Breathing Deep: 13 Essential Principles for a Life of Significance and Meaning

By Kevin D. Waterhouse

Breathing Deep is an acronym created by the author to explain and share the principles that have helped him find strength, happiness, and meaning through 20 years as a wheelchair user and T4 paraplegic. The principles are presented in such a way as to be applicable to all humanity, and the author describes each in its own dedicated chapter, using his own life experiences to paint a vivid picture of how each one can be applied to the reader's own life. After giving the reader a brief synopsis of his own experiences, and how the Breathing Deep philosophy came to be, the author discusses each element of the Breathing Deep philosophy in detail.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 12, 2018
• ISBN: 9781387657742

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Breathing Deep: 13 Essential Principles for a Life of Significance and Meaning

BREATHING DEEP: 13 Essential Principles for a Life of Significance and Meaning

By Kevin D. Waterhouse

Copyright © 2017 by Kevin D. Waterhouse

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please email the author directly at:

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to all the people who have given me a piece of themselves so that I might succeed.

It is my way of returning the favor.

Most especially to Jenean – I would never have been able to complete this book without her patience and faith.

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate,

Can circumvent or hinder or control

The firm resolve of a determined soul.

Gifts count for nothing; will alone is great;

All things give way before it, soon or late.

What obstacle can stay the mighty force

Of the sea-seeking river in its course,

Or cause the ascending orb of day to wait?

Each well-born soul must win what it deserves.

Let the fool prate of luck. The fortunate

Is he whose earnest purpose never swerves,

Whose slightest action or inaction serves

The one great aim. Why, even Death stands still,

And waits an hour sometimes for such a will.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Acknowledgements

I would be remiss if I did not take the opportunity to thank the people who have been so instrumental in the creation of this book.

First and foremost, to my beautiful wife: You are my world, my reason, and my hope. Thank you for all your love and support, and for believing in me when I doubted myself.

To my parents and siblings: I would not be the man I am today without your love, guidance, and example. I could not imagine what my life would be like without you, and I’m sorry for being such a punk as a teenager! I hope this book shows that your efforts, patience, lessons, and wise words were not wasted over the years.

To my trustee and best friend Melissa: If ever there were two opposites more aligned in spirit, I have not heard of them. We are bound by love and respect, as all people should be. You are an inspiration, and a cherished part of my family.

To K. Iverson and his family: Thank you for your simple faith and friendship, and the regular check-ins to make sure this book was progressing. Greatness comes in many forms, and sometimes the most unassuming of men are the very epitome of it.

Finally, to the thousands of children and adults I have been blessed to work with around the country. So many of the lessons I have learned have come from you, and it is my hope that this book helps guide you through life, and shows you that there are no limits… you are loved, you are powerful, and you are special – every one.

Foreword

Melissa Lyons

October 2017

Kevin D. Waterhouse … the man, the myth, the legend.  I have known Kev, going on 20 years now; dang, time flies when you’re having fun.  I have never known someone so opinionated as my dear friend, Mr. Waterhouse. If you ever have extra time on your hands and a couple of dollars (more like $40.00) for coffee, or to sit down and have a conversation about life, not just struggles, but of anything and everything imaginable, then you must do so with Kevin as he will, without a doubt, have a theory and plan of action for nearly every situation that is presented to him. 

Although Kevin has had to face additional physical obstacles, more than most will ever encounter in their lifetime, Kevin has never, ever, let these physical obstacles stop him from pursuing his passions – one of many being archery.  Quite honestly, being a typical female Southern Californian, I thought that archery was a dying sport; I guess not, because Kevin is a pro and will beat out most folks that dare to square off with him.

Not surprisingly, Kevin and I have remained friends after all these years despite being opposites – in politics and most other topics – but what binds us together for all of eternity, is the fact that we both love life and appreciate each and every day, just to be alive; in addition to the love that we have for our families.  At the end of the day, Kevin is the most down to earth person I know, and one can only be lucky enough to be in his world.

A recent conversation that Kevin and I had was one where we discussed our chosen paths, and how the path that we forge is not because of our genes or our environment, but one that we create because we decide our pasts will certainly not dictate our futures.  Where there is a will, there is a way to achieve every goal that we set out to crush.  We may not achieve our goals within a pre-set time frame, wrongfully set by others, but at our own pace and on our own terms, we will eventually achieve the goals that we set. 

Many of you will never meet Kevin in person, but you will meet him through his words in this book, and hopefully, in many other books in the near future.  Kevin’s thoughts and ideas about his experiences thus far, offer up words to live by.  Today’s society looks a lot different than it did in the small town that we grew up in.  It seems that people today are so caught up with the next best thing, with technology, relationships, etc., and most annoyingly, have a sense of entitlement, and people lose sight of being humble and take most people and things for granted.

Not Kevin. He’s never lost sight of living each day as if it were his last (within reason of course), being humble, and trying to spread his positive mental attitude on the people in his world… and now he’s sharing it with you.

Part I

GENESIS

Chapter 1 - Author’s Introduction

Just as we develop our physical muscles through opposition – such as lifting weights – we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity. – Stephen Covey

They say necessity is the mother of invention. If this is true, then it explains the birth of this work. To be clear, I never set out to write a book. My writing efforts were limited to bad poetry, fantasy fiction I never seemed to finish, and the various technical, research, and business papers I wrote for my education. I never intended to become an agent for change, and a mouthpiece for overcoming adversity. I simply meant to answer a question: How?

I was asked this question so many times and in so many varieties that it became somewhat of a nuisance. In many ways, I was still just a kid, and adults with much more experience than I, were asking a twenty-year-old in a wheelchair for advice. How do you endure? How do you manage to stay so positive? How do you handle the challenges you continue to face? How can I do the same? How can I help my (fill in the blank with some sort of relation) do the same? For many years, I could only repeat the truth – I didn’t know… I just did it. But shrugging my shoulders helplessly and fumbling an explanation seemed more than a little anticlimactic, and I felt like I was wasting an opportunity to help people.

Frankly, I was as lost and confused as they were. I was still trying to figure out what I was going to do with my own life. Everything I had ever wanted was yanked out from under me in a single day, and by a single choice. All the dreams, plans, and aspirations I had were suddenly gone, because I never expected the changes I faced as a teenager. Like most young people, I suffered from invincibility syndrome. Nothing bad could happen to me, only to other people. I was smart, in decent shape, good-looking, and felt like the world was mine. I was also socially awkward with my peers, self-centered, prideful, and downright foolish – but I didn’t know that at the time – and surviving a disaster doesn’t immediately imbue someone with wisdom.

The transition from child to adult does not happen overnight, and when you throw my challenges into the mix, then let’s just say it takes a long time for the bread to rise – in my case, nearly twenty years. Still, I am only thirty-eight years old, and I am not naïve enough to believe I am done growing. In fact, as we’ll discuss later in this book, I believe the growing and learning never ends. In ten years who knows what I will become, but at least now I have developed enough experience and wisdom to give those who need an answer to their questions something resembling an intelligent response.

The evolution of the Breathing Deep philosophy occurred over two decades. It was an organic process which mirrored my own personal growth. As my understanding grew, so did the philosophy I used to explain what I had learned. Indeed, as my awareness expands of what is truly important in life, the philosophy also expands. However, at some point an author and public speaker must recognize when he or she is about to drown their audience with too much information. The Breathing Deep philosophy doesn’t encompass every concept you need to overcome challenges and succeed in life, just the most important ones from my perspective. You have the responsibility and right to develop your own perspective, but I hope this book will give you at least a foundation from which to build.

I began small with the AIR philosophy, the sole objective of which was to give others a condensed and focused formula for overcoming immediate and present challenges. This works well with teenagers and younger audiences who live life at an ever-increasing pace and have neither the time nor inclination to listen to long speeches. Accepting Accountability, embracing Independence, and finding your Reason were key elements to a simple recipe for establishing ownership of the problem, empowering oneself with the habit of self-reliance, and recognizing the driving motivation that can help overcome any challenge that comes our way. I soon found the AIR philosophy to be somewhat restricting in its linear approach. A+I+R = Challenge Defeated only deals with the here and now, but life involves more than just a never-ending string of obstacles. It is a richer experience by far, and when a person realizes there is more to life than a series of obstacles to hurdle, they can move from merely existing to truly living.

To this end, I augmented the AIR philosophy to the BREATHING philosophy. I have used this version for more mature audiences who have a better understanding of how dynamic and surprising life can be. The BREATHING philosophy incorporates more than just overcoming challenges, and moves into the pursuit of a fulfilling and successful life. It is the difference between surviving and thriving. It goes beyond, How do I make it through this challenge? and merges into, How do I prepare myself to learn from, accept, and use challenges to become better?

Like the AIR philosophy, BREATHING is internally focused. In other words, neither framework has anything to do with the actions of others, but everything to do with your personal attitudes and responses. Changing the way we think, act, and perceive ourselves is far more important than how we view others. It is our character and actions that define us, not what others think or do.

BREATHING begins with learning to Believe in your own immeasurable potential and worth as a human being, finding your Reason and fundamental motivation, Educating yourself both academically and practically (thus arming yourself with examples and techniques for future challenges), and accepting Accountability for your life, actions, and reactions. It also includes finding and designating your Trustee (at least one person that you trust implicitly and can talk to honestly, with an expectation that they will be honest in return), modifying your optimal Habitat for growth, embracing Independence and self-reliance, Never giving up on life, humanity, or dreaming, and developing an attitude of Gratitude for all that life has given you.

Finally, after a discussion with a good friend, I had to expand the philosophy to BREATHING DEEP. I realized a spiritual component was missing from the previous iterations. It expands yet again from simply succeeding at life, to being truly happy with it – a life of significance and meaning. There exists a plethora of examples of immeasurably rich, famous, and successful people who remain utterly miserable. What is it that sets truly happy people apart? To answer that question, we must delve deeper.

The spiritual addition to the BREATHING philosophy is comprised of four concepts: Decide which wolf to feed (from a modern parable of indeterminate origin about the dual nature of mankind), Extend the hand of forgiveness, Extend the hand of service, and be humble enough to Pray (in whatever way suits your personal beliefs).

Please note that I am careful not to confine the spiritual element to Judeo-Christian. Though my Christian beliefs have inspired the additions to the philosophy, I concede that spirituality can encompass many belief systems, most of which hold to the same basic tenets of what is included in the BREATHING DEEP philosophy. That which Jesus taught in Galilee, Capernaum, and Jerusalem echoes in religions across the globe, and in my experience all religions dedicated to righteousness and improving the lives of their adherents have certain foundational elements that are universal.

I have often used the analogy of a drowning man to explain the progression of the philosophy. I came close to drowning once; it was the last time I tried swimming at the beach. I swim in lakes and other calm bodies of water well enough, but the relentless pounding of the waves and unpredictable currents at the edge of the ocean are a force I should have known to avoid, especially in my condition. I spent over three minutes under water as I was pummeled by waves and pulled farther out to sea. The first instinct is to panic. Every nerve in your body and synapse in your brain is screaming at once. You have only one goal. Get air. But panicking is the quickest way to get yourself injured or killed. Remaining calm and analyzing the situation is the best way to survive, but the goal remains the same – get air. The AIR philosophy is similar. It is just enough to get your head above water, and provides a much-needed gasp of oxygen that assures you that you are still alive, and lets you move on to the next phase of working the problem. It is enough to get by; enough to survive.

But the drowning man is still in the water. The next objective is to keep breathing. Now that your head is above water, it needs to stay there. So, we tread water. We swim to shore. We find a life-raft or other floatation device. We continue to work through the problem to stay alive and get rescued – or rescue ourselves – and we eventually make it to shore or some other solid ground. The BREATHING philosophy is similar in that it helps us cultivate a long-term perspective; it ignites the fires inside of us for the battle that is life, and arms us with the tools necessary for the victories that we envision for ourselves.

Finally, the drowning man finds himself in safety, standing on the shore, taking that long and sweet, deep breath of relief. He knows that he has escaped the danger, and has a new-found respect for the sea. He is grateful to be alive, proud of his accomplishment, and wants to share his knowledge with others. In this life, each of us will find those rare and special moments where a deep breath cleanses the soul. I have experienced this euphoric peace on mountain tops, seashores, churches, and other exceptional places and times. This kind of deep breath reaches into the abyss that is my own chaotic world inside of me and calms the storm. It is the breath of release, wonder, and peace. These are the times and moments that we need to seek out more often; these are the deep breaths that can heal us of our deepest concerns and worries – and this is what the BREATHING DEEP philosophy is all about.

At this point, I should offer the reader a clarifying admonition. I am not a motivational speaker or author. I am an agent for change. I am adamant about this for two reasons. First, I believe no one has the capacity to motivate another person. The desire to advance, progress, and improve one’s life has always been – and must continue to be – an internal struggle between our best and worst selves. I cannot motivate you, the reader, to do anything contrary to your own will. I cannot help you move forward until you have decided to take the first step.

What I can do is offer insights to character traits and introspective skills that an individual can use to better their life, present evidence why that particular trait is important, and then allow the reader to interpret, internalize, and put into practice the revelations he/she discovers through mental digestion of the information. Think of it like a recipe… the first few times you make the dish, you do exactly what the recipe says, but after a few tries you learn to add your own spices and ingredients to make it unique. No one life is an exact copy of any other, and your individuality is critical to your own story. All I do is provide a map, but your journey is your own.

The second reason is that some part of me detests being viewed as an inspiration. The intent of the word is someone who inspires you to greater things – which is acceptable in theory – but in modern practice it perpetuates what I refer to as the myth of the pedestal. I don’t want readers looking at me and thinking that I’m an exceptional person for surviving my challenges, and placing me on a pedestal they perceive as well above their own reach. This is wholly self-defeating. It suggests I have abilities you do not, which is patently untrue. Everything I have achieved is within your reach as well. I cannot count how many people have claimed that if they were in the same situation as I, they would not be able to handle it. Of course they would! Of course you can!

I am not writing this work because I am better than anyone. Quite the