hour or something religious, I don’t know, I don’t go to church. Today is Sunday, so it will be full of people in a few hours. We reached the turn into the hedge where I could see the church at an upward angle, it looked medieval compared to every other mirror building in this city, like I was staring at a castle wall from up close.

At this point Claire caught up to us again. Apparently, this has been her third time passing us, my head was staring aimlessly when she passed us the second time. We’re the only 2 people at this lake at 6 in the morning and I couldn’t tell where she is. She was dressed back in her sweats which were drenched in sweat like a rainstorm shot her with water.

She paused for a moment on a bench to remove her dripping clothes to reveal her jogging shorts and a sports bra underneath. She snagged the water from the bag and poured some all over her head then drank some. She spit out some with a heavy breath and passed me the bottle. She gave muzzles a head rub and began again around the lake.

The bench is next to a stair path which led up to the church. From down here, it looks like a very long road all the way up to heaven, with cement clouds and a golden aura shining on the green hedges that lined the walls of the walkway.

I grabbed Claire's sweaty clothes and put them in my bag in a different zipper than the snacks. The first time we were here I didn’t put them in my bag, and she was pissed when she found out that I left them on that bench.

It’s the same bench, it is an old scratched wood from years of sitting people and anxious people digging their nails into the completed piece, graffiti from years prior stained it like they were there from the beginning. Weather and sweaty clothes made took their toll on the brown bench, it’s now black and dirty with moss growing underneath.

I hadn’t noticed that I have been staring at the stairway to heaven for a good while until Muzzles yelped at me. His 3 heads turned back to one, but his body was that of a lion. What a tail, it moved fluently like a long eel strolling through the ocean. The rest of him was sitting and staring at me unsteadily.

Claire got to us again. I didn’t look around to see her, but I could hear her steps patter by. Something kept me in a trance, something about that church was off. Usually the painted glass on the sides would move around or the walls would change shape at the corners, turning from edges into round pieces. But it was still. Still as stone. Like the building itself was a delusion.

As if what I usually saw of it behaving like a van Gogh painting was the real thing and now as I look at it being still it’s a fake thing. Muzzles yelped again which drew my attention to his little tail, swaying back and forth like the wind. 

He dragged me along the path to follow Claire's trail, he looks with his nose. Then she passed us again. This time she stopped to walk with us for a moment, she called it intervals when she pauses for a walk, I call it laziness.

Were you staring at the church for a good 5 minutes? She asked very slowly.

Yeah, I said.

Is your condition acting up again?

Yeah. 

Don’t worry, all that matters is that it’s not real

You sound like my therapist

Ha ha she mocked sarcastically.

I took some medication that was supposed to amplify it I said. I felt like I vomited out the words.

Yeah, I could still smell it off your breath She paused But wouldn’t that make everything worse?

Yeah, for a little while. But the idea is that once it amplifies, it kills the brain cells that cause the condition, therefore when I’m sober, I would not see or hear anything

That makes sense She said trying to calculate it in her head. How crazy did it get? 

You had a crab arm, that’s why I closed my eyes when you reached for my bag that one time, I thought you were going to cut my head off. And little muzzles here had 3 heads and the body of a lion. I also saw some others beings too. Different than before.

Different? let's play the pronoun game Claire, shall we?

They were more distinct, other than bloody Kate and that skeleton. I saw a guy pissing fire off the dock and he looked real, his eyes were perfectly red and I could tell he was looking at me, then he vanished. Then I saw an angel on the hill over there. I looked over to see the angel now with what looks like the guy in the red suit. "There they are now,