Impulse

By Ajay Joseph

Throughout her whole life, Melina Marquez has had a lot of unanswered questions. She's wondered why her father left. She's wondered why she isn't happy. And for years, she's wondered who her birth mother is. The summer before she starts college, she goes on a road trip with her friends to learn the truth about her past. But the truth can hurt as a secret from Melina's past is revealed, changing everything. Written by Ajay Joseph, Impulse is a story about one girl's search for closure and strength when everything goes black.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ajay Joseph
• Release date: Mar 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781329899537

Book preview

Chapter 1

I was sitting alone on a park bench in Beckman Park. There were so many kids running around, playing, and laughing. Some were swinging on the swings, some were taking turns going down the slides. The moms and dads were on the outskirts of the park. The moms were with their strollers talking to the other moms. The dads were standing around with their hands in their pockets, chatting with each other.

Everyone at this park seemed to have someone.

Except for this little boy I saw sitting alone in the sandbox.

He absentmindedly played with the sand, but he wasn’t building anything. Every so often, he looked up at the other kids who were running and playing and laughing. He wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to run and play too. He wanted to belong. He just didn’t know how. He didn’t feel like he belonged.

This little boy wanted to belong. I could tell. I could see it in his eyes. If only they’d see that he’s just a kid like the others. If only they’d see that he’s alone. If only they’d see ….

Get up, little boy, I urged silently in my head. Come on. Get up and play. Don’t be afraid. They’ll like you.

Why won’t somebody go and be a friend to this little boy? Someone, please, give this boy a chance. Extend your hand. Invite him on the slide with you. Just one act of kindness is all he needs. That’s all, I promise you. He just needs one person, one single person, to show him kindness.

Suddenly, everything seemed to stop for a few seconds.

Get up, little boy. Get up and play.

Chapter 2

Are you sure you want to know who I am?

If you’re one who’s faint of heart, then the story of my life is not for you. If someone told you that life is full of happiness, somebody lied.

But let me lighten the mood a little.

My name is Melina Marquez. I’m eighteen years old and I live with my mom and brother. I graduated from Van Buren High School not too long ago and I will be going to Milton University in the fall to study elementary education.

See how nicely things got?

That’s why I’m so good at faking my emotions. On the surface, I can put on the biggest smile the world has ever seen and inside, I’m waging a war within myself.

Here’s what I mean:

When I was six years old, my dad left; and I don’t mean to the store to get milk. I mean that he left my mom, my brother, and me and ran off with some other woman he found. One of his clients actually. Shannon.

It was then when I found out that they weren’t my real parents. But my godparents.  

I never knew who my birth parents were.

I was this little girl whose whole world was turned upside down.

Time out right there. Imagine living your life thinking that you belonged to this family. You grew up with your cousins. You grew up with your little brother thinking that this was your family. And then you find out that it’s not.

The house I lived in didn’t seem like my house anymore. My bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen. Everything felt new and strange to me.

But the last two years of my life have been the hardest I’ve experienced so far. I slowly started to push people away. I felt so angry all the time. I felt confused. I felt afraid. It felt like the air around me was clogged. I didn’t smile as much as I did in the past.

So there you go. See what I mean when I say that the story of my life isn’t for the faint of heart?  

But just a heads up, this is a sad book; there will also be some good times too so don’t worry. It’s a story about second chances.

I know a lot of books out there try to show you what real life is like. But sadly those books don’t exactly do you justice.

So here’s the truth …

Chapter 3

Just so you get a better understanding about my past, let’s take a quick flashback to my junior year. It wasn’t all that long ago.

I suppose it must have been all the negative things happening in my life that got me depressed and angry.

My grandmother dying of breast cancer.

Someone I went to school with getting shot our freshman year.

A boy I knew who committed suicide.

Plus the general suckiness of life.

I had a rough few years in high school, especially during my junior year. I knew a lot of different kinds of people at my school, and I knew people who were older than me. People who could legally buy alcohol.

I sadly became the typical cliché teenager who turned to smoking and drinking alcohol when going through a dark time. Although weed isn’t technically a drug, it was always fun smoking it because of how relieved I felt because of everything else going on in my life.

But let me tell you a story. A true story. One that changed my life forever.

It was October and we were at my friend Martin’s house. There were about six of us all in his basement and we were all getting high and drunk together.

Long story short, a friend of mine named Eileen passed out from drinking too much. All of us were pretty baked so I guess no one saw Anthony carry Eileen upstairs.

I must have knocked out at some point because when I next checked the time, it was 3:47 A.M. I decided that I should start back home because my mom was most likely freaking out.

I went upstairs to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. And that’s when I heard it. Crying. It was soft at first, but as I got closer to a closed door, it got louder. I could make out certain words like no! and please stop! and why are you doing this?

Even though I was still pretty high, I knew that something was seriously wrong. I opened the door and saw Anthony on top of Eileen. Naked. And he was grunting with effort. Eileen and I made eye contact and I saw how red her eyes were.

Suddenly the situation I was in snapped everything else into perspective.

Anthony must have realized something because he stopped moving and looked straight at me. I don’t know what my expression looked like, but Anthony looked dejected. No, something more than that. It was like he realized what he was doing and was ashamed of it.

He got off the bed and Eileen, his back to me, and put on his pants. He pushed past me with his head down, leaving Eileen and I alone in the room. I looked at her and that’s when she started crying all over again.

I walked over to her and covered her with the blanket that was thrown on the floor. Eileen buried her face into it and sobbed her eyes out. I sat there on the bed, letting her lean against me. I had no idea what she was thinking. I mean, what was there to even think? She was raped. There was no other way to say it. That was the harsh reality.

Eileen just kept on saying thank you. I wasn’t sure what for. When she stopped crying, she took a shower. You’re not supposed to take a shower after you’ve been raped, but Eileen said she didn’t care. I drove her home after that. She said that she was okay. That there wasn’t anything anyone could do to revert what had happened so she might as well accept it and move on.

Or so I had hoped.

But two weeks later, Eileen committed suicide.

Do you want to know the worst part about the whole thing? It was during those two weeks leading up to Eileen’s suicide, all the things that Anthony was saying. How Eileen was totally into him. How she was such a freak in bed. He was so proud about it. It was sick.

I got so infuriated with him. He was an animal. I can’t even tell you how many times I wanted to go up to him while he was bragging and scream why don’t you tell them what really happened? Why don’t you tell them it was rape?!

It