Green Beauty

By Sandra M. Dorazil

What do you get when you come across someone who has a childlike innocence and a dark world of hurt? The answer is Jackie Walker. She has a strong heart for those important to her. She introduces to those important people the simple things that are most forgotten. Even though she is a positive person around those whom she cares for it doesn’t mean everything in her life is positive. Facing ridicule, abandonment, harassment, and her own low self-esteem brings up a different side to her story. Five important people in her life learn what they can to understand her. In the process of understanding her, does that also change their life in some way as well? Can five different individuals with five different personalities open their minds to another possibility how to live their own life from an influence of one girl?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Jun 9, 2018
• ISBN: 9781483484235

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Dorazil

Copyright © 2018 Sandra M. Dorazil.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8424-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8425-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-8423-5 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 05/03/2018

CHAPTER ONE

-Matt   January 2010-

Ever have a feeling inside your mind and heart that is unforgettable? Sometimes you feel that feeling comes inside you when you’re extremely happy then leaving the second you feel agitated. Well, this feeling I am feeling at this moment is a feeling that can’t leave me. It is extreme happiness that is stuck inside me. I think that…. I am in love.

I know it’s too deep for me to say that I love her especially for me; as a young seventeen-year-old guy to say, but what can I say? I know I have strong feelings. I know I care for her deeply every time I am around her. When I am away from her I think about her, and I am always wondering how she is doing. It is a feeling I have never felt before. I can’t explain how I am feeling. It hurts, but it is also a general feeling of happiness that never stops.

I always thought she was rather interesting ever since we met as children. As I grew up with her, I liked her more and more as each day passed. I admitted to myself how much I liked and cared for her. I just never figured out until recently that I am in love with her. I always thought being in love was something adults only knew about. I didn’t think that I could have strong feelings for someone at such a young enough age.

I remember the day as if it was yesterday. It was about five years ago, this coming April. The day was so cold and wet that my hands and feet were numb. The sky was split in half. One half was blue mixed with gray where rain poured down aimlessly over my head. The other half of the sky had a bright blue tint, and a bright light shining through. I hoped that the brighter and more promising side would overshadow the disgraceful side of hurting rain and vanishing happiness. If only my hoping became a reality, it would make me feel better about being hit by the rain.

I came over shivering as I calmly knocked on the door of her house. The door creaked open with a high- pitched squeal from that one girl as she looked at me from the doorstep.

Oh, my God, Matt! It’s about time you’re here! Jackie screeched once again.

The high-pitch sound of her voice made me feel like a small child running away from a monster hidden in the dark. This feeling vanished when I saw her glimmering eyes shine, making my heart pound hard against my chest so hard I could hardly breathe. The softness look of her hair made me feel warm.

The warm feeling, I normally felt when I walked through the door had faded away in the rain. I felt lost, but I knew if I followed Jackie, she would lead me into the right direction. In the distance, I heard a loud conversation. The loud, obnoxious conversation turned into an argument. I took a quick glimpse inside the kitchen, and realized that Jackie’s parents were beginning to yell at each other back and forth. Jackie grabbed my hand and dragged me into the living room.

The gentleness of her hands pushed me slowly on the couch. I sat on the edge of the seat. As she knelt in front of me, I grew worried. My heart beat so heavily from true likeness, but I felt awkward as well.

Matt, I’m scared. She said bowing her head so low that she nearly hit the floor.

I lifted her chin up carefully and spoke. Why? What’s going on?

I…. just don’t know what to do. She said while wiping her eyes.

Jackie, what’s wrong?

She got up from the floor, and sat next to me on the couch. She wrapped her arms around the upper part of my waist, and cried in the middle of my shirt. More blood rushed throughout my body. My hands grew numb. I tried to hold her, but I was too scared.

I feel like any minute my parents are going to get a divorce. I’m so scared! I don’t know what to do! What should I do, Matt? She exclaimed with a tear falling down her cheek.

At this point, all my feelings clashed down right in front of me. All my feelings of happiness and courage clashed. My calmness and respect I had for her went right through me. To see her fall apart, made me feel weak, I knew I had to stay strong and keep a straight face so I could help her. I gathered up my confidence, and let her know that I was there for her. I softly grabbed her arm with my right arm, and rubbed the middle of her back with my left hand and held her close.

I paused, then self-assuredly spoke, "Jackie, there is nothing you can do.

Matt, it hurts. This pain hurts me deeply. She deeply cried over my shoulder.

I know it does. It’s really hard. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now.

The daze of her green eyes were so beautiful. That gaze of hers brought back so many memories that we shared during our friendship. When remembering those memories of our friendship it also reminded me of the nickname I gave her, Green Beauty.

I have to say that her eyes are so over powering, and magical. In certain lighting, you can see the constant color changing. When she is extremely hurt, or suffering her eyes are a deep green, that can hypnotize.

Matt, thank you. Thank you so much for being here for me. It really means a lot to me. Jackie whispered to me feeling reassured.

I didn’t say anything. I just smiled down at her, and hugged her a little bit tighter. It seemed like she felt accomplished at the fact that she thanked me. Her eyes widened as she looked at me. She automatically let go of me, and folded her hands in her lap. When I looked at her I saw her face turn red.

I am sorry. I whispered to her gently.

It’s alright. That was my fault. She said back.

I smiled at her. I got up, and looked outside the large picture window. I heard the pitter patter of how calmly the rain fell against the window. Holding Jackie like that isn’t normally something I would do.

Are you alright, Matt? Jackie asked confused.

I am alright. I responded back holding back my nerves.

I wished I could tell her how I was feeling. I knew for a fact I was miserable. I didn’t like to see her suffering, and there was really nothing I could do about that.

As I stood there in silence, and Jackie was sitting on the couch trying really hard to cut back on her crying, the conversation in the kitchen became louder. I grew worried. I constantly heard Jackie’s mother screaming at the top of her lungs saying how much her father never cared for her, and never listened to her.

This is too much. She whispered underneath her breath.

I know it is…You are going to be…

I know… I know I am going to be fine! Thanks Matt! Ugh! I need to be alone! Just leave me alone! She said mocking me.

That was kind of rude, Jackie. I calmly spoke.

Matt, I don’t have time for this!

After she said that I decided to walk out of the room. I realized she just needed her alone time. It was awkward for me that she pulled me in the living room, then a couple minutes later I walk out leaving her alone. I really didn’t have anywhere to go so I decided to wander into the kitchen where her parents were arguing in.

Hello there, Matthew. Mrs. Walker cheerfully spoke.

Good evening, Ms. Walker. I replied back.

Are you alright there, Matt?

Yeah, I am okay… I am just a little tired.

I guess we will continue this conversation later. Mr. Walker said grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, and then walked out of the room.

When Mr. Walker left the room, it brought instant silence in the room. I felt a little uncomfortable just standing there saying nothing. She dropped the silence by apologizing that her and Mr. Walker were arguing. I responded respectfully saying that it was alright. I did however mention that it did upset Jackie. Mrs. Walker nodded her head understanding what I was telling her.

Mrs. Walker started talking to me about Jackie. To be quite honest, I preferred standing there in silence. It was very awkward.

You know I have to be honest with you, Matt I know this is a really hard time for my family right now, and I know how much you care for Jackie. Believe me I can see it in your eyes that you do. Since Jackie is suffering a lot I want you to come over more often. I want you to keep a sharp eye on her. Can you do that for me? Can you make sure she is safe? She pleaded to me.

I took a big sigh, and spoke, Ma’am, I don’t think I should be in the middle of this.

I know. I know this is asking too much of you, but I have no one to ask. Can you please help me?

Yes, Mrs. Walker. I can help you.

Her eyes widened, Thank you so much.

I just froze after this conversation. I felt really embarrassed. Jackie’s Mom knows how I care for her daughter.

Well, dinner is ready why don’t you tell Jackie, and wash up. Mrs. Walker said tending to the food.

Yes, Ma’am.

I decided to walk back to the living room. Maybe just maybe Jackie was feeling better, and might want my company. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. When she showed her temper, I never know what to do.

She raised her head as I walked into the room and said, Why don’t you care about me anymore?

Jackie, I don’t understand why you would ask me this question.

You just walked away from me, Matt.

You asked for me to walk away. You wanted me to leave you alone.

It doesn’t mean I actually wanted you to go. I wanted you to stay.

Then why did you ask me to leave you alone?

Just forget it, Matt! Forget it! You don’t understand, and I don’t think you ever will! She snapped.

To tell you the truth, I really didn’t feel like arguing with her. I knew she can put me in my place even when it’s not even my fault at all. Since she was in a sensitive mood I wasn’t going to make matters worse.

Well, Jackie your mom said that dinner was ready. I said trying to change the subject.

Oh, so you are trying to change the subject, huh? She mentioned very snobbishly.

Jackie… please I really don’t want to argue with you now let’s try to be happy, and enjoy the time we have tonight.

What can I possibly be happy about? Everything is going wrong! I can’t stand it anymore!

I am here for you. I will always be here for you, and I know that I walked away from you and I am sorry. I will always be your best friend and be there for you no matter what.

Suddenly it seemed like her anger faded away out of her face. Her face glowed with an expression of happiness. The good thing was that I didn’t tell her that I liked her. I knew for a fact that it was way too soon to tell her that. I held my hand out to help her up, and we made our way to the dinner table.

At dinner, it was pretty hectic. In the beginning, it was pretty fun talking to her mom about some really small, stupid stuff. As soon as her dad walked in, and wanted some food everything crashed down. I could just tell by looking at Jackie that she really wanted to either leave the table or sit there and cry. She was trying so hard. She kept looking down hoping if she would pray it would stop. Even I know praying to God won’t ever help.

So..Um..Matt..That’s your name right? I have a question for you. What the hell are you still doing here? Jackie’s father asked drunk and kind of slurring his words a bit.

Well, I.. I said not finishing my sentence.

Leave him alone, Steven! Go back to drinking your beer! Mrs. Walker abruptly spoke up.

Don’t talk to me like that woman! I was simply asking a question! Mr. Walker snapped back.

No, you were simply making him feel uncomfortable for being here. Mrs. Walker said.

Well, it serves him right. Doesn’t he have his own family to be with? Why is he here eating our food? Is he my daughter’s stalker or something? Does he plan on doing something he shouldn’t do with her, because I will kick his ass right now if he does? Mr. Walker exclaimed.

Steven! Mrs. Walker exclaimed back.

I really wasn’t paying any attention to what Mr. Walker was saying to me. I actually blocked him out. I was busy eating my food, and seeing what Jackie was going to do about the whole situation. She really didn’t do much, but I did see her cover her ears with her hands hoping she can zone out her father’s rage, and closing her eyes trying not to cry. I saw that Jackie wiped her cheek, and whispered that she can’t handle this. She abruptly got up from the table, and ran away to another room. That moment she left the table it told me that dinner was done, and I need to go back home. I knew for a fact that Mr. Walker might tell me to get out so I took it upon myself to get up from the table, and push my chair in.

Thank you, Mrs. Walker for having me here. It was a good dinner, but I have to go home now it’s getting late. I spoke while getting up, and walking towards the door.

Thank you, Matthew once again it was a joy to have you. Mrs. Walker whispered.

Yeah you better leave! Mr. Walker snapped.

I made it to the door safely, and as I closed the door behind me I looked up at the sky, I almost forgot how it looked like before. I remember mostly that it was pouring rain. The moon was full so it made the sky a little bit happier. It made me happier that’s for sure. I sat on the front porch, and slowly remembered the whole evening.

As I sat there in silence I noticed that the basement light of her house turned on. I am not one to make it my business to know what is happening in other people’s houses, but I had to look. It was Jackie’s house so it was kind of my priority to look inside to see what was happening. I really couldn’t see much through the narrow window, but I saw what I needed to see. From what I saw it seemed like Jackie changed her clothes. She wore a diligent white and gray mini skirt, and white ruffled shirt to match with her silver flats. I couldn’t really tell if she was wearing any make-up or not, but as I looked at her she seemed to sparkle.

I gazed down upon her, and noticed she placed her headphones in her ears. She started moving her hands above of her head, grabbed her small feathery skirt, and moved in a circle motion. It’s just so refreshing to see her to seem so relaxed and happy by dancing in such a silly way. I knew Jackie since we were eight years old, and ever since the day I met her she was always a happy kid by doing silly things like that.

I continued to look for a few more minutes then decided to walk away. From what I have seen I knew that I have seen enough. I knew it will forever run through my mind, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. I knew for a fact for any reason if I would be sad or depressed I just think of her dancing, and I will feel better in no time at all.

It was no longer raining. I decided to take a small walk back home. Since my house was very close to Jackie’s I decided to walk back a different way than I normally walked. I needed that extra time away from everyone so I could recover from what I had to witness with Jackie’s family.

I know that my mom purposely moved us close to Jackie. Since both my mom and Jackie’s mom were close friends. My mom always said that we moved close, because she wanted to stay better connected with Mrs. Walker. I smiled every time she said she wanted to talk to her friend more, because I knew what the real reason was.

My mother was an absolutely amazing woman. I remember her reading bedtime stories to Andy and I when we were kids. She would make each character exotic. I think with all the different voices she did she could have been a comedian. Besides her childlike attitude of life, she enjoyed sewing. She taught me how to sew. I knew how to use the sewing machine as well as doing it by hand. Although I stopped sewing when my mother died.

It was hard to see my mother die so suddenly. I knew I should have done something. I know it was my fault. If she hadn’t tripped over my hockey stick, and fall down the stairs she would have been still alive today. I knew I should have listened to her. She never wanted me in hockey, and she always told me how dangerous it can become, but I didn’t want to listen. I just still can’t think about it now. She lost all that blood from her head to her stomach. The thing that sucked worse is that she died right in my lap.

When she fell down the stairs it was only her and I in the household. My father was off at work, and my twin brother, Andy was off with his friends. I just started panicking, and constantly running back and forth trying to find the phone. When I finally found the phone on the floor next to the bathroom, I called nine-one-one right away. I couldn’t stop freaking out over the phone. After the conversation with emergency I darted downstairs where I found my mother hardly moving. I put her bloody head on top of my legs as I knelt down beside her. I whispered to her many times before she left me that I love her, and not to leave me.

Now that I think of it now that is probably why I gave up on playing hockey all together. I knew for a fact that I had such a passion for it. I never wanted to stop playing it for anything in the world. I knew for a fact that it was only a hobby. I tried to find other things to do with my time.

By this time, I was already in my room resting on my bed, and trying to clear my thoughts. Next thing, I knew I was being woken up by a weird tapping at my window. I couldn’t see since my blades were shut. Suddenly I heard a girl whisper, Matt.

At first, I thought it was some drunken teenager that had nothing better with her time then knocking on random people’s windows. I ignored in hopes that the person will walk away. I was stunned, and got up from my bed.

As I opened the blinds I saw Jackie looking up at me, and smiling very nervously.

Jackie? What are you doing here? I asked wiping my eyes, don’t you know what time it is?

Well, of course. It is midnight. I came here, because I needed to get out of my house. She whispered with a deep sigh.

Maybe you just need to sleep. I spoke calmly.

No, I need to be outside. Being outside always makes me feel better. Well, if you want to go back to bed go ahead. She said with that guilt trip act that I always fall for.

As she walked away from my window I couldn’t help, but see what she planned on doing. I figured she would tell me what was going on, considering that dinner was an absolute disaster. I had to hurry, before I missed her. I put a comb through my hair, and sprayed on some cologne, and ran out the front door.

When I caught up to her in a matter of seconds the next thing I knew she grabbed me, and gave me a huge hug. After the first few seconds it seemed like she slept right into my arms. She then looked up at me, and smiled.

Jackie grabbed my arm, and dragged me to a special place in the park. I noticed that she had a blanket set out. This made me wonder if she planned this. It made me wonder if she liked me more than a friend. I felt like she was messing with me even if she knew it or not. Oddly enough I kind of liked it actually. I just didn’t know how I could explain into words.

Come here, do you want to look at the stars with me? Jackie nudged me.

Sure. I smiled at her.

We were lying next to each other, side by side. It was such a cold night. I could feel the cold coming right through my sweatshirt, but somehow the warmth from my own body heat kept me comfortable. I was laying pretty close to Jackie that I can feel her shaking from the coldness. I was going to help her out by comforting her in this cold state, but I held back. I knew she was the kind of girl that handles her own problems, if she needed help she would ask for it.

You know the sky is very important. She whispered almost directly in my ear.

Why do you say that? I asked.

I know it sounds weird, but I get a lot of my inspiration from the sky whether it is a blue sky with white clouds, or a deep darkness with glowing stars flittering through. She poetically spoke.

Wow! That sounds like poetry. I smirked.

Yeah, whenever I am feeling down or lonely I look up at the sky, and I feel better. I don’t know it’s something about the sky that always makes me feel brand new.

There was a long pause, and during this pause I looked at her looking up at the stars, and seeing the moon coming through her green eyes.

Wow! It’s so cold! She finally spoke up.

I didn’t say anything I just took a chance, and scooted closer. She at first looked at me in a way that I shouldn’t have done that, but a second right after that look she smiled, and actually scooted closer to me.

She sighed so calmly, and told me certain things that went way over my head. She had mentioned how the sky was a very important thing. How she considered it as a child’s old- time television system, and according to Jackie it helps creative children wonder and hope. I couldn’t help, but smile and like her more.

I just couldn’t help, but listen to her heart beat that was beating against my body, and feel the warmth of our bodies. I didn’t know what Jackie was feeling at that moment. I really wanted to lean towards her, and kiss her. Even if the kiss would last three seconds.

The stars were looking so amazing. I gazed at Jackie who was resting on my chest more comfortable than ever. She didn’t say anything; I just heard her breathing very quietly. I sat up, and noticed that she was sleeping. I couldn’t help, but smile. The only problem was, How do I get up without waking her?

Hey. I whispered in her ears waking her up a little bit.

I’m tired. Jackie yawned at me while rising her arms in the air.

Do you want me to take you home? I asked back.

She didn’t answer she just held her arms up in the air. I was really worried that I would have to carry her home. I haven’t been working out as much so I was scared that I was too weak to carry her. Knowing me I hurried up, and lifted her from the ground. I couldn’t believe she was in my arms.

When I got to her house I grew worried that her father would be up drunk or something. The first thing I realized was how I was going to open the door. The strength of my arms grew weaker every second I tried to hold her back up. It seemed like she was half awake considering that her eyes opened halfway a couple times when I looked down at her.

I finally figured a way to open the door. As I leaned to the screen door with her body I was able to prop open the door very carefully. It was a bit of challenge, but I managed to make it in okay. I looked around, and everything was utterly black. Jackie’s father kept running through my mind every step that I walked more and more into their house, What if he sees me carrying his daughter to her room? Will he go off in a tangent? Could he be dead drunk? I asked myself consistently.

Struggling through the living room by bumping into random furniture along the way I finally reached Jackie’s bedroom. A couple times I stumbled on the rugs from the tip of my foot. I never realized how much detail Jackie had in her house.

I finally reached her room. From the looks of it her room looked very big. I think the main reason why was because the shadows that were shown in her room made it look like there it was never ending. As I walked into her room a little more I almost tripped over her bed. I was afraid that I might throw her, wake her up, and then have her yell at me. I was lucky that I caught myself. By this time, I finally placed her neatly on her bed, and see her curl up in a ball. I placed her comforter over her.

I looked down at her sleeping. I couldn’t see her complete face, but from what I can see from the street light reflecting on her I knew from this moment that this girl was that girl I want, and actually might need. This whole day made my day.

She needed to understand how I felt, considering she was my best friend. I couldn’t live on feeling this way, without telling her. My mind kept telling me to say it to her so bad, but my mouth was sewed together. My throat was so dry, and with a sketchy whisper I said, I like you, Jackie.

I know I heard myself say it loud, and clear. I immediately covered my mouth, and feeling a lot more nervous than earlier this evening. I wasn’t sure if Jackie heard me at all. I heard her mumble, Mhm, but I didn’t know if it was because she heard me or just a normal reflex when she slept.

After a little while sitting there with Jackie it started feeling very awkward. I didn’t know what to do at that point. I froze. I was looking at Jackie long enough, and decided to lay right next to her. I just wished I was able to stay with her next to her side. I leaned over to her face and very slowly kissed her very lightly on her forehead. I felt so accomplished after I did this. I do have to say walking home that night made me have a huge grin on my face.

CHAPTER TWO

-Jason   February 2006-

Hi, what do you want? What?! Why? Is that really a good enough reason? …This is terrible! Now who am I supposed to visit during the holidays? Well, this is crazy, Mom! I don’t think it is fair that I should go to two different houses! What the Hell woman!? How am I supposed to…! What the Hell!? Yeah. Okay…Whatever!

You know what is absolutely crazy? The moment in your life when you get a phone call from your mother telling you that she just recently divorced your father. Who does this? Did they ever think of Jackie and I while doing this? I think if they hated each other like this they would have figured out a way to deal with the problem. Maybe one thing they could’ve done was not get married in the first