In The Closet

By Jerica Tobias

In The Closet, book one of five, follows the strong minded and intuitive life of Ja'kyra "Kye" Thomas. As you read, you will see life through her eyes. From trauma and heartaches to laughter and love. So come and join Kye onher journey of self discovery.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 9, 2020
• ISBN: 9781716665837

Book preview

In The Closet

Written By Jerica Tobias

Full Disclosure 

Reader's Discretion is fully advised when reading In The Closet. Although some location are real, fictional characteristics were put in place to protect their privacy, while giving you a general idea of how the scenes play out. The events in this story are based off of realistic events, with an exaggerated spin for entertainment purposes. Some characters in the book are fictional. As for the ones that aren't, names have been changed to protect the identities of those parties.  Lastly, sexual, profanity and drug actions that are taking place in this story ARE NOT meant for children and ARE NOT advised to be done in real life.

Table Of Contents

Hidden Truth

Crushes And Blushes

Life Lessons

Daddy Issues

Marissa Dooley

Short Hellos And Long Goodbyes

Power Of Friendship

Pure Addiction

Moths To A Bittersweet Flame

So Tell Me Why?

All Things Come And Go

Mixed Feelings

Undisclosed Affairs

Loyalty Over Everything

Say What Say Huh

Going Viral

Overdose

Heartaches & Paradise

Honeymoon Avenue

Truth Be Told

Special Thanks

Getting To Know The Author

" Just promise me, whatever we say

Or do to each other

For now we'll make a vow to just

Keep it in the closet "

                          - Michael Jackson

Chapter 1

Hidden truth

Deep breaths Kye, everything happens for a reason, is what I've heard all my life. If you would've asked me 5 years ago about regretting my life choices, I would've said the same thing. No, because I believe God does things for a reason and we shouldn't question his reasons. If you were to ask me again, I'd tell you that I no longer feel that way. I'd go back in time and keep all my skeletons locked away in my closet. I sit here constantly thinking, what if I would've done things differently, could this have all been prevented. I guess I should start from the beginning to end your confusion. You see in life you hear a lot of people say that they didn't realize what they were into until they reached their teenage, almost adulthood, phases. With me on the other hand, it was a whole other story. You see me, Ja'kyra Thomas has always known my sexuality since the age of 5.  Now I know that sounds a bit extreme, but it's true. At the age of 5, I had the cooties for both the little boys and little girls in my class, but I was born into a world where people weren't too fond of such actions. So, of course, you understand why people started the term In The Closet because no one but you and God knows what really goes on in the closet games that we've all played.

Although, there are a few that know before you do. For example, let's go back to when I was just a little 5 year old, my big sister Nelliana aka Nelli, now she was Bi and proud. Simply in it for the pleasure of a woman but down for the thought of marrying a man when she got older. You see Nelli knew the signs and warned our mama multiple times.

August 21, 2001, I was in the process of getting my hair braided for the new school year. While my mama, Sally Mae, was separating the hair from the Yaky pack; it wound up falling on the floor next to me. Initially, I was reaching for it to give it back to her, but I couldn't help but notice the very beautiful model on the back. She had a mocha skin complexion with burgundy eyeshadow and lipstick to match. Her hair was black and brown with red ribbons twisted into her box braids. Sixty-four inches long if I remember correctly. As my pure and innocent eyes began to trace down her body, I noticed something that made me quite parched. While wearing this lacey, velvet and partially transparent blouse, her nipples pierced through widening my eyes as I stared. Unfortunately, my sister stole a glimpse of what caught my attention so deeply, and with no regards, she ratted me out.

Nelli: Mama, I'm telling you Kye is ...

Sally: Is what?

Me: ( staring hard at the beautiful hair lady on the Yaky weave pack )

Nelli: Do you see the way she's staring at that picture?

Sally: ( looks )  Okay, what's the big deal?

Nelli: ( shaking head )

Me: Mama, her nipples are hard in this picture!

Sally: ( makes an uncertain facial expression ) How would you know that baby?

Me: Because it's poking out through her shirt. Can't you see it? ( points )

Nelli: ( falls out in laughter ) Mama, I'm telling you she's gon wine up gay or bi. No straight little girl gon notice something like that unless they looking hard as fuck.!

Now any younger sibling knows, when you're older sibling is right about something, you're gonna deny it by any means. Which often means proving them wrong just to avoid the dreadful words Haha, see I told you so.  So for years, I manage to keep it under wraps. If I was racing to get the Jet Magazine just to see this week's Beauty of the week, I was Really just seeing if it would always be a black woman on the spread. You know, just had to make sure an urban magazine for urban readers wasn't racist. At least that was my excuse for always looking at soley that part of the magazine. How about the time that I crept up on my fifteen year old sister and her ,then, best friend, Bria, watching tons of porn? It wasn't my intention to spy on them. I just happened to have a very curious mind and I always wanted to know what Nelli was up to. So when I would sneak into her room and watch those adult movies, I would play the quiet game. I would be so undetected each time except for this last and final time.

I can never forget it, almost as if it was tattooed in my memory. It was a Saturday afternoon and my mama had to go run errands. We were home alone until Bria came over extremely excited. I watched from the living room floor as they embraced in a hug at the front door.

Bria: So you stuck babysitting again huh?

Nelli: Yeah, but that ain't nothing new.

Bria: Does that mean we won't be able to watch-( glances over to me )

Me: ( stares as I pretend to play with my dolls )

Bria: -the umm... Adult movies that we normally watch?

Nelli: Girl, she'll be fine. She knows that if she does anything to get herself in trouble, I'm gonna tear that little ass up! ( glares at me with a grimacing look )

Me: ( runs upstairs and hides in my room, listening from the crack between the door and the floor )

Bria: Okay that's what's up. So what we are watching today....and are we rolling today?

Nelli: ( wraps her arm around her and walks with her upstairs ) You gon see lol.

Now, Nelli doesn't ever lock her door unless she's watching porn and our mom is home. This time she was gone and Nelli still locked her door. I admit that I found that to be strange, but that wasn't gonna stop me from getting in. Our house had rooms that connect through the bathroom and that's how I would get in....or..you know i'd just pick the lock haha. As I was saying, I crawled under the sea of smoke that was floating in the air from the weed they were smoking. I took my usual spot underneath Nelli's bed, facing directly in front of the tv. Boy oh boy..... when I tell you that I was in for an unexpected surprise. They were watching this tape called Girls gone wild: Spring Break Edition. My mouth instantly dropped as I saw so many different girls flashing their boobs. It didn't stop there though. The next tape we watched was of these two girl best friends shopping in a mall. What's so bad about that... you say? Well, these best friends were actually lovers. Amy and Jess, I believe were their names. That parched feeling I had before, became even stronger once I saw them kiss and hug each other the way a couple does, but naked.!! I was so amused by what I was witnessing, that I didn't even notice the remote falling directly in front of me. Bria reached down to grab it and let out a loud gasped when she saw me underneath the bed. I've never seen her more nervous then she was in that moment. As her eyes caught mines , the most surprising thing happened. She didn't snitch on me. She just smiled and gave me the signal to stay quiet. Maybe deep down she had demons of her own and she understood it was best not to expose mine. Like I told you before, everyone has a closet full of hidden truths. By any means necessary, I was gone keep mines hidden, but eventually that was all gonna change.

Chapter 2

Crushes & Blushes

Don't get me wrong, It was very clear to me that I had a thing for girls. Maybe a little too soon in my childhood growing up , but I also had a thing for boys too. I could never forget my first real boy crush. He was so cute, brown-skinned and luscious like chocolate cake. We didn't go to the same school nor were we the same age, but he did attend the same community center that my mama worked at. I was a six year old crushing on a cute ten year old. what can I say I like the mature types. He was so sweet to me and made me feel so special, especially after what I was dealing with at school. It felt nice to have someone to defend me.

Eddie: Aww what's wrong with my Lil Kye Kye? ( sits on the swing by me )

Me: All the kids are picking on me at school, because of my hair, my skin color and they keep calling me a nerd. ( starts to cry )

Eddie: ( kneels by me ) Ja'kyra look at me!

Me: ( looks at him )

Eddie: You are exceptional, so don't worry about what the other kids say.

Me: What's that?

Eddie: It means you are beautiful, and you are kind and you are smart. You are one of a kind, and they just mad that they can't be as exceptional as Ja'kyra Thomas . ( tickles me )

Me: ( giggles hard )

Eddie: Awww there's that cute smile that I love to see. lol

Me: ( hugs him tight )

Eddie: ( kisses my forehead )

I could always count on Eddie Jackson to make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, but what I couldn't understand was why I felt this same way about my cousin by marriage, Chaci. Chaci was my favorite cousin. It probably had to do with the fact that I had a slight crush on her. I mean it's not like we were blood related or anything. Plus, my mama always said We're all related in one way or another. In God's eyes we are all his children. So in some way that makes us all brothers and sisters. I'll admit, at a young age I probably took that way out of context, but come on I was six. I ain't know any better. Did I mention the fact that this was Chaci that we are talking about? We did everything together. From sleepovers to playing outside to playing house. I was always playing mama and she'd always play daddy.

Chaci: ( comes in her bedroom and locks the door wrapping her arms around me while I'm pretending to cook ) Honey, I'm home lol ( smiles )

Me: ( giggling ) Dinner's almost ready lol. How was your day?

Chaci: All better now that I get to see you beautiful lol ( spins me around )

Me: ( giggles while looking down blushing )

Chaci: ( pulls me close and kisses both my cheeks ) I love you beautiful wife

Me: I love you handsome husband lol ( hugs her tight )

You see, everything was always sweet and innocent with Chaci, until it wasn't. On the very last day that I saw her, she ended up pulling me into her room and locking the door. When I asked her why she locked the door.....her response was so unexpected.

Chaci: ( rubbing my hair behind my ear ) I just want to play the next level of house with you.

Me: ( looking confused ) There's another level?

Chaci: Yep!... ( sits me on the bed next to her ) This part of the game happens when everyone else is sleeping.

Me: ( looking around nervous ) Umm.... I don't know, Uncle Percy said to never lock the doors.

Chaci: Don't you trust me Kye Kye? ( smiles as she moves closer )

Me: Yeah.....of course I do Chaci....

Chaci: Then just relax and lean back.

I slowly laid back as she began to get on top of me, putting half of her weight on me. While she began to run her left hand across my right creek; she whispered to me to close my eyes. Given the fact that I trusted her, I did as told and closed my eyes. Suddenly, I felt a warm embrace as her cold lips pierced mines. I started to think back to the adult movies that my sister used to watch with Bria and quickly jumped up. Before I could even get my words out, She leaned in and caressed my tongue with hers. I had a slight understanding of what was going on and I wanted no part of it. I tried hard to move from under her, but she was way too heavy, so I bite her tongue. She pulled back in disbelief and just stared at me as tears stained my cheeks. I couldn't stand to look at her. It wasn't because she was my cousin, it wasn't because I didn't like her, but it was because I knew even at the age of six, we were too young to be playing house like that. That didn't stop her though. Chaci....just kept going. As, I looked away she started to shower me with kisses down my face to my neck; as her hand squeezed onto my sacred area below. Heavy as a sack of potatoes, she rubbed her body up and down against mines. It carried on for what felt like forever until someone came twisting at the door. Chaci quickly got off and wiped my tears with her blanket and told me not to say a word or else we wouldn't be able to play house anymore. I did as she said, not because I wanted to keep playing house, but because I didn't know how to explain what happened without getting in trouble. I never went back ever again after that, but the trauma stayed with me like the aftertaste of nasty medicine. I refused to even think about another girl that way ever again and then I met Janise Jewels.

Janise was always mean to me. Don't get me wrong, she was gorgeous for a seven year old, but this girl was the devil. She would have her clique pick on me, pushing me down, call me names and make me cry. So why on earth did I find myself having such a big crush on her??

October 16, 2003, I can remember it as if it was yesterday. It was like a good 2 weeks before the annual G.T. woods fall festival. And yall know the buddy system right? When the teachers make you go to the bathroom in pairs to knock 2 birds out with one stone? Well, I had just got chosen to go with Janise. On the outside I was pissed, but then on the inside, I ain't gonna lie I was jumping for joy. So