The Legend of Stupid Man

By Guk Hyun Cho

This story is funny, fantastic, and ridiculous. Let me introduce the content of this story!
Cinderella buys a ring from Cheating-man. She calls upon the great Stupid-Man, who is the lord of the ring that fulfills her desires.In order for Stupid-Man to grant her wishes, he requests a ridiculous hourly wage, however she refuses.
At that time, she says, “You’re fired!” but this coincidentally brings Stupid-Man to realize that he was literally on fire. As a reward for her rescuing him, he determines to fulfill her desires.
Cinderella and Stupid-Man go on many adventures, encountering numerous characters along the way. From saving the earth with chewing gum to accidentally putting the earth into grave danger, this duo embarks on a peculiar and legendary story.
Come along for the journey!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781312129535

Book preview

The Legend of Stupid Man

-The LEGEND of STUPID MAN-

A novel by Guk Hyun Cho

Edited by Sky Shachory

Copyright © 2014, Guk Hyun Cho

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-312-12953-5

Chapter 1. Cinderella and Cheating-man

Cinderella-1.jpg

Cinderella is a vicious and lazy girl. She spends all her time fighting, cheating, lying, and wasting--or watching people do worse things on television. She has only enemies in her village, where everyone is afraid of her hot temper and cold heart. Many of the villages most notorious gangsters have attempted to recruit her or bribe her, but the only things she is willing to offer them are black eyes and empty pockets. Many people visiting the village, fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with Cinderella, are advised to leave long before they get to know her.

Her mother and her sisters have a very difficult time in their day-to-day lives with her. Whenever her sweet, caring mother tries to console her and change her troubled path, she disciplines her mother with her weapon of choice: The Slippers. When she decides to take a day off from fighting crime-fighters, all she does is lie around watching the home shopping network and eating vinegar-flavored potato chips. Her favorite show, Discount Miracles, airs on Tuesday. Lucky for Cinderella, today is Tuesday.

Her favorite host starts the show the same way he always does:

"Hello everyone, I am Cheating-Man, the only man on television who is honestly cheating you. Today, we have yet another exclusive, fabulous, marvelous, miraculous offer for miraculous you. The mirror I am holding in my hand can answer any and all questions. Whatever you ask, this mirror will answer you correctly. Don’t believe me? Behold the miraculous power!

Miraculous mirror, miraculous mirror, what is the capital of thee America?

London! the mirror proclaims.

Miraculous mirror, miraculous mirror, who is the greatest scientist?

Marilyn Monroe!

The mirror answers every question in a booming, convincing voice. The audience roars with excitement, and some can even be heard shouting their amazement over the applause:

Incredible...Magnificent...Stupendous...Astounding!

The host wears a big smile on his face, looking very pleased with himself and his mirror.

Cheatingman.jpg

Chapter 2. Cinderella’s Fury

Cinderella is amazed. She frantically picks up the phone to place her order, distraught over the idea that they could sell out. When her order is completed she lets out a sigh of relief, and spends the next day eagerly anticipating the arrival of her package.

She hears a knock at the front door and rushes to open it, finding a box at her feet. She rips it open and pulls out the mirror. She has been thinking of questions all day and is excited to ask her first one. Miraculous Mirror, Miraculous mirror, who is the best fighter in my village? She proudly awaits hearing her own name, the greatest compliment she can imagine, and is shocked to hear the mirror respond:

Snow White. Snow White is the boss of the gang known as ‘the Princess Family.’ The main members of this notorious gang are the 7 dwarfs. When Snow White commands the dwarfs, the dwarfs answer with a resounding ‘Hell yes, princess!.’

Cinderella becomes angry and shouts at the mirror.

How dare you answer me like this! How dare you!.

Snow White! Snow White! repeats the mirror.

I hate her! I will melt her!

She asks the mirror again, How can I defeat her?

The mirror answers solemnly, There is only one way to defeat Snow White. You need the marvelous stupid-ring. The lord of the ring is Stupid-man.

She asks How do I get the ring?

At that moment, Cheating-Man appears in the mirror, Ladies and Gentleman! I am very excited to announce our next offer. It’s what you’ve all been waiting for, our famous blowout sale of the most precious rings known to exist and not exist. The original price is $3,500,000,000,000 but today only, the price is just $19.99. If you buy within the next ten minutes, shipping and handling are completely free. This is your last chance.

Cinderella says I don’t have any cash!

Cheating-man quickly replies. We also accept Check, Credit-Card, and various forms of online payment.

She pulls out her favorite credit card and gives it to him.

Debit or credit? asks Cheating man.

Credit, she says, excitedly handing her credit card to Cheating-man.

Cheating-man takes the card and slides it through the card machine. I’m sorry to say that your card has been declined. Do you have another?

I’ll write you a check. She pulls out her check-book, which spends more time open than closed.

She writes out a check and gives it to Cheating-man. As soon as Cheating-man lays his fingers on the check, he tosses her the ring and disappears.

Chapter 3. The Emergence of the Greatest Stupid-man

Cinderella puts the ring on her finger and rubs it. She shouts Help me, Stupid-man! at the top of her lungs.

As soon as she makes this call, a huge cloud of smoke begins pouring out of the ring. A man emerges slowly from the smoke, coughing violently. His back is bent, his hair is disheveled, his eyes are droopy and he wears a not-so-white, sleeveless shirt. He stretches himself with a yawn, and says, Who woke me up?

Cinderella says Are you Stupid-man?

Still coughing, he replies, You’ve never seen the great stupid-man, huh? A great transformation must take place before I can claim to be the stupidest one. For now, I must be known as Stupid-Cho.

I need Stupid-man’s Stupid-powers! pleaded Cinderella.

In that case, the transformation will begin momentarily. Please stand back.

He pulls a magic maker out of his pocket and draws an ‘S’ on his not-so-white undershirt. He shouts proudly, I…AM…THEE…STUPID-MAN!!!

stupidman.jpg

Are you really the legendary Stupid-man? I don’t believe it., Cinderella complained.

Stupid-man says You dare to doubt me? I am happy to prove myself to you, name your challenge.

Okay, she replies. Cinderella pulls a bone out of her pocket and throws it as far as she can, shouting Fetch!

Stupid-man throws his hands on the ground and runs after the bone, shouting bow-wow-wow-wow repeatedly. He chomps on the bone and returns it to her, shaking his hips with great pride.

Cinderella rubs his head and congratulates him, Good boy!

As she strokes his head, his wig slips off and his bald head appears. He quickly picks it up and puts it back on his head.

Cinderella says I’m sorry I did not trust you. I now absolutely believe in your abilities. I have a great desire. Please, Stupid-man, grant me my wishes.

Chapter 4. Cinderella’s Suggestion

Stupid-man says I am ready to fulfill your wishes, but I will require something from you in return.

Cinderella says What do you require? Is it my life?

No, that is not nearly enough.

She asks Is it my soul?

That’s worthless. I want something else.

Cinderella says What could it possibly be? What is more important than my life and my soul? What do you really want? Please, tell me.

Stupid-man replies solemnly If you think you can handle it, I will tell you the terrible price you must pay. You must pay me 8 dollars for every hour I work.

As soon as she hears that price, she angrily shouts That’s far too expensive! You’re fired.

Suddenly, Stupid-man’s shirt catches on fire. He jumps around yelling Oh, no, hot! Hot! I am burning.

Get down! yells Cinderella.