But God: A Journey

By Carla Engel Ludwig

But God is the story of the journey God led Carla Ludwig on after she found out her daughter was going to be a single mom. Despite her objections, God pursued Carla with His heart for single moms and His desire to share His heart with the world through the story of one single mom, her daughter, and the challenges she faced. It is a story affirming all of life's circumstances are allowed by God and turned to good, no matter how they look at the time. Is that hard to believe? ---Then, join the journey

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jun 11, 2018
• ISBN: 9781387873784

Book preview

But God: A Journey

BUT GOD

A Journey

But God is the story of the journey God led Carla Ludwig on after she found out her daughter was going to be a single mom. Despite her objections, God pursued Carla with His heart for single moms and His desire to share His heart with the world through the story of one single mom, her daughter, and the challenges she faced.

It is a story affirming all of life’s circumstances are allowed by God and are turned to good, no matter how they look to us at the time. Is that hard to believe?              

¬Then, join the journey.          

by Carla Engel Ludwig

© 2018 Carla Engel Ludwig.

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-1-387-87378-4

Unless otherwise noted, all Biblical quotes are from

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV®

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®

Used by permission. Other Bible quotes are from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD VERSION®, NASB®.

All rights reserved worldwide.

https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Cover Photo by Tiberius Images, Grand Rapids, MI

Author Photo by Pieced Together Photography,

Mt. Sterling, KY

Book Reviews

But God…a journey is a must read for anyone who has questioned the goodness of God or the meaning of life, no matter what life has looked like for you. It is Carla’s journey from anger and disbelief about her circumstances to, not only accepting, but embracing what life has handed her. It is also the journey about her doubting the goodness of God to an increased realization about the enormity of His love for her, for all of us. Through her journey, she has a greater understanding of God’s heart.

We can choose to let life make us bitter, or we can choose, like Carla did, to see a need others have and address that need so they can succeed in life. Even if you’re not a single mom, or the mom of a single mom, you will relate to Carla’s journey because it is the journey of life we all travel.                 Carol Everett, Heidi Group, Dallas, TX

Carla has walked a path that none of us would choose for our daughter and by sharing her experience in a transparent way in her book But God...a Journey she takes us by the hand and leads us to a place where we can more fully comprehend the heart of Christ through scripture.

We share in her heartbreak, forgiveness, joy and ultimate revelation that God will use our experiences for so much more than we ever dream. Carla compels us to search our hearts for what we can do to make a difference in the life of a young mother and her child. But God… takes you by the hand and never let’s go.

Christine Reyes, CPC of Greater Phoenix

Mom, I’m pregnant, are perhaps the most feared words a parent can hear from their teenage daughter.

But God… is a candid look into the heart-felt journey of a pro-life, Christian mother who never dreamed she’d be asked to walk this path. In her journal-like, prayer-like account Carla Ludwig escorts the reader to the peaks and valleys of traveling the pro-life road when the unplanned pregnancy comes home. But, in the midst of this weighty interruption, God was growing more than a baby; He was also birthing a ministry!                            Jim Sprague,

Pregnancy Resource Center, Grand Rapids, MI

Carla Ludwig’s life was moving along at a hectic but good pace. And why wouldn’t it be hectic when you’re a wife, a dedicated mother of six children, and a woman deeply engaged in prolife ministry! When Carla received the news her youngest daughter was pregnant, her life took on new challenges, questions and began a journey with her heavenly Father.

Carla shares her story in her book, But God by asking why, and how are we going to make sense of all this? Carla shares that, in the end, all life’s circumstances are allowed by God and are turned to good, no matter how they look to us at the time.

Carla’s journey begins with news that brings shock, disbelief and struggles. But in the end, she comes to a place of deeper trust in the Lord as a result. But God is a good read for anyone going through hard circumstances and looking for solid ground on which to stand. As Carla says, join my journey.                                       Tom Lothamer,

Life Matters Worldwide, Grand Rapids, MI

Dedication

This book is written for mothers everywhere,

who all want the best for their children,

and to glorify our heavenly Father,

who lavishes us with love.

Thank you, Christina, for letting me share your story,

our story, God’s story, with the world.

A special thanks to my husband, John, as we travel this crazy life together and for his support in my endeavors.

My appreciation to the West Michigan nonprofits with whom I’ve served and from whom I’ve learned so much. And lastly, thank you to those who have asked the tough questions and encouraged me throughout my journey to develop Hope for Single Moms, formerly Chia and Friends.

A special thank you to my lifelong best friend, Kathleen Moroschan, who patiently and prayerfully edited my manuscript multiple times because yes, Kathleen, I rewrote everything...again...and again.

Thank you to my heavenly Father Who never fails me, no matter how tough it looks at the time.

From https://www.pinterest.com/pin/365565694725495300/

Psalm 30:11-12:

"You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.

Lord my God, I will praise you forever."

Free stock photo

Introduction

Mom, will you come here? I need to tell you something.

Because I was busy downstairs, my first thought was,

Why don’t you come here? But I went upstairs anyway. My daughter and her boyfriend were sitting on the bed. She looked at me and said,

Mom, I’m in a little trouble. I’m pregnant!

Since my daughter likes to joke around, I looked at her, then at her boyfriend, and then back at her,

waiting for the punchline, for the grin. It never came!

As you can imagine, a million thoughts were swirling through my head.

Despite the whirlwind going on inside me, I managed to say, Well, I guess we should tell your dad.

We went downstairs and shared the news.

Later that day, I was talking to God and sharing my struggles. I was concerned for my daughter’s and my unborn grandchild's future.

I immediately blamed myself.                                                       Did I not love her well enough?

I proceeded to list all the extra things I had done for my daughter to prove to myself I was a good mother.

BUT GOD, this is so unfair!

God answered, "Look at what I’ve done for you!

I gave My life for you, and you still choose to go your own way at times. And I’m a really good Father!"

And so, the journey began. ​

Free stock photo

Chapter 1 – The Struggle

John 14:1:

Do not let your hearts be troubled…

What is wrong with me!?

Why can’t I get over these feelings of despair and hopelessness!?

I’m not the first mom to find out her unmarried daughter is pregnant,

and I’m pretty sure I won’t be the last!!

WHAT. IS. MY. PROBLEM?

"Do I really believe every baby is a gift from God?         Yes, but…

But, what?

If I believe that, then why do I feel this way?

I do believe it! Sooo…

what is the problem?"

The problem is that part of me,

deep,

deep down in my soul,

is not 100% convinced that God is 100% good!

So, I’m doubting the goodness of this situation,

of this pregnancy.

I do want to believe God is 100% good,

with my whole heart.

I really do.

But…I don’t!

I don’t believe this baby is a good thing for my daughter right now!

I want what’s best for her!                                                                 In my head, I know God does too!                                            But, my heart doesn’t agree with my head.

This can’t be good, can it? She’s too young!

Does He really care?                                                             Does God really want what’s best for her?

I’m just not sure.

If it was up to me, I would do it different!                                     If it was up to me, I would do better than God!

I don’t believe the timing of this baby is in the best interest of my daughter or my family.

In fact, I believe just the opposite.

Already the tension is increasing—

between my husband and me,

between my husband and my daughter,

but not between her and me.

Just an ache within me

and a longing for it to all go away.

But I know it won’t. That’s the hard part.

Let’s look at the facts.

My daughter is eighteen and has just finished her freshman year of college.

And the father! He’s 25 and living at home–-

with no training in any skilled labor.

I am angry!

Certainly not a great foundation to start a family!

Personally offended!

How could this happen to me!?

"Do I deserve this!?"

Why am I making this about me?

I feel entitled to...what?

A smooth life because...well, I’ve worked hard at parenting, and I deserve it!

And I want more for my daughter than the difficulties I envision for her.

I’ve raised six children. I know parenting isn’t easy.

How is she going to do this?

I see the tough road ahead of her, and I want to protect her. As her mom, I want an easier life for her.

This is going to be hard…really hard. 

And I’m scared for her!

But is that all of it? Or, is some of it about me?

Yes, I think some of it is about me.

Why?

Because deep down inside,

what I don't say, but I unconsciously think,

is that this is a reflection on me as a parent!

There’s still a stigma attached to being a single mother, especially in the church.

I’ve seen it with other people. It will happen to me. People will be judging me, saying I wasn’t a good parent.

It will happen to her.

People will be judging her, too.

I don’t tell anyone about it—the pregnancy.

I can’t tell my friends because I’m afraid they’ll judge me, judge my parenting.

I want their approval.

Is that what this is really about!? People’s approval?

Yes,