Vera Meum

By Brian Selfridge

Vera Meum, or "My Truths" in Latin, is a philosophical collection of ideas and principles for living a good and useful life. Written for an age of short attention spans and frenzied schedules, Vera Meum provides short and easily-digestible aphorisms that serve as a source for daily personal clarity, grounding, wisdom, and balance.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781365996542

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Vera Meum

VERA MEUM

Brian Selfridge

Pine Haus Publishing

Philadelphia

Vera Meum

Copyright © 2017 by Brian Selfridge

All rights reserved

Produced in the United States of America by Pine Haus Publishing. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

Set in 9.0/10.0/13.0 pt Garamond

Cover design by Anna Selfridge

Cover photo by Donald Browns. Pictured is Brian Selfridge, age 10.

Title translation from Latin: Vera Meum, My Truths

ISBN: 978-1-365-99654-2

First Edition: Print version June 2017, eBook November 2017

Edited by Joseph Selfridge

Pine Haus Publishing

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

For Anna, Sonya, and Nicolai

I         Introduction

We mistakenly search for a universal meaning of life. The meaning of life cannot be conferred from one person on another; it must be personally sought, obtained, understood, and adopted.

Vera Meum, or My Truths in Latin, is an attempt to plumb the depths of disparate belief systems, experiences, perspectives, creeds, and value systems to surface ideas and principles for living a good and useful life.

In developing this personal chronicle, I have sought to capture and share my evolving philosophies and values with my children, in the hope that they may choose to consider or adopt some of these concepts at various stages of their own unique and uncertain journeys.

I have also discovered that these ideas have proven useful for me as daily reminders of my values and a source of personal clarity, grounding, and balance.

I humbly submit these musings for the reader's consideration and hope that some aspect of this collection may resonate with you in our shared pursuit of goodness, truth, and a worthy existence.

- Brian Selfridge, 2017

II      Solitude

[1]         There are some questions that can only be answered by solitude and silence, the wisest of counsellors.

[2]         We are ultimately alone in our inner sanctum, our happiness depending upon our own internal fortitude, our ability to jettison vanities, and our capacity to meaningfully empathize with others that share this selfsame condition. Freedom and contentment are forever forged in solitude.

[3]         It is not difficult to draw one’s own conclusions, but it requires time and silence. It is easy to absorb and repeat the ideas of others, but we risk ingesting prejudice and error in the process.

[4]         There is no bad time for a philosophical question. Why am I doing what I am doing? Is it useful and good? Such should be the questions that fill every gap of silence.

[5]         Thoughts dart about like electricity, aimless but charged with potential. To harness the power of thought, we must create opportunities to gather and focus our impressions into useful channels and conclusions.

[6]         Silence is an underrated communication tool. In situations where others are raising their voices, speaking passionately or aggressively, and demanding that we counter with equal vigor to all points voiced, silence and calm can sound like a thunder clap, saying far more than any shouting, gesticulating, or ranting ever could.

[7]         Periods of calm create a magical time when worthwhile thoughts are produced and incubated. A lull is often more constructive than action.

[8]         To train an unsettled mind, we must begin by resisting common entertainments whenever we find ourselves a moment alone. We should rather observe, reflect, and process. To think in solitude is the best remedy to settle a wearied mind.

[9]         We search the world to find meaning and fulfillment, but would do better sitting alone in silence, where all answers of personal consequence may be found.

[10]      We should not wait for near-death or other such jarring experiences to trigger a reevaluation of our life and path. Meaningful change and personal pivot points are always available, provided we create quiet in our minds, listen, and remain open to unanticipated options.

[11]      When the busy-ness ceases, the devices unplugged, the tide of adrenaline slowly recedes. The wind breathes quietly and the kernel of the soul is laid bare. It is here we at last find meaningful communion with the infinite.

III   Failure

[12]      Almost every positive step forward or success is preceded by a prolonged series of attempts and failures. Whether we call it practice, science, or innovation, failure is the most necessary and useful part of the equation. We must be on familiar terms with failure to set the stage for accomplishment.

[13]      Much discord in our lives stems from ineffective responses to setbacks. We will assuredly experience today some form of inconvenience, mild injustice, and even self-induced errors. Our well-being depends heavily upon our ability to keep a cool head, a light heart, with forgiveness at the ready, and to adapt to new circumstances with neither grudge nor malice.

[14]      Our work and home lives are complex; there is bound to be at least one area that is not going well at any given time. We tend to become fixated on these troubled areas, because challenges resemble failures. However, challenge is a prelude to accomplishment, and successes abound in the periphery if we would only pay closer attention to them.

[15]      When deciding to take on a new career, new field, or any new discipline, it is important to understand that an essential part of the process will be to spend a lengthy amount of time being quite bad at it.

[16]      We are every day bombarded with examples of people of atypical talent and skill showcasing their abilities. At the same time, we are aware of our own limitations and that we shall likely never reach such heights of mastery in any particular discipline. However, we must avoid the temptation to believe that unless something is done with perfection it is not worth doing at all. We should sing badly and loudly, dance wildly and erratically, emulate our heroes, bare our souls to one another as children do, and in doing so we may distinguish ourselves by living genuinely and thoroughly.

[17]      Everyone is imperfect and we may often perceive ourselves as the victims of others’ mistakes. A measure of maturity is the degree to which we acknowledge our own mistakes, accept our shortcomings, avoid repeating the mistakes of others, and stop blaming others for our own behavior.

[18]      We allow young children to fall down so that they may learn to get back up and walk upright again. As adults, we should allow ourselves the same liberty for the same reason.

[19]      Sometimes our senses, logic, and instincts are wrong, and the limitation of our human cognition laid bare. These moments are to be cherished, as they open a world of skepticism of ourselves that generates humility, the foundation for improvement.

[20]      My most productive discoveries, moments of learning, and personal growth have in some way all involved the realization that I was wrong.

IV   Parenting

[21]      We raise children to become predominantly artistic, athletic, academic, or some combination of such qualities. A child should be mentored first in the universally attainable matters of kindness, compassion, self-security, humility, honesty and character. The rest is largely irrelevant for a life well-lived.

[22]      All parents want their children to be happy. They think, if only my child has that which was inaccessible to me, then they may be happy. However, happiness has always been an internal process, accessible to each of us. We should teach children how to find fulfillment internally rather than how to create specific external circumstances that in truth have very little bearing on the matter.

[23]      When my daughter was two years old, just about every month we completely reinvented the activities we did together for fun, as her growth and interests evolved rapidly. Regardless of the activity, we still had the same level of fun, laughter, and enjoyment playing together. There is a broader lesson there: to allow our interests and activities to change substantially over time and to enjoy them equally.

[24]      Some parents are too strict with their children; likewise, many of us are far too hard upon ourselves. The virtues of fairness, discernment, and temperance all imply some form of balance and moderation, which includes cutting ourselves and others some slack.

[25]      I was playing games with some young children and a parent remarked, you look like you are actually enjoying yourself. Of course I was; if playing ever stops being fun then I fear we have rather missed the whole point.

[26]      Mothers have an astonishing ability to instantly perceive and remedy that which ails their child. They simply know. I suspect this has to do with both psychological and physical phenomena, as she is the child and the child she; shared body, shared experience, shared love and dependency. My own mother has gone, but I have learned that even to think of her when I am ailing is enough to clear the initial sting of pain away, in a way that only a mother can do.

[27]      My three-year-old daughter wanted desperately to be a big girl, to always be a step ahead of where she was. We all at times are looking forward, desirous of the next chapter, forgetting that life only exists today, in a stage and place that we will never again experience, and may even some day desire to return to.

[28]      Watch children squabble over toys and it becomes clear that there is something inherently wrong with presuming physical ownership of objects. The truth is, as adults, we cannot actually possess objects either, and we never get very good at sharing. We created laws that help keep us from robbing and injuring one another over objects, but laws do not generally make us better sharers. We cling to an impossible situation and throw our own versions of tantrums when we struggle against the reality that we can never physically own anything.

[29]      What is the first thing we should teach our children? Perhaps it is love, but love can be misdirected towards material or outward achievement. We should consider appreciation as the most important skill to impart, to understand that all we have been given is the result of the love and labor of others, and that we, in turn, live a life of purpose when we expend our energies for the benefit of others.

[30]      The secret